Its still unbelievable.

I can't believe that I have been resorted to do something so ridiculous as this.

After that disastrous morning, I called in leave at work and rushed to the hospital to have myself checked.

Her words kept echoing in my mind.

Impotent? Me? She got treated, so the problem is in me?

I don't want to prove her wrong but my pride certainly will.

It took two days to get the results and during that time i didnt go home. Or was it really home?

When i decided to come here, i had every intention to make this place my home but it never felt like it-- even Amber tried to make me feel at home by her small efforts but it never worked. I was always homesick but I tried not to think about it. All my dreams and hopes of a loving and successful marriage went down the drain and now I just don't have any reason left to stay here.

I stayed in a hotel till my test results came and I was worried as hell. What if she was right? What if the problem really is in me? Then what would I do?  As Amber had stated so firmly,  she only got married so she could get pregnant and my importance was no more then a sperm donor. So if I really am impotent,  that means its the end of this marriage?

But for some reason, that thought didnt feel wrong. Maybe it probably will be for the best if we parted ways after i get the news.

No! What am i thinking. Im not a quiter. Oh God, Divorce is the act most disliked by Allah, how could i possibly think about it but with the way things are, its seems an option.

Oh God, i missed Gran so much. Today was the day for me to collect my report but i was too scared to. O stayed in my car and started at the hospital building for i dont know how long. I picked up my phone and opened Gran's whatsapp. Hopefully shes not sleeping because its late there.

"Hello?" Came her weak and tired voice from the other side. My heart felt a jerk on the sound of her voice.

"Gran?" I croaked and couldn't hold it in any longer. The unshered tears that i was holding for so long began to pour out. Thankfully i was alone so no one could witness my week moment.

"Sonny?" Her voice raised and i heard her move about. "I knew you would call. For some reason i had a feeling that you're hurting." She Stated. Oh Gran, you certainly know whats going on in my heart. After all, Allah has given a mother the power to sense anything that goes on with their children.

I missed Gran. And even though I wanted so badly to tell her what was going on with but I wouldn't because I'm not going to worry her. "How have you been Gran? I really felt like listening to your voice." I almost choked on my tears.

"I'm fine Sonny but how are you? You don't sound too well."

"No, no I'm okay." I chuckled dryly. "There's nothing wrong with me. I was just missing you that's all."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Listen Zackary," she said my full name—if she said my full name then that means she's serious. "I know you never tell me what's bothering you but son, I always know that there's something bothering you. I know the reason you don't tell me anything is because you feel that it would worry me, but son, I am always worried for you because you are my child. I cant help but worry for you. And ever since you got married, I knew instinctively that you would encounter troubles because in the beginning this is what happenes. I wont say that I didn't have my fair share of problems because I did. You probably think that me and your grandfather had an ideal relationship; that is only because we both worked hard in the initial years of our marriage to be where you saw us. We loved each other not because we wanted to but because we learned to—we learned each other's importance and God made us love one another which further strengthened our bond. Zackary, the key to a successful relationship is compromise and trust." She stated.

Compromise? The only one who was willing to compromise has been me from the start. And trust? I think we never had that between ourselves. Amber never trusted me that's why she laid down those ridiculous demands.

"I never told you this but your Grandpa was a very strict man. You only saw his softer side in his senior years but I have dealt with a hard headed man my whole life Sonny. He was the soldier but I became his commander. Do you know how?" she asked and remained silent. I pursed my lips tightly and controlled myself as to not show how much hurt I was.

"How?" I said lowly.

"I won him over with my tender love and attention. He had a lot of insecurities and doubts but with time, they went away when I showed him that I will always be with him." She revealed. She's right. I only saw what my grandparents were because it was the aftermath of their struggle together.

I always thought that their relationship was perfect and I sought the same perfection in my marriage—but I had forgotten; only Allah is perfect. I was wrong and I lead myself to feel this way—I lead myself to believe that every relation can just work out by going with the flow. I laid too many expectations on this marriage and it has led me to feel what I am feeling now.

"All I can do is advise you son. I know that it might seem very frightening but try because marriage is beautiful—it's a magical bond that binds two people of opposite natures together so that they may explore one another and know what is all about—don't ever think that you made a mistake because when I saw Amber, I knew that she was the right woman for you. I saw a glimpse of your grandfather in her and I saw myself in you. I know that I have raised you well—use that to your advantage. Remember, God never makes mistakes when He wrote the two of you in each other's fate." She stated. I nodded in silent agreement.

"Yes, I'll try my best." I said lowly. She comforted me further until she excused herself. With a new found courage and determination, I made my way to the clinic and collected the report. With Allah's name on my lips, I opened the file and read it—to my utter shock and relief, it was negative. I was perfectly normal. Subhan Allah, there was nothing wrong with me.

I sped to Amber's hospital. I rushed straight to her office and without knocking I entered. She was sitting on her desk and busy in some files when my unexpected intrusion startled her. I closed the door behind me and threw the report dossier on her desk.

"I'm in the clear. You're sperm bank is intact. Now be patient." I stated in a flat and resonant tone and exited her office without witnessing her reaction.

I went back to work and returned late. However, I was getting restless. Why am I staying away from Amber? I think I should follow Gran's advise and face reality—my pride be damned. Us reconciling is more important. I decided that I would return back home first thing in the morning.

I was sleeping when my cell phone began to ring. With drowsy eyes, I saw the screen only to be jolted back to full consciousness and my heart began to beat faster. It was Jake—what could he possibly want? I mean I was glad that he called but after so long. I swallowed hard and swiped the answer option.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Zac," he said quickly. His voice seemed rushed. "Listen, Grandma passed away. She died peacefully in her sleep." He informed.

The phone fell from my hand.

What? Gran is dead? But how? I just talked with her a few ago. No I'm sure that he was messing with me.

"Hello Jake," I said and placed the phone back to my ear. "If this is your idea of a sick joke then,"

"Zac, I know that this is hard to accept. But she's dead brother. Believe it." He said and ended the call.

I felt as if the world collapsed and everything faded in a blur. The only person whom I loved and cherished has left me. She was my pillar of support and now she's gone.

I began to choke on my tears and punched the mattress.

Why Allah? Why now? When I needed her the most, you took away my most important person from me. I collected myself and went rushing back to apartment. I needed to see her one last time.

I was in a such a rush that I didn't realize that Amber was sleeping when I came to the apartment. She jolted awake when she saw me rushing towards the cupboard.

"What's wrong? Everything okay?" she inquired in a tired tone that almost sounded concerned. I didn't pay her any mind and continued putting some closes and my essentials in a bag. but her hand touching my shoulder halted my actions. I stood up and carefully removed her hand from my shoulders while my eyes studied her expression—her expression was plain blank as always but her eyes stared at me with alarm and worry.

"I have an emergency back at New York. I have to go." I informed and grabbed my passport and wallet that held all my important cards. I rushed out of the room and quickly called my agent to arranged a seat for me on the earliest possible flight back to NYC.

"When will you ba back?" I heard her ask from behind me. I turned around to face her—she was casually leaning against the door frame with her arms folded. Of course, she didn't even bother to ask what the emergency was. Goes to show how much I really mean to her that she can't even see my distress. I get it that she's only obeying one of her own demands to respect my privacy but a person at least asks out of the goodness of their heart.

"I don't know." I confessed and adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder and left the apartment.

VOTE AND COMMENT YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE--FUEL MY MOTIVATION TO WRITE QUICKER UPDATES GUYS.