"Dazai?"

The summer break was something, nothing really that special. After all, Dazai didn't really have a lot to do. No friends to come over. Most of it was spent with Oda who gave him a place to sleep every night. Well, It was the closest thing Dazai knew to a home so he might as well call it that.

It's better than what he used to be his situation.

"Dazai..?" At the call of his name again, Dazai lazily looks up expecting to see Chuuya. He has yet to see the boy since getting here. Though, it's not like he was looking for him in the dining hall. In all honesty, Dazai expects him to still be upset over the whole 'I turned your friends against you and almost killed a woman right in front of you', but that's not something he cared about at the moment. Right now Dazai actually sat in the library, reading.

Well he had been reading. Finally meeting the eyes of the timid boy in front of him, he pauses.

Atsushi. That had been the kid's name, right? The one in the cart? Dazai was a little surprised for multiple reasons actually. "Hello?" He ends up breaking the silence that had been hovering over the both of them.

He stood, kind of hovering over him since Dazai sat leaning against a bookshelf "I'm sorry- I hope I'm not bothering you. I just. Remember we met in the cart? Second- well third year for you. I hadn't really gotten any time to talk to you last year- I'm really sorry about that."

He... apologises a lot.

Besides that, his confession really did take Dazai off guard. Because Dazai knows he must know who he is, his background. But he approached him- Atsushi came back?

Snapping out of his pathice shock, he nods. "It's fine and I do remember you. I was rather busy as well. It's good to speak with you again." Atsushi nodding with a wide smile, shuffling to sit next to him.

"Do you remember my sister? I talked about her a little?" To which Dazai nods, "well. She actually is here now, as a first year. You were there when she was sorted I'm pretty sure. Her name is Kyouka. She is a slytherin like you!"

At Atsuhsi's exclamation, Dazai smiles a little. It was small and a little sincere. "That's nice to hear, Atsushi." Moving to sit up a little straighter. "You should introduce us at some point." God Dazai hopes he doesn't-

He nods quickly, "I will!"

Dazai hums quietly, standing up. "You really should be getting to your common room, it's going to be lights off soon."

That causes Atsushi to scrabble up, "Oh! You're right! Well- it was really nice talking to you again! I hope to see you again!" To which Dazai nods and waves him off as he quickly leaves.

With the library now silent and empty, Dazai laughs quietly under his breath. Curfew was long past broken by now, had Atsushi just not noticed? Probably.

His laugh dies out pretty quickly though, looking at the door Atsuhsi had left through. It was odd, the boy had acted like nothing was wrong. Completely oblivious to his past. Acting like he had when he first met Dazai in the cart... He wasn't treating him differently because his father, it was a little- refreshing? Not even Dazai knew what he was feeling. Being seen as a normal person. It was a little overwhelming, or maybe he was underwhelmed, it was difficult to tell.

Humming under his breath he brushes off the cloak that draped over his shoulders before moving to leave the library. Making sure no teacher was near so he didn't have to deal with such scoldings. In his defence, he didn't care.

Shuffling through the halls, avoiding any sound that could be made he eventually found himself outside. He considered going to the forest but stopped in his tracks, the eye that wasn't covered narrowing in attempts to look closely at what he caught with his eyes. It was a man, he seemed rather tall but slouched over himself. He stood at the tree line almost like he was guarding it. The way his arms sagged couldn't help but make Dazai's skin crawl in discomfort.

Deciding that attempting to sneak past him just wasn't worth it, he turns and walks back inside. Uncomfortable and a little grossed out by that- thing. He didn't like it, at least from a distance. It looked wrong.

Shaking the image out of his head, Dazai took a deep breath. Figuring then it was probably just for the best to return to his dorm room, that is exactly what he does. Making his way back to the room with the same amount of stealth. Since Yosano found out about his detours to the forest, Dazai has learned to be a lot more careful about getting around unnoticed. He knows he can't risk it.

Rumours still lingered around him like the plague, people's staring at him as if he was inhuman. Which ironically, they were right about. Dazai wasn't human, He never has been. That knowledge has hung over him since the day he was born.

Inhuman. People make it out to be this horrible heart-stopping thing. Though, then again it's hard for your heart to beat when there isn't one. Funnily enough, Dazai had a very cool party trick, the ability to control his own heartbeat. He once tried to will his heart to stop as a sucicide attempt, it didn't work. Survival instinct kicked in sadly. Though it was funny, He almost went into cardiac arrest.

When had that been? Age eleven Dazai believes.

Not being human was a pressing thing, that's what made his nickname: the demon prodigy, unusually accurate. He was a demon child, he causes problems for the fun of it, he takes entertainment from pushing people past their limits enough to get him actually hurt. But not only that, he didn't even feel things. Emotions were distant to him, forgien. He can fake them all he wants, actually that's what he does almost all the time...

