You sat at your desk while the guinea pigs were asleep in the empty place next to your laptop and Totoro slept on your shoulder. You typed away to confirm the last of the tour dates for when everyone came back. Speaking of which...

Jinx: Y/N, why aren't you wearing your Santa hat?!

You groaned as you grabbed your hat and threw it on. Everyone was going home for the holidays except for you. Obvious reasons.

Akali: I can't believe you're staying here alone. Kinda a bummer.

Y/N: I'll be fine. Besides, I haven't really celebrated christmas in a while anyway.

Jinx: That is true. Every year I head back home, I always came back to a deserted apartment. He never even hangs up lights.

Y/N: No point. I don't even know why you guys put up a tree. Not like anyone is gonna see it.

Kai'sa: You will.

Y/N: Okay. No one who cares will see it.

You finished your work and let out a sigh as you leaned back in your chair. Ahri and Eve walked out of Ahri's room. They spotted you and Eve took a quick photo of you in your hat.

Eve: I'm totally turning that into a Christmas card.

You let out another groan and shut your laptop. Christmas music played softly in the background thanks to Akali and Kai'sa finding Christmas records for your record player.

Akali: You seem like a humbug. You don't like Christmas?

Eve: Oh yeah. You did say something about your parents not liking it.

Ahri gave her and odd look as did Jinx. They then looked at you but the look on your face told them to stay silent.

Y/N: I'm just not a fan. That's all. No real point in it.

Kai'sa: Is that why you're not going home?

You sighed as you spun your chair around.

Y/N: I have my reasons. Besides, you guys deserve a break after everything we went through this year. The album is still doing great and the tour is set for when you all get back.

You stood up and Totoro woke up. He hopped down onto your desk and curled up with the guinea pigs and went back to sleep. Lucky bastard. You wished you could just sleep wherever. Oh....wait.

Jinx: You sure you don't want me to stay? I could. You know I don't really like going home.

Y/N: Stay if you want to stay, Jinx. I won't stop you.

You headed off to your room without another word. The girls stood there in silence before they looked to Jinx and Ahri.

Ahri/Jinx: What?

Akali: Why does Mr. Y/N hate Christmas?

Jinx: He doesn't. He just doesn't care for it.

Eve: Because of his parents?

Ahri: His mom loved Christmas. They would always win the Christmas decorating contest every year.

Jinx: No one stood a chance.

Eve raised a brow and Kai'sa caught what Ahri had said.

Kai'sa: His mom loved Christmas? Why the past tense? She hate it now?

Ahri and Jinx looked at each other.

Ahri: Actually, his mom died right before graduation.

Akali: Oof. Wonder why he never mentioned it before. Though, I feel much worse with leaving him here.

Jinx shrugged as she walked over to your desk and picked up Totoro. He whined in protest but just fell asleep again in her arms.

Jinx: I don't know if you guys have noticed by now, but Y/N is very secure with his feelings and a lot of things from his past. Honestly, you can blame Ahri for that one.

Ahri: I already apologized!

Jinx: It still won't reverse what's been done.

Kai'sa gave it some thought. Now that she was actually thinking about it, you were pretty tight lipped about most of what you're feeling. Sure, you would occasionally say something or become overprotective, but besides that you were pretty much a brick wall.

Akali: Is that why you guys never told us about your joint force thing?

The entire room fell silent once Akali realized what she said. Jinx looked at her with narrow eyes.

Jinx: How did you know that?

The girls looked at Akali and began to shake their heads.

Akali: Uh, Jayce told us about it.

Jinx sighed as she held Totoro.

Jinx: Yeah. We just don't like talking about it in general.

Eve: Do they bring up bad memories?

Jinx shook her head and smiled slightly.

Jinx: Actually, we had a bunch of good ones with everyone. Which is why, remembering them is so, hard. Y/N blames himself for what happened.

Kai'sa: What, did happen? If you're okay with talking about it.

