CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
late night crisis

FINNICK ODAIR STRUGGLED TO SLEEP THE NIGHT AFTER HE AND MAGS LOST KAI. The day seemed to play over and over in his head, constantly hanging over his head like a priceless bounty. Kai Vains was dead, becoming nothing more than a canon in the sky and a remark made by Caesar Flickerman. Most the victors had been remarkably silent as they watched the moments play out, heads hung low in shame and defeat as they listened to the chimes of the canons as District 5, 7, and 12 lost their final tributes, and District 4 lost their first tribute of the 67th Hunger Games. 

The moment where he held Mags as she cried relayed in his mind as Finnick contemplated the day at the late hour of the night. He laid in bed, hands folded in his lap as he aimlessly stared at the ceiling, trying to piece together his mind in that moment.

The aftermath of the day was still fresh, a sharp wound in his stomach which seemed to sting no matter how hard Finnick tried to help it. He had never realised it, but that kid had become something to him. The thought alone seemed odd to Finnick, as he sat upwards in bed, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought just for a moment. How had Kai, the kid he had never really spoken to, become so important to his being?

His mind refused to relax until he found the answer.

Perhaps it was just from seeing Eleanor be so affectionate. Eleanor had dedicated her entire soul to that kid, the moment she took his hand back in 4. Maybe that was why he cared so much. But, Finnick hated that. He hated how he never truly cared until Eleanor did. Sure, it was taking his fellow victors' advice when it came to mentoring, don't get attached, but how could Finnick be so emotionless to not care until another human did?

He hated who he had become because of the Capitol. Eleanor was right, he was just another piece on their chess board. Finnick had lost the most important part of himself to the Capitol, a part he would probably never get back.

His humanity.

How could he live so peacefully not caring for the loss of life? How had he become so numb, so desensitised, when confronted with death? Sure, he was recovering from his own games, but wouldn't being traumatised make him care more?

Odette cared so much. Why was she able to care and he wasn't? He had watched the girl cry, smile, and just try. While he simply watched, praying for only Eleanor and no one else. How could he be selfish as to hope for everyone else's deaths just so one person he cared for came back?

Sure, it was Eleanor, but he actively anticipated the deaths of 23 other kids.

He was no better than the Capitol.

Finnick sat up, hunched over slightly. His forehead creased as he confusedly thought. Why hadn't he broken down yet? Surely, he was on his way to an insane mental breakdown, but he hadn't snapped yet and that simply confused him. Why hadn't he snapped and become an alcoholic like Haymitch and Chaff? Why hadn't he turned to Morphling like the victors from 6? Like Varun?

There was only one simplistic answer: Finnick Odair was numb and there was nothing he could do about it. He was simply an item of the Capitol, a token of their impact, and he would never break away from that.

He hated it so much.

He shakily breathed out as he lazily stared up at the ceiling, leaning back once more. The realisation that he was stupidly numb was a sudden, yet expected realisation. How had he not recognised it sooner? It was then that Finnick Odair realised that there truly was something wrong with him. That was the only explanation he had. There was something dreadfully wrong with him because how on earth could he only care for something because the girl he-

The girl he cared for, cared.

Finnick chuckled lowly to himself. The girl he cared for, yeah, that's it. He cared for Eleanor, that's why he laid awake, just staring at the ceiling once more. That's why he wasted his hours wondering if she'd survive to see the next sunrise and sunset. That's why he rooted for others to die just so she had another sunrise.

No other reason.

Definitely no other reason.

Eleanor awoke rather unpleasantly to the sudden realisation that there was water dripping on her forehead. Her eyes had snapped open the moment she felt the droplets collect on her forehead, dripping delicately down her face until they finally splattered onto the floor. The somewhat pleasant salty smell enveloped her as she finally took in her surroundings, her body aching as she realised she had been sleeping on the cold cave floor this entire time.

