Shakthi

}-{

Can my life get any more worse than it already is ? i guess No.

I don't think anything more worse things could happen to me because the most worst and unimaginable things that i never imagined and scared to face in my life had already happened.

" Shakthi.....you bloody whore.......orphan bitch.....how could you still live like nothing happened after staining your hands with my son's blood ?"

" i wish you die in most disgust way ever possible "

" a mother's cry won't leave you........it will hunt you till you die.......you ungrateful slut..... "

" you unfaithful witch, you'll die soon.....and i will be first one to spit on your dead body "

" Karma won't leave you whore '

These are the words coming out of my mother in law's mouth for me. Hearing such cruel words from her for me, it hurts to remember how close we were back then when I was newly married.

Tears won't stop coming out of her eyes yet she buried the painful snivels of hers and came up with new sets of cursings and swearings. Until this moment, I never knew that beneath the soft and gentle nature of my mother in law there's a woman who knows how to put the hatred into words and throw it at someone who would probably feel guilty for their existence in this world just by hearing those words.

Till this date i never imagined that one day she will wish for my death, she was more of a mother to me than she was a mother in law. There was a time when I felt like the luckiest daughter in law under her tender touch of love and unbelievable care.

But now seeing her praying for my death makes me question the time I spent being thankful to have the kind of mother in law who treated me more than a daughter.

My father in law was mostly silent, perhaps he too wished for my death,But silently.

Even though i didn't look up at them , yet i could feel his loathing gaze on me that says in how many ways he would have killed me inside his head within this few minutes. He was trying to control his wife, while burning me with his heated gaze along with a few cussing that he muttered for me to listen.

I was stiff, unable to move or look up at them the whole time. I could sense some of the stranger's eyes on me, who were probably witnessing the drama going on in front of the chennai high court. Swallowing the lump created in my throat I slowly lift my eyelid by letting my eyes take a quick scan of my surroundings. Random people were still looking at us, and it made my knees go weak. The humiliation I was going through was too much to bear, especially when I know that I don't deserve this. I don't deserve any of this moment.

I don't deserve this.

Shutting my eyes tight, I endured the harsh piercing words of my mother in law or should I say ex-mother in law ? For the next few seconds until a constable came and asked them to leave as they were attacking the public around which may lead to a crowd gathering at the entrance of the high court.

Being helpless to do something harmful to me, my mother in law took a fist full of dirt from the ground and threw it at me while she yelled " you may rot in hell " before walking away crying and screaming for justice that she didn't get for her son's death.

I flinched yet stood still with all the dirt on me. The murmuring of people around me didn't stop, some pointed their fingers at me and said something that I couldn't understand. Probably they're making their own judgements on me.

Strangers stared at me as if they knew the whole truth. An unknown fear arises inside me. I didn't want to become another topic, another hashtag for people's entertainment who did not even try to know what my story is before judging me already.

" Shakthi, get back to your home and if anyone bothers you inform us immediately " Said The constable, who seemed in his fifties and sympathetic to my situation. I left after nodding at him.

Not wanting to stand there and let more people laugh on me, I hired an auto in a hurry and got inside it. The auto moved, leaving the court building and crowd of people behind.

Fumbling with the end of my saree pallu, I tried to calm my uneven breathing. Gazing around I made sure that no one is here to pass a judgy look at me, I felt like I could finally breathe. The constant engine sound of auto overtook the thumping sound of my heart. Rubbing the dirt off from my saree and hairs, I looked out watching the clouds turning dark, creating a dullness in the environment. Moisture in the air touched my skin while winds waved through my pale face. Within a few more minutes, the slow pitter patter of rain started changing the weather into cold from hateful dynamically.

Water drops of rain fall on me, slowly and steadily. The pouring rain had so much roughness and force in its flow that even the tiny drops of rain felt like small stones hitting my skin.

"Ma, if you pull down the leather covers attached to auto sides, you will be able to cover the open sides in case you're getting drenched due to rain " Said the Auto driver, who seemed to be in his fifties.

