There was a time in the past when Tadashi knew his fix when everything became overwhelming to him.

       It was the familiar weight of a cigarette between his fingers, the 'clink' sound the lighter made when the flame ignited to life. And all the comfort it provided, wedged between his lips. It would only take a few seconds and he'd feel relieved.

         He reached out to the table absentmindedly as his other fingers dabbled his relief between them, somewhat shaky.

         It was a little odd that he wasn't finding what he was looking for, so Tadashi turned his full attention to the table, and that was when he noticed the other man across from him.

"Is this what you're trying to find?" asked Alexander. He held the golden lighter between his index finger and thumb as he raised it higher to show his assistant.

"Give me the lighter," Tadashi said. He was acting out of it and he knew it, he was probably looking like an ass in front of his boss because they both knew he was so much better than this.

         He was the one who never lost his cool, the one who made sure no one ever saw him in such a state because he'd much rather be there for someone than the other way round.

"You quit," Alexander stated simply, reminding him calmly, although he made no move to acquaint Tadashi with the item.

      The look on his face wasn't disappointment as Tadashi would have expected, the tone of his voice wasn't condescending either. In truth, it was genuinely confused; at least that's how he looked.

         That's right, Alexander didn't know anything. He didn't know that three people had gone missing, and among them was Eden, someone so fundamentally important to him.

        Right, Alexander didn't know how important he was to him either. He didn't want him to know, not because he wasn't about owning up to everything that was his fault, but because he wanted to fix it first.

       And yet here he was, left alone for less than a day and he was already running to the comfort of a single smoke.

       Tadashi chuckled suddenly. Alexander's brows drew together as he looked directly into Tadashi's eyes, then to the cigarette in his hand and then back again.

"Should I be scared?" Alexander asked as he secured the lighter inside his breast pocket and fixed his eyes on Tadashi once again.

"You don't scare easily," replied Tadashi, although he knew that he'd only stepped around the question and it wouldn't go down well if he heard the truth.

       It was a fact, it took a lot to scare Alexander. The only times he'd seen that side of him was when it involved Jen, or the men he was in love with, when there was a risk of losing them.

       There was nothing else, in his knowledge, that could rattle his boss that badly. But somehow he knew, Eden would.

"Seeing you like this scares me," said Alexander. He picked imaginary lint from his impeccable suit, and discarded it. "Something is terribly wrong."

"Everything is fine," replied Tadashi immediately, pretending like the previous statement hadn't completely caught him off guard. "I'm just sorting a few things out at the moment."

"You shut yourself off, and when I find you, you're holding a cigarette in your hand," he said, then smiled. "You know that I know you are lying to me, right?"

       Tadashi turned away, a little ashamed but not enough to admit it. Sometimes, he hated the fact that this man knew him so well, but the same probably applied to Alexander too so he shouldn't really be complaining.

    He refused to look him in the eye.

"Don't misunderstand. I only mean I'm deciding to leave it alone for now, if it is so important that you can't tell me," his boss said.

"You look upset," said Tadashi. He had to fix everything quickly because there was almost nothing he hated more than being a burden to someone.

Alexander shook his head and waved him off. "It's probably the old age getting to me."

He laughed, but it didn't feel right to Tadashi. "Alexander..."

"I just don't know why you wont let me be a part of your life," his boss said. Also deliberately avoiding any eye contact.

      Fuck. It wasn't like that, but he didn't exactly know how to tell him. Especially when he wasn't entirely wrong.

         Tadashi was almost always finding the smallest excuses to turn him down for anything he offered, even if it was just to listen.

     He got up to leave, but Tadashi didn't want him to go with that train of thought. He tried to stop him.

"Um...Alexander... I-"

"Let's not make a big deal out of it. Just don't hesitate to call me when you need me," Alexander said and he was gone out the door.

          Tadashi knew that was another thing he had to fix. "Fuck," he muttered. It just felt so wrong to hear him say that.

         It didn't actually occur to him that he was that bad until the moment the words left the other man's lips.

       Maybe they needed to talk, and maybe he needed to change some things but for now, he was shutting all that out, he had a plan to carry out.