Groggily, she leaned on her elbows, plopping herself up as she finally looked ahead. August was too busy to notice that Eleanor had even woken up,  shoving most their belongings into the rucksacks they managed to grab. Her eyes grew slightly heavy, a yawn escaping her mouth. August jumped, turning to finally meet Eleanor's piercing blue eyes.

"Hey." Eleanor practically whispered, holding back another yawn. The palm of her left hand moved to rub her eyes, her head lolling to the side lazily. Why was she so tired?

August jumped, turning to see Eleanor groggily leaning up on her elbows. "Hey. You sleep okay?"

Eleanor hummed tiredly, nodding her head as she rested her eyes momentarily. She took in yet another breath, finally opening them to see August's concerned frown. "What? Why do you look like I pissed in your cereal?"

"You legit slept most the night," August pointed out, her eyebrows furrowed together in contemplation. Her head tilted to the side. "Why are you still tired?"

"One of the many mysteries of the world, I guess." Eleanor sarcastically remarked, practically forcing her eyes open. August moved closer, her face practically inches away from Eleanor's. The veins on Eleanor's face were practically glowing, making the District 2 tribute frown. Her hand reached up and delicately wiped underneath Eleanor's nose, finally moving away to reveal the oozing black her thumb was covered in. "Would I be stupid if I said that maybe that-" Eleanor gestured to the blood. "- could be why I'm so exhausted?"

"Well, it is an obvious fact." August remarked back, cringing at the blood before wiping it on her bottoms. "So, yes, Pretty girl, you would be stupid." The District 2 girl breathed out heavily, cursing under her breath as more droplets of blood fell down Eleanor's nose. Eleanor's right hand pressed on her nose, holding it firmly there as she waited patiently for the blood to stop. It took a while, but it did, though her clear exhaustion hadn't stopped.

They had decided on a plan rather quickly after that. They needed to act fast, because if they stalled then whatever the poison was doing to Eleanor might end up killing her instead. Eleanor had quickly come to the conclusion that the anti-venom Finnick had sent her was not a complete cure, but a temporary fix so that she was not incapacitated for the rest of the games. It was uncomfortable to think about, but the gamemakers didn't want Eleanor to survive the poisoning so quickly. So instead of giving her the complete cure, she must have only been given the adequate amount to let her continue for a little longer.

It wouldn't be long until she was dead on the ground, a canon echoing as her final mark on the world.

But, that wouldn't be right now.

The echo of a canon frightened Eleanor as it banged, though they immediately knew who it belonged to the moment they came into a clearing. They had been walking through the forest when they came across the dead body belonging to District 3's male tribute. In his grip was a some leaves, which Eleanor recognised as Venenum Osculum. Eleanor's eyes caught onto the silver chain which hung from his neck, a singular ring hanging by his heart. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she recognised the ring.

His district partner had an identical ring.

"He killed himself, I think." Eleanor announced, careful not to touch the leaves in his grip. Her face relaxed, sympathy flooding over her face. His wide eyes bore into her soul as she moved to grab the bag that laid by his head, opening it and seeing stale bread. She pocketed it, scavenging in the bag for any other supplies. It seemed all he had was the bread, which must have come from his district, as well as some wire. She quickly revealed her thoughts. "I think him and his district partner were together."

"What?" August's eyebrows furrowed together, though an amused laugh echoed. "Really? What's telling you that?" Eleanor knew August was mocking her, because no one had told her that the two tributes were together. Nothing told her, apart from the obvious romance the two partners shared.

"They have matching rings." Eleanor pointed out, shrugging lightly. There was no need to elaborate on about the obviousness of their relationship, especially when the whole of Panem was watching. She stood off the ground, wiping the dirt off her knees.

The pair continued their way, not discussing anything really. August seemed more content looking around for any sign of animal life. She didn't really like the bread Eleanor had given her, complaining it was too dry and hard to actually eat. It seemed as though she could only focus on the ache in her stomach, wanting nothing more than to have an edible, meaty meal.

