CHAPTER THREE
selflessly selfish nel

ELEANOR DID NOT WANT FINNICK ODAIR TO WORRY ABOUT HER. It wasn't his job to worry about silly little situations that she knew he would try and concern himself with. He had so much to worry about anyways, being one of the mentors for this year's hunger games. Finnick had tried opting out, even Cas offering to mentor, but apparently Snow was eager for the teenager to be involved in the mentoring process for however long he needed. Eleanor tossed off her cardigan, hanging it up on the coat hanger. 

"Ma, I'm back!" She called in the moment she closed the door. Their home was the upstairs of St Magdalene Rossetti, the doctor's belonging to the Eves family for quite some time. It almost served as some smaller apartment to the family, two rooms, a living room, and a bathroom being all the family had. She called out once more to her Ma.

Sue Eves did not reply. Eleanor hoped she was alright and not busy down The Quay again. Sue had the frequent habit of helping the men down the Quay with any injuries they may receive. Eleanor always worried she'd overwork herself, especially because of her fragile state. "Ma?"

No reply. Typical.

Eleanor huffed ever so slightly, moving her hair behind her ears as she paced ever so slightly. She paused, listening until she finally heard the sound of someone spewing their guts out. She made her way to the bathroom, the sound becoming more prominent and pronounced.

Morphling withdrawal, that's what her mother was going through.

It happened not long after Eleanor met Finnick actually. Her mother had got into a small accident and required morphling to numb the pain. Eleanor had been the one to administer it, not knowing that overtime her mother would begin using the drug as a coping mechanism. Her dad died from a boating accident down The Quay, just two weeks after Finnick's win. Several fisher men had passed, including both her and Finnick's dad. The death drove Eleanor's mother to substance abuse, more specifically, morphling and vodka. Gradually, Eleanor had begun taking away both substances from her, though in one way or another, Sue Eves found a way to obtain them.

Opening the bathroom door, Eleanor was met with an unnerving sight. Her mother was bleeding badly, scratching wildly at the wound, muttering lowly under her breath. Her chin was coated in spew, the substance dripping down onto her shirt. Her eyes were wide as she noticed Eleanor, standing up and shoving her out of the room without hesitation.

"Get-- The -- Fuck away!" Her mother slammed the bathroom door in Eleanor's face, shaking wildly as she scratched at her arms from the comfort of behind a door. Eleanor sighed heavily as she fell down the floor, her head resting against the door as she waited.

She could hear her mother's sobs, opening the door to finally embrace her. She sat the woman down on the toilet seat, grabbing a cloth and dabbing it gently on the cut. Her mother refused to look at her, her eyes focused on the tiled floor.

"You aren't getting better, are you?" Eleanor cautiously asked, her voice small and almost reluctant to even question Sue's state. She reached into a draw and pulled out a bandage, wrapping up her forearm cautiously. She jumped back ever so slightly when Sue raised her hand, relaxing when she realised it was just so her mother could wipe her forehead from the sweat.

"What do you think?" Sue grumbled out, her voice deeper and almost strained. Eleanor didn't reply, her eyes focused on the ground. "God, it's sickening how much you look like him." Her voice was a snarl and Eleanor could already feel her eyes water. Her mother hadn't gotten kind over the years, her addiction making her cruel and scary at her worst points. Eleanor knew, deep down, her mother wasn't in control and so she truly didn't hate her. Instead, Eleanor tried finding the good in her, though it was hard some days. She closed her eyes and pretended to not exist, finally waking up hours later with a ripe bruise forming on her cheek and dried tears staining her pale cheeks.

Her mother was no where to be seen, Eleanor didn't even want to imagine where she was. She could hope that Sue had the right mind to make her way down to Annie's, where the family's comfort could at least help her calm down. In a way, Eleanor was glad she had gone away. She didn't want to see her right now, her eyes wide as she stared at her reflection.

Ma can't control herself, Eleanor gently reminded herself, sniffling ever so slightly from the ache in her cheek. She knew it did not excuse her actions, but Eleanor knew that her Ma wouldn't hurt a fly if she was mentally sound. It's not her fault. You should be helping her. Carefully, she pressed a finger on the bruise, flinching ever so slightly at the pang of pain that erupted. It was only faint right now, but Eleanor could tell the bruise would only blossom in pigmentation. She cursed under the breath ever so slightly, a hand moving up to her mouth as she stifled a cry.

"Nel?"

Eleanor jumped, her eyes frantically wide as she turned around and saw Finnick stood at the doorway. No, he wasn't supposed to see any of this. His sea green eyes matched her ocean blue one's in wideness, both teenagers staring at each other. Eleanor didn't even want to imagine how long he had been standing there, though it was fair to say he had noticed the mark on her cheeks.

"Finnick? What are you doing here?" She questioned him, her voice almost hoarse as she spoke. She subconsciously covered the mark on her cheek, her face turned away from him in an effort to mask everything.