•••

        Tadashi's mind still thought back to when he was about to give in to a vice he really didn't want to associate with anymore, just a few minutes ago.

        He pulled the car to a stop and got out. "Five days," said Tadashi.

      He approached the entrance to Linder's house. There was a plan, and he was going to follow it through. He was going to get everyone back, and then he was going to tell Alexander exactly how he felt.

          The stench of alcohol hung heavy in the air as he got in. Henry was in, it was obvious.

      The large man's eyes narrowed as he walked across Tadashi who had boldly let himself in. "Who the fuck are you?" he asked, his hands slightly tightening on his bottle.

"The last time you asked me that, you woke up in a hospital," Tadashi replied and Linder's father sobered up enough to look surprised. "I'm not sure you'll wake up this time."

          Something in Tadashi's voice scared him. He had a lot of confidence the first time they met, but now, as Tadashi kept approaching he backed up against the wall.

        The man dropped his bottle and it fell with a crash, coating the floor with alcohol and broken pieces of glass. He was even more of a coward without his bottle.

"I'm giving you this time to think of a good confession," said Tadashi. Linder's father nodded and kept his mouth shut, then he seemed to think better of it.

"Confess for what?" he asked instead. "You're lucky I'm not reporting you right now! Leave my house."

    Tadashi smiled.

      He knew he was strong, but he didn't know he was strong enough to grab the large man by his neck, and fling him down with only one hand. Maybe he was just that angry.

        Surprise registered in the man's eyes before spitting out blood. He had most likely bitten his own cheek hard enough to draw blood.

"I have enough evidence against you," said Tadashi. "Me telling you to confess? It's a mercy if you asked me, you'd probably get a shorter sentence if you confessed, but I just changed my mind."

         Tadashi kicked him in the gut and the man curved his body on the floor, as if to cradle the pain.

"I don't stand for the bullshit you do, but on top of that, is the misfortune that you are Linder's father."

"What the fuck do you mean?" The man on the floor asked, trying to get up. Tadashi kicked him again and he doubled over, grunting in pain.

      He was more than angry, and trying to calm himself down, pushing back the stubborn strands of hair that fell out of place. He drew in a breath.

"What I mean is," Tadashi crouched and linked his fingers. "I'm in love with your son, Henry Reid. And that's your biggest problem."

        Linder's father narrowed his eyes and scrunched up his eyebrows like he was trying to understand the gibberish he was speaking.

"You have such lovely, beautiful children," said Tadashi. "Is that so hard to appreciate?"

         It was unclear what made men into the things they were. Men who raised their hands against anyone weaker than them. Where did they turn so bitter?

"Al...ways knew he was a fag," the man said.

      He could have called Tadashi a fag to his face, and it wouldn't bother him. But directing it towards someone important to him, directing it towards Linder, was his big mistake.

        Tadashi didn't even register what he did next, only that more blood poured out of the man's mouth by the time he was done with him. If it wasn't for Linder, this man would have been dead. He got up as he sputtered more blood.

          He hit him again. Brutally. Linder's father blacked out. Tadashi resisted the urge to spit on him.

         Instead, he made his way up the stairs. Almost disfiguring Linder's dad wasn't part of the plan, but he'd gotten a little carried away.

Second room on your right. Tadashi tried not to fling the door open.

       He saw Lily, and for a second, he glimpsed how tired she looked, lost in her own thoughts.

       A second later, she turned, a little alarmed and he finally saw that she was wrapping her arm up from some sort of injury. She quickly hid it behind her and looked up at him spitefully.

         Tadashi too, looked her in the eye. Until it was almost about to become a contest. "What?" she spat.

         From his perspective, Lily protected everything about her closely, so much that it made her spiky. If you were even lucky enough to see her smile, then she'd have to be talking to one of her siblings.

          Tadashi still didn't look away, and neither did she. She was a child, but everything about her screamed mature.

"Come with me," he said and her eyes narrowed. For a second, Tadashi felt like he didn't know what he had gotten himself into.

"Where's Lin?" Lily asked and walked towards him. She reached up and pulled him by his tie, forcing him to bend to her, Tadashi let her. "Where. Is. Linder?"

