(Kalila)

The last couple of weeks have been so relaxing.
I met up with Gwen a couple of times for lunch, but other than that, I just stayed at the beach house.

I read, go surfing, sleep, just whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it.

I talked to Gwen about being a mess over Zayn and Harry.
I also talked to her about Niall.

Niall had been texting me a lot and I loved talking to him, but I wasn't interested in anything besides friendship with him.

Almost kissing him that day didn't help. I didn't know how to stop misleading him.

"Say no more, I got it", Gwen told me and the next time I heard from Niall, he was as friendly as ever and I was relieved.

He and I now text at least five or six times a day. I'm very thankful for however Gwen handled talking to him.

Zayn and Harry have been leaving me alone.

I haven't heard from either one of them and was grateful for both of them keeping their word, but I miss Zayn.

And I can't stop the dreams I keep having about Harry.

In my dreams, Harry's hands and mouth are all over my body....kissing, sucking, licking, pulling, biting, squeezing, rubbing me all over.

There hasn't been one morning that I've woken up not feeling like I was ravaged by him all throughout the night.

A few mornings, I was woken up mid-orgasm and couldn't stop having them, with images of Harry's body on mine.

I was becoming obsessive.
Harry was on my mind constantly.

Of course it doesn't help that I haven't been touched by a guy in three years.

I started fooling around really early.
I never had sex, but I did everything else.

Then, I met Zayn when I was fourteen and all of that changed.

Zayn
My fiancé
Jesus

Last night, amidst my heated dreams of Harry, I dreamt that Zayn was standing on the left side of my bed and Harry was on the right.

They just stared at me, then in unison, they said:
What do you want, Kaly
What do you want, Lila

I woke up and felt sweaty and strange.
I looked around the room half expecting to see them there.

And I wished that I could answer that question.

Over these past weeks alone, I wanted things to be clearer to me about Zayn, but they were cloudier.

I don't know what's going on with me

It was Friday, somewhere around noon.
I pulled my board up the deck steps and set it down with the rest of my other ones.

I was feeling restless.
These kinds of moods make me feisty.
Like I have an itch that needs to be scratched and the only way I can scratch it is by running wild at night.

My phone was on the kitchen counter and I raised an eyebrow at it.
I picked it up and texted Gwen.

Me: Gettin crazy tonight?😳

Gwen: Naw-laying low😉
Long week, dude

Me: Please?? Come PLAY😩 It's been forever since I've had a 🍸and if you've had a long week, you should let off some steam!!😛

Gwen: 🐌

Me: 🐓

Gwen: 🐗

Me:👣

Gwen:♿️

Me: 🔫

Gwen: ⏰?

Me: YAAAAAYYYY!!!! THURS muh GURL👯

Gwen: LOL where?😄

Me: Anywhere we can 🍷💃

Gwen: 👊

Me: Pick u up @ 7p?

Gwen: 🚿👠👍

Me: 👏🎉

I smiled at the texts, but then I thought about tonight.
Both of us will be drinking.
We'll need a driver.

Zayn feels very strongly about how I get from place to place when I'm drinking.

I thought back to the night that I really pushed Zayn too far for the first time while we were living together.

I was only fourteen, but had been living my life like a girl in her twenties.

Zayn was still working and I felt that "itch" to get out.
To just lose myself in the night.

At the end of the night, I took a taxi home and stumbled into the house.

Zayn started to lecture me about being alone with a stranger at my age and in my condition.

But I was drunk.
And horney as hell.

He was trying to talk to me, but I wouldn't listen to a single thing that he was saying.

All I saw was a hot guy in front of me.
I kept trying to kiss him, get him to touch me.

Zayn kept pushing me off of him.
"Kaly? Kaly! You're going to bed. Now".
He said, but I could feel his hardness against me.
I kept trying to press my lips against his.

He all but threw me off of him and I screamed at him like a toddler having a tantrum.

I wanted to get off and I wanted it NOW.

I was used to getting what I wanted from boys.
But that was the difference.
I wasn't dealing with a boy.
Zayn was a grown man.

