The next morning, Vessel is fidgety, following behind II like a comically taller shadow, hand clutching his tightly like a lifeline as II feeds Elvira then goes to make breakfast. He barely meets III's eyes, and when he does, he looks away with a tiny flinch, never straying far from II's side. Elvira comes to linger at Vessel's side while he sits criss-cross on the floor near where her bowls are just outside the kitchen, and Vessel enjoys the feeling of her soft fur between his fingers as she purrs, tail wrapping around his wrist briefly before going back to flicking side to side happily.

Breakfast is a quiet affair as II and III eat and Vessel picks at the skin by his nails until they start bleeding. II forces him to stop, but Vessel only moves on to plucking at the bandages around his arms, beginning to slowly unravel them as he messes with the material. At the first sight of a scabbed over cut, III has had enough.

III frowns heavily, scooting their chair closer to Vessel and offering up a hand in invitation. Finally, Vessel pauses his ministrations, watching III intently, one pair of eyes on III, another on their unbandaged hand, and the last pair eyeing II nervously for guidance. There's guilt in all three pairs, fear and apprehension and III is desperate to know why.

It hurts to see Vessel like this. He's clearly pulling away to protect his heart from whatever damage he seems so sure is coming.

It scares III. Did they do something wrong? Is it something to do with what Vessel is going to tell him? What could it be that has Vessel so frightened of III's reaction?

Slowly, Vessel takes III's hand, and it is III who clasps their fingers together, making it so that Vessel cannot pick at either hand nor his scabs and bandages. Vessel traces over each end of III's fingernails with his available hand, moving to circling each joint in every finger and along every knuckle, before following a prominent vein up towards III's wrist.

III lets Vessel do as he pleases, genuinely unbothered as they continue to eat. II keeps glancing at Vessel in concern, Vessel's negative feelings never abating even as a bit of distraction clouds them.

All three of them remain seated at the table when they're finished, dishes set off to the unused end. It is silent, for a time, as Vessel only continues to play with III's fingers, not meeting anyone's eyes.

II finally breaks the silence softly, "Vessel, its okay. You need to tell them."

III looks away from II to watch Vessel again, watches as Vessel's shoulders hike up by his ears as he curls into himself to appear smaller. A bead of sweat slides down his temple, pupils shrunken.

Its harder to tell III than it was to tell II. Already, Vessel's throat is closing up again and he had been strangely proud of himself for trying so hard to get his voice back just for this conversation.

"I killed those who killed you." Vessel blurts, eyes wide with apprehension.

Vessel takes his hand away as the words leave his mouth. At the expression striking over III's pretty features as he processes what Vessel has said.

"You killed people?!" III exclaims, more in shock than anything, clenching his fists so tightly their nails dig into their palms painfully.

Vessel nods, not trusting himself to speak as he keeps one pair of eyes carefully attuned to every movement III's hands make. Secretly, he is terrified of what III's reaction might escalate to. The house shudders, vines beginning to crawl over themselves and along the floor, distressed.

III stands, and Vessel instinctively leans away, head bowed submissively. III turns to begin pacing by the table, and II watches as vacancy begins to settle into the red of Vessel's irises. He tries to share a warning look with III, but the other is too upset to notice.

"Shit, Vessel! Why would-" III starts, and he can feel his fingers start to itch, spreading slowly down his hands.

"Sleep... He told me you were in pain. That there was a way to rid you of it. If... If I killed them, you wouldn't experience anymore pain. They could never physically harm you ever again." Vessel's voice is quiet, so quiet, and his face is falling into a strange blankness that II knows he normally can't manage.

His concern only grows, but he isn't sure what to say to de-escalate the situation.

"You risked yourself for me! I would have lived with that pain in my body for the rest of eternity if it meant you didn't risk yourself!" III shouts, angry at the thought of what could've happened to Vessel and they wouldn't have known, wouldn't have been able to help until it was too late.

III was too fucking familiar with that sort of helplessness, that sort of hopelessness. He could picture it now, Vessel laying on some dingy alley floor as blow upon blow rains down on him, all alone because he didn't fucking tell them-

"What?" Vessel says, voice small and almost a squeak, numbness spreading through his body.

He's shaking, he knows. Can't stop the tremble in his frame. III's yelling reminds him of everyone Vessel has ever known, and it scares him. III's more outgoing personality is nothing compared to this.

"They fucking killed me and you go and take all three of them on by yourself! You didn't tell us where you went! You leave the car, you leave your phone. Your bond was so close to being completely inactive and radiating that fucking tranquility you put up when you're anything but calm it was like you'd turned the bond off anyway!" There are angry tears leaking down III's cheeks, only worsening when he sees how Vessel has shrunken in on himself, II trying desperately to take Vessel's hand from where it has an iron tight grip on one forearm, nails digging in so harshly more blood is welling up under the thin bandages.

"They could have fucking hurt you! Could've killed you too!" III shouts in frustration, running a hand through their hair.

"Three, honey-"

"It's alright, Two. Let him speak." Vessel says, gaze downcast and distant and II goes reluctantly silent.

Vessel tries to reassure III, "I have my powers from Sleep. I gave them no chance to harm me and I gave them exactly what they deserved."

III takes a deep breath to try and calm down enough to lower their volume, watching as their hands begin to lengthen, becoming spindly, the bones cracking then aching as they lengthen.

"Shit, shit, shit..." They mutter, trying to will them away even as his fingers morph into only three on each hand.

The soft little sound of III's socks, one tie dye rainbow and the other a neon green, is the only sound for a few minutes as III worries their lip between his teeth.

