July 1942

It was silent in the backseat of the Duesenberg, coming home from the mine. Jonathon kept his attention firmly on the passing trees, refusing to acknowledge Billy who was sitting next to him. Even though it had been nearly three weeks since Billy had made the rash decision to enlist, Jonathon was still barely speaking to him.

But then Billy had remained silent as well. He'd made a mess of so many of Jonathon's plans, and was either too thick to know, or didn't care. In any case, the brothers were at a stalemate. Billy stubbornly refused to apologize for his actions, and Jonathon refused to forgive him.

At the house, Helen was waiting for them in the foyer as usual. On the table where the telephone sat was the small cardboard box holding Billy's dinner. Billy had been spending his evenings at Kitty's house, usually not coming home until late at night.

Jonathon had balked at the waste of precious gas to drive him there now that it was being rationed. But Helen had spoken up on Billy's behalf, pleading that he and Kitty should be able to spend as much of the remaining time they had left with each other. Jonathon grudgingly agreed, and bit his tongue when she started packing him dinners so he wouldn't go hungry. He wasn't about to let Billy's stupid decision cause problems between him and Helen.

Billy reached for his dinner, but Helen stopped him by holding out a long white envelope. "This came for you." Even though he wasn't standing close to it, Jonathon recognized the insignia of the United States Army in the corner.

Billy stared at the envelope and then slowly reached to take it. "I guess this is it," he said quietly to himself. He examined the address, then turned it around so he could tear the flap. There was a tense silence while he opened the letter and read it. Then he looked up at Jonathon, his expression grave. "I have to be in Georgia on Monday."

"But today's Tuesday!" Helen cried. "That's not enough time for you to prepare."

"He belongs to the army now," Jonathon said, his eyes still on Billy. "They decide how much time is enough."

"Georgia is so far away," Helen said, her eyes reddening.

Billy let out a breath, his shoulders drooping as he folded the letter.

"I expect you'll have to leave Friday or Saturday," Jonathon said. "We'll look at the train schedules tomorrow."

"Okay," Billy said, his head down while he took his dinner box. "I better get going. Kitty will want to know."

"See you later, Billy," Helen said.

"Yeah, I'll see you."

When he was gone, Helen turned to Jonathon, studying him with sorrow in her eyes.

"It was going to happen eventually," he muttered, reaching for the rest of the mail next to the telephone. He headed into the grand parlor, intent on making himself a drink.

"Let me get it for you," Helen said behind him, and he went to the nearest couch instead. "I'll have Annie wash all of Billy's clothes tomorrow," she said, taking the top off the whiskey decanter. "He won't need to take much since the army will give him all new clothes, but I'll make sure everything is ready so he can choose what he wants."

She handed Jonathon his glass and sat beside him. "He's going to be gone a long time. The training takes months."

"I know," Jonathon said, and took a swallow so he wouldn't have to look at her.

"I just – I wanted you to be prepared."

He kept his eyes on the unopened letters in his hand, a mixture of emotions rolling through him.

"Johnny, you don't have that much time left with him," Helen said gently.

"What do you expect me to do?" he demanded, finally looking at her.

"Set aside your anger."

"I'm not going to pretend I approve of what he's done."

"Please don't let him leave with things still on bad terms between you."

"He's the one who created this mess. He shouldn't have enlisted," Jonathon said bitterly to his glass, and then took another drink.

"He cares a lot about what you think."

"I don't know how you can say that."

"What I mean is–" She sighed. "What he's about to face is going to be tough. If he knows he has your support, it would go a long way in helping him get through it." She reached up and smoothed back a lock of his hair that had fallen over his forehead. "It's too late for him to go back and change things. All we can do now is move forward. Billy loves you, and even if he won't admit it, your opinion means a lot to him. That's all I'm trying to say."

She continued to smooth his hair, and her soft touch soothed him.  He felt his anger at Billy ebbing away. "How did you get so smart?" he asked, leaning his head closer to her, and she smiled.

"You would have come to the same conclusion. I just didn't want it to be after he was gone."

"I still think he made a terrible decision, but – I'll talk to him."

"Good, I know it'll mean a lot to him."

She was still brushing her fingers lightly through his hair, her blue eyes on his. They seemed to be inviting him, and he moved a little closer. Her fingers stilled as she closed the last bit of distance between them and pressed her lips against his. He expected it to be the brief peck she usually gave him when they were in the house, but she surprised him by pressing her body against his as she deepened the kiss.