Zayn firmly held my wrists down at my sides as I kept trying to feel every part of him.

Even when he pinned me away from him, I still managed to move my body against him and, eventually, he got pissed.

"Stop fucking doing that, Kaly"
But I kept moving, slowly rubbing against him.

Then suddenly, he flipped me around and spanked me so hard that I screamed.

"OW!!!", I jerked away from him, rubbing my butt, "That...HURT, Zayn!!! What the fuck?!"

"Go to your room, Kalila. NOW", he yelled, pointing in the direction of where my room was.

"I can't fucking believe that you just spanked me, Zayn!!", I screamed at him at the top of my lungs and raised my hand to slap him.

Zayn caught my wrist, stopping me, then spun me around and pushed me into my room.
He shut the door behind me and held it closed.

"You can't fucking lock me in my room like a fucking prisoner!!", I drunkenly hit and kicked the door.

"Get in bed, Kalila", Zayn said, but I kept hitting it, kicking it, then I grabbed a lamp and threw it, breaking it against the door.

In a flash the door was swung open and Zayn looked at the smashed lamp on the floor.

He grabbed me once again by the wrist, tugged me with him over to my bed and he sat, then pulled me over his lap.

"N-NO, ZAYN!! NO!! Pl-PLEASE DON'T!!! I'M SORRY!!!", I screamed and he pulled me off of his lap and stood up, still gripping my wrist.

"Are you going to stop acting like a fucking five year old and get in bed?!", he yelled at me.

I frowned at him and nodded twice.

"I mean it, Kalila", he pointed his finger down, "I'm warning you. Bed. Now"

Zayn left my room, closed the door behind him and I ran over and locked it.

I then walked over to my nightstand, picked up a huge porcelain vase filled with flowers.

"FUCK YOU!!!!", I screamed.

I flung it as hard as I could at the door, smashing it into pieces.
The porcelain, water and red roses fell everywhere.

I heard loud footsteps come back toward my door and the locked handle shake.

A loud crack went through the room as the door splintered open and Zayn quickly walked toward me.

I screamed and tried to run out of the room, but he grabbed my arm and threw me on the bed.

Zayn sat down on it and I scrambled to try to get away, but he grabbed me and threw me over his lap.

"I warned you, Kalila!!", he yelled through clenched teeth as he held me down with one hand and flipped my skirt up with the other.

He smacked his hand down so hard on my butt that I gasped in shock.

He spanked me over and over and over, while I screamed. His hand stung, heating my ass, making it burn like fire.

"ARE YOU GOING TO GET IN BED?!", he yelled, spanking me.

"YEEEES!!!", I screamed, crying and out of breath.

"ARE YOU GOING TO EVER DO THAT AGAIN?!", he yelled again.

"NO!!!!!", I screamed louder.

Zayn pulled me up from his lap and I curled up into a ball on my bed, sobbing.

He sat there with his elbows on his thighs and sighed as one hand rubbed between his eyes.

I hugged my knees, sobbing.
"Please leave me alone", I whimpered and then covered my face with my hands.

Zayn reached over and gently put his hand on my back, but I flinched at his touch.

I felt him get off of the bed and walk out through the ruined door.

I woke up the next morning with a throbbing head, aching wrists and sore butt.

What the hell?
OW, fuck!
Oh
Oh yeah
FUCK

I walked through the house, finding Zayn in his office, as usual.

"Sit", he pointed to a chair.

I walked over and slowly sat down, wincing at the sting my butt felt when I did.

"Your behavior last night was entirely inappropriate"

I looked down at my skirt. I still wore my clothes from last night.

"I know you're used to doing things your way. Doing what you want, when you want, with who you want...", he continued.

"....but you are fourteen years old, Kalila. I'm twenty-nine. You're a child, I'm a grown man", he stood up, walked in front of his desk and leaned against it.

"You need rules. You need discipline, like every child needs. I spanked you last night because of the way you were behaving. You had to stop and words weren't stopping you".

A rush of anger washed over me at his words.
Flashes of last night went through my mind.