"If... If you'd have asked us, Vessel, I would have come with you." III states, stopping to turn and stare resolutely at Vessel who has frozen in his seat.

"You- Why?" Vessel asks, weak and shaky.

Vessel would never have asked it of them. He would never have risked them getting hurt. He was fully capable of that task alone, he... he didn't need to ask for help with it.

"So you did not go through something like that alone. So with my presence at your side, you could be reassured that I supported you in your decision, that I would not come to loathe you for it." III is quick to answer, and Vessel is struck by the realization that III knows Vessel better than he ever wanted.

"I would have went with you, too." II says, and Vessel is somehow just as surprised by this response. "I did say I was upset you wouldn't let me get a hit in. If faced with them, with the intention to kill, I may have hesitated. Maybe. But even now, with that bruising on your face, Three, I want to wring their fucking necks. The sight of your pretty face and how you cried would have flashed through my mind, as it is now, and I wouldn't have hesitated any longer."

III looks overwhelmed by this new knowledge. To know that not only did Vessel literally kill for them, but that II likely would have too, if given the chance. III wanted to be accepted, and Sleep has given him far more than that. He has given them people who cared enough about him to kill for him.

People often say they would kill for the ones they love. III had never put much stock in the saying. It seemed like pretty platitudes said more for charm than anything else. It lacked conviction, and III knows most meant the saying as an empty promise.

How fucked up does it make III in the head to be genuinely flattered by the thought that the two people he loves most in the world have, and would, literally kill for him?

Unable to find the proper words, III floods the bond with his love and his overwhelming appreciation. II sends down his own love, and it leaves a warm feeling bubbling in their chest. Vessel's bond, still so calm, is also radiating confusion. III wonders if Vessel recognizes what they sent down the bond, but realizes he probably doesn't.

III is going to tell Vessel he loves him today, no matter what. III can't handle waiting, can't handle another night passing by where Vessel hasn't at least heard from their mouths how completely and utterly they adore him.

"Won't people look for them?" III asks, continuing to pace back and forth, back and forth, wringing his hands together.

"Sleep said they'd erase them from memory and records." Vessel replies in a voice vacant of all emotion, keeping two sets of eyes on his lap, the last still trying to discreetly watch III's hands.

The calm projected over the bond is clearly forced, and both II and III hate how easy it is to tell right now that Vessel's tranquil bond is merely a facade.

"I still remember them." III starts, but then they pause in their pacing.

"The one that attacked me. I don't remember his face. Why do I suddenly not remember?" III's bond is a confusing mess of fury and frustration and heartache and so many things in between.

"His memory, you knowing of him, assaulting you again... it was beginning to unravel the magic Sleep cast over your memories of Before. It was causing you pain that would only worsen with time. I had to get rid of him, so your pain would cease and this would never happen again." Vessel explains wearily.

"Will the same thing happen to you both?" III asks, focusing on trying to get their hands back to normal as they sit down at the table once more, hiding the appendages under the table from II's view, to lessen the fear beginning to slink down his bond. "If we run into the people who killed you?"

Vessel's muscles tense up even as he nods, and he's glad for the calm he's been projecting over the bond. It hides the fear that stiffens his body, the flood of memories causing terror and the phantom pains and words he swears he can still hear from people Before.

Vessel would prefer to never see anyone from his past ever again.

"I don't think it will be a problem for me. I think the only reason you had such a problem, Three, is because you were so intimately familiar with the town we live near. With the people who killed you. You had the misfortune of already being near them." II says, a little unsure of his own words but feeling he may be right.

"We're no," Vessel's voice cracks on the emotions raging through him and he clears his throat, knowing his voice is leaving him again, its only a matter of time, "We're no longer near that town. Sleep moved this realm somewhere else in the country. For Three's sake."

"The realm was moved? Sleep has the power to do that?" II asks, and Vessel nods.

"Yes, apparently so."

"What about the bodies?" III questions, II listening attentively, not knowing the answer either.

"Sleep got rid of them." Vessel responds, lips thinning, pinched shut. "I offered them up as sacrifices. It is how He gained the power to move the realm."

III and II nod, accepting the answer. They do not ask more about it, and Vessel is glad. How was he to tell them their God's dripping maw opened up on his chest, the cavity filled with teeth and tar where his heart used to lay. How their God consumed the bodies, how a stray hand had somehow gone inside of Vessel, into the void his Gods jaw created?

"Do you regret it?" III asks, catching Vessel's gaze when he glances back up at them.

"... I did it to protect and avenge you." Vessel starts, fiddling with his fingers again, picking at the skin around his nails with sharp claws, unable to force his gaze away from III's intensity, "No. I- I do not regret it."

Vessel expects this to be it. For III to decide they want nothing to do with Vessel. Expects III to ask for him to be cast out, or to leave in his stead. Maybe this is when III will show Vessel that they are like everyone else Vessel knew Before. Vessel wonders which will hurt worse, his body afterwards, or his heart shattering with every hit.

He hopes II will let III get out the frustration he needs to. His second partner was always nicer afterwards, she'd even hold him sometimes after he inevitability started crying and just couldn't stop, long after the hits ceased. Vessel could never tell if it was from the pain or his heart crumbling to pieces in his chest.

Distantly, somewhere deep inside, far, far below his fear, Vessel doesn't truly think III would hurt him. It feels wrong to think they will, but... but Vessel can't help it.

As he told Sleep, anyone who has ever loved him has hurt him, and Sleep said the other vessels love him.

Vessel is quick to force distance between them, expecting the worst, knowing that III won't want Vessel anywhere near them soon. The chair makes an awful screeching noise as he shoves it over towards II, who rests a hand on his thigh in support.

