Anxiously, I chew my bottom lip, sitting before the T.V whilst nervously eying my cell phone. It's been a few days now, and I've yet to hear anything from Jeonguk.

I'm worried.

So worried, in fact, that I can barely pay attention to my favorite K-drama as it plays, completely oblivious to my struggles and heavy heart.

What's going on that Jeonguk can't contact me?

Is his brother okay? Was there an accident? Is Jeonguk okay? I just can't seem to stop thinking about it, and I miss Jeonguk so terribly that I am nearly beyond myself. I've become so used to his constant presence, that his absence is magnified to the highest degree.

He hasn't been in school either, which only further worries me. Whatever it is that he's dealing with is obviously serious.

I wish he could have shared it with me, wish that I could have stood by his side and helped him through it.

Sighing, and nearly bursting at the seams with melancholy, I set my phone aside and reach mindlessly for the take out I'd ordered for dinner. I pick around a bit, chopsticks lifelessly falling limp within my fingers as I realize that I just don't have any appetite. 

"It looks so appealing too, " I sigh internally. "I wonder if Guk is eating properly..."

I've though about paying a visit to Jeonguk's house on multiple occasions, worried enough to disregard the fact that Jin doesn't like me, but Jeonguk really seemed to want me to wait patiently. If he'd wanted me to involve myself, he would have asked me to come with him.

I really want to respect his wishes.

Sighing once more, a habit that has increased tremendously as of late, I set both the food and the chopsticks down, and melt into my couch despondently. 

A thick aura of gloom has settled into my apartment, and for the first time since Jeonguk moved in, I truly feel how lonely my existence was before.

Briefly, I wonder if I should try to invite Lani over, but she's been ignoring and avoiding me since the day Jeonguk kicked her out of our apartment.

Our apartment...

And I am spinning in a downward spiral once more.

In the end, unable to focus on my beloved K-drama, I switch the T.V off, and curl up beneath my blanket. 

Starting at the ceiling listlessly, a thousand different thoughts and worries flit through my head. They come, and go, at such high speed each that I am left dizzy and unable to pay credence to all of them. 

I've got to stop thinking.

Since I've already basically blanked on the last twenty minutes of the episode I'm on, I grab the remote, and switch the television off. I'm not sure if I'll even be able to fall asleep, but I honestly don't feel like doing anything else either.

Despondently, I drag my weary self to my bedroom, and allow myself to flop back against the mattress. 

Sleep overcomes me far more easily than I thought possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time I wake up, the sun is already brightly filtering through my bedroom's curtains. I wince, head pounding. Obviously it's in protest over the amount of tears that I've shed lately.

And for a moment, I think more tears might come.

But they don't.

As I sit up to face the day, I realize that I must have cried myself all out of tears, because I just don't think I have any left.

I still feel incredibly sad, but I think that a part of me has already acknowledged that there is nothing for me to do but wait and trust in Jeonguk.

I know that I am just as special to him as he is to me.

"I just need to have faith in that, " I remind myself silently.

For the first time in days, I pad softly to the kitchen, hair sticking haphazardly in every direction and eyes groggy with sleep and tears. 

With a straight face, and a still aching heart, I search the fridge, ransacking it's meager contents for something edible. 

Belately, I realize that once more, I need to go shopping.

It'll feel so lonely without Jeonguk, I'd really gotten used to having him along.

And who will reach the top shelves for me anymore if he doesn't come back?

It seems that I'm not all out of tears after all.

They leak, small, and barely perceptible, from my reddened, puffy eyes.

"Even so, " I remind myself. "I've got to eat. Wouldn't do for Guk to come back to a corpse."

Smiling just a little, I recall how often he's told me that he enjoys what little extra padding I have. And he'd been quite enthusiastic about proving it to.

As I set about prepping my instant noodles, my thoughts settle upon pleasant memories. It's sweet and yet somehow, so very bitter.

Somehow, in this moment, it feels as if he'd never left. As if he's been here, with me, all along.

As I eagerly down the noodles, I let everything go. 

I choose to believe in him. In us. In what we have together, and the rarity of it. He's got his six brothers to look after him, so the best thing I can do for him is to remain calm, and patient.

"I can do this, " I convince myself. "I'm sure Guk is counting on me. And wherever he is, I'm sure he's thinking about me too."

By the time my noodles are gone, I feel immensely better. I'm reminded of Jeonguk, yet again, as I recall his claim that instant noodles are instant happiness.

"He was right, " I muse quietly.

Though my heart still aches, the knot in my chest has become far looser, and I finally feel as if I can breathe again.

I slip into a new shirt with relative ease, and shimmy enthusiastically into a new pair of leggings. And then, slipping into my shoes near the door, purse in hand, I step out.