" No it's okay Anna " shaking my head, I looked out.

It's been half an hour since i walked out of chennai high court after being proven not guilty for the murder case that was filed on me by my in-laws. But the judgement came in my favour after presenting myself for the court hearing for the last three months, and yet I'm not feeling relieved. Because, I can still feel the blood of my husband on my hands. I can still hear the shrink of painful cry left from his mouth when i showed the knife in his chest, that night i didn't realised where i stabbed him until he screamed for the last time before falling on floor clutching his chest leaving me in utter shock that paused my breathing for a while and later slip into unconsciousness until i was woken by a lady police constable the next day morning. I was arrested on the spot and labelled as the murderer of my husband.

After four months of enough investigation and proof gathered by police officers who heard my side of the truth before getting into conclusion the case changed from Section 307, murder case to section 99 murder in self-defence but then again, it took another three months to prove my innocence in court.

My in-laws weren't ready to accept the truth. The truth of their son, who was a monster in the form of a human. Not being able to punish me through lawsuits, all they could do was to curse me and humiliate me as much as possible.

For certain reasons I could empathise with their pain. They have lost their son, who was perfect in their view but a monster for me. I had never imagined that one day Vishal would become a nightmare for me, who was once everything I day dreamt about - Vishal

My trance of thought broke when the auto halted abruptly making me startled a little.

Looking out, I realised that I've reached home where no one is waiting for me now, no one is going to make a cup of tea for me now. No one is going to be there to greet me now, it's just me. All alone, again.

Paying the auto charge, I hurriedly opened the gate and ran inside as the rain was still pouring and I can't afford to get sick right now as I have no one to look after me.

Carefully climbing the slippery steps I reached the upper portion of the house and Unlocked the door. Pushing it open I walked inside, dropping the brown sling bag on the couch.

The place has become gloomy and silent that even the pouring rain sounds get hushed in the silence around me. Closing the door behind me I looked around, Literally no sign of any kind of movement, everything was the same as I left it a few hours ago.

All I could notice was nothingness.

Because the only companion I had is dead, I killed him.

Leaving a long sigh I controlled the tears from falling out of my eyes because I don't want to cry for the emptiness of his presence around the home. I can't cry for a person like him, I should cry Not for him.

Freeing my hairs from the butterfly clutch I yanked my long and curly hair on my shoulders, water drops dripped down from the ends of hairs reminding me to change my saree as I was half drenched.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I gazed at my teary eyes in the mirror. No matter how hard I pretend to not care of his absence or the blood of him on my hands, I still do care.

Looking into my glossy eyes, I let the tears slip down by blinking several times. The heaviness in my chest doesn't seem to go away.

I feel suffocated, so much that I feel like I'm dying.

The guilt, the fear, the loneliness and the betrayal, I was going through everything at the same time. I loved him so much that I was never ready to lose him. I loved him so much that I feel threatened thinking about will I ever be okay again ? I loved him to an extreme point where he was my everything, and now when I know that he's nothing, not even a living thing, I feel like I've lost myself along with him.

" I loved you........." I whispered, looking into the mirror.

Within seconds I broke down emotionally even though I hated how I always cry recalling him. I began to cry loudly looking at the pathetic self and I looked even more pathetic when I realised that there's no one to even console me, or wipe my tears off now. I've no one to even ask me to stop crying.

God, do I really deserve all this?

Why this has to be so fucking painful that i my heart is aching so badly like i'm going to die.

He was my everything, and now I don't have anyone after I killed him.

A shiver ran through me recalling the blood and flesh filled intricate sight of my husband laying on the floor. Dead. Because I stabbed him to death.

I killed my husband

********

After two months,

The sun was settling down wrapping up the dim yellowish sun rays spreaded over a while ago. The clouds gathered around to gossip about the chirping birds giving hope to the gloomy sky by their singing while waving winds carelessly passed through the thick-mushy trees creating a faint sound of waves, leaving the branches of trees in never ending humming.

I've seen a lot of sunsents before but this is different.

