Chapter Two

Dead And Gone

"Dating gawi kuya Pancho. I'll give you one thousand just don't wait for me here."

Napakamot sa ulo ang aking driver pero nang iabot ko na ang isang libo sa kanya ay nawala na rin ang pag-aalinlangan sa kanya.

"Saryna baka malaman na ng daddy mo at sisantehin na ako."

"Kuya Pancho, you know that's not going to happen, right? Akong bahala sa 'yo. Hindi ka nga hinanap man lang noong nakaraan, 'di ba? You're still safe, I promise you."

Muli siyang napakamot sa ulo kaya natawa na ako.

"Fine. Here's another one thousand. Parang kailangan mo na ng shampoo for the parasite in your head! You're scratching it like crazy lately! Gamutin mo na bago mo pa ako mahawaan!"

"Hindi naman dahil sa kuto ito Saryna! Naknang bata ka naman! Wala akong kuto! Dahil sa 'yo ito dahil nangungunsumi na ako."

Imbes na pahabain pa ang usapan ay tinapik ko na lang ang balikat niya.

"Just don't wait for me here. Go to the mall or something. Kung kulang pa 'yan tawagan mo na lang ako so I can GCash you some money. Marami akong pera."

"Bakit ba kasi hindi ako pwede rito maghintay sa 'yo?"

"I'm not going to my class at may lakad ako ngayon with a friend kaya mabo-bored ka rito kahihintay. And you know I hate making you wait kahit pa 'yan ang utos sa 'yo ni daddy. Just go somewhere else. Tatawag na lang ako kapag magpapasundo na ako."

"Saan ka ba? Baka pwedeng ihatid na kita para panatag naman ako."

"No thanks. My friend brought his sports car." Sabi ko sabay turo sa itim at kumikinang na sports car na papalapit sa aming direksiyon.

Bago pa siya makapagsalitang muli ay nakalabas na ako ng sasakyan. Mabilis ang mga hakbang ko para salabungin ang sasakyan. My smile widened when the glass rolled down.

Inside was a senator's son whom I just met last week. He message me through instagram. Natabunan kaya hindi ko kaagad nabasa. If I just read it the moment he slid into my dm's, baka hindi nangyari ang eskandalong dahilan para muntik na akong masakal ng mga ate ko.

"Get inside, baby." Aga said while smirking.

Nagmamadali naman akong umibis papasok doon. I gave him a kiss on the cheek when I got inside but he pulled me for a proper french kiss. Hinayaan kong laplapin niya ang mga labi ko. He wasn't a good kisser so I had to move mine just to let him know how to do it well. Napangisi ako nang mapaungol siya.

In all fairness, kung makikita lang ito ni Damien ay alam kong magiging tikom ang bibig nito ngayon. Aga fits all the criteria and aside from being good-looking and rich, he was tall and he smells so damn good, too, so it was definitely a ten over ten for me.

"Subic or in my house?"

"Is your house quiet?"

He nodded, now driving away from the university.

"Your house then."

"Alright." Mas lumawak ang ngiti niyang akala mo ay naka-jackpot ng pinakamalaking premyo sa lotto.

We had some casual conversation while we were on the way to his house, but I didn't expect it to be far. Papunta na kaming South ay hindi pa rin kami nakakarating. Hinayaan ko lang. I doubt that he'll kill me if he was that kind of guy, but if he was a killer or some sort of a psycho, Aga knows what will happen to him once he do me wrong. Apelyido ko pa lang ay sapat na para alagaan niya ako. And that was what he did.

He was talker so I made him shut up by letting him fuck me. Even so, I was still irritated because he was loud in bed. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko ay ang maingay kaya hindi na nagkaroon ng round two.

I lit a cigarette while he was on the shower. Banidoso ang lalaki at halos nakipag-unahan pa sa akin kaya hinayaan ko na lang. I just used wet wipes to clean myself. Ayaw ko namang sabayan siyang maligo dahil baka kung saan pa mapunta. Yes he was a ten, but his loudness in bed and his poor stamina made him a two. His dick was also an average so it wasn't worth it.

Ibinuga ko ang usok na nasa aking bibig pagkatapos ay prenteng naupo sa isang silyang naroon.

Mabuti na lang at maganda't tahimik nga ang lugar niya. Ang gago ay dinala ako sa Laguna. His home was just in front of a lake and it was peaceful. Iyon na lang ang pambawi niya dahil kung pagdating sa sex ay negative zero talaga siya sa akin.

I closed my eyes and let the cold breeze of air and silence hugged my body.

Ahhh, serenity... peace from within... and something money couldn't buy.