"I'm sorry for yelling. I was upset. I- I still am. You could've gotten hurt, and... Taking a life is no small matter and you've done it three times in a day. For me, no less." III starts, taking in a deep, calming breath, staring down at their hands that have yet to go back to normal.

Vessel is confused by the apology. Why would III apologize for yelling? Vessel... he expected it. Prepared himself for it, even, though it did not frighten him any less.

III continues, "They were not good people. I complimented one of them and they killed me for it. I do not want to think of what they must have done in the past, what they could've done in the future to anyone who made the same mistake. They didn't hesitate to beat me to death. They laughed, joked over my dying body."

Vessel grimaces, the laughter and the jokes and the manic little grins they'd all had flashing behind his eyes, echoing in his ears. Glancing up at III at the fear slipping down the bond, Vessel realizes that III is experiencing it too, and by the way they wince, remembering the pain as well.

The guilt inside Vessel only grows. He was so close, and yet he could not help. Could not even hold III to him to comfort and protect, lack of heart in his chest be damned.

"People like that... They don't deserve my sympathy." III settles on, "So, while I'm upset, it's not with you. It's- In general. The entire situation is just... upsetting."

"I regret the loss of life." Vessel murmurs, clearing his throat when he realizes it was too quiet, repeating himself. "But ultimately I do not regret that it was their lives I took. Not for what they did to you. One said that there had been others before you."

"... I wasn't the only one?" III murmurs, upset at the thought, missing the alarmed look II sends Vessel, who nods slowly in sorrow.

III thinks of what was done to them. The pain, the terror, at the hands of those who murdered him. To find out that they were not the only ones who had suffered at those cruel hands... The motherfuckers deserved the end they got. They reaped what they'd sown.

Vessel doesn't know what to think when III stands, walking towards where Vessel had moved away. They lean down, one hand resting on the back of the chair just by Vessel's shoulder, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. The aborted motion of pulling away from an expected hit pulls Vessel away from III, who notices his wide eyes.

"Sorry, should have warned you." III apologizes when they see Vessel's reaction.

There's a tremble to Vessel's frame that wasn't noticeable a moment ago, and III does not miss the way one pair of Vessel's eyes is constantly tracking their hands. It fills III with such profound sadness to think of what Vessel must have been through, a small sting of hurt at Vessel thinking they would hurt him. Anger that there was a reason Vessel was afraid of something like that at all.

II and III share a concerned glance, moving back to Vessel who has remained still despite the tremble to his form. His arms have come to wrap around himself in an attempt at a hug, body tense in preparation for a blow.
II and III have had talks when Vessel isn't around, quiet whispers as they go over more and more signs of some sort of abuse. It's slow going, Vessel avoiding any subtle questions and hiding as many of his reactions as possible. Its tragic, when all they want is to be able to help him.

"Not your fault." Vessel mutters, one hand coming up to lightly touch where III's lips had been.

"Vessel, I need you to hear me say this. I need you to really listen." III begs, and Vessel barely manages to pull his gaze up from the ground, barely manages to let his hand fall to hold the other in front of him.

"I'm not going to hit you." III states firmly, hands deliberately loosely open at his sides, as they finally go back to normal.

Vessel startles, eyes going somehow wider in his shock, and his mouth opens as if to say something, anything to steer the conversation from wherever its heading.

"I don't give a fuck how angry I get, I will never hit you. I will never harm a single hair on your head."

"But... What if I do something wrong? Make a mistake? Upset you?" III's heart crumbles to pieces at the genuine confusion, at the way Vessel doesn't understand.

"Vessel, we're not going to agree on everything all the time. Its just not natural, nor healthy. Its good to disagree. And mistakes are common, everyone makes them. If you upset me, then we'll talk it out, figure out what we can do to make either one of us no longer upset. You do not deserve to be hit for any of that."

Vessel knows III doesn't get it. Neither one of them seem to understand that Vessel deserved to be hurt. He always spoke out of turn, could never be quiet when told. Was always too clingy, never enough. He couldn't do anything right. He deserves every bit of pain he received. Vessel couldn't fathom a world where that wasn't the truth.

"Okay." Vessel agrees unsurely, accepting even when he knows in his heart that III is wrong, one hand falling to hold II's tightly.

II and III know he doesn't understand, can see it on his face even as it leaks down the bond Vessel has left open. It no longer projects such disturbing calm, and it strikes III that he isn't really sure how Vessel does it.

"How do you project such calm over the bond, anyway? I don't understand it." III asks, curious even as he watches Vessel with sad eyes.

"Oh, I- Well, it's not the actual emotion. I just, its kind of like projecting an image. I send over a calm sea and it comes across as calm on your end. It's similar to how we can sort of push certain images or thoughts to get something close to a conversation."

"I see... Can you not," III lets out a small sigh, "Can you not do it anymore?"

"Not...? You don't want me to...?"

"No, sweetheart, we want to know how you're feeling, even if it's negative." II interjects, squeezing Vessel's hand gently as III pulls his chair closer to Vessel and II's.

"We want to know when you're upset so we can help. You wouldn't want one of us hiding from you if we were upset, would you?" III says, and Vessel shakes his head slowly.

"Well, no, but its different with you two." Vessel insists, begging them with his eyes to understand.

Vessel isn't worth it. Why don't they see that?

"Why is it different with us Vessel? What makes our feelings matter more than yours?" II asks, desperately, placing his other hand over Vessel's to sandwich the appendage between his.

