Chapter Three

Love, Sex, And Karma

"Who is it?" Damien asked after a long deafening silence.

Nagkita kami kinabukasan sa kanilang bahay. I was bored and I need to lay low on parties and shit because I am getting addicted on joints and I don't want that. I know my father's history and his relationship with drugs and even though I am only using marijuana, hindi ko pa rin gustong maadik. Most especially, I don't want them to know I am using it. Mom will definitely be disappointed.

I glare at him after pulling my shades up. Wala ako sa mood na makipag-usap at gusto lang mag-sunbathing habang hinihintay ang meryendang niluluto ni Auntie Sofia pero sa boses niya ay mukhang hindi niya ako tatantanan hangga't hindi nakukuha ang gusto.

"Who what?"

"Sinong lalaki ang kasama mo kahapon?"

I chuckled sarcastically. "Kailan ka pa naging manghuhula? Or are you just testing me?"

"Stop playing around Saryna. I'm asking you a question."

Ibinaba ko ang aking salamin, nababaliwan na naman sa kanya.

"Wala. Isa pa, sinong may sabing lalaki ang kasama ko?"

"You're not gay and I know your preferences in life so I'm asking you one last time. Who put a hickey on your neck?"

That made me froze! Wala sa sariling natakpan ko ang aking leeg dahil sa kanyang sinabi.

"That piece of a dick..." tinanggal ko ang aking salamin at pagkatapos ay iniharap sa akin para tignan ang tinutukoy niya. I cursed again. "Tangina, may lahing suso ang gagong 'yon."

"Who is he?"

I heave a sigh and finally confessed to him. I told him everything I know about Aga which only took me less than a minute because aside from being a senator's son and him being a zero to me, wala na akong ideya sa buong pagkatao niya.

"Jeez Saryna. You had sex with a guy you knew for what? A day?"

"It's technically a whole week Damdam. Hindi ko lang nabasa ang dm niya ng maaga, but it was on my messages for a week so there's that."

"Even a week is too short for letting someone get into your pants."

"Oh please, I'm here to relax and not be scolded by you. Kotang-kota na ako kila ate Nia at Somerset, pati ba naman ikaw?"

"Because we care for you that's why we are doing this."

"Well, I don't need it. Alam ko na lahat 'yan at mapapagod lang kayo sa kauulit dahil kahit buhusan n'yo ako ng mga words of wisdom ay masyado nang bato ang utak ko. I'm not going to follow anyone just because it's the right thing to do or whatsoever. Kung anong gusto ko, 'yon ang masusunod. And you know that."

"Saryna, you know that's not the right thing to cope up with—"

"Stop it Damien. I know what I want and I don't need your opinion about it. Now give me break."

Napasandal siya ng wala sa oras sa lounger. That gave me two solid minutes of peace. Muli lang akong napapikit nang magsalita siya.

"At least don't forget to use a condom."

"I am doing it safely. I'm not bobo and you know I'm a good picker. Ngayon lang naman naulit. I'm just too stressed lately."

"I am not saying that you are stupid. I'm just concerned. Huwag mong masamain 'yon."

It was my turn to heave a sigh. Umupo ako sa lounger para inumin ang mango shake na dala ng maid. Nang mahimasmasan ako sa usapan ay agad akong lumipat sa tabi niya. Nagulat siya sa aking ginawa pero hindi naman ako itinaboy. He even offered his body when I stretched my arms so I could hug him properly. His warmth and the gentle taps of his hand on my back was enough to comfort all the devils me.

"Thank you, Damdam. I know you're just concerned and I appreciate that, but I am okay. Magsasabi naman ako kapag hindi ako okay, 'di ba? I already promised you that."

"I will always be concerned for you, Saryna. You are my cousin and you deserved so much more than this."

Natatawa akong napaalis sa kanyang bisig. Nangunot naman ang noo niya, bahagyang naiinis dahil alam niyang hindi ko siya siniseryoso.

