| chapter 17: forgotten song |

DAWN

Thomas and I didn't talk much after Chuck left, both of us were thinking about what the kid said. The sky was already turning orange when I heard something scrachting by the door, before it was yanked open. Alby stood outside, waiting for us. He looked really well for someone who had gone through the Changing. Thomas and I shared a glare before standing up. 

'Ain't dead, are ya, shanks?' He asked. 

I just rolled my eyes and made my way outside, letting Thomas and Alby have their moment.

Making my way towards the kitchen I kept an eye out for Lisa but she wasn't anywhere in sight. A small smile appeared on my lips as I figured she was probably having another punching session. And so I entered the kitchen alone and walked up to Frypan. 

He gave me a warm smile and I frowned at him when I noticed the little cupcake on my plate. 'What's that for?' 

His smile became wider. 'Just a sorry-we-put-you-in-the-slammer-cupcake.' 

I felt a honest smile appear on my face. 'I'm not angry, just to be clear. We did kinda break the first Rule.' 

He grinned. 'Good that.' 

My eyes searched the kitchen for a place to sit and found an empty table in the corner. I ate in silence, my thoughts racing inside of me. I never wanted to become a Runner when I first came here but now...It seemed like the only reasonable thing to do. If I wanted to get out of here, find out who I really was, this was the best way to do it. I could only hope I was strong enough to keep up with Minho and Thomas.

More boys filled the kitchen and I decided to go somewhere a little more quiet. I handed my plate back to Frypan with a small smile and walked outside. It was already starting to get dark and a few stars were visible in the dark blanket above me. I entered the Homestead and went straight to my own room. With a heavy sigh I sat down on my bed stared outside at the Gladers walking around. Most of them were heading toward to the kitchen. The long work day was over and the doors were already closed.

Pulling my legs up to my chest I wrapped my arms around them, resting my chin on my knees I let out a heavy sign. Slowly a memory came floating out of the depths of my mind. It was the song I had heard in the Changing. It was strange how familiar the words and the melody were. They meant something, although I couldn't figure out what.

Reluctantly I began singing, hoping the words would make more sense as I said them out loud. Maybe they would trigger some sort of memory as I sang them.

The words came pouring of my mouth like water. It was easy to remember them, but it was harder to think of any reason why I remembered this song. Out of frustration I started to sing harder. I was reaching the end of the chorus when suddenly the door was thrown open. Startled I jumped up from the bed and stared at the intruder. 

It was Newt. 

He stood there in the doorway, breathing heavily and with wide eyes filled with shock. 

My heart was beating faster in chest 'W-what's going on?' I asked, almost whispering. I was getting scared of the look in his eyes. Mostly because I didn't want him to be angry at me again. Shuck...I didn't even want to feel this way about him. 

He stood up straight, walked into the room and closed the door. 'That song you were singing-' he didn't finish that sentence and shivered. 

Blinking confused at him I slightly tilted my head, as if to ask him what he meant to say.

'S-sing it again,' he whispered, barely hearable. 

Frowning I was about to say no, that this was stupid and made no sense at all but then I saw the look in his eyes. It made no sense at all but somehow I could feel that this had been something special to us. Somehow this song had meant something in our lives before we had lost our memories. And that realisation was enough for me to open my mouth and start singing again. 

"Put your lips close to mine, as long as they don't touch.

Out of focus, eye to eye, 'till the gravity's too much.

And I'll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands.

And I'd be smart to walk away, but you're quicksand."

We looked into each others eyes as I sang. And suddenly the room seemed to disappear, both Newt and I were standing in the middle of a huge dance floor. People were moving all over the place in a slow dance. I kept on singing because I was afraid that it would be gone if I stopped.  

In the background was music playing, the same music from the song I was singing. 

Suddenly I noticed a younger version of me and Newt dancing. The same younger version I saw when I went through the Changing. We were standing so close to each other as we danced and a shock went through my stomach when I saw myself laughing at something Newt had said. A real laugh, without any worries attached. We leaned in, too close to each other for it to mean nothing...Then I blinked and it was all gone.  

Newt and I were standing in the Homestead again, both catching our breaths. Our eyes crossed each other as we tried to orientate ourselves again. As the both of us tried to gain any control on the situation, a grip on something that we couldn't possibly control.

