November 1945

Jonathon watched icy pellets hit his window and melt, creating rivulets of tears on the glass. James was driving him and Billy home from work, and the gloominess of the weather was doing nothing to improve his mood.

Billy had his face turned to his window as well, silent just like every other ride to and from work. Jonathon didn't know what his brother was thinking, and he'd given up trying to draw him out months ago. Their time in the car and meals were nearly the only time Jonathon saw him. Billy never went on the morning rounds with him after that disastrous first day, and he rarely spoke up at meetings.

Instead, he spent most of his time in his office working on the company's financial records. Jonathon had held out hope Billy would improve as time went on, but he'd been home almost five months and there'd been little change in him. By now Jonathon was resigned about the situation. This was the best he could expect from his brother, and he couldn't help resenting him for it.

James pulled close to the front of the house, and Billy opened his door and got out before James had even turned off the ignition. Jonathon grit his teeth and climbed out after him. Billy never waited for James to open his door anymore, even when they arrived at work where people were watching. It seemed an affront to Jonathon, another rejection.

"Daddy!" Jonathon heard, climbing the steps, and he smiled, his gloominess instantly lifting.

"Hello, Douglas," he said while Douglas grabbed onto his legs.

"Let Daddy, take off his coat!" Helen warned. "You'll get all wet. Can I take your coat, Billy? I'll hang them in the kitchen where they can dry out."

"Sure," he said, shrugging it off.

"Kitty's upstairs with the baby," she said as he handed it to her.

Without replying, he turned to climb the stairs and she watched him with a frown until Jonathon handed over his coat.

"Douglas, why don't you come with me to the kitchen?" she said.

"No. I want to stay with Daddy," he said, moving closer to Jonathon.

"I bet Annie will let you help set the table. You'd like that, wouldn't you? You can put a big plate at your place."

His face lit up. "Okay!"

"I'll be back to make you a drink," she said to Jonathon, taking Douglas's hand in her free one.

A roaring fire was in the nearest fireplace in the grand parlor, and Jonathon sat in a chair, stretching his legs out to warm them.

"Douglas loves setting the table ever since we let him give himself a big boy plate," Helen said a minute later when she walked in. "How was work?"

He shrugged, his eyes on the flames. "No different from any other day."

After she gave him his glass, she sat opposite him.

"I'm going to have to go to Pittsburgh for a week. Orders are dropping off more than I'd like. I need to drum up more business and phone calls aren't enough, I have to be there in person."

"You won't be gone for Douglas's birthday, will you?"

"No, I plan to be back by then."

They lapsed into silence while he sipped his drink. He noticed Helen pull her cardigan tighter around her with a troubled expression. When she did it again a moment later, it occurred to him that maybe there was a reason why she'd wanted Douglas occupied in another room. Something was on her mind. Then she sighed deeply.

"What is it?" he asked.

"How does Billy seem to you these days?"

Jonathon scowled. "The same way he's been since he came home."

She glanced in the direction of the doorway, and then leaned closer to him. "Kitty told me something today," she said in a quieter voice. "Something about Billy."

"Yes?"

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to say anything about it to him. He wouldn't like it if he knew she told me."

"That sounds serious."

"It's not good."

"Well, what is it?"

"Johnny," she said, her eyes pleading with him.

"Alright, I won't say anything to him," he grumbled.

Helen checked the doorway again before she spoke. "She said Billy has nightmares."

"Nightmares about what?"

"The war. She said it's happening almost every night."

Jonathon turned his attention back to the fire with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Frequent nightmares weren't normal. It was another example his brother was damaged by what he'd experienced overseas, possibly permanently.

"Kitty's worried about him, and I am too," Helen said. "He seems so – miserable."

Jonathon took another swallow of his whiskey.

"Don't you see how he is?"

"Yes, I see it!"

She shushed him and glanced in the direction of the door. "Can't you help him?"

"What am I supposed to do? I can't make what happened to him disappear."

"Maybe if you let him do something different at work, it would help him feel better."

"I already let him do whatever he wants, but he hates the mine. He's always hated it," Jonathon said bitterly. "I can't make working there any different than what it is. When you're a Blackwell, it's not like you have a choice. This is what we do."

Helen leaned back in her chair with another sigh. "I feel terrible for him, and for Kitty. She's beside herself."

"I've bent over backwards for him, but it's not enough," Jonathon continued, his resentment rising. "He's the one who's got to decide he's going to leave what he's been through behind and carry on with his life."

"I just wish there was something we could do to help him."

"If you figure it out, let me know," he muttered.

