Alexander Gonzales

I shouldn't have been so close to her. I should've known better.

The drive home from the hospital feels like I'm trapped inside my own head. Mia's face flashing behind my eyes every time I blink.

That look of relief when she saw him...Austin. Her boyfriend. He's been there for her through everything, and I'm just...what? A fool who thought I could edge my way into her life? Be something more than her...friend?

I grip the steering wheel tighter. This whole trip, every stolen glance, every tense moment, I let myself believe something could happen.

It's bad, I know. I'm not supposed to want that with her. I'm supposed to stay away. It's what I've done for two years now. She's always been off limits. Even when she started looking at me differently. Even when the banter turned into something more. I should've kept my distance like I've always done.

But I didn't. I couldn't. And now I'm left with this mess of feelings I don't even know how to handle.

And the worst part? I have no right to feel this way. She has someone. She's happy with Austin.

He's the one she went running to, not me. He's the one holding her when she cries. I'm just standing in the sidelines, watching like a fucking idiot.

I pull into my driveway and sit there for a moment. It's quiet. Too quiet.
My phone buzzes.
For a second I hope it's Mia. But it's not. Of course it's not.

I need a drink.

I scroll through my contacts and call Chris. "Alex? It's late, man." He says sounding like he's just woken up.

"Meet me at the crows nest?" I ask, my voice rougher than usual. "I need to get out of my head." I add.

There's a pause, then a sigh. "Yeah, sure. Give me twenty."

I hang up and throw the car into reverse, backing out of my driveway and heading to the bar.

***

The crows nest Is a familiar escape. A dimly lit bar on the edge of the town. I push through the heavy wooden door. Christopher is already here, leaning against the counter, a beer in his hand.

"Man, you look like shit" he says as I slide onto the stool beside him. He flags down the bartender. "What's going on?" He asks.

I let out a long breath. "It's...complicated."

"It always is." He mutters taking a sip of his beers. "Here, drink up." He says placing a glass of whiskey in front of me.

I down half my drink in one gulp. The burn of the whiskey setting in my chest. I want to wash away everything.

***

After an hour I'm finally starting to relax. But I guess god thinks that's too much for me as I spot a familiar face.

Cassandra.

Of course.

My first mistake. The woman who thought me how painful it can be to trust someone that only ends up ripping your heart out.
She sees me almost immediately. Her eyes lightening up almost instantly. Almost as if she's been waiting for this moment. And for a second I feel that old familiar pull...that part of me that once thought she was everything. The part of me that once believed her, despite all the ways she betrayed me.

But that part of me is buried now. Or at least, I like to think it is.

Only time she wants to meet me is when she wants a good time and I give it to her, because it's easier that way. Trying to forget the betrayal.

"Alexander." She purrs, gliding over to me like she owns the place. "I didn't expect to see you here."

I force a smile, trying to keep it casual. "Cassandra." I nod.

She leans against the bar, her body way too close, the scent of her perfume wrapping around me. It's almost suffocating. She tilts her head, her eyes flicking over me.

"I've missed you. Why haven't you called it's been weeks." She says, her fingers trailing lightly over my arm.

Missed me? Right. The same way she missed me while she was screwing my friend behind my back. The same way she missed me the first time she cheated, then begged for forgiveness, only to do it again.

"I've been busy." I say, my voice flat. She laughs softly leaning in closer.

"Don't be like that. You know you want me. It's always a good time." She says.

Good times. Yeah, before she tore me apart. Before I realised I was chasing someone who would never be the person I needed her to be.

I move my arm making her hand drop. Creating some distance between us. "What do you want Cassandra?"

Her eyes darken, a playful smile tugging at her lips. She's always known what she wanted. Never heard a no in her life. Her father giving her whatever she's wanted. He's a powerful man, and when his daughter wants something, he's always given it to her.

"Maybe I want to catch up with an old friend. You know, relive some of those good memories." She says.

Her hand finds my chest and it takes everything in me to not yank it away. I catch her wrist, holding it in place.
"I'm not interested anymore."

Her eyes widen, surprised at the rejection. Told you, she hates it when being told no.
She's so used to getting her way, especially when it comes to me.

She pulls her hand back. "Oh, I get it." She says her vice sharp.
"You've moved on, haven't you? Found yourself a new girl?"

I don't say anything but the silence speaks volumes. And it only seems to piss her off more.

"You can't replace me, Alex. No woman can make this heart beat like I do." She says so sure of herself.

I look her straight in the eyes, trying to keep my voice calm, even though I'm so fucking mad at her. "I didn't replace you, Cassandra. You destroyed whatever we had." I say.

"So you have found someone? Some girl who's making you forget about me?" She steps closer, her voice dropping lower. "Tell me, is she better than me? Does she know what you like? Does she fuck you like..."

"Stop." I cut her off, my voice cold. "This isn't about anyone else. This is about me being done. I'm done being used like a toy." I say.

She just stands there. This was not how she thought this would go.
"You'll regret this. You'll never find anyone like me." She hisses.

I meet her gaze. "That's the point."

Her face twists in anger and without another word she storms out.

Chris, who's been watching it all, places a hand on my shoulder, patting it twice. "That looked...intense."

I shake my head, downing my drink. "Yeah. Something like that."

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