Vessel needs to leave. He needs to escape, anything to get away from this conversation. He hates how much he's said already, hates how sad he has made the other two just by existing near them. Vessel hates that he can't seem to make them happy.

Vessel shakes his head, still trembling, pushing the chair back and going to stand. III puts their still morphed hand on Vessel's other thigh, and he stills, watching II and III warily. All six eyes are wide with panic, and he feels trapped. The plates start to float gently above the table, as II glances down at III's hand and flicks it back up to watch Vessel, resolutely not looking back down.

How is Vessel to explain to them that they mean the world to him? That he would lay the heavens to waste at their feet if only they'd ask? It was such a silly question. Of course their feelings meant more to him than his own. Their happiness was his, and he would not taint it with his own lack of self-worth and depression.

How is he to tell them that he was so desperate to be loved, he accepted an eternity with a God he barely knew who said he would grant him that wish. How is he to tell them that he hated himself so completely and utterly, couldn't imagine living another day, another second in this body and with this mind, that he tried and tried again to kill himself until he finally succeeded and only then was he wanted.

III takes Vessel's hand, stopping him from digging any deeper into his palms. Vessel looks up slowly as tears blur his vision. II's hand still rests gently on his thigh, tracing a pattern into the fabric. As II's warmth seeps through to Vessel's skin, he wonders if II can feel the never-ending tremble of Vessel's frame.

"Vessel, I love you." III states, and Vessel's whole world collapses as all six eyes focus completely on the pretty creature before him.

"I've never been in love, not really. Not when my love for you both feels like this. All consuming and complex and a little like my feet have been swept out from under me." III confesses when Vessel continues to not say anything.

Vessel's throat is tight and a sob steals his breath when II speaks from his other side, "I love you too, Vessel. I know you didn't believe me, when I told you. I need you to believe me now. I want to wake up beside you for as long as you'll let me. I want to kiss you, over and over and over again. I want to love you like you deserve, Vessel. I want to show you that your previous partners were all fools without a single loving bone in their bodies."

"We want to love you. Will you... Will you let us?" III tries not to beg, but the desperation taints his tone anyway.

"You can't. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve your love or your kindness, or how gentle you always are with me."

"Vessel, you deserve gentleness. You deserve love." II says softly, big, pretty blue eyes staring at Vessel with such blatant affection not even he can deny it.

"I ignored you on purpose!" Vessel blurts out, as though trying to convince them he doesn't deserve what they're offering, "I- I lied to you, Two. After you said you- after- when you said you loved me... that was really when I couldn't speak, I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to and it hurt when you were so kind to me even then. Why would you- why be kind to me?"

"Because you deserve to have kindness Vessel." II states softly, kneeling in front of him.

The knowledge that Vessel had ignored him at first, after II first confessed, hurts immensely, but if this is how Vessel is reacting now... How many people told Vessel they loved him with nothing but blackened hearts and filthy souls? How many people told Vessel they loved him, only to turn around and hurt him, body and mind?

"I don't feel like I do." He whispers, brokenly, and III hesitantly takes his available hand.

"We'll just have to keep being kind to you then, to show you that you deserve it. I've met many people whose faces I can't remember who don't deserve anything good, and you're not one of them." III states, firm as they wipe their own tears with the back of their hand.

"I don't know what its like to be loved with kindness. You've... Neither of you have ever hurt me. Why- Why haven't you hurt me? I deserve it! I've lied! I've hidden things from you! Even now, I-" Vessel barely stops himself from blurting out more of his secrets.

"Why would you want to love someone who doesn't love themselves? I don't deserve to be loved, not the way you two say you love me. I'm not worthy of it. I'll never be worthy of it. You can't love me, even if I want you to. You can't, please, I don't- I'm not worth it. I'm not worth it." Vessel sobs, golden tears staining his clothes as they drip relentlessly off his jaw, "I am ugly, I am flawed. I- I'm weak, I hurt myself. I am afraid."

Vessel continues trying to convince them that he is not worth their love, but that is not for him to decide. II finally has enough, crying too, and trying so desperately not to sob like Vessel is. The bonds are a mess of anguish, of Vessel's fright and such bone-deep self-loathing.

"Darling, I'm noticing your flaws and they're exactly what I want, even if you won't believe me. I love you, every part of you. Even the parts you consider ugly." II begs Vessel to believe him, to please, please just this once, believe him.

Vessel thinks back to what Sleep had said to him. Had urged him to do. To try and look beyond his past that chains him down, to see that they love him. Vessel still doesn't believe they do, but... if they're willing to at least pretend... Vessel is too selfish to deny them, deny II again, even if he knows it's only a matter of time before they realize how inadequate and ugly he truly is.

"You know I'll be yours, just want to be worth it." Vessel murmurs, finally, still sobbing quietly as he continues, "I've loved you both ever since I met you. You enraptured me, heart and soul. Paralyzed by my own will, I- I couldn't tell you. I knew neither of you returned my feelings. I knew... I knew you could never love me."

"You thought we would leave you, Sugar?" III asks gently, "Thought we would hurt you. You've just been trying to protect yourself from what you thought was inevitable. How many people have tore you down so thoroughly that you couldn't see how much we adore you?"

"Adore...?" Vessel murmurs, before what III had said before that sets in, "I- Every partner I've ever had. My parents. My peers. Everyone I have ever known. So many people hated me... There must've been reason to."

"There wasn't!" III snarls as II forces back a sob, "Not a single one of them were right in their treatment of you. You deserve the world and I will tell you that every day until you believe me!"

A fresh wave of tears spill over as Vessel's breaths come out in shorter and shorter pants. II smiles at him, and Vessel wishes it was clearer past the blur of his golden tears, because he can tell its a soft, watery thing as II cries, too.

