Hello everyone.

I am pretty sure some of you might wonder ,  what happened to me,  and why I was gone.....

Well that's quite a long story but you deserve to know.
Unfortunately,  I felt quite bad.... About myself,  and my health was quite bad as well.

It may have seemed to some of you that I wasn't gone at all, but for other half of you,  you didn't see me for a while.

Well hi.

Eh.....I don't know what to say to be honest.....maybe I should start by explaining myself.

So first off, I was quite busy of course, although it's holidays now.

Second off, I felt like shit...I still feel that way, I kind of feel like someone is kicking down all the time, like I can't get up even if I try.

I know I am cold hearted and selfish and maybe even weak..... but I am realising it more and more. I over react a lot, and I feel like I don't have a place anywhere, and that everyone will hate me in the end.

I get so upset and slightly jealous when I see people in shows and books and outside my house, that have friendships that were long lasting, that some people met each other so long time ago, like my group of friends.

They met at the beginning and I came around 7 months ago,  I just met two of them a year ago.

I feel like all people I know , are friends with other people, which is normal, and they will probably stick around with them and I'll be just their side friend.

I feel like nothing.

Some people say, being someone's second choice sucks, and it does, not gonna lie.

Some people say, being friendzoned sucks, and I am not gonna lie, it does hurt too, but at least they don't kick you out of their life, they still want you in their life, no matter what they call you, girlfriend/boyfriend or best friend/ friend, they still want you, even if they friendzoned you, you are still important to them.

But the most thing that sucks is being no one's choice.

It hurts like hell,  knowing  that you will never be anyone's choice.

The other thing that kept me quite away from the world of online, (well mostly I stayed and read stuff) was, my health.

As some of you may know, in my family there is a sickness that runs through our blood.

One of the illnesses is panic attacks
Second one is Anemia.

I am unfortunately suffering from both. However, for how anemia is kicking my butt more, and the fact that I am weak and tired also comes from the fact that I don't go out often, especially when it's summer.

But I promise to improve that, I will go out more often, cause I can't stand doing nothing as well as feeling like shit.

Two days in a row I had a very bad headache, as well as I was throwing up a lot,  which was bad.

I am also doing training which involves a lot of cooking, and since I am very sensitive to heat and bad smells, it ends up being bad for me.

Well I hope you know now and you aren't worried as much.

Probably none of you will notice it, but it's worth a try.