Jinx placed Totoro down and headed toward her room.

Jinx: I'm not. I need to pack.

She closed her door and the four girls were left in the living room. They then turned to Akali who was still embarrassed over her blunder.

Akali: I'm sOrRy~
----------
You finished making your bed and your daily workout, simple push-ups and sit-ups, before you took a quick shower to wash up a bit. You headed downstairs where you found the girls ready with their bags.

Y/N: You guys all ready to head out?

Kai'sa: Yeah.

You immediately felt the tense air in the room. The girls were oddly quiet and you now felt awkward.

Y/N: Cool. Well, your rides are almost here and I'm gonna head over to the bar. So, uh, peace! See you all after the break.

You turned to leave but Ahri stopped you.

Ahri: Are you okay?

You stopped and looked at her confused.

Y/N: Uh, yeah. Look, you guys enjoy the break. We'll pick up right where we started when you all get back, alright? Happy holidays.

You gave Ahri a quick hug and grabbed your keys. You stepped out the door and sighed.

Ezreal: Miss the Captain already?

You rolled your eyes and turned on the A/C. You sat in the front passenger seat while Ezreal drove. Your leave of absence, though forced, had just started. Jinx was already home but you were once again left in the dust. Ezreal offered to drive you to the airport since he was heading home as well.

Y/N: Just hate having nothing to do for the holidays. Nothing is ever open and everyone is so damn cheery.

Ezreal: I ain't complaining. Me and Lux are planning on going to that ski resort I told you about.

Y/N: Course you are. Thanks for the ride, by the way.

Ezreal: Always.

The two of you played music on the drive but the radio suddenly began to play a very familiar song. You quickly changed the station which Ezreal noticed.

Ezreal: I know things between you and this Ahri chick are weird but...

Y/N: Don't start.

Ezreal: I kinda like that song. It hits different.

You rolled your eyes as the car came to a stop. Ezreal put the car in park and looked at you.

Ezreal: Let's get this break started.

You just smiled as you gave him a fist bump.

Y/N: Let's.

You took the shot Zoe gave you and shivered.

Y/N: That's some strong shit.

Zoe: Holiday special. So, no plans?

Y/N: Nope.

The bar was empty seeing as it was close to the holidays, and the fact that it was always empty. Zoe wore a green elf hat while you stuck to your normal clothes.

Y/N: What about you? Heading home to see family?

Zoe: Haven't seen them since they kicked me out.

Y/N: Why they kick you out?

Zoe: I came out.

Y/N: Oof. I would introduce you to a friend but...the city would most likely burn down to ashes.

Zoe laughed as she wiped the counter.

Zoe: Thanks for the consideration.

You just lifted up your glass. You finished your drink and got a text on your phone. It was your sister.

Elizabeth: You should stop by for a bit. A pre-Christmas celebration before we leave.

Zoe: Girlfriend?

Y/N: Ew. My sister.

You sent back a text and grabbed your coat. You slapped the money on the counter and winked at Zoe.

Y/N: Happy holidays.

Zoe smiled as you walked out. You got on your bike and held the clutch before you hit the pedal. Nothing happened. You groaned and hit it again but the result was the same.

Y/N: Fucking shit.

Graves: How long have you been working on that bike now?

Y/N: I dunno. A year?

Graves laughed from his lawn chair as you grew frustrated at the old bike you had been trying to get running since last year. You gave up and hopped off the bike before you walked over to where Graves was sitting. You grabbed a beer from the ice box and popped it open.

Graves: To be fair, you've been doing well with what you could find.

You rolled your eyes and sat in the chair next to his. The desert of Shurima wasn't the worst place on earth but it wasn't the best either. You rolled your head around as Graves sipped on his beer. Only four of you were around for Christmas this year. You, Graves, Rell, and Garen.

Graves: So, no leave this year?

You shook your head.

Y/N: I didn't want it. Cap was pretty persistent but he gave up.

