(Kalila)

The last thing I remembered were the black edges of Harry's swallow tattoos before I blacked out.

A lyre

The words echoed in my head. Then somewhere, far away, I heard a man's voice. It was muffled at first, but then became very clear.

I found myself sitting in a chair and looked down at my tiny feet.

"When I was your age, I loved to find constellations, the shapes that the stars make in the sky", Dr. Salem said to me, cheerfully.

I looked at him, comfortable with this man that I had seen many times. The man who helped me pick out my name.

"My favorite one is called Lyra, named after a musical instrument called the lyre", he stretched back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling.

When he shared things about himself with me, it always made me calm. The focus was off of me.

"Orpheus was this guy who could play the lyre so beautifully, that anyone and anything that heard his music fell in love with him", he said.

He could tell that I was interested, the way I tilted my head to the side a little.

"Even rocks and trees fell in love with him", he grinned and I smiled, amused by the thought.

"That's silly", I smirked.

"No! That's how beautiful his music was! Really!", he said, chuckling.

"He fell deeply in love with a woman named Eurydice. But one day, she got bit by a snake, died and went to the underworld", he said, then quickly added, "This is just a story"

"Where's the underworld?", I asked.

"It's a place....underneath earth where some people go after they die"

I could tell he was questioning telling me this story now, but I wanted to hear the rest.

"Then what happened?", I asked so he'd go on.

Dr. Salem looked relieved when I asked this, seeing that I wasn't scared. He leaned back in his chair. He folded his hands over his big belly.

"Well, Orpheus was so sad, he went to get her. He played his lyre and the rulers of the underworld said he could take her back....but, as long as he obeyed their rules. Eurydice would walk behind him and he couldn't look back at her until he reached the surface of the earth"

"Why?", I asked and he shrugged.
"That was just the rule they gave him", he answered with his eyebrows raised.

"Then Orpheus reached earth and turned to look at Eurydice, forgetting she had not reached the surface yet, since she was behind him. Instantly, she was taken back into the underworld"

"Did he go back again? To get her?", I asked as I bit on my finger. Dr. Salem looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite read. He looked...proud.

"There are quite a few different variations of the story from many different people", he explained.

"I'm sure one of them says that he did go back. I think he loved her so much that even though he probably knew he wasn't going to get her back, he never stopped trying", Dr. Salem looked at me with a pleasant smile.

"Why did you...", I found myself asking, "...why did you tell me that story?", I asked, feeling a slight bit of nervousness that I didn't understand.

Dr. Salem was quiet for a minute. His thoughtful light blue eyes looked at his hands.

"I've talked with a lot of children who are orphans, Kalila, just like you", he looked from his hands to me.

"Sometimes they tend to think that they're not as important as other children", he spoke, gently.

His words struck right through my heart.

I did think that. I felt like other kids, the kids who had their parents, were better than me. Their families wanted them. Mine didn't.

"Sometimes those kids begin to feel like, somehow, it's their fault", he said, speaking the thoughts I had had so many times.

I looked away from his eyes to keep from crying.
"But that is not true", he said to me with conviction on his eyes.

I was ten years old. I had no recollection of my past and have struggled with my long-term memory, even after I was brought in off the streets.

Except for the random memory that had no significance or information, like remembering a blue box or a black pair of shoes, I was like a newborn ten year old.

I couldn't remember anything for longer than a week. I was lost and alone. This was the first time someone seemed to understand something about me.

"I love that constellation", Dr. Salem said, breaking me away from my thoughts.

I watched him look toward the ceiling again.

"Kalila", he said with sincerity in his voice.
"As you grow older, if you ever feel of lesser worth than anyone, think of Orpheus. You deserve to be with people who would go to hell and back for you. That's the kind of love everyone deserves, no matter where they grow up. Please remember that as you grow"

It sounded like Dr. Salem has said this much more than once.

