CHAPTER THIRTEEN
one last moment

IN EXHAUSTION, ELEANOR COLLAPSED ONTO THE BED AND PRACTICALLY BURIED HER HEAD IN THE DUCK FEATHERED PILLOWS. Her head pounded relentlessly, overpowered with some sort of headache that just would not go. She winced, heaving as she scrunched her eyes shut, before they finally snap open, staring up at the ceiling of the room. Call it stupid, but once more did she hope she'd wake up in her house back in 4, home and well with the comforting stench of salt instead of whatever filled the Capitol. She was dressed comfortably in a night dress that reminded her of the ones she had back at home, the light pink exactly as she had worn years prior. It made her feeling totally and utterly herself, like the little girl she had left back in District 4. Tonight was perhaps her last night alive and that was terrifying enough to think about. It was a swallowing pit in her stomach which began to consume her whole, poisoning her thoughts as she thought about it more and more.

She was probably going to die tomorrow.

She won't exist anymore.

The idea of death itself, the absence of life and a working heart beat did not scare Eleanor. She was no stranger to the presence of death, something which to some seemed like a tragic when in reality that was simply how life was. Eleanor had seen dead people before, when infections became overbearing, when blood became limited. She had seen the weeping, the sorrows that death caused and that scared her so much more. Death was no stranger to Eleanor Eves, but she certainly did not welcome it. She did not open her door happily, expecting his presence like an old friend.

Death was simply a tragic acquaintance that Eleanor wished to get rid of.

"Eleanor?" Eleanor jumped ever so slightly, immediately sitting up and seeing Finnick Odair stood at the doorway, dressed in navy pyjama bottoms and a long sleeved grey top. His blond hair was disheveled, just as it always was back home, and his face was relaxed. It was almost as though they were no longer in the Capitol and were just having a sleepover, like they should be. It was as though Finnick had once again scaled a tree and snuck into her bedroom, bringing sweets and random stories of all the random things he had ever encountered. She prodded herself up with her elbows, a small smile on her face though it was obvious just how exhausted she was.

Neither of them should be here... it wasn't right.

"Can't sleep?" His head tilted to the side with a small smile, practically analysing all of Eleanor's features.

Eleanor nodded, huffing slightly as she smiled. "Something like that." She patted the spot besides her, gesturing for him to come and sit right by her. When he did, she was immediately pulled into his chest, laying comfortably and simply listening to his heart beat. Every beat reminded her that he survived and was here with her, something Eleanor was grateful for. She was glad he was safe, from all of this. "What's got your pretty head all worried?"

Finnick gave a low chuckle, looking down ever so slightly at her relaxed frame. Their eyes met, just for a moment, before Finnick finally looked away. Eleanor's piercing eyes remained focused on the way his lips formulated words. It was one of the most beautiful things about him, but not as beautiful as his smile, or his eyes, or his sun kissed freckles that seemed to splatter his skin like imperfect paint splatters. Sometimes, looking at Finnick felt as though nothing else in the world mattered. It didn't matter what else was happening - whether the sun was collapsing or they were drowning - simply because Finnick sometimes just mattered more than that.

He always did. At least to Eleanor, Finnick Odair meant everything.

A soft exhale sounded from his reply, "Mostly you."

"Hm?" Their eyes once again met, but this time it was Eleanor who looked away. Her eyes drifted closed for a moment, her peachy lips curling upwards into a small smile as his heart continued singing her to sleep.

He sighed heavily. His voice carried the exhaustion of a man way too old to be a sixteen year old.  "I just... I wish this was a bad dream." He sniffled lightly, the melody of his once soothed heart being replaced by anxiety.

"Me too, Finn." Eleanor whispered back, exhaling heavily as she felt his hands wind up in her hair, braiding random strands as though they were rope. They stayed quiet for a moment, time passing by as the clock ticked. It felt as though a thousand years could go by but they'd be here, stuck forever in a loop of Finnick messing with Eleanor's hair. Yet, Eleanor didn't mind that. Her eyes drifted closed as his fingers continued with their intricate knots. "I just wanna be back home. I wanna be back on the beach. I wanna be with Ma again, with Annie."

