[ chapter 06. to live or die ]

DAWN

Wiping away the last bit of dust I stared at my name, now set in stone. After a night of getting barely any sleep I had gotten out of bed early and talked to Alby. I told him I remembered my name but left out the part of how. He had lent me his knife to engrave my name on the wall, right next to the others.

I took a step back to admire my work but my smile quickly fell as my eyes landed on the crossed out name right under it. I had tried to ignore it while I worked but couldn't anymore. People died in this place and these boys had to live with that. All of them had to accept that very fact and move on with their everyday activities. I just wasn't sure I could do the same.

Footsteps interrupted my thoughts as I turned on my heels to see Newt and Lisa walk up to me. I frowned at the both of them. 'You two must be shucking mental for getting up this early,' I mumbled.

Newt grinned, nothing on his face showed the slightest hint of our talk from last night. 'You're getting used to the slang I hear.' 

I gave him a small smile, throwing one last glare at my name on the wall before walking away from it, heading towards to two of them.

Lisa was watching me curiously. 'When did you remember your name?' 

I opened my mouth to answer her but closed it again. My eyes refused to look at Newt. Not even a day had gone by and I was already making a connection with this boy and there were more important things to work on than relationships. 'Yesterday, after the-' The word "banishing" got stuck in my throat. 

Lisa nodded, already understanding.

Quickly I shot a glare at Newt but his gaze was focused on Lisa. 'We're awake this early because I have to show the two of you something, Alby's orders.' He nodded towards the west wall and started to walk in its direction without looking over his shoulder to see if we were following him.

Lis and I followed him without asking any question. My eyes drifted to the wall surrounding us and I noticed a small red light flashing here and there on the wall, moving around, turning on and off. 'What are those?' I said, staring at them. 

Newt, who had come to a halt just a few steps away from me leaned against the thick curtain of ivy as his eyes drifted to the lights. 'They're called Beetle Blades, buggers are little spies from the bloody people who sended us up here. Now shut it and let me show ya somethin'.' He stepped forward and dug his hands into the ivy that covered the walls. He spread it several inches away from the wall, revealing a dusty window. 

'What's that for?' Lisa asked. 

'Just wait, Greenies,' he answered.

Minutes passed and nothing happened. I was playing with my fingers and I couldn't help but let my eyes drift towards Newt as I noticed how he stood perfectly patient and still, like a statue, staring into the dark nothing behind the window. I let my eyes wonder over his face and noticed the little lights in his chocolate brown eyes. The perfect round cheek lines that formed his face. The little youth and mischief that was hidden beneath his stern and strict mask. The way his hair waved a little, the way the slowly rising sun was making it look fluid gold.

Taking a deep breath I looked away, staring at him like that, thinking about him like that, wasn't going to help me. I had to make a choice. Focuse on surviving and getting answers? Or focuse on drooling over a boy? That wasn't a very hard decision to make.

I was ripped out of my thoughts as glimmers of an eerie light shone through the window. Casting a spectrum of colors on Newt's body and face. 'Out there's the Maze,' Newt whispered, almost in trance. 'Everything we do-our whole life-revolves around the Maze. Every lovin' second of every lovin' day we spend in honor of the Maze, tryin' to solve somethin' that's not shown us it has a bloody solution, ya know? And we want to show ya why it's not to be messed with. Show ya why those buggin' walls close every night. Show ya why you should never, never find your butt out there.'

Newt stepped back, still holding the ivy vines as he gestured for us to take a look. 

Lisa shrugged and bent down to watch. A shiver went down my spine when I stood there. I wanted her to stand there as long as possible so I never had to look at whatever was behind that window. Slowly Lisa took a step backwards and I saw nothing but disgust on her face. 

Newt turned to me. 'Your turn, my lady.' 

I gave him a long glare before taking a deep breath and walking forwards, bending through my knees to look through the glass. My eyes widened as my breath caught in my throat.

A large creature the size of a cow but with no real shape twisted along the ground in the corridor outside. Odd lights flashed from an unknown source, revealing blurs of silver spikes and slimy flesh. Instead of arms the creature had blades, a set of shears, long rods whose purpose could only be guessed, coming out of its slimy flesh. The creature was a terrifying mix of animal and machine. Suddenly it turned its body towards the window and made leap for it. I gasped and took a step backwards. It was like the creature knew it was being watched, like it knew what was on the other side of the wall waiting for him.

My heart was beating like a wardrum in my chest. 'What was that?' I mumbled.

