LEXI

It was like living out one of my reoccurring nightmares. Mark Stueben was sitting across the bar, raising his drink over at me like everything between us was good. That familiar sense of panic began to grip at me as I pulled my eyes away from him and stared down at the top of the bar, commanding myself to hold it together. This was not a nightmare; this was real.

I had changed a lot in the last two years but Mark Steuben was threatening to resurrect the girl I was before, the stupid, weak, mess that I was. I had made a mistake running away when I saw him the other night at the club. I had promised myself that I wouldn't allow him to have that kind of power over me ever again. But I wasn't prepared, and Will was there...

Turning my attention back to my drink, I continued to watch him out of the corner of my eye as he got the bartender's attention. I knew he was up to something. This was too good of an opportunity for Mark to pass up. A familiar uneasy feeling tore through me. I was a target for him back then, and it was plain to see that he still saw me as one now.

I should have gotten up and left. I should have just walked out of the bar. But I knew Mark. He'd follow me, and the last thing I wanted was to be stranded on an empty sidewalk alone with him! I could sit him out. Or maybe I could call someone to come and get me. I scrolled through my phone, kicking myself for not leaving with Mary and Ian when I had the chance.

My thoughts were swirling as I scrolled through my contacts. Both my sisters were out and there was no one else in town I knew of that wasn't friends with Mark as well. I stared down at my phone, seeing Will's name as it came up on the screen. My thumb hovered above it. If I called him and told him I needed him, he'd be here, despite how things were left between the two of us. I felt confident in that. I glanced over at Mark still talking to the bartender. Did I really want to drag Will into all this though? He'd have questions and I wouldn't be able to give him any answers.

I sat there debating for a while looking up only when a pink cocktail was placed down in front of me. I stared up at the bartender in confusion. "I didn't order this," I told her, pointing at the froufrou drink.

She smiled and tucked a strand of her long, blonde hair behind her ear and nodded. "I know. It's from the guy down at the end of the bar-"

I leaned back as if the drink was contaminated. Knowing Mark, it probably was. Forcefully I slid away from me and shook my head. "I don't want it."

She raised a pierced eyebrow at me and cocked her head to the side. "You sure? He seemed to think you would."

"Well, he was wrong. Can you take it back? Please." She shrugged her shoulders like it was no skin off her back and removed the drink. There was no way in hell I was drinking anything that Mark Steuben tried to give me. I may have been an idiot before, but not anymore.

"Aw, come on Lexi!" I heard him howl from the other end of the bar as the bartender told him that I refused the drink. I didn't look over at him though. I did my best not to engage him in any way. I didn't want to give Mark any reason to keep on antagonizing me, but I knew in my gut he wasn't going to stop. He never had before.

After the night of the party, I had exactly three run-ins with Mark Steuben. The first was about three weeks after the rape. I was walking home from the store and a car passed me on the empty road. It lolled to a stop a few yards ahead of me, simultaneously halting me in my tracks. I was still feeling vulnerable at that time and was scared of my own shadow. I hadn't developed my thick scars yet.

My eyes darted back over to the car, my heartbeat accelerating as I recognized it. It began to back up at full speed and I jumped to the right, dodging the tail end of the car as it just missed me. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins and I was shaking as I staggered back in disbelief. The windows in the car were rolled down and Mark and two of his friends were inside, leering out at me.

"Lexi baby! Where you been hiding?" he called from the driver's seat as if we were friends. I didn't answer him. I felt the walls going up inside me as if they instinctively knew to protect what was left.

"She hasn't been at school, that's for sure." The kid in the backseat piped up, laughing at me. I recognized him from my sixth period math class but had no idea who he was.

"I've been thinking about you Lexi," Mark's voice flitted out of the car and I physically cringed when he winked at me and licked his lips. I felt the bile rise in my throat, only imagining what he must be remembering and hating that I didn't.

He had no remorse. That much was obvious. He was acting like we shared a good time together and that I was willing participant. I wondered how warped his mind was that he actually saw things that way. How could he forget the fact was that he drugged me? Or the fact was that he and his friend, Ollie, raped me? Even if I had the courage to say something, no one would ever believe me.

Mark knew that.

I ducked my head down, folding my arms across my baggy, black t-shirt and continued to walk, praying to God that he wouldn't follow me. But God must not have been listening because the dark blue car idled beside me as Mark and his friends continued to taunt me the rest of the short walk home. At first they tried convincing me to get in the car with them by promising some beer and a good time. Then the kid in the backseat dangled a joint out the window like I was stupid enough to take the bait. It was insulting.

As I continued to tune them out, their cajoling catcalls turned into insults growing more degrading by the moment. "Come on Lexi, I know how you like it!" Mark cackled.

