𓆩𓆪

How the most mundane things about life boosted Nandini's spirits – like splurging on food or spending hours and hours talking to her favourite people – Manik had never thought he could relate to. Until that precise moment when while sitting with her – on a damp lawn with nothing more than a guitar and her joyous presence – life was beyond wonderful.

That... that was precisely the reason he was finding it incredibly difficult to put rationality before it, ascertain that it was time for him to leave her life forever and accept the reality of his life with open arms.

Something knocked Nandini from behind but the woman barely twitched a muscle, thoroughly cast in a dreamy spell uniting them. "Akka!! Oh, Akka!"

Manik blinked at the sound and looked beyond Nandini's shoulder to see some kids hysterically waving at them. "Please give us the ball!" Nandini touched a sore spot on her lower back where a tennis ball had knocked into her, unaware of the initial ache but its intensity now growing, and twisted an arm behind her as she patted the grass around for the ball.

A neon green ball appeared in Manik's frame of vision from behind Nandini and out of pure impulse, he bridged the gap between them, leaned into her, and grabbed the object. What he did not anticipate was for Nandini to turn at that very instant and for Manik's lips to land on the tip of her nose.

At the unexpectedly adorable gesture, Nandini's heart fluttered but before she could embrace it, the onlookers and the surroundings made themselves aware of the woman. It was beyond inappropriate to engage in such physical affection in a family-friendly setting, but Nandini had momentarily forgotten her stance as she hid her beautiful smile from their captive sight.   

Stunned in his spot, Manik reeled in the effect of such a meek intimate moment that blazed his skin as if it had erupted into flames. Despite those restraints, against his own fucking will while he opposed her from nabbing a place in his life, he was liberated in her presence, unlocking a side to him he never knew existed.

Why, why had he made the terrible mistake of swiping right on her?

"Ball please!"

He flung the ball back to the children who were too invested in their cricket game and gave little to no shit about the romantic couple that was lost in one another, and they resumed playing.

Nandini was unsure what to say next to return to their equation just before the cute segway, but the children and their steadfast attention-seeking behaviour stroked her curiosity. It was the action of posing a question that could repulse him, rather than her intention to learn more of him, yet she implored against better judgment, "How old is your niece?"

It sure felt like overstepping a boundary because Manik naturally was more closed off about his life and chose specifically what information to let out about himself, while Nandini stupidly regarded that she had been unhinged in divulging the details of her life.

All she knew about him was that his mother was recovering from an illness in Kochi, for which he needed to visit her the past few days, and otherwise, he was a chauffeur who had no qualms meeting her at noon on a weekday or spending a whole day by her side over a weekend. When exactly did he have his shifts in that case? Something about the secretive nature that had until then not bothered Nandini, more so because she had not given those behaviours much thought, inadvertently spun her gears.

Perhaps he was not thinking that long-term about them at all; to try to confirm the jarring suspicion that roused her heart and was pricking away mercilessly, she looked in his direction.

As if he was thinking about the girl, he had smiled and Nandini found it to be the most adorable sight – her apprehensions taking a backseat in his exuberance. Perhaps one day when they would have a child together, he would be just as doting of the baby. Her eyes widened at her dream that leaped over several milestones in their infantile relationship – one in which he possibly had a foot out the door.

Suddenly, the topic of his niece was gut-wrenching to explore.

"She's almost three, she'll be three in a couple of months." He said guardedly, having gone back and forth between keeping her at an arm's distance away from him and the trouble his name brought with it.

"Oh, so chotu sa!" Nandini adored unfiltered in expressing herself though her features gave none of that surprise away while she distracted herself from the inkling of an idea that he was not as interested in her. It frankly terrified her.

How could she so openly put forth her opinions without any reluctance, without second guessing how the information she revealed could be used against her in an inconvenient situation? Manik could not remember the last time he felt safe enough to do that, but his strength was fuelled by being that person for several other people.

Several other people with tons of money, the deadliest guns, and the most potent of drugs.

Despite those beliefs, a part of him was compelled to say, "Yeah. Her name's Adira, which means strength. Her mother had a particularly difficult birth."

Why had he confessed that, a fragment of his actual identity, if he didn't feel safe and protected by her? After all, had he not subconsciously thought of her as his guardian angel?

Nandini's eyebrows knit together at the bit of information that sparked a thought in her. "Her mother matlab your sister only na?" She wondered why he had not referred to her directly as his sister in that case.

But Manik said had. Did that mean the child lost her mother too, at the tender age of three? Nandini had been far luckier in that case, to at least have memories of her parents she could hold on to, and her eyes brimmed with tears for the little one that Aiyappa was punishing for no fault of her own. 