'We call 'em Grievers,' Newt mumbled while staring through the little window. 'Nasty buggers. Just be glad the Grievers only come out at night. Be thankful for these walls.' He dropped the ivy, covering the window again. 'Now you know what bloody lurks in the Maze, ladies. And we'll be expectin' ya to survive and help us do what we've been sent here to do.'

'And that is?' Lisa asked, her voice a bit shaky but her eyes determined. 

Newt turned to look her dead in the eye. 'Find our way out, Greenie,' he replied. 'Solve the buggin' Maze and find our way home.' Then he turned around and walked away, his limp making it hard to walk fast but he tried anyway.

Sighing deeply I made my way torwards the kitchen as the Glade slowly came alive around us.

I was staring at my breakfast, not in a hurry to eat it at all. After the terrifying sight of the Griever I felt completely disgusted. My attention was taken away from my plate however by a group of Gladers standing by the West Door. 

'What's going on?' Thomas, who sat next to me, asked.

Newt shrugged as he dug into his eggs. 'Just seein' off Minho and Alby, they're going to look at the buggin' dead Griever.'

I frowned. It was really hard to picture such a creature dead. It 'wasn't weird to me now that Alby had reacted to the news the way he did.

'They found a dead Griever?' Lisa asked from beside me. Clearly having a hard time picturing it.

'Hey,' a little kid with a lot curls who had been hanging around Thomas a lot, said. 'I've got a question about that.'

'Yeah, Chuckie?' Newt asked, somewhat sarcastically. 'What's your bloody question.'

'Well, they found a dead Griever right?' The boy who appeared to be called Chuck asked, absently tapping his fork against the table.

'Yeah,' Newt replied. 'Thanks for that bit of news.' 

Chuck seemed deep in thought, oblivious to Newt's sarcasm or just ignoring it. I suspected the latter. 'Well, then who killed the stupid thing?'

I opened my mouth but closed it again. My eyes went to Newt but he stared at his plate. He obviously didn't have a clue either. Suddenly he stood up and clapped his hands. 'Enough bloody thinkin' for today. Each of ya shuckin' Greenies will spend today with a different Keeper and I expect you to work ya butts off.'

I looked away from the commotion at the West Door and settled my gaze on Newt, curious as to what I would be doing all day. I wanted to be busy, if only to take my mind off of things.

'So, Tommy will spent this bloody day workin' in the gardens. Lisa will work with the Builders. And Dawn has to work with the Med-jacks.' 

Great, a whole day of helping the injured Gladers.

After Newt had brought me to Clint there was a whole morning of work waiting for me. I'd honestly never expect that so many boys managed to injure themselves. There were Builders with splinters in their fingers. One of the Track-Hoes with a broke thumb. And so many more little incidents. I had no time to think about anything at all, for all I did was helping the injured boys. And I was actually happy about it, being able to get through the day without being plagued with questions. Slowly I was starting to understand how the Gladers were able to live here without asking themselves what was out there every minute.

What Clint, the Keeper of the Med-jacks taught me, was very useful and in some weird way it was fun to do as well. I had to admire his patients though, because I was honestly horrible for the job. My hands were shaking too heavily to apply bandage the right way and the fact that everytime I touched a boy they either smirked at me or blushed so heavily they almost seemed to faint, didn't help really either.

Finally it was time for lunch and Clint promised me half an hour break. I almost ran out of the Homestead as I headed for the kitchen. My stomach was calling for food. Once I got a plate with an apple and a slice of bread on it, I searched for a place to sit. My eyes landed on Thomas with Chuck by his side. He lifted his head once I reached them. 'Hey Dawn.'

I smiled. 'Hey, can I sit?' He nodded and I sat down next to him.

'Hey everyone.' Startled I looked up and saw Lisa standing there. I gave her a small smile and watched her as she sat down next to me.

'So how was your morning with the Builders?' I asked her. 

She gave me a smile. 'Horrible, except for that the boys around here are really good looking.' I raised my eyebrows at her as her smile grew. 'They were sweating so much they decided to take of their shirts,' she explained.

I choked on my food, coughing violently as I tried to gasp for air. Thomas snickered and Chuck let out a booming laugh. I shook my head as I finally managed to swallow my food, unable to hide my smile.

'What's going on with him?' Chuck suddenly asked. 'Looks like you shanks when you popped out of the Box.'