With today's sun drowning down into the horizon, this is the last day of me being called as an employee of Ciam computing where I worked for almost three and half years with every drop of passion I had for. Still, I reigned.

Before the company kicked me out for the poor performance I've been showing in work as a Web Designer from the last few months, I thought it would be decent if I reigned the job by myself and walked out before I turned into a gossip topic for other employees tea/coffee breaks relives.

I tried, I tried really hard to ignore how my own teammates would pass indirect comments on me whenever I pass by them but day by day it was getting too much to handle that I ended up getting panicked attack in middle of team lunch and later I was ashamed for it because peoples out there had fun joking about my mental health.

To be honest, the world has been cruel to me since the day I was born but I learnt to live through it all . Yet this phase is something I never dealt with. I've no idea on how to react to certain things that are happening around me now.

Even though my therapist has been asking me to take small steps towards re-starting my life I still can't. It's not as easy as he explains in his sessions.

The mental pressure I bear before stepping out of my home is unexplainable. Walking out on roads I feel like every pair of eyes is set on me to judge even though most of them aren't.The social anxiety, and fear of being questioned, being allegedly accused for an affair I never had makes me feel sick.

These days I don't feel like going out, even if it's for work. I just don't want to go out and meet people who know nothing about my life yet ready to talk about it vulgarly.

Maybe I should take a break since i've decent amount of savings to live an unemployed life for a few more months and after that will search for a new job. till then i must focus on how to deal with this pain now.

In order to move on i must leave the things behind which keeps me reminding of the reason why i want to move on.

Gazing out of the kitchen window, I stood blankly staring at the random objects that fell under my view.

I was surrounded by utter silence that even the tip-tip-tip sound of the water dripping out from the sink tap reached my ears like a loud thud of a hammer in the courtroom.

Leaning towards the ice of the kitchen , I tried to shift the pain of feets that was making it tough for me to stand for a while. I'm tired, every inch of my body is desperate for sleep and a bit of rest.

But falling asleep isn't an easy task for me now. I get annoyed when every night I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling blankly in hope of falling asleep the whole night.

The thought of what I'm going to do with my life now makes me so obnoxious that I just can't close my eyes to sleep. The darkness I see with closed eyes reminds me of my current state.

Dark, clueless and unclear.

I'm completely alone now.

And it's not like this loneliness is something new for me, I've grown up in this. But, for the past few years I had a detachment with this loneliness because Vishal was there for me. Always, as my own human being who never left any slightest gap for me to fall back into loneliness. He was my human, my man, my love. My Everything.

He was everything for me, and now I'm left without anything for myself.

Because when he died, he took everything with him he took the confident, happy and loving part of me with him. Every bit of love I had for him, every kind of respect I had for him, every drop of attachment and affection I had for him, every inch of trust and strength I grew inside me for him, he took back everything with him leaving me in a circle of questions that never ends.

The surface popping-hissing sound of milk getting ready for its first boiling broke the chain of my thoughts as I looked down and immediately lowered the flame of the stove.

Grabbing the mug from the stand, I turned around to take sugar and coffee but stopped on my track as something stuck in my mind.

I don't drink coffee, I'm a tea person.

Out of habit I was about to make coffee for Vishal who's not alive anymore.

Vishal was a complete coffee person while I'm a tea lover. We used to argue on which one is good, tea or coffee ? Even though he didn't like tea nor the smell of it, still whenever I get back home after having a tiring day in the office he would be the first one to offer me hot masala tea.

And I loved him for the little things he used to do for me. I was proud to think that he is the perfect husband until that night, when all his perfections faded out revealing the vile person he was.

Things could have been better between us, if he hadn't changed from the Vishal I knew and loved to the Vishal I had to kill.

Gazing down at the boiling milk I stood numb for a few seconds and then with a snap I turned off the stove with a heavy sigh.

I guess I'm never going to come out of this miserable state.

Walking out of the kitchen I inhaled a sharp breath to calm my racing heart.

" Shakthi....... "

"Shakthi ....."