"Tell me about it, back in 2?" Eleanor had awkwardly asked, brushing vines away from her face as she continued walking ahead. She turned to face August, who seemed more focused on her feet. "You're family?"

"Mom worked in some factor," August mused back, shrugging absentmindedly. She huffed. "I don't care though."

"Dad?"

"Dead." She bluntly replied.

"Oh." Eleanor awkwardly replied, pursing her lips together as she went quiet. Her eyes widened slightly as she stared at the ground. A part of her wanted to ask how exactly he died but that wasn't exactly something you made conversational. "Sorry." She couldn't help grimacing even more as the pair went silent.

August shook her head. "I'm gonna see if there's any animals I can kill." Eleanor didn't say anything and so August just walked away, leaving Eleanor behind.

She knew she shouldn't have tried to start a conversation like that. Family must have been extremely personal to August, though Eleanor could never have known. Yet, she felt so guilty asking such details.

She kicked some rocks away, huffing lightly. From the corner of her eye, a shadow lurked behind her and Eleanor shrieked as she was knocked to the ground, thrashing wildly as someone straddled her.

She screamed out as the person placed their blade near her throat, her hands immediately reaching up to yank it away. She managed to pry it from their grasp, finally seeing who exactly had her pressed on the ground.

It was the girl from 11. Eleanor had never spoken to her once, but she knew her name. Moria Gris was not exactly someone Eleanor ever wanted to encounter in the games. Despite her short, probably stunted height, Moria Gris was an enigma during the past few days. She had managed to get a score of 9 in her individual assessment and, from the look of things, knew her way around a blade. The girl pressed down on Eleanor's torso with her waist, both her hands quickly moving up to Eleanor's neck and gripping on it.

Eleanor coughed as she tried fighting her off, her eyes practically bulging out of her skull as Moria squeezed tighter. She tried kicking her away, but it seemed as though there had been no point. For a moment, her mind practically forget she even had the knife. She gripped onto the handle tightly, wedging it into Moria's shoulder.

Moria shrieked, bringing a fist down to Eleanor's face. Eleanor coughed, wincing as she tore the knife from Moria's shoulder, bringing it down quickly to Moria's neck. The blade pierced itself practically through her flesh, the dark skinned girl's eyes widening as her knees wobbled.

Eleanor sat up, inching backwards as Moria coughed, blood dripping out of the hole in her throat as she fell onto the ground. She tried to scream, but her throat ached too much as her hand flew up to grip it. Eleanor flinched at the bang of the canon, August running from the clearing with wide eyes.

August stared at Moria's dead body on the floor, ignoring it as she grabbed onto Eleanor. "Fuck, Eleanor." August practically held onto her arm, heaving her up into a hug. The black haired girl exhaled sharply as she held Eleanor close. "I leave you alone for five minutes and you nearly get yourself killed? I thought you died."

Eleanor swallowed hard, wincing at the feeling in her throat. "My name..." She coughed at the pain, tears already streaming down her face.

August pulled away, the palms of her hands resting on Eleanor's cheeks as she stared at the girl. "What?"

"You-" Eleanor heaved in, then out. She caught her breathe, finally continuing. "You didn't-- call- me--" She coughed once again. "-Pretty girl."

August shook her head as she laughed, sniffling. "That's what you say?" She pulled Eleanor into a hug once more, her lips pressed softly onto her forehead. She levelled back to Eleanor, faces dangerously close. August leaned in slightly, "If there weren't cameras, there's so much I would do to you right now."

The aftermath of the day still played in Eleanor's mind like a non-stop film. There was a thin bruise on her neck, though Finnick had managed to send over a sponsor gift which helped alleviate the pain from her throat. Now, a simple thin handprint of purple ran across her neck, which was not tender to touch but was tender to think about.