Vessel wants to believe them, but he can't. If what III says is true, then why did Vessel have to suffer? Why him? He had to've done something wrong. Vessel couldn't fathom a reality where his entire existence up until that point, all that pain and suffering, wasn't a deserved punishment for something he had done.

II and III whisper gentle encouragements for Vessel to get his breathing under control, and its difficult. Difficult to think past his racing mind. Difficult to breathe past the gut wrenching sobs he manages to keep quiet even now. Vessel does eventually manage it, wiping his gold stained face of tears and snot, as silence passes between them for a moment. His bond loses the carefully curated calm, slipping away to reveal such aching self-loathing and a small bit of hope that flickers like a weak flame. II and III want to help, want to stifle that self-loathing and strengthen that flame of hope but how? How are they to help Vessel when he... Shit, when he doesn't even want to help himself?

II taps his fingers nervously to an unheard beat, seeming to think over something as the silence stretches on.

"Can I kiss you?" II asks, glancing from Vessel's eyes to his lips and back again. "I've been thinking about it for so long now."

Vessel smiles, and he tilts his head, a little shy, a little confused, even as he wants it, so desperately he feels he might burst at the seams with his need to know what II's lips on his feels like. "You're asking?"

"Of course I'm asking. If you don't want a kiss, then I won't kiss you." II affirms gently, struggling to keep the frown off his face, the sadness from the bond.

"You're asking- and I can say no?" The shyness is still there, but there is so much confusion stemming from Vessel's side of the bond that II wants to snap the neck of whoever did this to Vessel.

"You can always, always, say no. With me, or with II." III states firmly, needing to hold tighter to Vessel's hands in his own to stop the other man from picking at his self-harm scabs.

"My- my old partners didn't really- their rules were different."

"You had rules to follow? Like, in the bedroom?" III asks, desperate for clarification.

He begs Sleep for it really to be some sort of kinky BDSM situation but knows that with Vessel and his past, the chances are slim.

"No?" Vessel's voice has gotten smaller as he hunches into himself, that previous bit of shyness gone now, replaced with apprehension as the confusion remains. "I- I wasn't allowed to say no, with my third partner. She got me away from my second so I always just- did as she asked. Even if I didn't really want to. It was okay though because I loved her. She was nicer than my second and first. My other partners didn't ask either, were they supposed to?"

III immediately starts crying again as he nods furiously, unable to hold back the fat crystalline tears spilling down his cheeks as a large wave of misery floods the bond. Vessel panics, immediately pulling the slightly taller man into a side hug, "I-I'm sorry b- Three, I didn't mean to make you cry."

III shakes his head in refusal of the apology, taking II by the arm and shoving him a little closer.

"Can I have a kiss after Two?"

Vessel tilts his head hesitantly, turning it towards II as he asks, shyly but almost as though he doesn't think he should ask at all, "Does Two still want to kiss me?"

Nodding his head so fast III fears II'll break his neck, II leans forward, nose nearly touching Vessel's. He pauses, just before their lips would touch. He glances down at them, at the red, bitten and bleeding skin, and back up to Vessel's eyes, all six a little wide, a little excited. They're red as rubies, and filled with such anticipation II almost doesn't want to make him wait any longer.

"Are you sure?" II murmurs, and Vessel feels II's lips brush feather light against his own.

"Please." Vessel practically begs despite his better judgment, and II surges forward.

When II's lips meet Vessel's, he is swarmed by overwhelming affection. He cannot stop the grin that splits his face, that makes it difficult to continue kissing II even if that is all Vessel wants to do.

Gently, II's tongue brushes against Vessel's bottom lip, and Vessel eagerly opens it in invitation. II tastes like the tea he had for breakfast, floral and a little sweet, and the maple syrup of the pancakes Vessel watched him cook.

Vessel would never deny himself this, so long as II was willing. After getting this taste, Vessel doesn't think he would ever refuse II a kiss.

Hesitantly, Vessel opens his mouth a little wider, letting II's tongue explore his mouth with fascination. They're both careful of their respective fangs, even though Vessel purposefully nicks his tongue on one of II's little fangs, enjoying the sting.

Vessel has not let himself imagine anything truly romantic with II or III, but now that he has gotten the blessing of kissing one of them, he finds he wants more. So much more. He wants to sink his teeth into II and III and mark them as his. Vessel would love for them to do the same, to sink their own teeth into his skin and mark him as theirs. He hasn't felt this sort of possessiveness since his first partner, and the thought scares him, almost causes him to pull away from II prematurely.

II, feeling the small spike of fear down the bond, probes gently along the tether in question and Vessel shoves back reassurance when he feels II beginning to pull away. It causes II to relax further into the kiss, leaning into Vessel's space even more as he puts his weight on Vessel's thigh where their hands are clasped tightly.

"Can I have my kiss now? As hot as this is, it's my turn." III pouts lightheartedly, eyeing the both of them with arousal he has no intention to act upon.

Not yet, anyway. They'll need to figure things out with Vessel first, see where he stands on the sexual side of the relationship III is pretty sure they're all in now. The thought fills him with elation, and their leg begins to bounce as the anticipation rises.

II and Vessel are slow to pull away from each other, one of II's hand very lightly grazing Vessel's nape. Vessel's face feels flushed with heat, a little breathless as he pants with a grin so wide it hurts. II is much the same, and Vessel wonders what the other would look like with that same expression while on top of him. Longs to see such a sight with such deep desire Vessel is surprised at himself.