The sudden knock on the door startled me for a second. I glanced at the clock while yanking my long curly hairs on the right shoulder before I went to open the door.

" Epdi ma eruke Shakthi ? ( How you been Shakthi ) " asked Gautami aunty, The landlord. As soon as I opened the door I found her standing right in front, with a silver tiffin box in her hand.

" Come inside Aunty '' I said with a polite smile, ditching the answer for her question since it's not going to make any difference now.

"Here take this, I made wheat halwa at home and thought to share some with you too" She smiled while handing me the tiffin box which I took after hesitating for a second. Sharing home foods with each other isn't new for us. I and Gautami share our hand made food with each other occasionally but for the last few months I've been noticing the indifference in Aunty's behaviour towards me. After a certain point I began to feel uncomfortable under her gaze that I stopped showing up unnecessarily in front of her and now when she is suddenly here with a tiffin box full of halwa and face plastered with a fake smile, I don't feel good about this.

" Return the tiffin box later " she adds pointedly, of course Aunty and her obsession with the tiffin box.

Calming her uneven breathing due to climbing the steps Gautami aunty looked around only to take a dim view of not finding any photo frames on the wall and wooden showcase. Of Course the house looks a bit plain and empty without any photo frames of him and us together, but at least it's less painful this way.

"Let me bring tea for you " I said while placing the tiffin box on the dining table carefully and was about to walk inside the kitchen when Aunty stopped me in the middle.

" Shakthi no need of formality between us, i drank coffee just before coming here Ma"

" Ohh ok '' I tried to believe her but the constant thought of her changed behaviour towards me from the last few days bugs me so much that I doubt if the motive of her coming here is the wheat halwa or something else.

Gautami aunty lives in the ground portion of this house with her husband Mohan who's a retired clerk and now is enjoying his retirement days. They have a daughter Mrudhula, who's settled in Malaysia and comes to India once in four or five years only. Despite their age Gautami Aunty tends to do all the home chores along with cooking mouth watering food by herself and if we got lucky sometimes she shares her hand made food with us too. of course Veg only since they're brahmin and it is also the reason why we aren't allowed to cook non-veg in our home, though we used to eat non-veg out in hotels if i or Vishal craved for it without mentioning about it to aunty and uncle. No non-veg was the only restriction they put while they gave us a house tour before we rented it to start our married life in this very house.

" How's uncle ?" I asked for the sake of asking.

" He is fine Ma, " she faked a smile, and I wondered why.

" Hmm " I remained silent for the next few minutes until she let out a loud sigh before starting.

" Shakthi........actually Don't take it the wrong way ma " she began with and I was alarmed instantly that surely she was going to say something hurtful.

" Actually Mrudhula called us three days ago " she paused to collect her words while I looked at her with a blank face.

I stood still.

" She is coming to India in a few days and said that this time they're going to spend a long vacation here with us......"

" That's great '' I pretend to be excited for her.

" yeh.....this is the first time she is going to spend a long vacation with us after marriage....she also said that we can plan a family trip to Tirupathi " she spoke dreamily.

And i was waiting for her to get on the point for what she is here.

" So I was saying that..... Our portion won't be enough for all of us once Mrudhula comes here with her family...umm.....so......i thought ...if you could........" stammering in between Gautami Aunty stole glances at me to check on my expression.

" I was actually planning to tell you this for a long time, Aunty, " I butted in, causing her to pause and look at me with questioning eyes.

" I'm moving out in a week " I lied, looking straight into her eyes.

If people can hurt me looking into my eyes, then I can lie with the same confidence too.

" ohh...."

" hmm..... I know that from the end of this month our two year rent contract ends and before you ask about renewing it i was thinking to tell you that i found a decent flat near my new office " i lied looking straight at her face. I have no idea about where I'm going to stay, I need to find a place soon.

She was silent for a brief moment.

Probably thanking me mentally for making her job easy.

" Hmmm, try if you can move out in less than a week " she tried to sound as polite as she could, but no matter how sweet her voice and tone is, the words she spoke are sharp like a knife that wounded my self esteem and the little amount of affection I had for her.