         If glares could burn, Tadashi would be scorching. "I'll explain everything, but you have to come with me."

Tadashi suddenly took her hand in his and started tying the loose bandage. She gasped and let his tie go.

        He thought she would pull her hand back and try to push him away even further, but she didn't. Surprisingly, she let him do it.

      Her hand was so little as it nestled in his, with so many bruises at the back of it. Thinking of the reason for the little scars only made his blood boil, he tried not to think of it.

"Listen, your brother mentioned Carl. I could have a lead but I need your help," Tadashi said. "And I'm not going to step around it, I don't want you to keep living in a place like this, so come with me."

          He could see her eyes burning with something he couldn't really name, but she wasn't losing her cool. She had a controlled kind of rage within her, and that could be dangerous but for a little while, Tadashi admired her for it.

It was after Tadashi finished tying her hand that Lily seemed to snap out of her daze. She looked utterly cautious as she snatched her hand back and held it against her chest, as if to cradle it.

Without a word, Lily started to pack a few things, much to Tadashi's relief. There was a grim expression on her face like she was thinking all the while.

       Tadashi didn't hesitate to grab her bag when she was done. But she had something to say about that.

       Her hand also fastened on the bag, stopping Tadashi in his tracks. "Let it go," said Lily. "I can lift it myself."

         Tadashi set the bag down on her bed, but he didn't let go of it. "I know you can," he said. "But I still want to lift it for you."

           She looked like she wanted to protest but thought better of it. Which was odd to the man, he didn't expect her to back down that easily, no matter what it was.

         Tadashi took the bag back a little skeptically. His first instinct was to hold her hand and lead her out, but he decided against it.

When they got downstairs, her father was still crumpled on the floor. "You did that?" She asked Tadashi who just shrugged.

She then went to him immediately and wasted no time driving a kick into his gut. Her dad grunted again.

"You awake?" She asked. Tadashi didn't expect her to do what she did next.

Lily bent to say something to her father in a low voice, Tadashi couldn't really make out the words.

She then she spat on him and turned, with what looked like pure hatred in her eyes. She looked Tadashi straight in the eye. "Let's go," she said, then walked past him.

•••

Carl looked at Linder like he was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. He immediately took his hand up in his while his eyes closed, as if to savor the moment.

"Lin," he said in a low voice.

"Don't call me that," replied Linder. "Where are they? I need to see Mikhail."

      Carl watched his every move like a hawk. All the time in the world could pass, but Linder would never look anything less of perfection in his eyes, his desire grew by the second.

"I can't do that yet," replied Carl. "I have to make sure you're going to stay with me."

      Linder's eyes shot to him immediately, his mouth forming a half pout because he was angry.

"Relax babe," Carl reassured him. "They are safe."

"I need to see for myself. I thought we talked this through," said Linder. Carl could tell he was keeping his tears back.

      And he knew him so well that he knew they would be nothing but tears of frustration.

"Of course we did," said Carl. "So please don't cry. I just need you to prove your loyalty for a week, then I'll let them go..."

        Linder bit his bottom lip and looked up.

"Why don't you trust me anymore? You know I hate seeing you cry," said Carl, with a hand under Linder's chin. Tilting it to face him. "I'll cut it down to four days."

         That seemed to spark hope in Linder. It also made Carl really excited. He leaned in to kiss Linder's lips. How he was starved for them.

        Linder quickly moved out of the way. Carl frowned. "Kiss me," he said but Linder didn't even look at him.

      He wouldn't mind jumping straight to the sex but he knew how much Linder loved fore play. So he wouldn't skip that part, because he loved him so much he'd do anything for him.

        Carl seized him and pulled Linder flush against him. "I want you so bad, baby. It's been so long."

    His erection rubbed against Linder and he had to remind himself to hold back and not cum too soon.

      Linder was being unresponsive, so he thought of a way. He leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You want them out of here don't you?" Said Carl.

      Linder flinched, but he turned to face Carl, searching his eyes.

          Indeed, they were in love. Linder just needed a little push to acknowledge his feelings, and embrace them.

        Carl got closer, he touched Linder's ass then squeezed.

      And this time when he leaned in to kiss him, Linder didn't move out of the way.