"Look up to the sky and find the constellation. Find Lyra and remind yourself this"

Dr. Salem continued to talk as I looked back down at my feet.

The room began to get blurry. When I looked up again, Dr. Salem was gone.

The room darkened, then gradually became black with light fuzzy lines everywhere.

Somewhere in my mind, I was aware that I was dreaming in a blackout, deep into my sub-conscience, but there was an odd excitement I felt.

I had completely forgotten that conversation with Dr. Salem.

I was remembering
I finally remembered something
Please don't wake up
Please remember more

Another place began to come into focus through the black.
It was another time. Years later.

I was in Justin's car.
We were kissing and his hands were all over my body.
I heard my voice moan.

"Justin....", I said into his ear as he rubbed in-between my legs.

Abruptly, a bright light shined in our eyes, breaking us apart. I realized they were another car's headlights shining at us.

My white top was completely unbuttoned and my skirt was on the floorboard. I flew to pull it back on and rapidly began buttoning up my shirt.

Suddenly, the driver's side door was yanked open and Justin was dragged out of the car.

"How old did she tell you she was?", Zayn harshly asked Justin.

"E-Eighteen", he answered, startled by the intrusion.
"Well, she's fourteen", Zayn spat and pushed him against the car.

"What? No. She's...she's...a...", I could hear the shock in Justin's reaction.
Zayn was used to my lies by now.

"Dude, I swear I didn't know", Justin held his hands up as I climbed out of the car. My clothes were on, but disheveled. Some of the buttons of my shirt were mismatched.

"Get the hell out of here and stay away from her", Zayn said and walked away from him, over to me.

Justin glanced at me, bewildered, then quickly got in his car and drove off. Zayn grabbed my arm and dragged me to his car.

"Fuck, Zayn!", I yelled when he shoved me onto the passenger seat. He strode over to the driver's side and slammed the door shut, once he was behind the wheel. He turned to face me, but I stared out of the windshield.

"I give you everything you want", he looked at me.

"No you don't!", I faced him.
"You don't give me freedom!"

"Here we go again, Kaly! How many times will it take?! You're fourteen years old, Kalila. You need to be looked after", he added.

I looked him in the eye and spoke very calmly.
"I've told you this before I came to live with you, Zayn. I don't need looking after. I don't do rules"

"Yes, you do", he said, flatly.

I sat glaring out of the window, now refusing to look at him.

"Look. I-I understand why you'd feel this way, but you've got to understand-"

"You've already told me all this! Like you said! I know this speech! Can we just go?", I yelled, interrupting him.

Zayn looked at me for a few seconds, then I heard him sigh. He put the car into drive and we rode home in silence.

Once home, I went straight into my room and slammed the door. These kinds of situations had become common.

Zayn had tried everything to get me to follow his rules. And his rules really were very lax for a fourteen year old.
But I did what I wanted.

He negotiated with me, tried to bribe me, he spanked me, compromise with me, he did everything a person could do, but I just kept fighting against him.

Zayn would get a call from my school that I was absent.
He'd find me and take me back.

I'd sneak out at night, hook up with boyfriends and Zayn would find me and bring me back.

I'd get arrested, he'd bail me out and take me home.

There were so many other things I did. Nothing stopped me. Even when I knew what I was doing was bad for me.
Maybe especially when it was bad for me.

Guilt started to set in as it always did when I thought about my life.
I sighed and walked over to the window.

I watched some cars drive by and the lights of the city. The streets were dark and, except for a few people, empty.

I imagined myself, ten years old and out there, alone. The thought gave me shivers and I suddenly felt cold.

I couldn't remember it, but the thought still chilled me to the bone.

I couldn't remember details, but my foster parents did make some rules, but they weren't obeyed.

I recall a feeling like they really didn't care. It was an unspoken understanding that as long as Child Services wasn't called, we could do what we wanted.

It wasn't an abusive situation. No one ever beat me or anything. They just didn't care. It was the way we lived.