He jumped to his feet as he buried the details of a brutal past under a thick rug at the first discreet wipes of some tears. Nandini could not know or bear the brunt of empathising with it and even if she did, he was not sure he could afford to expose it.

"Hmm... chale?" Manik extended a hand to her, and she fit it perfectly as she rose with his help, feeling a pinch in her chest for more than one reason, but most of all, Manik's reluctance to talk about it further – cementing her belief that he indeed did not see a future for them the way she did.

Earlier in the afternoon on their drive to the dosa stall, she had misinterpreted their beautiful date to be an incredible bonding experience and naively messaged her family asking permission for a late night so she could spend more time with Manik. The reason she had come up with was Navya's parents were out of town and the girl was going to be alone for the day and night too. Chacha and Chachi, keeping in mind that Nandini was going to terribly miss her friends in the upcoming months, had thoughtfully suggested the three girls stay together – Navya, Nandini, and Soha – and keep each other company until dawn. 

But at that instant, the excuse she had made had proven to be a blessing in disguise. She could remain alone for the night to cry her pains away without worrying anyone from her family.

Affirming her plans, Nandini informed, "I'm going to Navya's house today." 

"Why's that?"

"Bas... aise hi," She responded, heedless to the suspicious tilt of a head beside her as they walked back to his car.

𓆩𓆪

A black Honda City entered the white tall gates as the night fell on them. Diagonally parking it in the visitor's bay of Navya's apartment which was empty for the weekend, Manik shifted the gears and switched off the engine. The gesture was effortless, and Nandini found it to be a turn-on but she would confess that to him some other night – a night when she wasn't upset with him.

"I will see you in 16 hours, Manik. Good night!" She smiled softly without meeting his eye as she pulled the handle of the car door.

His hand wrapped around her other wrist tightly, restricting her in her seat while the door flew open and shut with a soft clap by her side. "Ek second... what's going on?"

"Nothing,"

Manik could not stand their parting words – or stance – to be that of animosity of any kind. Though he was previously wary of her silence throughout the car ride, he had pinned it on the usual dip in her mood when they were on the verge of separating ways. Except he was not so sure that was the reason anymore, and replaying the moments prior... an instance where she had last seemed like herself was when they were talking about Adira. The one instance when he had shown her a figment of his reality, after which she had been low.  

"You've gone extremely quiet over the last half an hour and now you're leaving aise hi."

He noted her mindlessly picking at her fingernails, her hesitance in meeting his eyes further infuriating him. "Aur kya bolun Manik?"

Shaking his head in exasperation, he desperately uttered, "The most special thing about you has been snatched away and I..." His fingers softly stroked the base of her chin, tipping towards him and at the first glimpse, the ground slipped beneath his feet. "...can't seem to understand why."

She had the most enchanting pair of eyes that glimmered, "Most special?"

"Yeah, you have no idea how..." His face was centimetres away from hers. As if in a dazed dance, their heads tilted in sync, a breath apart. "...easily your..." Nandini's eyes scrolled shut in reluctant anticipation as she struggled to make up her mind between restraining herself from falling too hard for him in case he was not waiting on the other end to catch her, and letting her heart ascend its throne and order her as it pleased.

Manik eyed her tantalising lips and flickered to her eyelashes that were scrunched. They had kissed before, several times and at the end of several dates too, but this time it clearly felt like something more... Perhaps because this time, it was supposed to be a goodbye.

He gulped against them, holding back his impulse. He did not want to give in to the temptation of having her then, all while knowing it couldn't go anywhere further. "...voice puts me to sleep..." As he humorously did his part to bring joy back to her face, she gazed at him half in wonder and half in shock.

She would burst into tears in his presence if she waited a moment longer in his car, so she decided not to make a bigger fool out of herself. 

Just as she was about to open the passenger door, Manik hopelessly asked, "Will you be able to fall asleep?"

"You won't?" She asked, her stupid heart beyond afraid to hear his sharp answer.

"Only if I could stop thinking about you." He said in a dreamlike trance.

Just like the first date, the same beautiful butterflies danced in her stomach and the car interiors appeared to glow like her favourite fireflies descended to light the area.

Tears that had left her eyes out of unexplainable pain transformed into uncontrollable happiness as Nandini giggled and looked away, hiding them. What an idiot had she been to question what he felt for her when she intrinsically knew in the way he looked at her itself!

It really was not funny, he wanted to make that clear to her. Nandini noticed his phone vibrate once in the cup holder, but when she wanted to bring it to his attention, he was staring at her.

"I never thought I would... get so lucky," He meant every word of it.