"We all know how she likes it!" The kid in the front seat laughed.

"The bitch is ignoring you," the guy in the back balked.

"Maybe she needs a reminder just how much she liked it."

My fear grew and I quickened my steps but the car kept time with me, trailing behind me and following me down the all but empty street. I prayed they wouldn't stop. I knew I'd been done for if they did. I broke out in relief when I spotted the hedges in front of my house. I knew they wouldn't follow me inside. I could make it. I'd be safe.

"Come on Lexi," Mark shouted. "If you ask real nice I'll let you suck my dick again."

I almost vomited all over the sidewalk but knew I didn't have the time. I turned the corner into my gate, smacking right into Will on the other side as he was leaving. I stumbled back, horrified. All I could see was Will before me and all I felt was Mark and his friends in their car behind me. I felt trapped and I didn't know what to do.

I could tell by the look on Will's face that he had heard what Mark had said. I knew what he was probably thinking. He was so far from the truth though.

I tore my eyes away from him, pushing by him, and rushing into the house. I charged up the stairs, two at a time, and burst into my room, locking the door behind me. Cranking up the volume on my stereo, I slunk to the floor and covered my eyes, shutting it all out. It wasn't until then that I finally was able to breathe.

The next time I saw Mark a similar thing had happened. I was getting takeout at a fast food restaurant and he came in. I didn't know he was behind me until I heard his familiar cackle. All the hairs on my body rose and every fiber inside me went on high alert. I debated leaving, but was too scared to move. I stood there, frozen, staring straight ahead, hoping he wouldn't notice me.

But he did.

And as soon as that happened, he and the group he was with started making comments. It was all the more humiliating because this time I wasn't alone on an empty street. This time I was in a crowded restaurant and the people in line around us were listening to every disgusting word. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

He left me with no choice. I had to get out of there. Ducking my head down, I slipped out of line, ignoring their snarky taunts while quickly bolting from the store. If Mark's plan was to ruin me, he was succeeding.

The last time I saw him was at the beginning of my senior year. I had already met Knox by then and had transformed once again. The baggy clothes were gone and I was losing myself in whatever I could get my hands on to forget about everything else. I never showed up to school anymore and was constantly in trouble at home.

Knox was back in town with his band and playing a few gigs at one of the local clubs. They were going back out on the road the next day and this was supposed to be my last night with him. Whenever Knox was around it was as if things were easier. I could pretend to be someone else- the Lexi who didn't care, the Lexi who knew how to have fun, the Lexi who didn't have any regrets. It was all an act but one that I was committed to.

I first slept with Knox only three days after meeting him. He was the first person I'd slept with since Mark and I mostly did it to see if I still could. I don't remember much about that first time and that probably was thanks to the half a bottle of whiskey I downed just have the courage to go through with it, but I do remember forcing my eyes open through the whole thing though, because every time I shut them I'd picture Mark's faced and immediately tense up. So instead I focused on Knox and pretending to be the carefree wild child that he thought I was.

The band's manager got me into the club that night and I hung out on the sidelines watching Knox as he jammed out on his guitar. His band was okay, I guess. They played mostly pop covers and that wasn't really my thing, but it didn't matter; I liked watching him up there. He looked good. When they took their first break he came over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his damp body against mine. He smelled like sweat and cigarettes.

"You came," he whispered just beneath my ear, but I could still barely hear him over the thumping hip hop song that was now blasting from the speakers and nodded my head.

Tony, the drummer in Knox's band came over and handed each of us a tequila shot. I threw it back with the rest of the band, now never one to say no to something that would help me relax a bit. Even if it was just an illusion.

Knox got me a beer and had a cigarette before he and the rest of the guys had to get back for their second set. I stayed right where he left me, with the beer in my hand, watching as the girls flocked towards him as he made his way to the stage. I didn't really have any complex feelings towards Knox so it didn't bother me, but I liked him. I thought he was good for me and that was enough for right then.

"My, my, my Lexi..."

I almost dropped the beer from my hand. This couldn't be happening.

Tensing up, I spun around on my heel, sucking in my breath when I saw Mark leaning up against the bar behind me. His dark eyes lazily trailed their way up my body, starting at my boots, lingering up my legs, and settling in on my overly exposed cleavage. I'd never felt dirtier.

"You certainly changed over the summer," he commented appreciatively.

I turned away from him, whipping my head back up to the stage, and trying my best not to let him get to me. I stared up at Knox, lost in his playing, and attempted to control the terror that was sinking into me. The air shifted and I could feel him slide up behind me. I went stiff, not moving a muscle, paralyzed by my own fear as his finger glided up the back of my bare thigh. Bile rose up in my throat and I burned with outrage as I tried to step away from him. But Mark dug his fingers into my flesh, holding me by my hips as I began to shake. I hated myself for that because there was no way that Mark didn't feel it and I despised him knowing how much power he had over me.