Then that night happened.
The one clear memory I had.
The older son of the Reed's pulled me on his lap and started unbuttoning my jeans.

Within days, I was living at Zayn's house. I don't know how he got me out of there so fast, but he did it.

I looked around the room Zayn had made for me. It was gigantic and filled with beautiful furniture and my favorite things.

My eyes went to the vintage record player I wanted for my birthday. I turned fifteen in three days, but didn't want to wait. Zayn gave in, like he always did, and gave it to me last week.

What the hell is wrong with me
Why do I fight the one person who does so much for me
The one who never gives up on me

I got up and slowly walked through the house. I saw Zayn's office light on and walked over to it.

Peeking around the door frame, I stood with half my body behind the wall.

His elbow was on the chair armrest and he brushed his finger over his lips in thought.

Watching him, my guilt multiplied and I fidgeted on my feet. The dark wood creaked under my feet and Zayn looked up from his desk at me.

"Kalila? What are you doing?", he asked me and I came a little more into view.

I couldn't stop the tears that formed in my eyes and quietly sniffled. Zayn pushed his chair away from the desk and leaned forward in his chair.

"Kaly, baby, why are you crying?"

I ran over to him and curled up in his lap. He embraced me hard as I cried against his chest.

"I'm sorry", I sobbed, crying out the words.
"You've loved me more than anyone has and I keep running away from you", I cried, honestly and couldn't stop the rest of my thoughts.

"Why do you put up with it?", I pulled away from his chest and looked in his eyes.
"Why do you?"

My eyes closed as he hugged me against him again.
"Kaly, I love you. I'd do anything for you. I'd go to hell and back"

I sat up, pulling away from him a second time.
"What did you say?"

"I love you", he repeated, his eyebrows slightly pushed together in confusion.
"You know I love you, Kaly"

"No, the rest of it", I looked at his mouth to watch his words form.

"I said I'd do anything for you? I'd go to hell and back for you?", he smirked and narrowed his eyes, wondering why I looked so captivated.

"Orpheus", I said, out of nowhere. I didn't even know what the word meant.

"What?", he half chuckled out, looking at me like I was beginning to lose my mind.

"I don't know. It just came out", I told him, honestly.

"What does it mean?", he asked, amused.

"I have no idea", I blinked, looking to the side, wondering the same thing.

My forehead felt abruptly cold. Zayn's face seemed to get fuzzy and dark.
I felt like I was getting heavier and heavier.

"Lila?", I heard a deep distant voice.
"Lila, open your eyes"
The voice got closer and I felt my body resting on a soft surface.

My eyes opened and Harry's face was over mine.
"Theeeere she is", he smiled, but it was laced with worry.

A beautiful older woman appeared next to him and I remembered where we were.

My face heated with more embarrassment than I'd ever felt. I covered it with my hands.

I felt a cold damp cloth resting on my forehead and I pulled it off. I looked at it, then unfolded the towel and covered my face with it.
"Ooooooh my God", I said into the towel and my hands, over and over again.

"Hey, hey, hey", Harry tried to pull it off my face, but I pushed it harder against me. I was actually making it hard to breath because the towel was wet.

"Ah", I yanked it off, gasped in a deep breath and sat up with my eyes closed.

"Tea", Mrs. Espiritu held a mug out for me to take.
I smiled at her and took it.

"Oh, thank you. I don't know what...happened. I am so so sorry. I'm so embarrassed", I said, but she held her hand up and smiled.

"This tea cures embarrassment", she gave me a cute little smile that immediately relaxed me.

"Then can I have five more cups?", I sheepishly looked from her to the mug as she laughed.

The tea tasted sweet, but woodsy and floral. It was amazing.
"This is wonderful, thank you so much"

She smiled at me, but she looked like she was trying to hold herself back from something.

Harry looked at her and smiled.
"I know that smile", he watched her with a curious and excited expression.

He looked at me and explained.
"She sees something"