 "Annie said your mother was at hers. Said she was in a state."

Eleanor swallowed, knowing fully well the Cresta family were overwhelmingly generous. Sometimes, she thought they were too generous for their own good. She cleared her throat, nodding. "Oh," Quick, think of something smart.  she needed air." She laughed awkwardly, still turned away.

"Nel, why aren't you looking at me?" Finnick asked carefully, tiptoeing around every syllable as he stared at the brunette. He noticed how her face was bent downwards, out of reach from his sight, her hair falling in front of it. 

"Because I don't want to, by frankly." Eleanor huffed out. She flinched quickly when Finnick grabbed onto her arm, one hand quickly moving her hair away from her face and pulling her to face him. Sea green meet ocean blue and Eleanor felt herself collapse into him, sobbing. He wasn't meant to see any of this, she reminded herself bitterly, hating herself for pushing yet another issue onto him.

"Hey, hey," Finnick's whispers were soft, assuring her as he held onto her. Eleanor could feel almost her entire world collapse on the floor in front of her, her body quivering hysterically. She felt him cup her face with his hands, making her look at him. Every inch of his eyes was filled with pain as he examined the damage of the bruise on her face.  "God, Nel, why didn't you--"

She shook her head. "You don't need to deal with my shit." Her voice was quiet, filled to the brim with guilt that yet another issue had been pushed onto him. Her skin itched with hatred as Finnick Odair selflessly devoted a thousand thoughts to Eleanor Eves alone.

"You're my best friend, your shit is mine."

Eleanor shook her head. "You have too much shit on you already, Finn." She mumbled out the words carefully, watching as his eyes softened at her.

He cupped her face and brought his forehead against hers. If she wasn't already red, she would be now. "Nel, its never too much if its for you." She felt his eyes stare at the bruise already forming boldly on her face, avoiding the skin purposely. He parted away from her, grabbing onto a tea towel and placing it under the tap. He soaked the rag up with water, draining it before moving to her. "Come on, can't not help you."

Eleanor nodded, grabbing onto the tea towel and lightly pressing it to the bruise. She flinched at the cool feeling, though the instant relief to the burning on her face was pleasurable. She breathed through her nose, finally looking up at Finnick. "Sorry."

His eyebrows furrowed together. "For what?"

She gestured to herself. "This." She sighed heavily, sitting on the bathroom floor, fumbling with her hands.

"I'll forgive you, but tell me what's been happening, Nel." Finnick moved to sit on the floor, bringing Eleanor close to him. He grabbed onto her hands, pulling them apart so she couldn't pick at the scabs.

Eleanor swallowed. "Ma. After Pa, she got bad. Like bad, bad." The confession tasted like poison on her lips, a stench of disgust dripping from her saliva as she explained everything. The memories of her mother when she was happy seemed to be faded, though if she tried hard enough, she could always picture Sue Eves' happy smile as she held Eleanor close. "One day she's injured from falling, taking morphling for the pain and the next she's completely hooked. She was getting better until-" Until Pa died, along with your parents, Eleanor internally remarked.  

Finnick swallowed. "She- She hits you, doesn't she?"

"It's not her fault, she's been trying to quit morphling for good." Eleanor's rebuke had shocked Finnick, but not more than the fact she was willing to excuse her mother's behaviour by reasoning that her addiction made her this way. No matter how hard life is, no hands should be laid on innocence in order to get through tough times. "She's just going through--"

Finnick shook his head, tilting Eleanor's chin to face him. "That doesn't give her the right to hit you. It explains it, but doesn't excuse it." Eleanor watched his eyes closely, hating the sympathy he held in them. He shouldn't have to care for her in this way, already carrying the entire world on his shoulders since he was fourteen. "If she even yells again, I want you to come to mine."

Eleanor shook her head. "I can't leave her alone, Finn." She brought her knees close to her chest, leaning her chin on them. "She searches my room all the time for morphling. It's why I get the girls at the doctors to store the morphling in the backroom."

"Then let me stay here." He watched as she hesitated, her mouth contorting into an uncharacteristic frown. "Please, you're being selflessly selfish if you try and take her on your own. Please, one night?"

Eleanor nodded, staring into those green eyes. "One night."

His lips turned into a smile and he pulled her close. He found himself messing with her hair, smoothing it out. He breathed in the smell of her sea salty aroma, his body relaxing at her touch.

Eventually, the pair laid next to each other, Eleanor fast asleep. The bruise was already reddening and Finnick wished he could help her. His eyes fixed on each small freckle, each small blemish on her pale skin. Her hand was pressed on his chest, where his heart was.

He held it close, gently moving it up to his lips and pressing a small kiss there, a silent promise falling on deaf ears. 

He'd do what she could to protect her.

Finnick: I'm not in love with my best friend, there's no way!
Also Finnick: **holds her when she's asleep and kisses her hand to comfort her**

honestly poor eleanor guys

i love her way too much

next chapter is also gonna hurt so

sorry