"Are you going to talk about love, damdam? Because if yes then I want to prepare myself for the clownery." I said and then started internalizing for a laugh.

Naiiling niya akong itinulak palayo sa kanya dahilan para mawalan ako ng espasyo at wala nang magawa kung hindi ang bumalik na lang sa upuan ko. He got up to sit properly on his lounger while I continued nagging.

Uminom na rin siya sa kanyang shake at hinintay akong matapos sa pagsasalita.

"Love is just an illusion. Kung hindi man, balakid lang 'yon sa buhay. It will only ruin your life and definitely your mental health so please, respectfully, I want every cupid to cross my fucking name out."

"Be careful what you wish, Saryna. At huwag ka ring magsasalita ng tapos dahil bilog ang mundo."

Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kanya. Since when did my cousin believe in love? Yes he was a weird kid growing up and he was always shy and timid, but him talking about love? Something was definitely not right.

Imbes na makipagtalo pa ay hinayaan ko na lang. The topic itself was making me uncomfortable and nauseous, but even though we were not talking about it, love remained in my thoughts.

I was introduced to love at a very young age. And for me, it was just another excuse so two people could fuck. Para sa akin ay sakit lang 'yon sa ulo at restrictions lang to explore more about yourself and other people around you so it was a hard no for me now. Besides, bakit kailangan pa no'n eh kahit sino naman kaya kong kunin kahit na wala ang bagay na 'yon? And sex without a commitment was the best option for me. No strings attached. Malaya sa buhay. Walang alalahanin. Maraming choices. And that is what I want. Sinong tangang gusto pang pahirapan ang sarili dahil sa kagaguhan ng love na 'yan?

Love? Nah. Just fuck me good and we're cool.

"Are you going to sleep here tonight, Yna?" Auntie Sofia asked sweetly while we were at the dining table.

Kasama rin namin sa hapag ni Damien ang kanyang amang si Uncle Stanislav at ang mga kapatid. Si Daniel, ang sumunod sa kanya at ang kambal na si Davron at Marishka.

Sanay na sila sa akin kaya laging handa ang pwesto ko sa kanilang hapag kapag narito ako. Suki ako sa guest room pero hindi ko rin masyadong nagagamit dahil mas komportable ako sa kwarto ni Damien.

I shook my head before I proceed to answer her question. "I'm going home Auntie. Daddy wants me home tonight. May curfew, pero sinabi kong narito lang naman ako kaya pumayag."

The side of Uncle Stas' lips rose at that. "Your father is getting old fast because of you, Yna. Take it easy will you?"

"Dad, let her enjoy her youth. Mas malala pa nga kayo sa 'min noon, eh." Danny intejects, making me smiled at him.

"That's true. We were once wild, but everything comes with a consequence that's why we're here to guide you so we can all avoid conflicts in the future. Masyado pa kayong maraming kakaining bigas para matuto sa buhay kaya easyhan n'yo lang."

"You're getting old and sentimental, dad. Saryna is wise. She can take care of herself, right Yna?"

"Of course, Danny." Malambing kong sagot sa pinsan ko.

Tahimik lang si Damien. He probably thinks I'm a clown right now. Alam niyang kahit ano pang sabihin ng mga ito ay hindi talaga ako magtitino at ang usapan namin ni Danny ay purong kagaguhan lang.

Dumami pa ang mga pag-uusap. I thank God his parents didn't talk about the latest news about me and that stupid photo. Kung hindi ay baka doon na lang umikot ang usapan sa hapag. And I will hate that.

Damien drove me home. Niyayaya kong dumaan sa bar kahit ilang shot lang pero hindi ako pinagbigyan. Mabuti na lan rin dahil sa aking pag-uwi ay nakauwi na rin pala si Daddy.

"Dad..." mahigpit na yakap ang iginawad ko sa kanya. I kissed both of his cheeks after hugging him.

Binati naman niya at pinasalamatan si Damien sa paghatid sa akin bago ito nagpaalam pauwi.