The faces began. The first tribute to appear was the boy from 3. The reminder of the ring that hung from his neck was a bitter memory for Eleanor, even more horrible when she remembered that his district partner had the exact same ring on her ring finger. Her eyes fell on the ground in thought at that fact, sighing heavily. It was so easy to forget that these kids did have lives before the games. It felt as though they had been nothing before, but in reality, there was an entire story the whole of Panem would never know.

Eleanor just hoped that when he died, it wasn't painful.

Next, the tribute was followed by the face of the District 8 male. Eleanor had no clue who he was, not even recognising him at first. She could only hope that his death wasn't painful as well. His district partner, a small, meek looking girl followed him in the line up of dead tributes. She looked so small, so young. Her cheeks were still chubby, though everywhere else she was entirely emaciated. Her bones practically prodded out her uniform, though her cheeks were large as though she had stuffed them.

That's because she was small, she was young.

Eleanor could not help the tears falling down her cheeks when Moria's emaciated face shone in the sky. She shut her eyes, not even opening them when August brought her close to her own body.

"You did what you had to do," August whispered softly, her hand grabbing onto Eleanor's and rubbing soft circles in her scaled skin. "That was not your fault."

Eleanor shook her head. "No, It is my fault even If I had to do it."

"You do realise there's no way you could've gotten out of that without 11 dying?"

Eleanor shook her head. "Moria," it hurt saying her name. "Moria doesn't deserve to be dead though." She was firm in what she was saying. Moria didn't deserve to die. None of them did. Eleanor rested her chin on her knees, hugging them close to her chest. She let out a shaky breath, sniffling as she inhaled.

It was obvious that now, it was just Eleanor, August, Mitchell and Robb. Soon, it would be the three of them, then the two, and finally the victor.  Eleanor watched nervously from the tree that she was perched on as the anthem sounded. August was sat besides her, securing the rope that had snagged from Moria around each of their waists.

Eleanor sighed. It felt as though a weight was being pressed on her throat, slowly suffocating her. Not like how Moria did, but as though her entire chest was slowly collapsing on itself. "Don't come back for me next time." She coughed loudly at the pain in her throat, but Eleanor needed to continue. She needed to make sure August understood what she was saying. Before the black haired girl could intervene, Eleanor continued, "It's just us and them, now. From here on, what happens happens. If I die, you don't turn back for me. You fight until you can't anymore." She looked away from August for a moment, before finally looking her way. She shuffled closer to August. "I don't think I could ever hurt you."

August rested her head on Eleanor's shoulder. "Me too."

Before Eleanor could even reply, a twig snapped in the distance. She flinched, thankful a rope was secured tightly on her waist simply because she would've definitely fallen if it wasn't there. August's head perked up from her shoulder, head tilting forward to get a better look. Before Eleanor could even talk, she placed a finger over the girl's lips, quieting her.

Eleanor tilted forward as well, squinting to look down below them.

She turned her head and stared at August with wide and questioning eyes. Her eyes flickered back down to the floor, eyebrows knitting together as she finally made out two figures walking side by side.

It was Mitchell Braws and Robb Dawns.

kicking my legs back and forth giggling bc u guys have no clue what you're getting yourselves into

also i've written 5 chapters of act two and i'm curious on what things u would like explored. i have a fair few ideas but of course i'd love to here you all out

one thing i'm excited to show u guys is eleanor's interactions with snow

it's lowkey my favourite thing to write bc it's so interesting

but i'm posting this a day early bc tomorrow my a level mock exams start (pray for me) and i want next week to be total focus on my mocks. they end by next wednesday, but if there's no chapter by friday next week, please do not be alarmed.

over christmas break, i'll also be writing act 2 properly so i can start publishing it. i'm so excited for u guys fr

also thank you all so much for 90k??? u guys genuinely have me in tears bc ohmygod 90k???????? screaming, crying, throwing up over and over again fr

i love you all so much and i really hope you guys enjoy this book !! eleanor is my baby and i love seeing you all appreciate her and all my other characters <3333

thank you all <3