"Are you saying that I'm your lucky charm?" She teased, her smile unfaltering as his held no amusement. He was gazing at her like she was his entire world, scanning her features in a deeply mesmerised manner. She gulped fearing her own heart that was thundering in her chest, and meant to resist the urge to initiate something intimate. Then, as if her mind betrayed her, she senselessly uttered in a breathtaking sigh, "Manik, kiss me,"

He brought his hands to caress her face, to feel those cheeks that he wouldn't ever be able to touch again. Why was he feeling so dreamy and drunk without a single sip of alcohol?

She gazed at him tenderly, the innocence in her eyes subconsciously channeling a carnal urge to make her his forever.

"Fuck it," He muttered under his breath and claimed her lips with a burning passion. The sensation of his mouth on hers stirred something in the pits of her stomach. She instinctively ran her fingers through his bushy streaky hair, tugging them. He used that moment to dip his tongue into her mouth, and their bodies slipped into sync and the car slowly felt claustrophobic for the two of them.

This is the end, make it last, Manik.

Her fingers wrapped around his neck, clinging to him for support as she felt a gush between her legs, and he urgently grabbed her waist, trying to desperately memorise her curves and register them in his memory for all the days and months to come.

She pulled him in, deepening the intense kiss, as if allowing him the permission to make that magical moment of a lifetime last forever.

Nandini's hands drifted sinuously from his neck along the contours of his chest. Manik grasped that hand as it passed below his shoulders between the kiss and directed it back to his neck with a jerk, pulling her body closer. The cup holders and armrest barricaded their proximity, Manik wanted more but the plot twist was so did Nandini.

He used his legs to pull the lever underneath and shift his seat back, and impatiently lifted her onto his lap, briefly breaking contact. She sucked in a breath, feeling him harden under her. The stop-gap was a cue for her to resist and stop him if she wanted, she didn't move. Heaving hard, he wove a hand in her hair, his hot breaths danced on her lips before he kissed her again, ravaging those parted lips that further enhanced her naivety with a gentle bite in between, causing her to moan.

The phone vibrated again, but neither of them realised. Or rather, cared.

She squirmed in his lap, almost hugging his neck now, her lungs collapsing inwards as she was losing control. One of his arms had fully come around her, securing her to himself, and restricting all oxygen between them. Feeling a gentle dab on his shoulders, he reluctantly separated from her, appalled at the way her lips had swollen under his merciless tortures as his hands fell on his thighs, around her frame.

She tucked some loose hair that separated from her braid in their passionate encounter behind her ear, flushed by the heat of the moment. Manik palmed his mouth, breathing heavily himself. How... how had he lost all sense of control like that?

He could not afford to be around her much longer. He needed to break up a line, and that too right now.

"It's getting late, you should go now," He muttered feeling the front of his shirt pocket and sighing. He was giving her mercy, controlling those impulsive animalistic urges to give her a chance, to back out then and there and spare herself from being entangled further in his lies.

He had tried all day to find the right opportunity but could not bring himself to confessing his identity, and who he really was. He saw how afraid she was of merely a shooting game on their first date, she wouldn't digest that his entire life revolved around that sort of danger. She would hate him that was for sure, but she would also lose all trust in herself, and dump him — coming to think of it, it would be the perfect end to their forbidden relationship, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Manik helped her up as she returned to her seat, while she licked her lips to relive the missing warmth. As soon as she left, he would snort the pills from his shirt pocket and then drive back as quickly as possible before any cops laid their eyes on him.

Nandini studied his flustered face, and the restless taps of his legs. "Do you want to come inside? Navya's family is away, and Navya is not home either, she's with Harshad," She was unable to comprehend what made her say that. Nandini had complete faith in him, but even that should not have made her behave in such a reckless manner with him.

How was she suggesting to spend the night with a man, that too before marriage? Those were not the virtues she was taught by her family.

Something changed in Manik's expressions. "Harshad? Who Harshad?" What the hell was Harshad still doing in Mangalore? He should have been back to business in Mumbai like the rest were, under Professor's command.

"Harshad is Navya's boyfriend. He stays here only, five streets away." Not realising that Manik was lost in thought somewhere, Nandini shrugged the matter off, reeling in the unspoken confession in which Manik had stated how much she meant to him and made a confession herself when she said, "Manik, I don't want this night to end."

Shrugging an ugly thought away, Manik cleared his throat. "Aise aur bhi raatein aayengi Nandini," He promised, knowing full well that he would not be able to live up to them.

"But I want to make this one a night to remember," She muttered, holding his hand securely and squeezing it as if pleading.

𓆩𓆪

The story is taking a darker turn and our boy is going about it in all the wrong ways... but it's going to blow up soon! To be fair, I'm a little nervous to post the next update!

Nearly 3k words in this one.

What do you think about Nandini trusting him, does it make sense that she is blindly believing him?

How do you think Manik's going to learn his lesson?