"He's an animagus! Named PETER PETTIGREW!" 

The words had the effect Sirius had intended them to. Silence - dead silence - had filled the clubhouse room of the Shrieking Shack. Ron, Harry, and Hermione had all looked at one another and then at the rat and Remus had rubbed his face with his hand, pinching his nose with the index and middle of his left hand. Sirius recognized that expression... Even twelve years later, Remus's frustration with Sirius's dramatic flare looked precisely the same.

It won't be long before he'll be ready to send you back to Azkaban himself, breathed Achlys. Not even an hour and you're already on his nerves...

Sirius shook his head violently. No Achlys, he thought, no, you're wrong. It's different this time, it's different - he's different, I'm different, we're both... different...

He looked around, unsure if he'd spoken out loud or just thought the words in his mind. Nobody was reacting to it, so he must have thought them. It was hard getting used to knowing if one spoke or simply thought, Sirius was finding, and he wasn't always sure what bits of what he meant to say he actually said and what bits were just screamed inside of his mind?

"You're BOTH mental!" Ronald Weasley said in a wonderstruck voice.

"Ridiculous," Hermione added.

"Peter Pettigrew's been dead for twelve years. He killed him." Harry wheeled and pointed at Sirius and Sirius grinned at him, a laugh building up in his throat. Harry looked away as though seeing something obscene, and faced Remus.

Just another person not asking you the truth, he is... Just like everyone else...

"I meant to kill him," Sirius said, and he was fairly certain this was actually out loud. 

The others looked at him and he nodded, confirmation that he was speaking in audible words. Excellent.

Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the rat as it dangled from Ronald Weasley's hands. He stared and stared, unable to take his eyes off of the rat, and it seemed the longer he stared, the more anxious the rat was getting, swinging wildly like a furry little pendulum, just daring him to make a move, like a carrot in front of a horse.

"Little Peter got the better of me..." he was nearly whispering, hypnotized. "But not this time though."

He barely knew he was about to make the move before he was launching himself from the bed with all his strength. If only Azkaban hadn't stolen most of that, he might've got where he was going before a Remus caught him around the torso and, weak as Remus was at the moment, managed to block him.

"SIRIUS NO!" Remus yelled. And suddenly, the next thing he comprehended was that he and Remus were wrestling, fighting, shoving one another - Remus having stepped between him, Sirius, and Ron - who held the dastardly little rat.

Bad dog.

Sirius could've won this struggle a hundred times over before his body had all but wasted away on the floor of that jail cell. But that was the rat's fault too.

He killed James, he killed James! You don't understand! 

He did it, he did it, he did it, he did it, he did it!

Remus was shouting at him. "WAIT!"

I'VE WAITED AND WASTED AND I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE - I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE - I'VE GONE MAD WAITING! JAMES IS GONE AND I DON'T RECOGNIZE MYSELF, REMUS!

 "I'M NOT WAITING ANYMORE, REMUS!"

LET ME KILL HIM PLEASE! I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT HIM.

I CAN'T STAND KNOWING HE'S ALIVE AND JAMES IS DEAD!

"You can't just DO IT LIKE THAT!" Remus grunted, his knees were making terrible sounds from weariness, "THEY NEED TO UNDERSTAND! We've got to explain!"

"WE CAN EXPLAIN AFTERWARDS!"

WHAT IS THERE TO EXPLAIN BESIDES JAMES IS DEAD BECAUSE OF HIM?

"SIRIUS!" Remus shouted as Sirius pressed into him, fighting to grab hold of the rat from Ron's hand, desperate to make the kill. "THEY'VE - GOT - A - RIGHT - TO - KNOW! You have to do this RIGHT! Do you understand?!"

You have to do this right, he says - because in the past you've done it wrong, Achlys hissed.

This took some of the fight out of Sirius, and he faltered.

And Remus pushed his arms up between the two of them, right up against Sirius's torso, and pushed against his pecs - his palms splayed on Sirius as he shoved as hard as he could and sent Sirius flying backwards onto the bed.