"I know, I know, me too." Finnick whispered back and Eleanor swore he kissed her lightly on her forehead. It was light and soft, but Eleanor swore it happened. She swore it wasn't simply her mind making up things in order to make her feel happy. "You know, I'm glad I got hurt those years ago down the rock pool."

At the memory, Eleanor's eyes brightened up. "You could've died," Eleanor laughed and she looked up to see Finnick smiling so brightly that it reached his tear filled eyes. His cheeks were creased with just how truly he was smiling and every ounce of Eleanor filled with joy, consumed entirely by the warmth of realising that Finnick felt this way because of her. She reached a hand up and wiped away a tear with the tip of her thumb. She could feel her own eyes drown in tears, but could not care less. "But, you know, I'm glad you nearly died."

"Eleanor?"

She hummed, yawning loudly. It made him chuckle, watching as her sky shaded eyes fluttered closed and open repetitively. His focus drifted on every aspect of her face, freckles becoming more and more prominent as he etched constellations from them.

"You really mean a lot to me." Finnick whispered, swallowing hard to prevent the sob that threatened to spill out of his throat. The words alone made tears prick in the corner of her eyes and it took a lot for Eleanor to not sob in that moment. Neither of them knew but the other was trying their best to keep it together for the other, but in reality they couldn't.

A soft finger pressed onto Eleanor's cheek, almost ensuring she was not some illusion Finnick had conjured in his mind, She swallowed down the ache in her chest as she continued to listen.  "I don't say it a lot, but without you I don't think anything in my life would matter. If I didn't have you... well I might as well be dead."

Eleanor felt a tear finally slip down her cheek. Unheard confessions danced on the tip of her tongue, waiting to pool out when they never would. She felt the poison of her hidden words in her body and felt as though she would truly die.  I love you, I love you. I have loved you the moment you made my life seem meaningful. I would die without you in my life. "You mean the world to me too, Finnick."

Finnick went quiet and so did Eleanor. They enjoyed the comfort of their shared silence. They savoured it, since it would be their last.

"Finnick?" Eleanor gave a low yawn, her tear filled eyes already threatening to close on the spot. She felt Finnick shift ever so slightly, his warmth making everything feel more and more hazy as the seconds passed by.

"Yeah?" His fingers drew patterns on her skin.

Eleanor yawned. "Stay with me until I wake up?"

He paused for a moment, his patterns ending as his hand rested in hers. Finally, his fingers intertwined with her own and Finnick nodded. "Yeah." His voice cracked ever so slightly and Eleanor could already feel the heaviness of her eyes overwhelm her. "I'll stay."

"Promise?"

"Always."

I love you. I love you like the moon loves the sea. I love you like the way we need oxygen to survive. I love you more than I will ever love those waffles I ate just a few days ago. I love you more than late mornings, or sunrises and sunsets. I love you more than I love my own heartbeat.

His finger grazed her cheek delicately, drawing stars and constellations on her soft skin. He watched with a lazy gaze as she rested her gaze on him. She blinked once, twice, then a third time. Every time, Eleanor indulged in the sight of the boy in front of her. How beautifully peaceful he looked in this moment, no longer playing a game of pretend and instead being the Finnick she knew so well.

Finally her eyes shut.

The next moment, she was awake and alone in bed, the side of her bed was cold and Finnick Odair missing.

IM SO SORRY FOR THE FACT OF UPDATES - I STARTED COLLEGE AGAIN LAST WEEK, HAD COURSEWORK DUE AND EVERYTHING.

this is officially the last pre-arena eleanor chapter. aka no more finnanor until act two because im tormenting you all

im so scared

(she says as though she doesn't know what has happened)