I know the rumours of 'me having an affair with someone else and that's the reason behind Vishal's death' has been going around for a long time now. And since then I could see the change in Aunty and uncle's behaviour towards me. They just don't talk to me like they used to before, they try to avoid me at all cost, and would not invite me for evening Masala tea with them like they did before. Perhaps they too believe the rumours instead of me.

It's fine, they're just my landlord, not my own grandparents. I should care about what they think about me, right ?. It's okay.

It's okay........even though it's not okay.

Fuck, why do i feel my chest getting heavy and a hard lump forming in my throat that seems hard to swallow now. I shouldn't cry, they're just landlords. How could I get attached to them like my own? They don't even believe me and I shouldn't care about it.

God, it's so unfair here.

********

" get up Vishal.....it's 8:30 already " i said even though it's 7:30 AM only,

Waking Vishal isn't an easy task especially when it's sunday.

Unwrapping the semi-wet towel from my head I yanked my hair and placed the towel on the chair as I moved towards the window and opened the curtains letting the bright sunlight enter inside creating warmth around the room.

Adjusting the plates of my cotton saree, I stood in front of the dressing mirror. Applying the vermillion between my hair partition and on the pit of my neck, just how he likes it.

Using a butterfly clutch I put my hairs into half-tie, as it's still dripping wet and I don't have enough time to run a hair dryer on it. It's Sunday, however I can't spend this Sunday lazing around. I've to clean, cook and do laundry before my in-laws arrive.

Turning around I huffed looking at Vishal who is tucked in a blanket like a baby. His six feet tall frame is now curled up into a ball, making all my frustration of getting late for the day vanish away as I smile feeling blessed to have him in my life.

Making my way towards him I bent down and packed his forehead softly. But as soon as my cold lips touched his skin, his face formed a cute draw and he turned to his other side pulling the blanket over him.

How can a well grown up man who made me cry and scream out of pleasure with his animalistic thrusts last night can look like an innocent baby the next morning ? but he does. That's the duality he plays effortlessly.

Smiling at him, I tucked the blanket gently, he showed no reaction. So this time I pulled the blanket a little revealing his forehead and then later his thick eyebrows. This time he groans in sleep as he pulls the blanket over his head. And did that one more time until the blanket uncovers his lips, and he again pulled the blanket to himself leaving a loud groan. Pressing my lips together, I chuckled again pulling down the blanket till I could see his face. But this time, he didn't react in a way I expected him to.

Flickering his eyes few seconds he opened them laying straight facing me. he looked at me for a moment leading me to doubt his calmness now because Vishal gets grumpy if his sleep gets disturbed and i wonder why he isn't yelling at me instead he kept looking at me with hooded eyes and i was about to step back sensing something wrong in his unusual calmness.

Nevertheless before I could step back I was pulled down by him in a swift move leading me to fall on him. The sudden action of him made me yelp in shock as his hands circled around my waist holding me tight and immovable.

He laughed, while I was trying to free myself from his hold. I was on top of him, wriggling and struggling and my hair was all over his face, pushing away all the hair he held my hands behind my back, not letting me do anything in my favour.

" Vishal....leave me...." I struggled in his hold.

" mmmHmmm " the simple shook his head, with that stupid grin.

I tried harder to keep a distance between our faces, but I had no support because of the position I was in. I could feel the warmth of his body, and his breath. Slowly leaning in he was decreasing the distance between our face, lips.

" vidra...naa kulichiten ( leave me.....i'm done bathing )" i whined, being not able to do anything in his hold.

" That's fine, bathing twice a day seems like a good hygiene routine for me, " he said with a sinister smirk.

" stop playing around......leave me...i've a lot of work to do unlike you " i looked away when he was about to drag his face near me and let his lips touch mine.

" don't spoil the mood Shakthi.....just one kiss......and you will be free " his screeching voice of morning made it even harder for me to focus.

"Not happening unless you go and brush your teeths....i can't stand your morning breath" i stated honestly, but he laughed as always.

