SSSSSSQUWAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!

Yellow feathers and laughter exploded every which direction as Herbert Fleet turned into a canary right in the center of the Hufflepuff common room, scaring the ever-loving shite out of the cats lurking in the rafters. A shrieking yowl echoed down the hall as the poor things darted at top speeds, little more than orange and grey streaks on the corridors.

"Excuse me, sir," Malcolm Pearce said, holding up his wand as though it were a microphone to the gigantic yellow canary's beak, "But I heard tell that you may be able to direct me to the location of Sesame Street?"

A storm of laughter burst through the room.

"Fuckoff!" Squawked the canary-who-was-also-Herbert.

Cedric Diggory came out from the hallway, carrying a small plastic caddy that held several potions, a towel neatly hung over his forearm. He came to a dead stop at the door way, staring at the big bird in the common room. "What in the ... blazing... hippogriff? Fleet???"

Malcolm and Michael cracked up as the bird held up a freshly unwrapped box of chocolates and made a sound something between a tweet and "want one?"

"What the hell are those?" Cedric asked, squinting at the package to read the violently purple-and-orange writing. "Canary Creams? Presented proudly by Weasley Wizard Wheezes! Patten pending?! Really, Fleet? You didn't know better?"

Herbert shrugged his wings.

Cedric shook his head. "Bloody hell, you better figure out how to de-avian-ize yourself before the ball tonight!"

The bird nodded.

"Will you two help him, please?" Cedric requested, stepping 'round the pool of yellow feathers all over the floor, "I have to get ready or I'll be late and McGonagall will lose her mind."

"Sure, you can count on us," Michael said, nodding.

Malcolm smirked, "Don't worry about your wingman."

Both boys set to cackling as Cedric slipped out the common room door and started on the long trek to the prefect's bath.

It was a long trek, too, from Hufflepuff common room to the prefect's bath - all the way up to the fourth floor. There were four of the luxurious bath rooms in Hogwarts - or rather there had been four once: the one on the fourth floor had been unofficially designated for the Ravenclaw prefects, and one on the seventh for Gryffindor prefects, one on the first floor for the Hufflepuff prefects, and one in the dungeons for the Slytherins. However, the lower two options were non-operational. Both toilets in the lower floors had been had been mysteriously damaged back in the 70s (legend had it that the Marauders had had something to do with both toilets becoming damaged, in the name of one Prank or another, spoken of in hallowed tones by Peeves the Poltergeist, but nobody had ever been given the same story twice about what, exactly, had caused the closures - only some mumbling about fireworks, blue dye, and a broken mirror). Whatever the cause, neither had ever been properly repaired, and therefore remained locked to this day.

So it was that Cedric had to trek up five flights to reach the fancy bath, and hardly ever bothered to do it... but tonight was a special occasion, and the hot water would relax his especially tense muscles. So off he went, carrying his plastic caddy, which held a hair tonic, a scented body wash, and his golden egg.

He didn't know why exactly he was bringing the egg with him. He couldn't seem to stop staring at it. Ever since he'd discovered it's screaming, it had just echoed and echoed in his mind so that he stared at it in the night and thought obsessively about it. The egg was relentlessly on his mind.

But regardless of sleepless nights that had slowly turned the spots under his eyes dark and earned him accusations of being grumpy all the time from his friends, and had Oliver Kent fussing and telling him he had to get some rest over the holiday, he still had no answers to what the egg meant. Was he rescuing the screaming people? From what? More dragons?

Cedric passed by the statue of Boris the Bewildered, passing a gaggle of giggling girls that were whispering hair spells to one another, clutching a copy of Teen Witch between them. He waited until they rounded the corner, then told the door, "Pine fresh."

Inside the bath room, the lights were dim and relaxing, and it smelled of softness and luxury. He locked the door with a spell and put his caddy down on the edge of the tub, disrobing before he sank to the tiles himself. He leaned over and turned on the faucet. Hot water began pouring into the deep sunken tub that was nearly more of a swimming pool than a bath. Cedric sighed as it filled, twisting his torso and stretching his shoulders, cracking his stiff spine and wiggling his toes as the water reached his feet. When it was deep enough, he slid off the edge of the bathing pool and into the water.