'Dawn,' Newt whispered and he walked closer to me.

I wanted to get away from him, as far as I could but my body refused to listen as he somehow seemed to be the only thing that kept me steady in this place. 

He was only a few inches away from me when he stood still and narrowed. 'You saw that as well, didn't you?' he asked, his voice deep and accent thick. 

Slowly I nodded, making him sigh and run a hand through his hair.  

Then our eyes met and I felt a my heart beating like a war drum in my chest. It was like our fight never happened. It was just the two of us, standing here with a memory we couldn't possibly ignore. We could no longer ignore the things we both knew we used to feel for each other. He couldn't keep quiet about whatever it was he knew, and neither could I. We both knew that as we stood there staring at each other and yet not one of us was willing to break the quietness first.

The silence was starting to hurt my ears so I sighed and opened his mouth, just as he seemed to get the same idea. 'Dawn...' he whispered, his voice hesitant. 'I know I should have told you that I remembered you earlier but I-' 

'No, I get it,' I interrupted him. 

He looked at me, genuine surprise written on his face. 

'You like to pretend you're just like the others here, but you're not. You remember something and you decide to push it away. Not because you're afraid but because pretending you don't know makes it easier.' 

'No Dawn-' 

'Don't lie to me again!' I suddenly screamed at him and he actually winced. For just a second I felt my stomach wrench with guilt but it was gone as soon as it had come. 'You know something about us and you were about to tell me that night after I woke up after the Changing, but you didn't. Instead you left me standing there, telling me to leave you alone.'

He took a deep breath, shifting his weight on his better leg. 'I'm sorry, I wasn't-' he cut himself off, his eyes turned to the ground.

'Wasn't what?' I whispered.

'Ready,' he replied, turning his eyes back to mine. 'I wasn't ready to admit that I knew you.'

'So you do remember.' 

He seemed almost angry with himself for admitting to it. 'I might, but-' He sighed and gave a slight shake of his head. 'You remember something about us as well, do you?' The angry tone was gone but I was far more frightened by the sudden vulnerability.

'I might,' I whispered.

He frowned at me. 'Then what is holding you back from telling me?'

I opened my mouth, only to close it again. There was no way I could explain what was going on inside of me. I didn't want to dig up all those emotions, I wanted to stay strong and find a way out of here. But how could I tell him that? I knew it wasn't fair to ask him about his memories and not tell about mine. I wanted to ask him everything but I couldn't because then I had to open up as well and that wasn't right but it was how I felt.

'Newt!' Alby's voice echoed through the Homestead.

My heart plummeted in my chest as I exhaled slowly. The moment was gone.

'I think I should go,' Newt said.

I nodded slowly. 'Maybe you should.' 

He took a step backwards but kept on looking at me for a couple of seconds. Then he turned away and walked to the door. 

'Newt!' I suddenly called out to him, not being able to hold back.

He turned around immediatly, as if he had been waiting for it. 

I took a deep breath but the flaming pain in my heart was too fresh. It seemed like I couldn't talk to him without hurting and I didn't want that. I wanted to be strong, find a way out here and protect the people I cared about. I didn't want to feel this vulnerable and so I simply said: 'Goodnight.' 

For a second I thought to see disappointment in his eyes, but it was gone before I was sure about it. 'Goodnight Dawn.' He turned to the door, but turned back sharply. 'Be careful tomorrow.' 

I gave him a weak smile. 'I will.' 

Then he left the room. And suddenly I wondered if he felt the same lingering pain as I did.

| 𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙷𝙾𝚁'𝚂 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴 |

Okay, so, I feel like I need to explain this chapter a bit. Newt and Dawn both remember something about each other but they don't want to tell each other about it because they're scared of getting hurt.

I know, sounds pretty cowardly when I say it like that but they want to stay strong. Because what else can you do when your thrown in a Maze where you have to watch your friends die around you? Right, you have to stay strong otherwise you'll never be able to move on.

So, they're scared of being vulnerable because that means they might get hurt.

I hope that cleared it up a bit. :)

Please leave a comment or a vote, otherwise, thank you for clicking on my story and enjoying it in silence!

xXx

UYM