"What?"

Amber is dead? My Amber is dead? No, he must be joking. I felt angry at him and tried to remain calm.

"What kind of a sick joke is this?!" I roared and jumped to my feet. They flinched at the tone of my voice—Brig. Zaid's expression softened and saddened further and his eyes teared up while his wife's cries and sobs increased.

"Please son, try to keep a level head in this. I know that it's hard for you to take this news but it's the truth. We—"

"No don't you dare say that!" I shouted, my eyes shooting daggers at him. "Don't lie to me just don't," I shouted, feeling a lump rise in my throat as my eyes welled up.

Amber can't be dead. The mere thought sent my heart into overdrive. I felt so much hurt entering my heart.

"This is a prank isn't it? Amber has to be playing this joke, right." I let out a dry chuckle. "Okay come on Amber, enough of this. You got me!" I said aloud. "Come on out babe. I don't like this. It isn't funny!" I bellowed.

"Please son, try to understand. Amber she's," he stopped and broke down. I covered my mouth to hold in my sobs.

Amber—my precious wife. Her face flashed in my eyes—that cute nose, small lips, that tanned luscious skin set against her beautiful onyx eyes. The thought of never having to gaze into those gorgeous eyes that held so much sincerity broke my heart into a million pieces. I felt as if my heart was being ripped out of my chest as it began to hurt so much.

No, I can't believe this. I refuse to believe this.

"Zac, I'm so sorry. I was there with her yet I failed to protect her. She was my precious daughter yet I failed." Brig. Zaid's broken voice brought me out of my thoughts. "But she's a martyr baita. You should be proud that your wife died a martyr's death. I know that I am." He stated proudly yet the sorrow was evident in his eye and expression.

"Don't please I, . . ."

"Daddy?" I was taken aback when Ayesha entered the room, rubbing her sleepy eyes with her hands. My breath got held up in my throat and I walked straight to my little angel and pulled her in my arms, my tears running freely.

"Daddy what's wrong? Why are you crying?" she asked, her voice so innocent. "And why are Naana and Naani here?" she asked. I tightened my arms around my little girl and tried to control my sobs. How could Amber do this to me? No, she didn't, she'll be back home soon.

"Nothing baby," I whispered and kissed her forehead. Though her features resembled mine, she looked so much like Amber. "Why don't you go back to bed? Come on I'll tuck you in." I offered with a week smile and wiped my tears away. Her blue eyes scrutinized me with confusion but I quickly took her to bed and tucked in. kissing her forehead, I stayed by her side till she was asleep. I glanced over at Zeeshan and he was still sound asleep.

"Oh God." I choked lowly and covered my mouth.

It can't be true. Amber can't just up and leave me and the kids like this. She can't do that to us.

When I got out of their room, my in laws were still crying and sobbing quietly.

"Baita," he began again but I raised my hand and stopped him from talking. "When will she be here?" I inquired my voice hollow.

"In two more hours. I've arranged for her burial and the funeral arrangements. Son, please I know that it's a tragedy, but please baita, you have to be strong. You need to be strong for yourself and the kids." He tried to reason with me but my mind was blank. I wasn't understanding anything or even trying anymore.

I just wanted to see her for myself and until then, my heart and mind are completely shut.

I led my in-laws to the guest room and retreated to my bedroom. There was an eerie silence in the room as I made my way to the bed. Sitting down, I felt my nothing.

Glancing at the mantel piece, there was portrait of me and Amber—it was the day when her parents held a small welcoming marriage ceremony for us when Amber had made up with them. She was almost three months pregnant with Ayesha at that time. I was dressed in a cream color sherwaani while she was dressed in a bright red wedding dress which was simple yet elegant.

I gazed at her face in the picture and my heart skipped a beat as fresh tears welled up in my eyes. I fisted my hands and tried to gain some control on my emotions. She looked so beautiful and content in this picture. I made sure to always keep her happy and though her smiles were rare, they were pure and honest.

I can't even fathom my life without her. I love her too much to ever think about letting her go.

**********

I breathed in deeply and tried to calm my erratic heart as my swollen eyes teared up again.

"C-can you please, give me a moment alone." I mumbled, my eyes trained on the dark door that held the truth to my denial.