During dinner, both brothers were quiet while Kitty and Helen attempted to keep a conversation going. Throughout the meal, Jonathon stole glances at his brother, thinking about the information Helen had told him. He knew Billy wasn't happy, but he'd thought he'd been coping better than it seemed he was. Was he ever going to go back to being the brother Jonathon used to know?

"It's bath time for little boys," Helen announced while Annie cleared away the dessert dishes.

Douglas crossed his arms over his chest and pushed out his lower lip. "I don't want a bath," he groused. It was so funny, all the adults laughed, even Billy.

"You still need one, mister," Helen said. "You're wearing more of your dinner than made it into your tummy." She tickled his stomach, and he collapsed in giggles. "You can share your bath with Jessica. I bet if you ask Aunt Kitty, she'll bring Jessica's toy ducks for you to play with," she added, giving Kitty a wink.

Douglas straightened, his expression hopeful. "Aunt Kitty, will you bring ducks?" he asked.

"Yes, I'll bring them," she said with a laugh.

Douglas grinned and jumped off his chair. "Come, mommy," he said, taking her hand. "We have to put the water in the bathtub so I can play with ducks."

When Kitty lifted Jessica out of her high chair, Billy rose to leave with her.

"Do you mind waiting a minute?" Jonathon said to him.

"Sure," he said with a shrug, and slumped back in his seat.

Helen stopped at the doorway. From the look on her face, Jonathon could tell she was worried he'd mention the nightmares. He nodded to reassure her, and she left after Kitty. He waited until he was sure he and Billy were alone.

"I've been thinking about how things are going with the business," he said.

Billy kept his eyes on his hands, refusing to look at him, and Jonathon pushed down his irritation. Couldn't he even make the effort to appear like he cared about the mine?

"And, uh," he said, debating whether he should continue with what he was going to say. "I was wondering – if you'd be willing to go to Pittsburgh for me."

Billy lifted his head. "What?"

"We need to solidify our partnerships with the steel companies and hopefully generate more business, and – I think you'd be perfect for the job."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. You've always been good with people.  They listen to you, and you can take Kitty."

Billy studied him, and then his features hardened. "Is that so she can keep tabs on me? You want her to make sure I don't crack up?"

"No!" Jonathon said, angry his brother had guessed the truth. "I thought you could take a couple of days extra to see the sights and have a vacation."

"Oh," Billy said, his body relaxing. "That's – really thoughtful, Johnny. Thank you."

Jonathon pushed his chair away from the table. "I'll have Mrs. Gibson set up meetings for you."

"It means a lot you trust me, Johnny. I won't let you down."

Jonathon put his hand on Billy's shoulder. "I know you'll do swell."

Billy smiled, and Jonathon couldn't help returning it, relief flooding through him. This was the first time he'd seen his brother genuinely happy in months.

"Wait 'till Kitty hears the news! She's going to be over the moon," Billy said.

"Take as much time as you need for a vacation. You deserve it."

"Thanks!"

Billy grinned as he headed for the hallway and watching him, Jonathon felt hopeful for the first time in a long time. This was exactly the right decision.

When he entered his bedroom later that evening, Helen was sitting at his mother's dressing table brushing her hair, and he went to her. "Thank you," he said, kissing her cheek.

She laughed while she looked at him in the mirror. "What's that for?"

"What you said about Billy gave me a good idea. I'm going to send him to Pittsburgh instead of going myself."

She turned to face him. "You are?"

"You should have seen his face. He seemed really happy. I can't remember the last time I've seen him that happy."

"That's wonderful, Johnny!"

"He's taking Kitty with him. They'll have a vacation after he's finished with business."

"They'll love that."

"That's what I thought. This might be just the thing to help him get better."

She stood and hugged him. "I'm sure you're right."

~~

Three weeks later, Kitty and Billy were at the dining table for the first time since their trip. "Pittsburgh was a fun city," Kitty said. "It was a lot bigger than I was expecting. I wandered all over with Jessica while Billy was busy with his meetings."

"What kinds of things did the two of you do when he was free?" Helen asked.

"Well," she said, looking at Billy. "After he was finished with business, we decided to go to New York City instead of staying there."

"You did?" Helen said, glancing at Jonathon. He was equally surprised. "It was that close?"

"It was another day by train," Billy said. "One of my old army buddies lives there, and we always joked that if we made it home, we'd be sure to visit each other. Since Kitty and I were already most of the way there, I thought we should go ahead."

"We got to take Jessica to the places we went when we got married," Kitty said. "Even though she was too little to understand, it was nice to share them with her. I'm sorry we missed Douglas's birthday party."

"It's alright," Helen said. "I know you two were busy enjoying your trip, and he loves the truck you brought him."

"We got it at F.A.O. Schwartz," Kitty said. "You wouldn't believe it, Helen.  A store on Fifth Avenue almost as big as our department store and all they sell are toys!"