How many times had he done that in a different way? How many times had Sirius played at falling onto the bed dramatically like this? ... And the springs of this mattress, they squealed under Sirius's back as his body bounced against it.

He couldn't help but but laugh.

Do you remember us, Moony? Do you remember you and I and how many nights we spent out here in this dismal old shack making it, and each other -- ours? Do you remember? I do. I remember everything.

It's been so long since I could think about it.

The dementors tried to steal it from me, so I couldn't think about it around them.

But I remember.

It's all coming back to me now...

Oh gods, Remus - Remus - Do you remember the time when we broke the fucking headboard?

Laughter spilled out of Sirius's mouth.

Remus's eyes flashed with a warning look - the same warning look he'd given Sirius a hundred times when Sirius suggested something he ought not to have done - and Sirius's laughter doubled because that Look was just so --

"Sirius! Listen! Now is not the time!"

Whoa. Wait. Had he said all THAT out loud? 

"Bleeding hell, there are children in the room, Sirius, some things you really don't need to say out loud!"

That last bit, that was a memory, that was. James's voice, staring at him, covering an infant Harry's ears and looking mock-appalled.

"Sorry Prongs, I was overcome. Don't listen to the bad doggy, Prongslet, I swear I said that Uncle Moony and I were playing the most amazing chess last night. Honest. You've never seen chess like that, though James. I swear. The way that King took the Queen --"

"SIRIUS!"

"SIRIUS! They have a right to understand! Ron's kept him as a pet for twelve years, Sirius -- and Harry!"

What? Oh yes. The rat.

FOCUS SIRIUS, DAMN IT!

"You owe Harry the truth!"

Sirius looked at Harry. 

He had spent twelve years sitting in a cold stone cell, high above the freezing black ocean, with nothing to look out at except more black, more dismal gray... more dementors flying around, waiting to take anything good away. He'd spent all that time, waiting and wishing that someone - anyone - would ask him to explain... 

He would've given anything to explain everything to Harry any one of those nights.

He tore his eyes away from Harry, looked at the rat, dangling from Ron's hands.

"All right," he said. "Alright. Tell them whatever you like... but make it quick, Remus... I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for."

He sat down, he crossed his legs, holding his ankles with his hands, and he looked at Remus expectantly, tilting his head.

Ron Weasley was staring at Sirius. The motions he made, the faces - the absolute lunacy and flamboyancy - flourishing movements almost liquid-like... Ron shook his head, "You're nutters. Both of you. I've had enough of this." He tried at struggling up to his feet again and slid and Hermione made a face, scrambling, not sure if she wanted to help him at getting up or force him to stay down. "I'm off!" Ron announced he got all of one step on his leg before Hermione had to catch him again and he was back on the floor. Ron winced, then said, "Harry, they're going to try at twisting it all about and making us believe them or something!"

"You're going to hear me out, Ron..."

Harry was shaking his head no at Ron anyway.

He'd heard enough to want to know what they had to say and he, like Sirius, stared at Remus with expectation.

"Just hold tight to Peter while you listen."

"He's not Peter! He's Scabbers!" Ron was clutching the rat protectively.

Sirius looked over at Ron, a laughing grin on his face. "He's a shoddy rat anyway... You look like the sort of boy that ought to have a real pet. Like a dog." He laughed manically. 

"Sirius --" Remus half turned toward him.

Harry cut in before they could go off the rails again. "Hang on. Hang on. There were witnesses who saw Pettigrew die. A whole street full of them!"

"Witnesses!" Sirius's barking laughter rang through the Shack. "They didn't see what they thought they saw!" 

And some of them were lying about what they did see.

"Everyone thought Sirius killed Peter," Remus said, he shook his head, "I believed it myself until I saw his name on the Map. The Marauder's Map never lies... Peter's alive. Ron's holding him, Harry."

THE BLOODY FACT THAT THE RAT IS SO SCARED OF US - WHAT FOR? WHAT FOR, HARRY? ISN'T THAT EVIDENCE ENOUGH? 