"Of course baita, take as long as you need." He assured and left. I heard footsteps retreat behind me but my back tensed up and fear and distress overcame me. I needed so much courage just to turn the knob and head inside.

I pursed my lips tightly, my body beginning to quiver with panic and trepidation. Never in my life had been afraid of anything as much I was afraid now. Behind this door was Amber and I feared what I might see in regards to her.

You can do this Zac, Amber is waiting. I tried to encourage myself. My heart was beating so frantically. I wanted to run away from here and never look back. Behind this door was the truth that would change my life forever.

Why cant I go back to those happy times and escape this dismal state of affairs? I wanted to desperately return back to the times when I could see Amber, smiling so happily at me. my mind recalled the moment when Ayesha was born.

She looked so happy. Her eyes welled with tears and she leaned in to kiss the forehead of our newborn.

"She's so beautiful." She murmured against the baby's forehead. I smiled and stroked my little baby girl's cheek.

"Yes, she is. I can't believe that we did this." I mumbled in disbelief. Gazing up, I saw my wife give me the most beautiful and content smile that I had ever seen.

"Thank you Zac. You made my wish come true." She said. I cupped her jaw tenderly and leaned in and brushed my lips against hers. "For you babe, I'll do anything. I love you so much."

Yes, I love you so much amber that just thinking about losing you, it hurts so much. I'm not ready for this. But I need to face it.

Mustering up all my courage, I walked to the door and turned the knob. The door clicked opened. My heart sped with each movement. Blood drummed in my ears and my hands became sweaty and shaky. Tears flowed endlessly. Closing my eyes, I stepped into the room. My back was still turned as I closed the door. Taking in deep breaths, I turned. There was a wooden casket in the middle of the living room. Silence surrounded me as I eyed the horrid thing in front of me. Slowly, I approached it.

My world felt like it came crashing down and my legs gave in as I collapsed and fell to the floor. There she was, her body wrapped in white. Only her face resting out of the white shroud. She face held some scratches and bruises. It was pale and her small lips were dry.

Not holding in anymore, I broke down and cried so hard. I haven't cried like this in all my life—not even when Gran died. I released all of my pent up emotions—sorrow, grief, anger, pain and sadness. My already shattered heart broke further as I reached for her face and brushed her cheek lightly. Sitting on my knees, I carefully cradled her face in my hands.

"Amber?" I mumbled. "Please wake up baby." I sobbed, my tears falling on her cheeks. "Please open your eyes. Let me gaze into those gorgeous black eyes, please Bree." I begged and clutched the sides of her face lightly. She was so cold.

"Please please please." I choked on my tears.

"I love you so much. You can't do this to me! You need to wake up. The kids are waiting for you to come back home." I bellowed. "I can't lose you. Please come back to me." I beseeched my throat growing heavy with sobs.

"You still haven't told me that you love me. Please open your eyes and tell me that." I pleaded but her face was unmoving and her eyes didn't open. Her face was so peaceful in death.

So she's really gone. I can't believe this.

"You can't do this to me. please Bree. I need you. I can't live without you." I entreated. But no matter what I said or no matter how much I begged, she was never going to open her eyes again. I would never be able to hold her and kiss her again.

My wife.

My angel.

My soul mate.

My love.

She was gone.

I screamed aloud and hugged her head close to me. "Amber please. Don't leave me!" I cried loudly.

Why Allah? Why are you so cruel to take the only person that I loved so much away from? Why? What did I ever do to deserve this much pain?

It hurts so much. Why God? Why did you do this to me?

POOR POOR ZAC.

BUT THAT'S LIFE. MY MESSAGE IN THIS WAS TO CONVEY TO YOU GUYS OF THE THOUSANDS OF PAKISTANIS WHO HAVE LOST THEIR LIVES IN MY COUNTRY IN THE FIGHT AGAINST TERRORISM ESPECIALLY THE YOUNG AND BRAVE ARMY OFFICERS AT THE BORDERS. THIS ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO THE PAIN THAT THEIR FAMILIES GO THROUGH. MAY ALLAH GRANT THEM A PLACE IN JANNAH AMEEN. 

I KNOW IT'S HARD FOR YOU GUYS BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT THIS STORY WAS BOUND TO GO THIS WAY. ONLY TWO OR THREE CHAPTERS ARE LEFT.