In an instant, I jumped out of my chair and yelled.
"You are not my father!! I don't have a father!", I looked up at him.

"Do you want to get spanked again?", Zayn frowned, tilted his head to the side and then raised his eyebrows.

"No!! You can't do this!!", I screamed and stomped my foot, feeling mad at myself for doing it because it made me look my age.

"I am your legal guardian, Kalila. I care about you. I care about how you turn out. I love you. I love you more than anything". Zayn put his hands on my shoulders, but I slapped them off.

"I was fine before I met you! I can take care of myself! I have been since I can remember!", I started to tear up, my chin beginning to tremble.

Zayn immediately pulled me into his arms.
"Kaly. A child isn't supposed to take care of themselves", he said as I started to cry, hugging him back.

"You have me now. I'm taking care of you", he held me at arms length now, looking me in the eyes, "You have to trust that I know what's best for you okay?"

I nodded as he pulled me into another hug and quietly shushed me as I kept crying.

"I know it's best for you to not ride around with strangers, alone, especially when you're drunk. I know you shouldn't be fooling around with boys, much less men, at your age", he hugged me harder.

"I also realize that you had to grow up fast. We can work together on everything. It is not just going to be me telling you what you can and can't do".

"Well what if I want to go out?", I sniffled.

"Come to me and tell me about it. I will always give you whatever it is you want, Kaly, but I'm going to make sure you're safe, as well".

"You didn't answer my question", I squinted my eyes up at Zayn and he laughed.

"I know you're going to do what you want, so let's make a deal", he held me at arms length, once again.

"You always, always...Kalila? Are you listening to me?", I nodded.

"You always tell me if you're going to be drinking....and I'll get you a driver. I choose who drives you around. No taxis, no public transportation. You come to me".

I blinked rapidly, coming out of the memory and looked at my phone.

Zayn did as he said he would and he always gave me everything I've ever wanted.
And that wasn't the last time I messed up and royally pissed him off. It certainly wasn't the last spanking I got.

Four full years of him chasing me around as I continued to do whatever I wanted. Bailing me out of jail, trying to keep me safe from everything that could harm me.

I owe him more than money.
He took care of me.
Still does.
I owe him the respect of doing what he asks of me, in return.

I looked at my phone.

Hi, Zayn. Thank you for giving me space these last couple of weeks. I really appreciate it. I hope you've been alright-having a break from me has to be nice 😇
I'm texting because I'm going out tonight with my friend Gwen and we're going to drink.
I know how you feel about that.
I need to leave around 6:45p

I bit my fingernail, looking at my text. A few seconds went by then I saw the dots that appear when someone is texting you back.

Someone will be there at 6:45p to drive you.
I am very very happy that you told me, Kaly.
It's good to hear from you, Love.
And I don't ever want a break from you. I love you. I miss you.
I'm not trying to pressure you into letting me come back by saying that. I just wanted you to know it.

A few minutes went by, but I couldn't think of what to say.
Then the dots came up again.

Have a good time tonight, sweetheart. Be safe.
I love you

My heart ached, looking at his words.

I love you too, Zayn

(Zayn)

I read her last text and inhaled deeply.

Thank you

Just seeing those words.
That she wrote those words.

I felt like I could breathe after feeling like I've been holding my breath for two weeks now.

Hopefully, she'll ask me to come back soon.

(Kalila)

I set my phone down, stretched and left the kitchen to get in the shower.

I probably shouldn't be going out tonight because I planned to take some photos in the morning, but I needed to.

I hadn't been doing any photographing lately, so I just now remembered that I left my favorite camera at Harry's house.

Harry
Harry Styles

I took in a deep breath as I felt myself getting turned on by the image of him in this shower with me right now.

Stop
Stop it

His long hair, wet.
His tattoos shiny from the water.
His fingers....

No
Stop

....feeling my wetness.

My hand slid down my stomach and I felt what just thinking about Harry did to my body.

Two minutes later, I was catching my breath from the orgasms I rode out against my own finger, imagining it was Harry's.