He tightened his embrace, and to his delight, she responded. Then he heard footsteps in the hallway, and reluctantly pulled away. Helen straightened and smoothed her dress, her face flushing.

"Dinner is ready," Annie announced from the doorway.

"We'll be there in a minute," Jonathon said, and she ducked out of the room. He grinned at Helen. "Ready?"

"Yes," she said, barely able to meet his eyes as her cheeks became even more red.

Following behind her in the hallway, his heart soared. She was finding it harder and harder to resist him. Perhaps tonight would be the night she would finally invite him to stay the night with her. While he pulled Helen's chair out for her, he tried to damp down his excitement.

"I'll have to figure out what I'm going to wear to the train station," Helen said when she handed her plate to him. "A lot of my nicer dresses are too tight now."

"Oh, alright," he said, his good mood evaporating.

"In a few weeks, I probably won't be able to go into town anymore." She watched him as she said it, but he kept his attention on filling her plate and tried to keep his expression neutral. "I – I was hoping – I could have some money," she said haltingly when he handed her the plate back. "I'd like to buy fabric so I can make some maternity dresses."

"I can buy you dresses, Helen. You don't have to sew your clothes anymore," he said glumly.

"I know, but I don't mind making them myself. It'll give me something to do, and I was hoping to make some things for the baby too."

"If that's what you want," Jonathon said, picking up his knife and fork. "I'll have James cash a check and take you to the department store tomorrow." He took a bite of boiled potato and chewed, then he noticed Helen was looking at her plate of food instead of eating. "Aren't you hungry?"

When she lifted her head, her eyes were sad. "We haven't talked about the baby at all, and I–"

She looked like she was struggling to find the words to finish, and while he waited, Jonathon felt increasingly uncomfortable. It was true that they hadn't talked about the baby, but he didn't want to talk about it. In fact, he'd pushed it out of his mind completely. He just wanted to focus on his relationship with Helen, and thinking about how Walt Dwyer's baby was growing inside her made that next to impossible.

"Well, I was wondering," she said, her voice more shaky. "What are your plans – when it gets here?"

She looked afraid of what he was going to say, and it suddenly dawned on him what she was worried about. He took her hand and leaned closer to her. "I've found a very good doctor in the next county who will come here to do the delivery when the time comes. He'll bring a nurse to assist him so you'll have the very best care."

She blinked, seemingly surprised by the information. "But I–"

"Let me finish," he said, anticipating what she was going to say. "You don't need to worry they'll talk about it with anyone. My lawyers have drawn up papers and they've both signed them, swearing their silence."

"They already signed?"

"Yes, and I'll be paying them more than enough to make it worth their while.  They'll think twice about breaking the contract. After the birth, I'll have the lawyers get started on the adoption papers. I want everything to be made legal as soon as possible. I'm not going to take any chances by leaving an opening someone can take advantage of. There's no way I'll allow outsiders to seize control of my company!"

Her eyes widened as she pulled her hand out of his, and he realized he'd been practically shouting at her.

"I'm sorry. It's something I feel very strongly about," he said in a softer tone. "When Father died, the managers at the mine tried to take the business away from me."

"I didn't know."

"Uh, Billy doesn't know either. I would appreciate it if you don't say anything to him about it."

"I won't."

Jonathon picked up his fork and knife and sawed into his pork chop with quick motions. "Watching men I'd worked with my entire life turn on me taught me a valuable lesson. I can't trust anyone!" He speared a piece of meat and pointed his fork in the air to make his point. "I'll never leave the company or this family's assets vulnerable like that again. You can count on it!"

He popped the meat in his mouth and Helen slowly picked up her fork. She still seemed worried as she ate, but Jonathon wasn't concerned. Even though he'd made sure to cover every eventuality, he could see why she would have a hard time trusting that was the case.

She hadn't been married to him long enough to understand how much Blackwell power and wealth could buy. But then, as the daughter of a poor dirt farmer, she'd never had either. When she saw how everything would work out, she'd understand he'd been right, he decided confidently.

~~

That Friday afternoon, Helen was looking in the mirror near the front door while she pinned her hat in place.

"You look nice," Jonathon said. He knew she was concerned people might guess she was further along with child than she should be, and he wanted to reassure her.

She turned to him with a smile. "Thanks."

Billy appeared at the top of the stairs with his suitcase, and Jonathon checked his watch. They were running ahead of schedule, but Billy had wanted to get to the train station early since that would be the last time he'd be able to see Kitty before he left.

"Did you say good bye to Annie?" Helen asked him when he reached the landing.

"Yeah, I talked to her after dinner," he said in a subdued voice.