Chuuya.

The brief picture of a certain redhead, that redhead who makes him feel things. Emotions running deep within him, things waking up that Dazai wished would just stay asleep. Living without emotions was easy, he didn't even have to be mentally present if he didn't want to! But it was different with him. Chuuya was his break, he could shatter Dazai if he so wished and that terrified him. But nothing could possibly scare him more than acknowledging he wanted that. He wanted to be around Chuuya as much as possible to indulge in these emotions. Ones like fondness, or happiness.

However, right behind that came disappointment, fear, despair. Dazai didn't like feeling those things, it reminded him of times he didn't want to remember.

Thinking of Chuuya makes Dazai remember he hasn't seen Chuuya yet, was he avoiding him? After what happened at the end of the year, Dazai can't say he is baffled or anything. Though it is a little amusing.

Sorting his way through the common room, he sits down on the bed he assumed to be his own. It was the only empty one to be fair. Surrounding him was the sound of soft snoring from his roommates.

Chuckling to himself, he thought back to the bottle of alcohol he brought last year. He went through it pretty quickly, sadly. This year he neglected to bring one, though, something tells him he will come to deeply regret that decision. Not like it matters too much, worse case scenario he steals a bottle. There should be a town somewhere around here.

Ahhh, Alcoholism at the ripe age of fifteen.

When in doubt, blame it on his father.

Looking around the room, he figured there wouldn't be a chance of him sleeping tonight, so he sat awake reading.

The next day comes along in a flash, people scattering around to get their schedules, Dazai waiting for the chaos to simmer to get his own.

Charms, Muggle studies, Transfiguration, and Herbology for semester one. Sighing he shoves his times table into his cloak before making his way over to Charms class, the less crowded hallways made the journey a little easier but it still wasn't fun having to push past the few students who liked to walk slowly in groups.

Thankfully, it didn't take him too long to get to Charms, even getting there on time before the bell. Walking into class, He looks around, a class shared with Griffidor it seems. Lazily he dragged himself over to the first open seat, sitting next to some nobody who shuffled away from him. Not like he would cry over it.

Instead, he rested his head down, shutting his eyes as apathy and exhaustion tugged on his every bone.

He didn't know when it started, it was hard to really place it since he was barely away throughout the night. But he wasn't a moron, he knew what was happening but that thing was he was struggling to find the cause.. If there even was one.

Depressive episodes.

They were by far one of the more annoying setbacks to a lack of emotion. Because now it almost felt overwhelming. He didn't feel an emotion, he just felt bad. When there was no specific trigger it made it more difficult, because with no cause, there was no avoiding what made him feel like this. Or there was no way to just try and cope.

Self pity was one of the many things Dazai despised, so every time things like this happened, it made dread curl in his gut. It's not like he could do anything about his spiralling, looking in the mirror and telling himself it was ridiculous and he was overreacting didn't work. So he just had to suck it up most of the time. Before he would only have to fool Oda or his father. But this was annoying, faking personality around so many kids sounded that much more exhausting.

So when he hears the sound of a hand slapping against his desk right in front of him, he has to bite his tongue so as to not look up and probably make this mystery person cry.

Looking up, his eyes meet Chuuya's... immediately starts to consider whether he should try.

"Oi. Asshole, move over, I'm sitting here."

Dazai just stares up at him with a blank face, Chuuya glaring down at him. "Anytime now." Slightly mocking him, though it looked Chuuya was a little uncomfortable by his staring.

It took a moment, but eventually Dazai gave in and slid a little further down the bench. "Long time no see, Chuuya." Placing stupid grin on his face he knew would probably throw off any kind of worry - well not worry, he doubted anyone could worry for him. The idea almost sounded laughable.

Chuuya seemed to buy it anyway, punching his shoulder, "because of you, dick."

He lets out a choked laugh, looking down at the desk, "you know it." Seeing Chuuya roll his eyes before getting distracted with something else. Once his eyes were off Dazai he let his smile fall into something apathetic.

Dazai didn't want to be here, he wanted to fuck off to an alleyway or something and just wait this episode out.

Was it because of Atsushi? Or that weird guy in the forest watch? Maybe he let his thoughts run too wildly last night. He didn't get it- he didn't like not knowing things. Not knowing things meant you were weak and pathetic. Dazai wasn't weak or pathic. He wasn't. All his life he had had to prove to everyone that he was worth more. That he was better than his father.

Was he even better than him?

For once there was silence, right up until Chuuya broke it. "Oi- are you good?"