II pulls entirely away from Vessel as the taller man stares after him, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smile, contentment and love pouring down the bond. III pulls his chair closer with a harsh sound against the flooring, grabbing Vessel's shoulders gently and pulling him to meet them. His kiss is quicker to head into full on making out, tongue swiping across Vessel's bottom lip immediately.

III tastes like too-sweet vanilla coffee, over eager as their teeth clack against Vessel's. Vessel continues grinning anyway, absolutely elated just as he was when he kissed II. III's presence and tongue consume every thought in Vessel's head, the chair creaking as III puts more weight into the back of it to lessen the space between them.

"If you're not careful, the chair will break from under him." II comments in amusement as the chair creaks harshly again.

"We'll just buy a new one." III says between kisses, staring at Vessel even as the other has his eyes closed.

III is obsessed with the way Vessel tastes, a little bit of iron like blood, a little like his coffee half finished on the table, vanilla and hazelnut from the copious amounts of creamer he put in. III just might have to try out their coffee that way sometime, just to see if it could compare to the taste of Vessel.

As much as Vessel would love nothing more than to kiss II and III, to watch them kiss each other, all day, for as long as they'll let him, there is a need building in the back of his mind.

It had been building under his skin ever since the first murder; the need to kill himself to grant his mind rest. His body did not rest, could not rest even in Sleep's realm, and his mind is suffering under the minor headache and the tremble that will not leave his frame. He intended to come home, to kill himself last night before either one of the others knew he had returned. He was going to rest in the only way he knew how, and then tell II and III what he had done in the morning. That plan had not come to pass.

It is better for Vessel to ask, to let them know he intends to turn the bond off, than to do it all of a sudden. At least, that's what Vessel tells himself. He needs to rest.

So Vessel pulls away first, disappointment mirrored on III's face. It only grows when Vessel speaks, "I'm going to go worship, to- to thank Sleep for bringing us together. For giving me the opportunity to take your pain away. I- Can- Can I turn my bond off, just until I'm done? I promise I'll turn it back on after. I'm sorry."

Guilty eyes plead with II and III who remain close, sat stiffly in their dining table chairs. Anxiety chases away any lingering peace from the moment they'd just had.

III bitterly turns away, not responding, but II nods slowly in acceptance. Vessel is near tears with his thankfulness, flooding the bond with it and his guilt and his apologies.

As Vessel escapes upstairs, what II says to his back as he goes almost causes Vessel to turn right back around, to keep the bond open and not worship today at all. "I love you, Vessel."

Vessel does pause, though, halfway up the staircase on the little landing before it continues up at a different angle, "I love you as well, Two. And you, Three."

With a bit of hesitation, Vessel sends a small amount of his large expanse of love down the bond. He does not wish to overwhelm them with it. It is met with care, gently cradled in the souls of the other vessels. They send back their own love, and its hard for Vessel to deny they do love him to some extent, now that he knows that is what it feels like. Its hard, but not impossible. Vessel knows it is only a matter of time before this infatuation fades, before they realize they love each other more than they love him. Vessel can see it clear as day. They love each other like he loves them. He thinks he can be happy if they find happiness together, even if that happiness does not include him. Already, they've given him so much more than he could ever have asked for. They've been so kind, more considerate than he deserves. Vessel loves them.

The altar room is cold, the candles unlit as he locks the door behind him. The sigil on the wall gleams in the darkness, his vision capturing the shine clearly. Under a loose floorboard by one of the walls, a knife sits. Vessel retrieves it, removing his hoodie and unstrapping his mask from his belt. Folding the hoodie and placing the mask on top with care, Vessel leaves it at his side. Unwrapping the bandages II did for him yesterday, Vessel hesitates to bring the knife to his wrist.

'My Vessel, returning so soon?' Black and red swirls in the offering plate as Vessel finally brings the blade to his skin, dragging it up the vein on his arm to speed along his death.

'Yes, my God.' Vessel replies as he watches the blood spill heavily from the wound.

Vessel does not think he has any right to ask for this, and yet he wonders if his God will grant the request.

'Speak, my First. Ask, and I will answer.'

'No, it is alright, my God. I will ask another time.' Vessel refutes, worrying his lower lip between a fang.

Another time. He will only ask if there is no other option. This is the last time Vessel intends to kill himself for the foreseeable future, so he knows it is only a matter of time before he buckles under the pressure.

Vessel offers up all of his blood to Sleep again, loving the sting and the numb cold spreading throughout his body. He dies with a rueful smile on his face, and Sleep takes care to fix his wounds while he lingers in a state of not-death. He wants them to truly love him so badly. He wants to let himself love them fully, without holding himself back, but Vessel fears his love is too much. He fears driving them away. Before death takes his mind, he is reliving every moment of II and III's lips on his, fanning that flame of hope in his soul despite his best efforts.

::

As Vessel's soul is cut off from theirs, as the void in their chests open with that sudden emptiness, II and III reach for each other. III's bond is still laced with bitter sadness, a twinge of fear that echoes II's own. It is not an easy thing, to feel that Vessel is dead when they know differently.

"I think we overwhelmed him. Did you see his face when he left?" III frowns, and II nods, brow furrowed.

II is the first to reach out, hands coming to rest tenderly on either side of III's face as he leans forward to plant a kiss on his lips, careful of the bruising already beginning to heal. Then another, and another, until the last one is deepened by III. They spend a few minutes like that, trading gentle kisses that range from chaste to deeper ones full of tongue and careful nips. It is II that pulls away first, wrapping III in a tight hug.

"Thank you." II breathes out, cheek pressed to III's chest.

"For what?" They ask, beginning to card a hand through II's hair as the other rests on II's hip.