"I packed you some cookies and a sandwich in case you get hungry later," Helen said, handing him a square tin.

"Ready?" Jonathon asked him, and Billy gave a curt nod.

During the ride to the train station, the three of them were silent in the back seat. Jonathon didn't know what Billy was thinking as they drove past landmarks he wouldn't see for many months, but his own emotions were all over the place. He was still angry at his brother, but he was also worried.

Billy had never been away from home, or ever been far from their small town. How was he going to handle living in another state, far away and surrounded by strangers?

Helen had shared a few details of army training, probably things she'd learned from Walt, and Jonathon knew it was going to be harder than anything Billy had gone through before. He'd never thought of Billy as particularly strong. He just hoped his little brother had the stamina to get through everything the army was going to throw at him.

When James parked the car at the curb of the train station, Jonathon was surprised. The area outside the small brick building was crowded with families. Older parents milled about with boys around Billy's age, while older men, some already wearing uniforms stood with wives or sweethearts.

"There's Kitty," Billy said, and Jonathon spotted her in the crowd. When she noticed Billy getting out of the car, she ran to him and they hugged for a long minute.

When she greeted Jonathon and Helen, she tried to be cheerful, but her red eyes gave away the fact she'd been crying before they got there. She'd made an effort to look nice for Billy, wearing a smart dress and heels, her bright red lipstick making her look more grown up than Jonathon ever remembered.

"Would you like me to take the suitcase to a porter, sir," James said, appearing on Jonathon's right.

"I'll take it," Billy said, holding his hand out.

"You don't want to lug that around, let James take care of it," Jonathon said.

"Everyone else is carrying their own suitcase," Billy said, taking hold of it from James.

Helen looped her arm around Jonathon's, perhaps concerned he was going to get into an argument with Billy. Then they heard a train whistle in the distance, and conversations around them suddenly stopped.

Kitty hugged Billy, and watching them, Jonathon felt his heart clench. He didn't want to say good bye to his brother either. Helen moved closer to Jonathon, gripping his arm tighter, and he managed a grateful smile.

People began moving in the direction of the platform, and Jonathon's family moved with them. As the train pulled up, Jonathon saw it was more than half full with men already. The sounds of people saying their last goodbye's surrounded them as the doors of the train cars were opened, but no one moved to get on the train.

Perhaps sensing people didn't want to leave until the last possible moment, an elderly train conductor began walking among the families, saying, "Time to get aboard, son," over and over.

Kitty's face fell when he came close to them, and Billy hugged and kissed her. When they let go, he stepped towards Helen and kissed her cheek. "Take care of my brother, will ya?" he said with a wry smile.

"I will, and you take care of yourself, Billy."

He stuck his hand out to Jonathon. "Bye, Johnny." He was trying to appear brave, but Jonathon recognized the fear he was trying to hide. It immediately reminded him of the way Billy had looked at him the day their father died.

He gripped his brother's hand hard. "You show those southern boys what the Blackwell men are made of."

Billy grinned. "You know I will."

"Yes, I do," Jonathon said, shaking his hand. "See you later, little brother."

When he released Billy's hand, Billy kissed Kitty one last time, then they watched him climb the train steps and disappear into the car. Jonathon searched the windows for a glimpse of him, then Kitty cried out, "There he is!"

She ran to one of the windows while Billy lowered the glass and leaned out. They held hands while the train whistle shrieked, making it impossible for Jonathon to hear anything, but he saw Billy's mouth say, "I love you."

Then the train lurched forward and they had to let go. The air was filled with voices shouting "Bye!" and hands waving as the train pulled away. They continued to wave as it picked up speed, and then it disappeared as the tracks curved around a thick grove of fir trees.

Kitty turned towards them with tears streaming down her cheeks, and Helen went to hug her. The two of them began sobbing into each others shoulders, and Jonathon swallowed against the lump that had formed in his throat. Surrounding them, other women and girls were crying, and Jonathon saw more than a few men wipe their eyes with handkerchiefs.

When Helen and Kitty had recovered, Helen put her hands on Kitty's shoulders. "Are you okay?" she asked, and Kitty nodded while she wiped her eyes. "Do you need a ride home?"

"No, I came with friends," she said, scanning the platform for them. "They're over there."

"Alright, well, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Helen. Bye, Johnny," she said, giving him a small wave.

"Good bye, Kitty," he said.

After she was gone, Helen looked up at him. "How are you doing?"

He shrugged. "I'm fine." She studied him with concern, and he could tell she wasn't fooled by his lie. "Let's go home," he said, taking her arm.