Dahil wala akong pasok kinabukasan ay minabuti kong daluhan si daddy sa patio. He was busy with work, but he let me stay.

"Can I?" I asked, looking at the whiskey in front of him. Akala ko ay tatanggi pero tumango lang ito.

"Drink just enough for your mom to not kill us."

Natawa ako't walang sabi nang sinalinan ang kanyang baso. I took the glass in my mouth and chug it. Hindi na nabigla si daddy doon. Of all his four kids, I am the one who got most of his personality. Masakit rin sa ulo si Ate Soms pero nakikinig pa 'yon lalo na kay mommy kahit paano pero sa akin ay sumusuko sila.

Daddy was the wildest above them all kaya ngayon ay naiintindihan niya ako at hindi masisi. Ang lahat ng katigasan ng ulo nilang dalawa ni mommy ay ako ang nagmana. And that was something they couldn't control and they wouldn't even try.

"Umiinom rin naman si mommy ng alcohol."

"Yes but not the way you do it. Kahit na napupunta rin sa bar ang mommy mo, hindi naman 'yon mahilig um-attend ng mga party at mas lalo ang magwalwal."

"But you said she got so drunk once and you had to give her a ride."

Napangisi si daddy sa aking sinabi, tila hinila pabalik sa mga panahong hindi pa sila ni mommy at hinahabol pa lang siya nito.

I know everything about my parents. Kung saan sila nagsimula at kung paano napaamo ng isang Soraia Esquire La Casse ang nag-iisa't kinatatakutan ng lahat na Thelonious Auxerre Rozovsky. Their relationship was once just for convenience yet love found them both. Sa sobrang dami ng nangyari sa love story nila ay hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang natagpuan nila ulit ang isa't isa at ngayon ay mayroon nang ako.

Nagpatuloy si daddy sa pagkukwento sa nangyari ng gabing 'yon. Kahit na ilang beses ko nang narinig ay aliw na aliw naman ako. I love my parents and I'm glad they're still together. Masyado na silang matatag at sinubok ng buhay.

"What if I'm your karma, daddy?" I said out of nowhere.

"What do you mean by that, Saryna?"

Hindi ko napigilang magsalin ulit sa baso at uminom sa harapan niya. Everything that I did this week was just exhausting. And I know they're tired of it, too. Hindi lang sinasabi pero alam kong napapagod na rin talaga sila.

"Sabi nila kapag playboy ang tatay, maraming babae at gago noon ay ang mga anak daw na babae ang magiging bayad no'n. Ate Nia at Ate Somerset are now successful and they're both obedient. Kahit si Kuya Nio ay matino, but me? I'm the black sheep of this family."

"Saryna Esquire..." Daddy stopped me, making me swallowed the bile on my throat.

Inangat niya ang mga kamay dahilan para wala akong magawa kung hindi ang lumapit sa kanya at maupo sa kanyang hita. I hugged him tight and he did the same.

"You are my baby and I love you just as much as your siblings. Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat at kahit na tingin mo marami kang nagagawang kasalanan ay hinding-hindi kita kamumuhian. I will never look at you as my karma or the black sheep of our family because you are part of your mother. And I love and repect that woman so much so there's no way you're going to be a burden. You are all my luck. Our family is my greatest blessing so please don't ever think about that, alright?"

Pinilit kong ngumiti nang lumayo siya upang matitigan ako. I slowly nodded and smiled.

"I love you Yna and always remember that you are one of God's greatest blessing to me so I will forever be grateful for Him. Huwag mong iisipin ang bagay na 'yan dahil kahit ano pang gawin mo ay hinding-hindi 'yan magkakatotoo. I love every bit of you. You are my baby, remember?" He said in his calm and comforting voice while giving me a reassuring hug, taking all the burden in my heart and replacing it with just pure love. Napangiti na lang ako't napatango.

This is the kind of love that I only needed in this lifetime and nothing else.