Chapter Four

The Old Saryna

I was a better version of myself the next month. I started my August with kindness and generosity by buying Kuya Pancho's kids some school supplies and groceries for the whole month using only my allowance. Kaya naman sobrang spoiled rin ako sa driver ko ay dahil ganito ako bumawi sa kanya. He was once Ate Somerset's driver, but when my sister went abroad, ako na ang naging boss niya at siya na rin ang nakasama ko simula noon lalo na sa mga kagaguhan ko.

Kuya Pancho was there the first time I was bawling my eyes out while puking outside the club because of too much alcohol. He was there when I had my first date. He was with me when I said yes to my first boyfriend until the night I ended it. Kumbaga sa pamilya ko't mga close friends, si Kuya Pancho lang ang hindi ko kadugong talagang kilalang-kilala rin ako.

"Naku Saryna! Napakarami naman yata ng pinamili ninyo! Baka pagalitan kami ng daddy at mommy mo at baka maubos ang allowance mo." Si Ate Sita, Kuya Pancho's wife and once one of our old maid, too.

Matagal rin itong nagtrabaho sa amin pero simula nang magkaroon ng anak ay gusto na lang mag-focus sa mga ito.

"Don't worry about it, Ate Sita. Money is not a problem and besides, hindi basta mauubos ang pera ko sa grocery at school supplies lang. My parents will not even bother asking me about where my money goes."

"Alam ko naman iyon pero ang kaso ay nai-spoiled kami sa 'yo. Ayaw naman naming masanay at abusuhin ka."

"I don't think about it that way. Kuya Pancho is  a very loyal servant not only to me, but to my family as well and he deserves a gift from time to time. Tignan mo nga at sabi niya ay dahil sa akin kaya namumuti na ang buhok sa ulo niya."

"Huwag ka ngang magpapaniwala diyan! Talagang tumatanda na kaya ganyan at hindi dahil sa 'yo!"

Saktong dumating si Kuya Pancho dala ang meryendang ginawa niya kaya nakisalo na ito pati ang mga anak.

They have a decent home. Dalawa lang ang kanilang anak at simple lang ang kanilang bahay pero mukha namang masaya na sila at kuntento.

I am not innocent on how poor people live their lives because I am exposed with a lot of charity events that my mom loves to do. Noon pa man ay mahilig na si mommy na tumulong sa mga mahihirap at mga nangangailangan. In fact, the orphanage she built abroad has now expanded in three countries including the Philippines.

Bukod doon ay aktibo pa siya sa maraming bagay. She now has a bakery all accross the country and a certain percent of its profit goes to the poor people. Kaya mulat na mulat ako sa kahirapan kahit na ni minsan ay hindi ko na-experience ang buhay na iyon maski ang gumawa ng gawain sa sarili ko lang. I never even open a stove or touch a broom. And I don't think I ever will.

The Saryna who was calm and good continued until the end of the month. I have not been high or drunk. Sumasama pa rin ako at dumadalo sa mga kasiyahan pero alam ko na ang limit ko. I tried being so good that even myself was damn proud.

"What is it now?" Nakataas ang kilay kong tanong kay Damien habang nasa Starbucks kami.

I asked him to help me study and he agreed, but he remained silent the whole time. Wala siyang ginawa kung hindi ang titigan ako at panuorin. It was annoying.

"Nothing."

I stopped my eyes from rolling. Hinayaan ko na lang. I continued drinking my green tea latte while browsing my notes on my macbook. Akala ko ay matatapos rin ang pagiging weird niya katitingin sa akin pero hindi na ito nakapagpigil sa gustong sabihin.

"Are you sure you're not in trouble or something? You promised not to lie to me, right? Is everything okay?"

I almost spit my tea at that. Doon na natuloy ang pag-irap ko sa kanya.

"What do you mean by that? I am okay and I am definitely not in any kind of trouble! I haven't done anything wrong this month."

"And that's the problem. That is so not you."

I heave a sigh. Naiiling na nababaliwan sa kanya.

"Kapag marami akong kagaguhan bothered ka. Kapag matino ako, bothered ka pa rin. Saan ako lulugar?"