"Is that your guy up there?" he asked, bringing his lips low to my neck. I didn't answer him. "He's one lucky fella Lexi." He let go of one of my hips, brought his hand up and brushed some of my hair back. It revolted me.

"Does he know about you?" he asked, pushing himself closer to me. "Does he know you'll give it up to anyone?"

I was on the verge of breaking. I could feel the emotion tearing its way up inside of me and I couldn't let that happen here, not in front of Mark. Knox happened to glance down at me and his face drew up in confusion when he saw Mark with me. This wasn't going to be good.

"You should leave," I told him, my voice laden down with warning, but Mark just laughed it off.

"You think I'm worried about your skinny-ass rocker boy?" he snorted. "Even if he could take me, he wouldn't, not after he saw the photos."

My stomach dropped and the blood ran from my body. I slowly turned around, staring up at him in horrified disbelief. Mark stepped back from me and smirked with smug satisfaction. "You didn't think I was stupid enough not to document our evening together do you?"

He couldn't have.

My first thought was that he was lying. It's not that I didn't think Mark was sick enough to take pictures, I knew he was. I just couldn't imagine him sitting on them for this long. Why hadn't he posted them before?

"Don't believe me?" He dug his phone out of his pocket and tapped at the screen a few times before flipping it back around towards me.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, not recognizing myself in the girl in the photo at all. But there I was, passed out on the bed with my jean skirt tugged above my waist and my underwear exposed. I still had my top on, but it was hiked up right underneath my boobs as my hair covered half of my face.

It was humiliating. It was degrading. It was in Mark's hands. I stared up at him in horror, feeling the power he had over me tighten like a noose around my neck.

"Can you imagine what would happen if your boyfriend got a glimpse of this? Or maybe your dad even?" I tensed my body heavy with dread. "I wonder if they'd start believing all those rumors about you are actually true. Can you imagine that Lexi?"

"What do you want?" I grumbled, commanding my voice not to crack.

Mark smiled but it was full of malice. "What do I want?" His hand slid down the side of my hip and I had to force myself not to cringe. "I want another round."

My stomach turned. He was a pathetic excuse for a human being. After everything he'd already done, he was actually going to blackmail me into having sex with him again?

"24 hours Lexi," he warned me, stepping back into the crowd and holding his phone up and shaking it. "24 hours and this goes live."

I watched him disappear; my heart started speeding up as I imagined what else he'd managed to capture on his phone that night. It'd kill my father. I couldn't- There was no way-

"Who the hell was that?"

I hadn't noticed that the band had stopped playing. I hadn't noticed Knox come up behind me. My mind was scattered into a different billion places and none of them were good.

"He's no one," I mumbled, pulling my gaze from where Mark disappeared to.

Later that night, after two bottles of vodka split between the band, Knox started waxing philosophically about being out on the road with the guys and how I should come with them. I'm sure it was the alcohol talking. I'm positive he never expected me to say yes. But I did.

I went home that night and packed my bag. It seemed like the only solution. I didn't tell either Mary or my dad that I was leaving. I just left a note on the kitchen table and got out of there. It was the coward's way out, I knew that, but that's what I was. I was leaving home with my tail between my legs. My time in this town was up. Mark had made sure of that.

"Listen," I looked up at the bartender who's smiling apologetically and putting yet another drink down in front of me. "I'm sorry about this but he's being really insistent."

I glared up at her, over being polite. "I don't care. I don't want the drink."

She squirmed behind the bar, looking incredibly uncomfortable, but I don't care. My knuckles tightened around my phone and I fought the urge to get up. He'd follow me out; there was no question about it. I quickly peeked over at Mark, leaning on the bar with his eyes greedily boring down on me. Although he'd gotten thicker around the middle and his dark blonde hair was thinning in the front, he hadn't changed at all. He still exuded the same arrogant confidence that seemed to swallow mine whole. I sucked in my breath, ignoring the bartender and staring down at my phone. I knew there was only one way out of this. I knew I didn't have a choice.

My thumb hovered over his name again. Without giving myself a moment longer to debate it, I quickly shot off a text. Will would come. I knew he would. The problem was I didn't know what I was going to say when he got here.

Author's Note:

I hope you enjoyed the latest chapters. Pesonally I loved hearing Mary call Lexi out on her bullshit. It reminded me so much of my sister in that moment. I also loved seeing Erin follow her heart (or maybe in this case her libido) instead of her head. Everyone needs to let loose a little bit, especially Erin. We also got more of a look into what happened to Lexi after the rape and how and why she left town.

I love hearing your feedback so don't be shy about giving it. Please vote and comment!