"It must have been a sight to see! You would love that, wouldn't you, Douglas?"

"What?" Douglas said, looking up at his mother, and she laughed.

"He can't imagine such a store."

While Kitty continued to fill them in on their trip, Jonathon thought about how sending Billy to Pittsburgh seemed to have done a world of good for him. He was the most relaxed Jonathon had seen since he'd come home from the war. And he'd done well for the mine too. They'd already secured two new contracts and the word from the men who'd met with him was positive. Jonathon was certain there would be more orders coming.

Maybe he should send Billy on trips more often, perhaps a few times a year if the results were going to be so positive.

With the meal completed, the women took the children upstairs to get them ready for bed, and Billy followed Jonathon into the grand parlor.

"Can I get you a drink?" Jonathon asked on his way to the bar cabinet.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks."

Billy had lit the fire in the fireplace when Jonathon had the glasses ready, and they took their places in the two chairs near it.

"The army buddy we went to visit, he lives in the same neighborhood where he grew up," Billy said. "You'd think New York would be all high rises and grand buildings, but his neighborhood wasn't that different from the neighborhoods in our town."

"Huh, I wouldn't have expected that," Jonathon said, stretching his legs out.

"Yeah." Billy turned his attention to the flames and took a gulp from his glass. "My buddy, Vince, he's taking classes at a local college with money from the G.I. Bill," he said after a minute of silence.

"Good for him."

"I qualify to get money from the G.I. Bill," Billy said quietly.

Jonathon looked at his brother, but Billy kept his eyes on the fire. "You already have money," he said, perplexed he would bring it up. "You don't need a handout from the government."

Billy glared at him. "It's not a handout," he said, his words icy. "I earned that money fighting Nazis across Europe and watching my friends die."

"I didn't mean it like that," Jonathon said quickly. "I just don't know what you'd need the money for."

"I want to go to college."

Jonathon stared at him.  "Why? You already know everything you need to know to run the mine."

Billy set his glass on the table next to his chair and leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. Seeing the seriousness in his eyes, Jonathon's chest began to tighten.

"Johnny, you know how I feel about the mine. When I think about working there for the rest of my life..."

He shook his head, and the tightness in Jonathon's chest got worse. Something bad was coming.

"I don't want to die having worked there every day like Father did," Billy continued. "I want to do something different."

"I don't understand what you mean by different," Jonathon said, finding his voice as he became more alarmed. "Blackwell Iron and Mining is – it's what we do."

"I want to go to college in New York and after I'm done, I plan to find a job there."

Jonathon was on his feet before he'd realized he'd decided to stand. He paced in front of the fireplace, trying to make sense of what made no sense at all.

"I'm sorry, Johnny. I can't work at the mine anymore. It's killing me."

Jonathon threw his half full glass into the fireplace where it shattered against the bricks, and then he advanced on Billy who jumped up and backed away from him. "Do you think it's easy for me?" he roared. "After you joined the army like an idiot, I had to take care of everything for three years with no help from you! I waited all that time for you to come back and help me, and now you say you're leaving?"

"But you don't need me!" Billy pleaded. "You have good men, men you can trust to help you run it, but you're too damned stubborn to see it!"

"And let them steal the business away from me?"

Billy threw his hands in the air. "How could they do that? No one would dare cross you!"

"Is it because you don't want to live here?" Jonathon said, desperation replacing his anger. "Is it because Kitty wants her own house?"

"That has nothing to do with it."

"We can buy you a house in town! I'll even help pay for it. Kitty can live near her parents."

"You're not listening to me! That's not the reason!"

Jonathon turned away, his rage returning. Billy was refusing to see reason once again. Only this time he was going to ruin everything. "All through dinner, you must have thought I was a sap," he seethed. "Me thinking Kitty was talking about what a nice vacation you'd had, and the whole time you were scheming against me."

"That's not true! Kitty doesn't know anything about this."

Jonathon scoffed.

"I made the decision at the end of dinner, just before I came in here."

"I don't believe it."

Billy walked in front of him, forcing Jonathon to look at him. His eyes were filled with sadness. "Please listen to me, Johnny. I don't want to make things harder for you."

"Oh? What do you call this?"

"When I was in New York, something changed! It was busy and noisy, but it felt – like I belonged there, like I was home. I felt better than I've felt in a long time. I felt peace."

Jonathon wondered if he was referring to the nightmares.

"After dinner, when we were getting up from the table, I thought about how I'd have to go to work in the morning, and I realized I can't do it. Working at the mine is making me sick in the head."

"So that's it? You're going to walk away from the business our father and grandfather built from nothing? You're going to leave me to carry all the weight after you swore you'd come back and do your share?"

