(Niall)

I parked in front of the house where the directions led me.

So this is Zayn Malik's house
Not surprising that it's massive

Lila's head rested on my thigh, still asleep.

Looking down at her, there was zero part of me that could stop the flip of my heart and I started feeling my jeans tightening against myself.

Fuck
Chill
Stop thinking about it

I decided to check in with work to get my mind off it and let Lila sleep as long as she wanted.

(Harry)

Tom sat with me, parked far down the street, watching Niall's truck just sitting in front of Zayn's house.

"This is the longest blow job in history", Tom said and I smacked his chest.

I glared at the back of Niall's head.

Then that uneasy feeling come over me again.
It wasn't Niall.
Niall was making me feel very protective of Lila....and jealous.

But something else was nagging at me and it was driving me crazy.

After about ten minutes we saw Lila's head come back into view and a few minutes later, her door opened.

She climbed down from the truck and hurried to the front door.

"Man, that dress", Tom said, then whistled.

I wished she wouldn't put herself on display like that.
Of course men are going to ogle her.

And now here's this guy.
Niall.
There's no doubt he has certain things on his mind about Lila.

Lila tried the door, but it was locked.
We watched as she walked over to one of the vases on the front patio, then reach in and take something out of it.

She went back to the door, unlocked it, then put, what was obviously a key, back in the vase.

Lila went inside and a few seconds later, came back out and got back in Niall's truck.

Tom and I followed Niall to the restaurant where her jeep was, then both she and Niall drove back to Zayn's house again.

"Alright man, if I don't get a beer or some kind of alcohol, my heads going to start killing me. I'm starting to get a hangover....", Tom rubbed his forehead.

"Go ahead, Mate. I'm going over there", I said, not taking my eyes off of the door that Lila and Niall just went through to go inside.

"What are you going to do?" He asked me as I pulled into his driveway and parked.

"Introduce myself to Niall Horan", I said, shutting my door and heading to Zayn's front door.

(Kalila)

I opened the front door and Niall followed me inside the house.

"Thanks for having me over", he said, looking around.

"Oh no, no, thank you, Niall", I said sincerely.
"You picked me up when I was stranded, got me dressed....kind of....", I laughed looking down at my transparent dress, "....fed me, drove me around, while I was asleep half the time. I know you've got better things to do on a Monday afternoon".

"No, it really was my pleasure, Lila. I'm having a great time with you", he smiled.

I smiled back, then looked down.

"I'm sorry. About earlier. About being so rude, disappearing and then trying to walk away from you when you've been nothing but kind and giving to me", I said, still looking down.

"I have....problems sometimes", I said to him, like it was a question because I didn't know how else to put it.

God it's embarrassing when someone actually sees how much of a Freak Show I can be

"Sometimes, I get anxious. I get an overwhelming need to get just....away. Away from where I am....".
I looked at him, hoping I was making sense.

He stayed silent, listening intently.

"I know that's got to sound so incredibly immature. Running away....", I took a deep breath because I didn't like talking about it.
"Sometimes I feel....closed in? Like things are closing in on me", I whispered, then suddenly stopped talking and looked at Niall.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry, I am being such a total freak. I met you last night and I'm talking to you about....Niall, I'm so sor-"

"Lila, no", he said with a low chuckle.
"You're not being a "freak", your being open. I'm glad that you feel-"

Niall was interrupted by really hard knocks on the front door.

"Excuse me", I said to him.
I walked over and opened the door to see Harry standing there with his arms crossed. He leaned against the door frame, looking down at me.

"I thought you said you needed some time to be alone", his voice was low as he looked behind me at Niall.

"I...I...", I said while Harry raised an eyebrow at me as I stuttered.

I heard Niall step closer to us.
He put his hand in between Harry and I, causing me to move away a little from Harry.

"Hi, I'm Ni-"
"Niall Horan", Harry finished for him. Harry shook his hand, but didn't take his eyes off of me.

"So you lied to me", Harry said to me.
"This morning you told me that you weren't going to meet him for lunch".

I shifted my weight from foot to foot and Niall noticed.

"Lila, are you okay?"

I took a step back.

(Harry)

Oh no
She has that same look on her face
She's doing what she did this morning right before she ran out onto the beach

My mood rapidly changed from a confrontational one to a worried one and my hands flew up as if I were keeping myself steady.

The last thing I want to do is chase her all over town again.
If I can't be with her, I at least want to know where she is.

God
That's just what Zayn was saying to her this morning

"Lila, both Niall and I are leaving. Right now. Stay here, stay at home, have your alone time, we're giving you the space you need", I rambled as if trying to coax a person from jumping off a building.

Niall looked at me, confused, but I just shook my head once in warning while I pulled him by the arm with me.

Lila stood still and looked like she was becoming grounded again.

I pulled Niall out of the house with me and quickly shut the door, letting out the breath I was holding.

"What the hell? Wh-", Niall began, but I was already walking away from him.

"Leave", I said without looking back at him.

(Kalila)

It's happening more and more
These panic attacks or whatever they are
What is wrong with me

I took slow deep breaths as I stood there. My heartbeat began to calm down.

I walked into the kitchen and got a bottle of water. I walked past Zayn's room and felt a sting of guilt seeing it empty.

I got to my room and was headed for the bathroom to take a bath, but saw a piece of paper lying on top of my pillows.

I recognized Zayn's neat handwriting.

Kalila,
I have been in agony over how I've been lately.
I'll never be able to say sorry enough.
I'm going to give you all the space that you need. I'll always always give you ANYTHING that you want. I love you more than anything.

Always,
Zayn

My eyes filled with tears, not because of what he wrote, but because I was the cause of all of this.

The man whose treated me like a queen, taken care of me, loved me no matter what is asking me for forgiveness over the things that I've caused.

The cheating, the fights, the worry, the anger.
Everything bad in our relationship.
It all came from me.

I sat on my bed and thought of something that I heard once that I'll never forget:

People put themselves in the kinds of relationships that they think that they deserve.

I don't believe that I'm worthy of unconditional love. I sabotage my relationships because I don't deserve them.