Dazai doesn't respond, he just calmly stands back up and moves to leave the classroom. Ignoring the confused look from Chuuya that burned into the back of his head.

He made it straight to the washrooms, thanking everything he knew that it was empty. Within a second he draws out his wand, hand trembling slightly till he quite literally forces it to a stop.

Locking himself into the furthest stall, he started it down before mumbling something under his breath. A short and quick 'Lumors'. When doing so he let his mind wonder.

Within a few seconds burning pain shot up his wrist, relishing in it as he looked down to his now red hand. It burned, but it was something, it was something- he felt something other than bad. Who gives a damn if it was pain? No, he didn't particularly like pain but it was something, something other than the suffocating silence purging him.

Again, he found himself mumbling Lumors under his breath, the rebound again for a fail sending another burn of pain all along his hand, passing by his bandages. He allowed the pain to be the only thing he focused on, shutting his eyes tight and fighting back a shaky sigh of relief that wanted to emerge.

Figuring that was enough, he shoved his wand back in his cloak. Collecting himself before unravelling a little of his bandages only to rewrap it so it covered the burn. The pressure of the bandages was something painful he could bathe in as he walks back to charms.

Hey, at least he managed to make it back in time before the teacher got there. So feeling more aware and awake, he makes his way back over to sit back down to Chuuya. "Where the fuck did you run off to?" Dazai leans back in his chair, glancing over at him before grinning.

"I just couldn't hold it anymore, bathroom break."

Immediately Chuuya's face curls up in disgust, "disgusting. Can you like- never talk to me again."

"You asked!" Dazai quickly deflects.

However, it looks like their conversation was cut short by the teacher, Kouyou walking in. Just in time for the bell to go off. She doesn't say anything, she just walks up to the front and starts jotting down different spells. Before pointing at the board, "these are the spells I expect you to have learned by the end of week three, understood?" There were four on the board though Dazai wasn't really paying that much attention. Only hearing the agreement of the students around him.

Flexing his hand that was burnt the takes in steady breaths and the sting of pain from friction of the bandages were grounding.

"Hey- are you ok?" He hears from beside him, making him look over as his smile strains. Chuuya looked back at him, his head tilted with the most disgusting look of concern on his face.

Collecting himself for a moment, his grin hardens slightly. Something that Chuuya saw by the looks of it. "Of course I am Chuuya. But even if I wasn't, what makes you think I would ever tell you? Do you think we are friends or something? You are nothing to me, nothing but some errand boy-"

A sharp and sudden pain, spreading all along the side of his face. The sound of cut gasps ringing in Dazai's ears- his ears were ringing, shocked almost.

"Don't pull that shit." Chuuya spits, his hand still in the air from just slapping him. "You were lucky enough I looked over you trying to kill a person, I tried to excuse it because I felt bad, Bad for you- I fucking pitied you because you looked lost. But don't think for a second you can treat me like shit because I lost some of my friends because of you. You don't scare me. You disgust me. It's not me sticking by you, I have other options, you don't." Each word laced in harsh venom as he stares him down.

Kouyou looked like she was going to step in but Dazai spoke up again. "Have you considered I didn't ask for your pity? I never wanted you to shove your way into my life but you did it anyway. This- all of this is your fault. You blame me for your friends leaving you but you don't consider the fact maybe they just never liked you. Maybe they were waiting- counting the days till you slipped up so they could ditch you. It's cute, how you like to pin all your problems on everyone but yourself. Do you expect me to apologise for trying to kill a woman who was prepared to kill children? It's what you all like to label as 'just', as worth the death?"

There was a pause before they both stood in unison, "go on. Hit me again, I know you can't express your emotions in any other way that's not a violent outburst."

"Yeah? So you can indulge in your self destructive behaviours? I know what all this is, dumbass."

"You think you know? You think you know me? Don't make me laugh, you know nothing."

"Bull-fucking-shit! Look at you! Everyone can tell!" Looking around for backup but no one says a thing.

"You like to be right, so you see things and assume and then if you're wrong you expect them to just go along with it anyway. You're predictable, you're annoying."

"Yeah:? Well you're just a prick you are afraid of emotional intimacy!"

"This is coming from you?"

" Enough." Both of them came to a full stop to look at Kouyou who towered over them. "You are disrupting class. Get out, now."

"Kouy-"

Chuuya didn't get a chance to finish, " Out. "

Both of them sighing as they move to leave. It was ridiculous, all of this was stupid. Chuuya, the hot headed prick who liked to fight with things just because.

Dazai didn't go to the office with Chuuya like he should have, no, he spilt off and moved to stay in the restricted area of the library. Missing his other periods even if it was the first day.

He just didn't have the energy.