" Apo edhuku di enna seendune ? (then why did you provoke me ?)" he raised those thick perfect eyebrows that even i envy..

Sometimes I just feel jealous, because being a woman I don't even have such thick eyebrows but he has. Man having thick eyebrows isn't a big deal for them, but it is for womens. At least for me.

" Okay, sorry. ... .Now leave me ... .please...." I had no choice but to plead.

" okay but..... Promise me tonight.....i'll get some special treats for being a good boy now "

" C'mon you can't be serious " I almost cringed looking at him.

" Promise otherwise i don't mind holding you like this for forever " his challenging tone scared me more because he's a lot capable of doing that.

" okay i promise " i finally gave up.

" good " he loosened up his grip on me preparing to release me from his hold and I smiled thinking how easily i got away until he stopped, pulled me more and pressed his lips on my forehead gently.

This man never fails to show his love for me.

Memories are only beautiful when the person you created memories with is still with you as the same person in present while you recall those memories.

If by any chance the person changed into someone you hate now and adding to that if that person no longer exists in this world then memories turn into nightmares.

And I don't know how to get rid of these nightmares. Perhaps that's why I decided to put all my insecurities and hesitations away do what Lakshmi ma'am suggested and is necessary for the sake of myself

Lakshmi maam is My high school teacher with whom I bumped into a few months ago in the metro. It was an unexpected and totally life saving sudden meeting that put my vivid, bewilder thoughts in place and gave me a new perspective towards life.

She is the sole reason why I still believe that there are people who see good in others and think good about others as well.

Glancing at my wrist watch, I made sure im on time for todays session appointment and looked out through the bus window. I could see a group of people gathering under a roof shade of a tea shop that resided near the main Road. The swirling heat of chennai caused a kind of irritation in peoples who werent able to handle the heat as many of them made faces and whipped the dusty sweat off from their forehead before buying tea.

Pulling back my gaze I looked around in the bus, there were fewer college students who were getting down from the bus one by one as soon as their seats got empty, the other passengers who were standing till now occupied the empty seats leaving a loud sigh of relief.

And as i expected the conductor whistles after the students got down and bus began to move ahead leaving the bus stop behind.

It will take another fifteen minutes for me to reach my destination so I plugged in the earphone to keep my mind distracted with music while i leaned on the window gazing at nothing but random objects around.

*******

" how're you feeling today ? " Asked Mugilan

The Therapist, who was sitting across from me with a pen and pad in his hands as he waited for my response so that he could scribble something on paper right after I said anything. Mugilan seems a bit young for being a psychotherapist, i don't know if it's because of the way he grooms himself or if it's just that he got good jeans. I can't confirm either of these two since I don't know much about him other than the fact that he's a respected physiotherapist who is warm, calm and a lot comforting to people he treats.

His eyes followed the tip of the pen as he marked something on paper while his other hand was busy rotating the mini paperweight between his large fingers.

My eyes travelled further and noticed how the veins shift every time his fingers make the smallest movements. The silver Casio watch randomly gleamed along with his hand's slightest movements making his watch look high point of the moment.

The sleeves of white shirt he was wearing were folded till his forearms revealing most of his coffee skin, hairy arm and visible veins.

Mugilan has been treating me for a month now, and I could say that there's something so calming about this man. Apart from him being handsome, tall, dark and lean there's a lot about his personality that I find calming and soothing.

Though I had a different opinion about him the first time I met him a month ago. The moment I saw him, instant doubts arose inside me if he was really a psychotherapist or did I just meet the wrong person ? But, soon after the first session of therapy I understood that first impression isn't always the right impression about someone. The affable personality he carries out effortlessly makes the whole atmosphere cordial for me every time I sit across from him in his office for the session to begin.

" Shakthi... " he says my name as if he owns it.

When I didn't respond, his hand movements paused as his eyes snapped up at me.

" The worst " I relied nonchalantly, through this one month I strongly learnt one thing that honesty is the first and most important trait that I should have while communicating with my therapist.

He nodded with a subtle face.