"I'm just asking, Saryna. It's weird."

"You are weird! Can't I just have a normal study date with you? Hindi ba ako pwedeng tumino just for once?"

He just stared at me. Pinag-aaralan niya ang ekspresyon at sasabihin ko pero sa huli ay nakumbinsi ko na rin.

"I kind of like this version of you. You're making me proud."

I chuckled and stepped on his white sneakers. Sandaling nangunot ang noo niya. Mukhang talagang masaya para sa akin dahil kung hindi ay alam kong maiinis na ito. He wants everything clean. May pagka-OC rin at gustong lahat ay maayos kaya alam kong puputok ang butsi niya kung hindi lang siya good mood.

"Stop. Baka ma-touch ako at umiyak."

It was then his turn to smile. Kinuha niya ang kape sa kanyang harapan at sumimsim doon pagkatapos ay muli nang tinitigan ang aming ginagawa.

Damien was a real dork. He was smart, but he was too timid and shy. Hindi gaya ko na balasubas at pasmado palagi ang bibig. My cousin was a total opposite of me. Kaya rin siguro kami ang magkasundo ay dahil magkaibang-magkaiba ang aming mga ugali. It was like putting a puzzle piece together. We were that solid.

The study date went well. Maagang natapos at nakapag-advance study pa ako para sa susunod na lectures and everyone was surprised to see me raise my hand and recite in class. Mukhang natakot pa ang mga professor na tawagin ako dahil never nila iyong ginawa.

My father was an alumni of Enderun International University. Silang dalawa ni Uncle Andrei na kakambal nito ay gaya ko ngayong sikat na sikat rin noon. They were the bad ass of this uni. They were well respected and feared by everyone and nobody even dared to cross the line with them—except of course, my mother.

Gaya ng mga ito, bilang dala ang apelyidong Rozovsky ay dala ko rin ang kung anong kaakibat na pribilehiyo ng isa sa pinakamalakas na angkan sa bansa. Though not everyone was afraid of me just like how students back then were afraid of the Rozovsky twin, takot pa rin ang mga ito sa ibang paraan dahil kahit na babae ako ay wala akong inuurungan. I am just as savage as my father and that was enough for people to know their place and to bow the fuck down.

"It's going to be the sickest party of the year, Saryna! Come on! Isang buwan ka na naming hindi nakakasama. Enough of this party diets already! It's so not you! Besides, elites from all other univ will be there, too!" Holly exclaimed one day when we met. Iyon ang isinalubong niya sa akin.

"Oh yeah?" I chewed my gum, bored about her proposal.

"Yes! You remember that hot basketball player from Ateneo? The one you're eyeing last time? He will be there along with his teammates so please come with us! Chance mo na 'to!"

I was not in the mood for a fucking party because honestly, I am quite enjoying my time being this whole new person, but hearing him say that Valeron Guidicelli will be there was my breaking point.

Kahit na hindi ako sumagot ay alam na nilang pupunta ako. And everyone was excited to know about that. Sinabi ko rin kay Damien at inimbitahan ko pero gaya ng dating gawi, ako lang ang napadpad doon.

Good thing my friends were there. Marami naman akong kaibigan and they all came from a prominent family, but there was no one I'd trust with my life except for my cousin. Kahit na close na close ko rin naman ang mga kaibigan ko ngayon sa college ay hindi ko pa rin itinuturing ang mga itong pamilya.

Life humbled me at a young age and it broke my trust of trusting people again so that never happened when I step foot in the university. I am fun and an outgoing person. I'm friends with a lot of people not only because of my personality, but most especially because of the name I'm bearing. And being a Rozovsky means a golden ticket to everyone. My name alone could get them loads of shit so I already expected people to flock and try to win the fucking lottery by just being with me, but I still trust none. Nada. They can please me the hell they want and I'm willing to give them their desires in return, but treating another person that I didn't share the same blood with like a family will never be an option.

Damien was fine with me going out but with two conditions. I will not get high and I will call him once I am done partying.

Almost six hours later, I broke all those rules and I woke up in a fucking hospital with my hand and lips busted. And there, I was once again back to the old troubled and black sheep Saryna.