Graves: Damn. No one to visit?

You shook your head again.

Y/N: Nah. Me and my family ain't close. You know that.

Graves: Course I do. But, I dunno, I thought you would've had a broad by now.

Rell: Yeah right.

You both looked back at the tent where Rell emerged from. Like the two of you, she was dressed down for the heat. Unlike you, she wore a shirt. Granted it showed off plenty of skin but you saw her as one of the guys so much it hardly mattered.

Graves: You know what you do to me, girly. I've been away from the civilian world too long. Cut me a break!

Rell stuck her tounge out and grabbed a beer before she sat next to you.

Rell: How's the bike coming along?

Y/N: It's not. At all. And I'm out of parts.

Rell snickered as you set your beer down and walked over to the bike you sat on it and sighed.

Y/N: One more time.

You grabbed the clutch, and stepped down. The engine roared as you rode it down the street. You rode your bike to your sister's new apartment complex and headed up. You found their apartment and knocked. You heard little footsteps and an excited voice on the otherside of the door.

Maria: Uncle Y/N is here!

Braum: I know.

The door opened and Braum greeted you with a wide smile.

Braum: Y/N!

He wrapped you into a large hug which brought you off the ground. You smiled, but you also needed air. Braum set you down and Maria hugged your leg.

Maria: Y/N!

Your heart melted at her sweet voice. You reached down and picked her up and carried her inside. You found your sister in the living room finishing up with decorating.

Y/N: Hey, sis.

Elizabeth: Happy holidays, Little brother. How are you celebrating so far?

Y/N: Just left the bar to see ya.

You set Maria back down and hugged your sister.

Y/N: You guys all packed for the big trip?

Braum: As ready as we can be. What about you? Any plans for the wonderful holiday?

You shrugged as you slid your hands into your pockets.

Y/N: I'm kinda on my own. The girls are all heading home for the holidays.

Elizabeth gave you an uneasy look which you failed to notice.

Braum: Is that so? Well, you're always welcomed to join us.

Y/N: No. I won't interfere with your guys' trip. It's for family.

Elizabeth: You are family.

Y/N: You know what I mean. Besides, I haven't even celebrated Christmas since I was 18.

Braum placed a hand on your shoulder with a big smile.

Braum: Until now.

Maria: We got you a present!

Maria ran out of the room as you stood there confused. She returned with a wrapped box that had a bow on it. She held it out towards you with a big smile.

Maria: Merry Christmas!

You smiled as you took the present.

Y/N: Thank you, honey.

You looked at Elizabeth who signaled for you to open the present. You looked down at the box and opened it. When you looked inside, you found a new jacket inside. A black one which looked incredibly nice.

Y/N: Wow.

Maria: You like it?

You held it up and threw it on. It fit like a charm.

Y/N: Like it? No.

Maria looked a bit down before you picked her up again.

Y/N: I love it.

Maria cheered happily and as you held her close. Elizabeth smiled as did Braum.
-------
You sighed as you entered the house and tossed your keys into the bowl. Immediately you noticed the absence of everyone. You walked into the dark living room and found Totoro asleep outside of the dollhouse. Mini Ahri was laying with him but the other guinea pigs must've been inside.

You gently rubbed his ear and walked to the kitchen when you pulled out a case of beer. Time for your favorite Christmas tradition. Drink all night, sleep all day, rinse and repeat until duty calls.

Good thing you restocked on the alcohol.

You popped open the first bottle and took a drink. One became two. Two became twelve. Twelve became three packs. Soon, you were stumbling around like a drunk idiot through the house while your record player played Christmas tunes.

Y/N: Rocking around, the Christmas tree, fuck the holidays~

You took another drink as you danced to the song playing in the empty house. You stumbled into the wall and stood straight up. You squared up and looked around for whoever bumped into you. Oh yeah. You were alone.

All alone.

Fuck.

You shook your head and looked around the empty house. After months of a crazy house filled with something always going on, you realized just how quiet things were.