Sa buwan na ito ay hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang libong salita nang pagalit na ang narinig ko sa mga kapatid ko. I may not heard anything from my parents but the look on their face and their reaction of how I was living my life was enough to tell me how disappointed they are.

Gayunpaman, hindi ako magawang pagalitan dahil ayaw nilang mas magwala ako. I am their youngest child. Everyone's favorite. And whatever I want, I will have. Even if that wasn't fit to people's standard. Even if the way I live my life was making everybody raise their eyebrows, I don't fucking care. Sanay na akong masabihan na masyadong akong liberated at pakawala. That even if my family weren't religious and being like this was already expected, some people was still turned off of my lifestyle.

I lost my virginity at a young age and I wasn't proud of that, but that doesn't mean I am not worthy of respect only a virgin girl should have. Masyado nga siguro akong naging pakawala at iresponsable pero hindi ibig sabihing dapat mababa na ang tingin sa mga babaeng nagkamali gaya ko.

Every women should be treated equal regardless of their preferences and wrong choices in life. Kung gustong i-preserve ang pagkababae, then people should respect it. Kung hindi naman, then people should respect it too and bear no judgement.

I was just reckless and stupid back then, but that Saryna was already dead and gone. Ang Saryna ngayon ay wala nang pakialam sa mga sasabihin ng iba. Kung ang mga magulang ko ngang nagpapalamon sa akin ay mahal na mahal pa rin ako sa kabila ng mga nagawa ko, bakit naman ako magpapaapekto sa mga taong wala na ngang ambag sa buhay ko ay puro tsismis at paninira lang ang gusto?

Instead of pleasing them, I made them hate me more by just doing what I want to do with my life. Because at the end of the day, it should always be me who supposed to be pleased and not anyone else. Ako lang dapat. Ang kasiyahan ko lang dapat at ng mga mahal ko sa buhay ang mahalaga at wala nang iba. Fuck people. Fuck everyone who has a hobby of making others feel small and not worth it. Walang perpekto sa mundong ito at wala ni sino man ang dapat umastang walang kapintasan.

Some people will hate you anyway regardless of what you do so just do whatever the hell you want and let them waste their time watching you win while they rot being miserable.

Nababaliwan akong napangisi sa aking mga pinag-iisip. I continued puffing my cigarette until Aga came out of the bathroom.

He made me some coffee. Pagkatapos no'n ay inihatid niya na ako sa university bago pa bumaba ang araw. I had a nice time with the guy. He was romantic. He even gave me flowers and shit and his place was something I'd miss.

"Some other time?" Matamis ang ngiti niyang tanong sa akin matapos huminto sa parking lot ng university.

It was just time for my dismissal. Ngumiti ako pabalik at walang sabing dumukwang upang lapatan ng halik ang kanyang mga labing namumula pa rin dahil sa mga halik ko.

"Sure. It was fun. Thank you."

He held my hand and kisses it again. "No, thank you. I really enjoyed every second with you today, Saryna. It has been a while since I've been with someone who made sense the whole time."

"Stop making me blush. Baka hindi na ako makalabas ng sasakyan mo sa laki ng ulo ko."

He chuckled and then let go of my hand. Kinuha niya ang bulaklak at muling ibinigay sa akin. I thanked him again before getting out of his car.

He honked before finally leaving me. Kumaway pa ako pero agad na nalaglag ang mga ngiti matapos niyang mawala sa aking paningin. I then walked to a girl and handed him Aga's gifts.

"S-Saryna—"

"That's yours, now get out of the way."

Nagmamadali namang lumihis ang babae patabi sa aking daraanan, naiwan siyang tulala habang yakap ang mga ibinigay ko pero hindi ko na pinansin. It was rare for me to talk to a nobody. Bilang lang sa daliri na pumansin ako ng mga estudyanteng malayo sa level ko. I was always with the popular kids because I am the most famous girl in the university. Kaya naman ang mga napapansin ko ay talagang nai-starstruck sa akin.

I walked until I got to the parking lot. Nang matanaw ko na si Kuya Pancho matapos ko siyang i-text kanina na sunduin na ako ay muli akong nangiti. I can't wait to go home. I am tired and I just wanted to sleep.

Matapos sumakay sa kotse ay agad kong minasahe ang aking batok. Kuya Pancho remained silent. Alam na ang routine ko kapag ganito. Nobody talks to me if I wasn't talking.

I put my hand on my mouth when I yawned. Bago pa ako tuluyang makatulog sa biyahe pauwi ay inilabas ko na ang aking cell phone. I got to my instagram account just to block Aga.

It was a indeed a nice day, but I don't want to do it again.