"You've helped him. Helped me. More than you know. We needed you, and I'm so, so glad Sleep chose you. I love him so dearly. I was always someone who spoke their mind about these sorts of things, but no one else has made me feel the way he does. The way you do. The thought of messing up what we had scared me so badly. You helped us work past it. He's going to let us love him."

::

When Vessel wakes as if from a restless sleep, head resting in the empty offering plate, he feels... guilty. II and III's bonds are immediately open to him, though Vessel keeps his shut away for now. Just until he gathers his wits and leaves the altar room.

They had asked him not to shut his bond off. He had promised, and yet was too weak to keep that promise. They did not even get angry with him. They did not hit him or yell, but Vessel thinks their clear disappointment hurt far worse than anything else they could've done. Vessel has to keep it this time. He has gotten a taste of what their love could feel like, a taste of them, lingering on his tongue.

Vessel resolves to not kill himself anymore, just as he had promised. It is one he intends to keep, for as long as his resolve remains. If it means he bleeds more, then so be it. Vessel will simply have to be careful not to go too far. He has killed himself plenty now, he knows his limits.

Vessel stumbles out of the altar room, nursing a worse migraine than before as he goes searching for II and III. His bond opens, the tether snapping into place with the other souls linked to it, and Vessel feels whole again. He follows the tether and the gentle tugging from III's bond, finding II and III in II's room, laid out on his bed trading soft little kisses with the door open in invitation. Vessel is envious of their tender expressions, but it doesn't last long as III turns to look at Vessel, that same expression still gracing their features.

It doesn't falter or fall, only remains as it was when III was looking at II. "Sugar! Come lay with us awhile. Two and I were thinking of going downstairs to play some more NieR in a little while, if you want."

II's face is flushed as he looks up at III from below them, a little dazed looking, but his dopey smile is easily turned towards Vessel when III makes him aware that Vessel is there.

Their smiles widen when Vessel begins to make his way towards the bed, hovering at the edge of it unsurely. II sits up as III moves off of him, releasing the smaller man from the cage their arms had made.

II offers his hand to Vessel, who takes it and lets II pull him gently onto the bed. As he does so, III speaks, "I gave Two plenty of kisses after I managed to get him under me, can I give you some now?"

At Vessel's eager nod, III reaches forward and pulls Vessel close by the nape of his neck, careful not to let their fingers wrap around Vessel's throat. Another hand is slowly put on Vessel's shoulder, and Vessel lets III maneuver him to lay on the bed, watching in rapt attention as III straddles him. His skin feels alight with anticipation, a frown soon marring his features as III asks if he can cage Vessel in with their arms, like they did II. Unable to get any words out, Vessel grabs his phone in frustration. He knew this was coming, and he hates that he cannot speak to the only people he wants to hear his voice.

'Do not touch my neck, chest, or wrists. Anything else is fine.' Vessel types on his phone, wanting III to hurry up and kiss him.

Despite what Vessel said, as III leans over him, tall frame blocking out Vessel's view of the ceiling and his pretty blonde hair like a halo, he begins to feel nervousness creep under his skin. It fades somewhat as III leans down to kiss him, soft lips pressing against Vessel's, bitten and chapped. II's hand takes a hold of one of Vessel's at their sides, leaned up against his headboard as he watches his new lovers kiss tenderly. Just this morning, II was sure Vessel would reject them, was sure it was going to be far more difficult to convince Vessel that they loved him. Even now, II isn't sure Vessel believes them, knows it is likely going to be a long journey until he understands how they worship him.

II leans over so the angle doesn't strain Vessel's arm, pressing gentle kisses to his fingertips, hand clasped in his own with care. Affection swells up in Vessel's chest, so much he feels as though he will burst at the seams with it. He has never been kissed so reverently before, never with such gentle care. Unwillingly, his fingers tighten over II's hand, trying to pull him a little closer even as his breath is consistently stolen by III's lips.

III is relentless as he presses kiss after kiss to Vessel's lips, holding the kiss a little longer each time. At some point, Vessel's eyes slip closed, letting III do as he pleases as his nervousness slips away. There is a gentle press of lips to his forehead, over each closed eyelid, over both cheekbones and the tip of his nose. II holds Vessel's hand close to his face, pressing the back of Vessel's hand to his cheek, taking in his muscles losing their tension and the relaxed expression on his face with awe. II isn't sure he's ever seen Vessel completely relaxed, so unguarded like this. Its the closest II thinks they'll ever get to seeing what Vessel would look like at rest.

His messy hair is splayed out around him, pulled back into a half up, half down style that Vessel had asked II to do earlier that morning. It leaves his pointed ears on display, the stud piercings that sit in his lobes.

III pauses before they go in for another kiss on Vessel's mouth, intending to deepen it, "You're beautiful, Sugar."

Vessel's eyes blink open, and he smiles, a tiny, sad thing that speaks volumes of just what Vessel thinks of that statement. His free hand comes to rest over his chest, shaking his head, before he reaches up and gently places all five fingers, then his palm against III's chest, nodding his head. What Vessel is trying to say is clear. He doesn't think he's pretty at all, thinks III is the pretty one. II wishes he could show Vessel how he sees him, how utterly captivating he is.

One day, they'll manage to convince him of his beauty, no matter what. For now, they'll smother him in their love until he believes them in their surety of its existence.

"I love you Vessel." III murmurs against Vessel's lips, watching him closely in fascination.

Vessel smiles, pressing his lips back to III's in answer, trying to put his love into the kiss since his words have failed him. One long arm reaches put and pulls II to III's side as the other man fumbles to stay upright, a hand coming to III's shoulder. They're careful not to put too much weight on Vessel who still lays below them, six eyes half-lidded and face flushed.