Tears formed in Billy's eyes. "I don't want to hurt you. I love you, Johnny, but I can't stay here."

"Then pack your bags and get out!" Jonathon shouted, pointing in the direction of the door. "Get out! Go now!"

"No!" Billy shouted, and wiped his eyes. "I won't leave until I make sure someone's taken over for me."

"Don't bother," Jonathon snarled, and turned his back on his brother.

"I know you're sore at me, and I deserve it," Billy said, his voice filled with sorrow. "But if I stayed, I'd be no use to you. I'm just a glorified bookkeeper. There's a dozen men who are loyal to you and would do much more for you than I can. They could be leaders in the company if you'd let them."

He waited, but Jonathon refused to reply.

He let out a few deep breaths, and then said, "I really am sorry about this, Johnny."

Jonathon remained still. He wanted to tell his brother that he wasn't interested in his useless platitudes and he should leave, but there was a giant lump in his throat making it impossible to speak.

He heard a deep sigh, and then Billy's footsteps receded as he left. When he'd gone up stairs, Jonathon went to the nearest couch, and collapsed, putting his head in his hands. After everything he'd done for Billy, this was a cruel betrayal. His own brother had stabbed him in the back.

"Johnny?" Helen said, but he didn't lift his head. She came close to him. "Are you alright?"

He shook his head.

She sat next to him and put her arms around him, pulling him to her.

"He's leaving," he said into her chest, choking on the words.

"I know," she said, hugging him tighter. "Kitty and I heard the fight."

"He's leaving," he repeated, unable to stop the tears that came.

She rocked him while rubbing his back. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I'm so sorry."

~~

Jonathon heard the library door open behind him.

"Johnny, it's time," Helen said.

"So?" he snapped, not moving.

He heard her close the door and she crossed the room. "You should come say good bye."

He refused to look up at her. "I'm not doing it. Let him leave."

She knelt in front of him. "He's your brother. Who knows when you'll see him again?"

He pressed his lips together so he wouldn't blurt out the rude things he was thinking.

"Don't let him leave like this, without saying anything."

He turned his head away.

"Please, Johnny," she begged, taking his hand. "I know in spite of everything, you love your brother. I don't want you to regret not saying good bye to him when it's too late."

She stood, and tugged on his hand. After a hesitation, he reluctantly allowed her to pull him up and lead him to the hallway.

Annie was hugging Kitty while behind them Billy was putting on his coat. He paused when he saw Jonathon, clearly surprised, before pulling it on the rest of the way and fastening his buttons.

Kitty and Jessica were already in their winter clothes, and when Annie let go of Kitty, she kissed the top of Jessica's head with tears in her eyes. Then she noticed Jonathon, and quickly wiped them away. "I should get back to work."

"I'll write," Kitty said, also teary eyed.

Annie attempted to smile. "I'll write too. Have a safe trip." She turned in the direction of the kitchen and hurried away, pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket.

Helen went to hug Kitty, and then picked up Douglas who was unusually silent, probably sensing the tension between all of them. "Say good bye to your Aunt Kitty and Uncle Billy, and Jessica," she said, attempting to sound cheerful.

"Bye," he said, and gave a little wave.

Kitty laughed through her tears. "I'm going to miss you," she said, caressing his cheek. "Good bye, Johnny," she said, her smile falling.

Billy approached him. "Johnny," he said soberly, sticking his hand out.

Jonathon looked at it a moment before deciding to take it.

"I'll let you know when we've arrived," Billy said, giving him a brief handshake.

As soon as he let go, Jonathon dropped his arm. A mixture of competing emotions roiling inside him, making it impossible for him to find any words to say.

Billy turned to Kitty with a grim expression. "We'd better go. We don't want to be late for the train."

He opened the front door, and the pain in Jonathon's chest increased. Billy really was going to abandon him. He went to the library and closed the door firmly behind him, unable to bear watching him leave.

****

Things were bound to come to a head for Jonathon and his brother.  Without any other resources to deal with his PTSD, Billy had to make a decision to save himself when he found something that would help him cope.  Unfortunately, it's caused a break in his relationship with Jonathon.  I hope you enjoyed this longer chapter and that it answered your questions about what happened between the brothers.  I'd love to hear what you think.

I really didn't intend for it to take so long to post this chapter, but I'll admit that the election in my country was a huge distraction and made it difficult for me to concentrate on writing.  However I was able to outline the rest of the the story.  We've got three chapters to go, and I still hope to get it finished by the end of the year. 

Thank you so much for your patience and support!  You have no idea how much I appreciate it and love all of you for sticking with me.

Until we meet again, happy reading.