Sirius cackled and pointed at the rat as he swung, even going so far as to curl up and try at biting on his own tail, as though he'd gnaw it right off just to get away. 

NOW WHO IS THE DRAMATIC ONE, PETER? 

"But Professor Lupin..." Hermione's voice broke through and Sirius looked over at her.

Professor Lupin.

Sirius looked at Remus.

He'd done it, hadn't he? the realization suddenly struck him.

His Moony had done it.

Despite everything. Despite all the death and lies, all the separation and the pain and the sorrow and loss and everything.

His Moony had become Professor R. J. Lupin.

Sirius smiled.

"Scabbers can't be Pettigrew..."

Oh yeah. This. FOCUS SIRIUS.

"It just can't be true, you know it can't..."

Remus turned to Hermione and said, very diplomatically. "Why can't it be true, Hermione?"

Hermione's face grew red and she stammered, "Because... Because people would know if Peter Pettigrew had been an Animagus!"

"Clearly they wouldn't," muttered Sirius.

She looked at him.

"Go on Hermione," Remus said, urging her to ignore Sirius's interjection.

"We did Animagi in class with Professor McGonagall... I looked them up when I did my homework. The Ministry for Magic keeps tabs on witches and wizards who become animals," Hermione explained, as though answering a particularly difficult question in class.  Sirius could nearly picture it - could picture what it would look like to sit in the DADA classroom with Remus at the board and a bunch of nervous firsties sitting about taking notes out of their books while Professor R. J. Lupin lectured them like the most brilliant man in the world he is...

Sirius would need to ask for a demonstration later.

"There's a register showing what animal they become and their markings and things," Hermione was going on. "And I went and looked Professor McGonagall up on the register and there have only been seven Animagi this century! And Pettigrew's name wasn't on the list."

Merlin's left nut - who in bleeding history does that thorough of a job at their homework? Sirius wondered. Then he looked at Remus. Gods alive, Moony, I've found your doppleganger.

"Right again, Hermione, very good," said Remus, as though accepting an answer about Grindylows or something. "But the Ministry never knew that there used to be three unregistered animagi running around Hogwarts!"

"DUNN DUN DUNNNNNN," Sirius muttered under his breath.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at him in surprise and Harry looked like if it had been any other situation he might have laughed. His eyes were wide, and he looked between Remus and Sirius questioningly.

The rat redoubled his efforts and Ron hugged him against his chest, glowering at Remus with disbelief.

Remus took a deep breath -- "It was a long time ago --"

"Oh ferfuckssake, Remus! ONCE UPON A TIME A LONG TIME AGO, IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT --"

"Actually I was going to say that it was a pleasant evening in Autumn, thank you very much," Remus snapped.

"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus!" Sirius said impatiently.

"Sirius, just - just WAIT."

"I'VE DONE MY WAITING - TWELVE YEARS OF IT - IN AZKABAN!" Sirius yelled at the top of his voice, deranged and full of passion.

The words rang in the Shack.

Then, more quietly, calmer - "I'm not going to wait much longer."

Remus stared at him, then, shakily said, "Alright, but you have to help me, Sirius... I only know how it began and ---"

Suddenly the door flew opened, nearly hitting Remus in the back and he tripped forward - but there was nothing there, nobody there. Remus straightened himself out and looked around the room, eyes meeting Sirius's for a moment before he turned and looked out into the corridor in concern. He looked back at Sirius. "No one there," he said hesitantly, glancing about the room.

"This place is haunted!" Ron cried miserably. "What if there's g-ghosts?"

"Haven't you met Peeves?" Sirius asked, smirking.

"It's not haunted," Remus said. "The Shrieking Shack was never haunted!"

"Yes it is!" Ron argued, "I - I've been to Hogsmeade and heard the stories! People have heard the screams and howls!"

"The screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me."

"Both of us," Sirius snickered.

Remus took a deep breath, looked at Sirius, and, purely for his benefit, began, "It was a lovely autumn evening in 1963..."

"Oh here we bloody go...."