You looked around the room and realized what you had just done. You took a left instead of a right. You were about to fall deep into the abyss and you had no way to stop it. You were going to set the bottle down, but you realized it was too late.

You found yourself staring at your reflection. Fully geared up with your rifle in your hands. Bloodshot eyes and that stupid fuckibg smile.

You needed to calm down. You needed to get your mind off of this. Did Jinx leave any weed behind? No. She took it all. She wasn't here.

No one was here.

Just you.

Totoro lifted his head and watched as you gripped the bottle in your hand. You glared at the mirror as the younger you stared back at you. Blood coated your entire body from head to toe. Your eyes were wide and your rifle was missing. You only held a knife.

Terrorist: <What the fuck is that thing?!>

Terrorist: <Shoot it! Shoot it!>

Terrorist: <No...p-please!>

Darius: Jesus Christ, kid. What the hell did you do?

You cried out and threw the bottle at the mirror which caused it to shatter. Totoro grabbed Mini Ahri and ducked into the doll house as you grabbed your head.

Calm down. Clear head. Pleasant thoughts. Think about the good times. Happy things and not the past. Get out of your head. Deep breaths.

You slowly calmed down and sat on the couch. You sat in the dark for a moment as the music contiued to play in the background.

Sometime soon, you fell asleep.
--------
You woke up the next day half dead and drooling on the couch. You were still wearing your new jacket but you were confused by the noise you heard. Other people in your house.

You slowly sat up and rubbed your head as you listened to the sound of broken glass being cleaned up. You also had a blanket over you. You looked over your shoulder and saw who was responsible.

Jinx: I knew I shouldn't have left him alone.

Akali: Dude. Mr. Y/N was partying hard.

Eve: Has this happened before?

Jinx: Yeah, like, once. No telling how bad it actually was.

Ahri: What is it? Like, PTSD?

Kai'sa: Does he have that?!

Jinx: I dunno. He refused to go see someone.

You groaned and held your head which caught the girls' attention.

Y/N: Can you guys please keep it down. I got a major hang over going on over here.

Jinx: What...

Y/N: I fucking tripped on Totoro and hit the mirror.

Ahri: And all the...

Y/N: Every year I get drunk and celebrate.

Kai'sa: But...

Y/N: I'll be upstairs sleeping this off.

You stood up, blanket over your shoulders, and shuffled over to the stairs that lead to your room. You made it to the third step and gave up. You laid on the step and sighed.

Y/N: Ah. So close.

Akali: Not really.

Y/N: <Inaudible mumbling>

The girls looked at you and you looked up at them.

Y/N: The hell are you guys even doing here? Break started.

The girls looked at you for a moment before you noticed that a new batch of Christmas music was playing. You lifted your head and looked around the room to find that the entire place was actually decorated. Your eyes eventually fell on the girls who were all wearing Santa hats.

Y/N: What's...

Jinx: We all agreed that we could spend Christ here.

Eve: With you.

Kai'sa: At least for this year.

Akali: Didn't want you to be alone, dude.

Ahri: So, yeah.

You looked at the girls for a moment.

Ezreal: Don't get all ugly crying face on us now.

You punched your friend in the shoulder as everyone else laughed. You chuckled to yourself and looked at the makeshift Christmas tree that everyone had set up.

It was a metal rod that was decorated with beer cans and bullet casings with a beer bottle as the star.

Garen: Figured we'd do something for ya since you'll be on your own.

Y/N: Yeah, well, it looks like shit.

Ezreal: So it suits you well, I see.

You smiled and looked at everyone again.

Jinx: Merry Christmas, Bud.

Ahri: Merry Christmas, <Love>.

Eve: Merry Christmas, Dear.

Kai'sa: Merry Christmas, Boss.

Akali: Merry Christmas, Mr. Y/N!

You looked at them all before you smiled.

Y/N: Yeah. Merry Christmas, girls.