Placing the pen and pad on the table in front, he leaned in joining his hands " So, what made you feel worse ?"

" Can we please talk about something else for today ? " I suggested not having the energy to explain right now.

He immediately nodded with a knowing smile and said " of course we can ... .do you have any suggestions on what we should do ?"

Again a question. Everything he says ends with a question mark that demands my answer. I don't know how long this whole therapy thing would take, honestly I can't wait to get done with this because I'm getting impatient with every session and his philosophical talks ain't helping me either.

For a chance this time I decided to leave a question mark for him " how many more sessions will it take for me to forget everything and move on quickly ?"

A low chuckle left his mouth while he shook his head " Therapy doesn't work that way shakthi.....i've told you before as well.....it doesn't depend on the number of sessions but YOU ... .now tell me why are you so eager to get done with therapy ASAP ? "

Again a question mark, i guess i should stop competing with him.

" Is there anything that you're not feeling okay with or uncomfortable with during the session ? "

He looked straight into my eyes waiting for my response.

I shifted my position slightly, feeling nervous not because I've to say the actual whole thing I'm struggling with right now but the way his brown orbs evoked the stir feelings inside me.

Feelings ? no way.

Sometimes, it's hard to guess if he is just being professional or it's just me getting the wrong things in my head.

" Non of them, it's just i'm exhausted and stressed right now... "

" you can share the reason behind your stress.....maybe i can help "

can he ? I highly doubt that.

Cracking knuckles of right hands one by one i thought of the answer mentally before i out spoke " My landlord wants me to move out as soon as possible and i'm not able to find a decent place for me in such a short time "

Well, there is other depressing stuff too which makes me feel worse but for now finding a place to live is my first priority because already two days have passed and none of the places I went around to see from past days clicked me. I've been running to places, meeting landlords and house brokers but nothing seems working. Either it's too expensive or the landlord passes a judgy look at me the moment I say I'm a single working woman.

He looked a bit unprepared for this response as he leaned back and thought for a moment before saying " ummm......so you're bothered about that ?"

" i am traumatised about that "

" hmm......" he nodded again thinking for a while.

Or he is just pretending to think in front of me so that I won't feel bad when he comes up with an excuse.

I have faced this a lot of times with a lot of different people. So obviously it's not going to bother me even if he doesn't offer any solution. I understand, after all he is just my therapist not someone close to me who would actually put efforts for me.

By that I remember I don't even have that ' someone close ' in my life now.

How fucked up life i've been living all this while ? i was an orphan but after growing up i literally had so many chances to make friends, get close with peoples and create my own circle but No, i grew up in loneliness, joined collage, failed to make friends and that's when i met Vishal.

Since the moment I met Vishal, I never felt the need of anyone else in my life- first mistake or should I say beginning of a series of mistakes I have made since then.

The buzzing sound of my phone brought me back to the present from the thoughts about the past and instantly grabbed my phone from the bag to put it on mute since I forgot to do that before walking inside.

Just when I was about to set the phone on mute mode my eyes caught the notification from the house broker.

Can't ignore this one.

" can we end the session here.....i need to be somewhere else... imperatively " i said in a hurry and got up from the couch, not even waiting for his response.

" ummm......yeah sure"

I heard his irresolute slow response when I almost opened the door of his office to leave.

" Shakthi wait...." he stood up pushing his chair back.

" haan... ? '' I snapped my head towards him while my hand was still on the doorknob.

For some odd reasons, my eyes dropped on his neck, carefully gazing at his adams apple bobbing up as he speaks.

" There's a vacant apartment near Adyar.....decent 2BHK on affordable rent ... ..Landlord is my friend so you don't need to worry about anything else...... location and other facilities are fine......paperwork and deposits may take two days....so by the third day you can move in....."

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A/N

Hey peeps, how was the chapter ? I've edited this and changed few parts for the betterment of the book and for your reading experience.

It took a week to edit and re-write some scenes of this chapter. phewwww

Please do comments and let me know how you liked it.

I've started drafting work of 2nd chapter, hope it goes well too.