I turned to look at the kid, my eyes drifting into the direction he was looking. My eyes landed on Newt, who indeed looked horrible. He was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, dark circles under his eyes. His forehead creased with heavy lines. I watched him chewing his fingernails, something I hadn't seen him doing before.

'I don't know,' Thomas replied. 'Why don't you go ask him?'

'I can hear every bloody word you guys are saying,' Newt called in a loud voice. 'No wonder people hate sleepin' next to you shanks.'

I grinned and shook my head but my grin slowly faded because Newt honestly did look bad.

'What is wrong with you?' Chuck asked. 'No offense, but you look like klunk.'

'Every lovin' thing in the universe,' Newt replied. Then he fell silent and stared off into space for a long moment. He sounded like he was carrying the weight of everything around him on his shoulders. 'The girl from the Box. Keeps groanin' and saying all kinds of weird stuff, but won't wake up. Med-jacks're doing their best to feed her, but she's eatin' less each time. I'm tellin' ya, something's very bad about that whole bloody thing.'

I stared at him for a long moment, trying to read him. He was starting to grow on me, so much so that I could already tell he was lying. 'That's not what this is about, is it?' I asked carefully.

He turned to me, his eyes piercing mine. 'Shuck it,' he said, his eyes narrowing when he looked at one of the entrances to the Maze. 'Alby and Minho. They should've come back hours ago.'

When I was back in the Homestead trying to help Clint and Jeff the best I could, I sucked even more than before the lunch. Everytime I walked passed a window I looked outside to see if Minho and Alby had returned but each time I walked away, disappointed. Newt's worries had settled in my head. I barely knew either of the boys but I wasn't planning on seeing something as horrible as Ben being banished again. No one here deserved to die.

The afternoon was flying by and now it was almost time for the doors to close. Newt didn't even try to hide his worries anymore. He walked from door to door, waiting for his friends to return. 

'You can go. You did a great job today,' Clint told me, though the frown on his forehead was enough for me to know his head was occupied with Minho and Alby as well. Still I smiled at him, before running outside. 'Come on, come on,' I whispered, while walking towards the East Door, staring into the hallway. After a few minutes Thomas and Chuck came to me, staring into the Maze as well. From a distance I saw Lisa leaning against a tree, but she was staring at the doors, as if she was trying to get Alby and Minho back purely with the force of her will. 

'He has given up,' Thomas whispered suddenly, making me look away from Lisa and turn around to see Newt walking with his shoulders down to the Homestead

'If Newt won't say it, I will. They're dead. Minho's too smart to get lost, impossible. They're dead,' Chuck said, making me shake my head.

'I don't believe it. No one is dead, okay,' I mumbled.

Chuck stared at me. 'You can't deny death, it's here and denying it won't make it go away.'

I chewed on my lip before turning towards the kid. 'You're too smart for you own good, did you know that?' 

Chuck just smiled and turned back towards the door.

A loud bang echoed through the Glade, the doors were closing. I sighed deeply, not wanting to admit Chuck was right. I was about to walk away when I felt Thomas his hand on my shoulder. 'Look there!' He yelled. Quickly I turned back around and stared into the darkness as two figures slowly became visible.

Minho and Alby!

But something was wrong. Minho was holding Alby under his arms, dragging him along. His face was red of the effort as he screamed to push himself forwards.

'Alby's injured,' I said making Thomas nodded, turning around I started to yell. 'Newt! Newt, there they are!' The blond boy turned back to look at me but he was on the other side of the Glade. He could never reach us in time. Especially not with his limp.

The doors were closing. They were never going to make it...

Minho couldn't do it, he dropped Alby. He stood still, wasn't trying anymore. He looked up from the ground, his eyes burning into mine and I knew that if I wouldn't do something, I would never forgive myself. I could never live with myself if I wouldn't help them.

The thought of the Grievers being out there haunted me but why did I deserve to live more than they did? Getting answers wouldn't matter if I had to live with the fact that I could have saved people from dying.

Thomas shifted restlessly beside me, the same thought seemed to be flashing through his mind.

 'Don't do it Tommy!' Newt yelled from behind us. 'No way you're doing that Dawn. Don't bloody do it!'  He was running as fast as he could but he would never make it in time.

The doors were almost completely closed. I looked at Lisa and saw that her face was pale. Her eyes widened like she knew what I was going to do.

'Don't you bloody dare!' Newt screamed. But his words didn't reach me. 'NO!' He yelled again.

Thomas started to run and I followed him. I couldn't let them die. How would I be able to live with myself if I did?

I ran into the Maze, the doors closing behind me.