The water was hot and smelled so good, he felt almost hypnotized into relaxing. He smiled as he pumped his legs through the water and closed his eyes, breathing deep, and releasing all his cares on an exhale.

"They certainly aren't making Hogwarts boys from the same molds as they did when I went to school here," pouted a female voice - making Cedric snap to reality abruptly, hands flying to cover himself as he sank into the water, the only shelter there was, the layer of floating bubbles hiding the depths.

"Sorry; who's there? Occupied!" Cedric called out in a panic. Hadn't he locked the door?? He thought he remembered locking it.

A giggle echoed through the room.

He looked around, eyes landing on the portrait of a mermaid on the wall. The mermaid was brushing her hair with a sea-comb, paused when she realized he was looking at him, and waved shyly.

"Why do all the boys like her so much?" The girl's voice was right beside Cedric and he jumped, splashing back a couple feet when he saw the girl there in the tub beside him. At first, he didn't even notice she was pale white and fully clothed - a ghost - until she floated up and out of the water, twirling in midair. "An awful lot of boys come here just to stare at her as they ---" she paused and giggled.

Cedric was already flushed from the bath or he would have flushed more at that. "I'm just here for a bath to get ready for the Yule Ball."

"Another ball, and me without a date again," lamented the ghost. "I don't ever get any dates!"

Cedric sloshed the bubbles around himself closer. "Do ghosts date, then?" he asked.

"One year, a boy took a ghost to the Ball," the girl replied. She turned in midair as though laying in an old pin-up girl pose, hair hanging down and looking at Cedric through round glasses. "You could take me, Cedric Diggory!"

"Oh you - you know my name, do you?"

"Everyone does, don't they? Hogwarts Champion. You and ickle Harry Potter." She squealed. "So what do you say? Shall I go and find a frock?"

"I - I'm already spoken for, I'm afraid."

The ghost sighed.

"Sorry," Cedric added.

"Oh it's alright," she heaved a loud moaning sigh as she poured herself out of the pin up girl position, her shimmering form moving fluidly through the air like water. "Nobody ever wants to take Moaning Myrtle to any Balls!" She let out a ghostly cry as she fell through the air and into the bath water.

Cedric tried to climb out, but slipped, falling back in, and the caddy spilled into the bath with him, egg and all. Resurfacing, Cedric gasped, turning around and looking for the egg below the surface as Myrtle reappeared at his shoulder, floating there above the bubbles.

"Nobody ever wants to spend time Moaaaaaning Myyyyyrtle," she moaned, staring up at him. "And why not? All that I want is a bit of company!"

"Well, I mean, you are in a person's bath," Cedric pointed out, feet scuffing, feeling for the egg, not wanting to move the bubbles.

"It isn't myyyy fault I was killed in a toiiiiilet!" wailed Myrtle.

"I'm quite sorry, Myrtle," Cedric said. "I imagine it would be rather awful, being killed in a toilet."

"You ought to feel sorry for me! And it isn't as though SHE is any company --" she jabbed a vengeful finger at the mermaid, who was plaiting her hair. The mermaid stuck her tongue out at Myrtle. "I ought to splash her and soak her canvas so much even that old caretaker can't fix her!"

Cedric looked up at the mermaid who waved. "Well if it's any consolation, I don't believe the mermish are as pretty as all that in real life," he offered. "That's a muggle representation of one."

Myrtle made a face at her and the mermaid hissed and bared her teeth, transforming into the more terrifying looking creatures Cedric had seen in Care of Magical Creatures and Defense classes. His eyes widened.

"Makes you rethink your choice to come here to wank doesn't it?" Myrtle pouted with a hint of wicked amusement to her tone.

Cedric reddened, "I didn't come here to --"

"Oh of course not," Myrtle giggled and she let out a whooping cry and spun up off the bubbles toward the ceiling.

Cedric took the moment to dive below the surface and grab for the egg, which he could feel tucked between his feet - the petals had opened and bubbles were rising up from the screaming.

But the funny thing about the egg was that when he ducked under water, it wasn't screaming at all.

It was singing.