After they were settled in the backseat, she leaned against him and he put his arms around her. It was comforting to hold her, but it didn't take away the aching in his heart.

James let them out near the front door and Helen held his hand as they climbed the front steps. Inside the foyer, she unpinned her hat while he took off his suit jacket and hung it in the closet.

"Annie said she'd wait till we got back in case we needed anything," Helen said. "I'm not hungry, and I don't suppose you..."

He shook his head. "No."

"I'll let her know she can go home then."

She went down the hallway, and Jonathon headed in the grand parlor where he sunk into the nearest chair. The house seemed quieter than normal.  He put his head in his hands and tried not to think. When he heard Helen's footsteps, he straightened.

"I think she stayed because she wanted to know how it went at the station," Helen said, sitting opposite him.

"Yeah," he said, running his fingers through his hair. The sadness in her eyes was making his heart hurt more, and he had to look away.

She got off her chair and knelt in front of him. "Talk to me," she said gently. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I don't–" he started, and then stopped. He was about to say he didn't want to talk, but even if he did, how could he find the words to describe everything he was feeling?

"Tell me," she said, caressing his cheek.

"He's gone," he said, his chest tightening. "He's the last member of my family, and now – I'm alone." His eyes were stinging, and he closed them, trying to keep the tears from coming.

"But you're not alone," Helen insisted quietly. "You have me, and I love you."

He blinked his eyes open. Had she really said that?

"I love you, Johnny Blackwell," she repeated, rising up so she could be closer to him. "And I'll always be with you. Always. You'll never be alone."

She leaned in and kissed him, her lips soft and gentle on his. She loved him, he thought with wonder.  She loved him.

Maybe because they'd lost Billy, or maybe because she'd admitted her feelings for him, there was an urgency in their kissing, and it was setting him on fire. He circled his arms around her and pulled her closer, but then she broke off the kiss.  She looked in his eyes, and he saw a certainty he hadn't seen before.

She stood and held her hand out. "Will you come with me?"

Hardly believing the moment had come, he got up and let her lead him out of the room. But instead of heading up the stairs, she surprised him by opening the front door. As she took him towards the path behind the garage, a profound disappointment overwhelmed him. Maybe he was mistaken, maybe she hadn't meant what he thought she meant.

Halfway down the path, he couldn't take the pain and stopped her. "Where are we going?"

"Uh, to the cabin," she said uncertainly. "I thought it would be better than – because of the house..." She looked in the direction they'd came from. "It feels different now that Billy's gone – like it's empty."

"Oh." He was startled she'd felt it too.

"I know you're sad about Billy, I am too.  I don't want that to be a part of – us."

He looped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "This is why I fought so hard to marry you," he said, sliding his fingers in her hair. "You always know what I need, even if I don't."

She melted against him, her eyes glistening. "John–"

She couldn't finish because he'd covered her mouth with his. Within seconds, her fingers were in his hair, and she was kissing him just as passionately as he was kissing her. He felt her warm body tight against his, but it wasn't enough. He had to have more.

He slid his lips to her ear. "Let's go," he whispered, and then he took her hand as they continued to the cabin.

****

I apologize in advance for the long author's note, but I feel like I owe you an explanation.

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and it was well worth the very long wait.  This was an especially difficult one to write, and I wrote and rewrote every bit of it numerous times because I wanted to make sure it delivered since it was so important.  You may have noticed that Helen admitted her feelings to Jonathon without having her questions about him and the baby answered.  Will this cause trouble for them in the future?  I would love to hear what you think about that and Billy's departure!

Thank you to everyone who shared your thoughts on the title!  It was a big relief to hear that so many of you loved it the way it was and didn't think I should change it.  Thanks to all of you who suggested new titles too!  There were some great suggestions, but in the end I think the arguments that the title fit the story won out.  As promised and chosen at random from those who liked the current title, the dedication of this chapter goes to erinseaton17  The next chapter will be dedicated to one of you who had taken the time to suggest a title.

I'm afraid that future updates of this story are going to be slow.  This has been the hardest story I've written so far, and that's because the journey that Jonathon takes has to make sense for where he ends up at the end.  It's extremely important that I get this right, not just because all of you deserve a great story, but because I owe it to Jonathon, Helen, Jess, and all the other characters. 

Even though the chapters may take weeks to post, please know that I'm thinking and actively working on it every day.  I will finish this story!  I'm excited about everything that's coming, and hopefully it will be as great as I see it in my head. 

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Katherine