"Just because I'm shorter doesn't mean you get to boss me around in bed, sweetheart." II says, using his superior strength to shove III over.

He lets out an oomph as they land beside Vessel, laughing along with II who follows them, placing short kisses on III's mouth. Now that they've all had a taste, they can't seem to get enough of kissing one another. Not that any of them are complaining; far, far from it, actually.

"It is a crime I can't kiss the both of you at once." II frowns, hovering on his knees between the other two's prone bodies.

"It's a good thing I like to watch, then. Watch you both kiss, that is. Among other things." III smirks slyly, batting his pretty eyelashes up at II.

Vessel's hands have come to rest on his stomach, a surprised, quiet snort of a laugh leaving him.

"While I can't say I'm surprised, those other things can wait until we've had a proper conversation about sex, sweetheart."

"We could have the conversation right no-"

"I'd prefer to wait a bit." II glances down at Vessel with a tender look, "After we figure out what we all are to each other, and how we're going to navigate whatever this is. I'd like us to settle into the relationship first." II waves between all three of them.

"Oh, thank Sleep you brought it up, I was losing my mind wondering. Are we all dating?" III asks, sitting up on an elbow, brushing a strand of hair behind their ear.

"I would like us to be."

Vessel sits up enough to grab his phone again from where it had fallen somewhere beside him, and the others wait patiently for him to type out what he wants to say. 'All three of us?'

"Yes, Ves. Have you never heard of polyamory?" II says, a brow raising in question, not intending to come across as demeaning but feeling a little like he did anyway.

'I have.' Vessel starts, typing something out and then backspacing as his bond shrinks away like he is trying to minimize its presence, as he clearly tries to hide without projecting calm when that isn't what he is feeling.

III is glad Vessel is trying, at least. Glad that Vessel listened to him, even if it seems they couldn't quite get through to him about closing the bond off entirely.

Vessel does not turn the phone around, only let's his hands fall to rest in his lap as he scoots back against the headboard, a claw very gently tapping against the back casing in anxiety. II and III share a confused glance before III speaks, "Well, I would prefer the term partner, but boyfriend is fine, too."

Vessel is confused. None of his past relationships started off this way. There was no clarification for sex or terms or if they were even dating. If Vessel was kissed, and did not refuse another, then his past partners always just assumed they were dating. There was no asking if Vessel wanted it, too. It wasn't like Vessel minded, at the time. He was in love with his past partners, happy to go along with whatever they wanted as long as they'd stay with him.

He is confused, though when is he not, when it comes to the other vessels. II refused III's offer to talk over the sexual aspect of their relationship, saving it for a later time. Vessel didn't realize that was an option. He was prepared to go along with anything the other two wanted, happy to receive anything they would give him. He didn't realize that they were going to talk over the sexual aspect of the relationship at all. It fills him with anxiety, as he knows he'll need to keep his mouth shut and keep the things he likes to himself so they'll be pleased with him.

"Ves? Are you okay?" II asks, when he notices Vessel has stopped contributing to the conversation, has seemed to stop listening entirely.

Vessel cannot stop the looping words in his mind, even as he smiles at II shakily, nodding.

'Of course a little freak like you would be into that. Keep your mutilation bullshit to yourself. Do it again, and the next hit will be worse.'

Vessel learned to keep his thoughts of sex to himself, learned to let them do whatever they wished. Sex was not something Vessel had much care for, after his first partner. The time after him, with his second and third, was not much different. Vessel expects sex with II and III to be no different, despite their clear differences to his past partners.

'Boyfriend or partner is fine with me.' Vessel types, hands shaking as he holds the phone up for them to see.

"Okay, those're fine with me as well." II says, taking note of Vessel's tremble, grabbing his free hand to rub soothingly over his knuckles.

"Can I kiss you, Doll?" III blurts, already leaning forward from where he had sat up next to Vessel.

II smiles, leaning forward to meet III's lips happily. "You don't need to ask me, honey, I'm always available for your kisses. Unless I'm behind my drum set."

"I'm setting a good example for Vessel's sake." III pouts, and II kisses it off of them with a smile.

Eager as he is to watch them kiss, to watch as II's blush spreads over his exposed shoulders due to his tank top, Vessel wishes to do something else.

He taps III's thigh, holding his phone out for them to look at when they manage to pull away from II. His smile is bright, and it only widens when they read what Vessel has written.

"Doll, Vessel wants to head downstairs to play more NieR. I can't refuse him, look at how pretty our boyfriend is, asking so nicely." III urges with a cheeky smirk, and II turns to look at Vessel with a smile of his own.

"He is a very, very pretty boyfriend, isn't he?" II smirks as well, eyes raking down Vessel's form.

Vessel flushes with heat at their words, red spreading from his cheeks to his ears. He scrambles to get up from the bed so he doesn't have to respond, bond filled with shy embarrassment as II and III giggle good naturedly from behind him.

Vessel... is glad to realize that they are not laughing at him, not in a cruel way. His embarrassment does not stem from shame, only bashfulness at their words and he knows that. Not long ago, it feels like, Vessel would have felt as though they were laughing at him out of cruelty.

II and III meet Vessel down in the living room, finding him already swathed under a large blanket that he opens up in offering as II sits beside him. III turns pretty, begging blue eyes on Vessel when he sees that he can't sit between both Vessel and II, and Vessel can't help his amusement as he scoots over, away from II, so that there is space between them.

II gets up quickly and speeds off to the kitchen, returning with cold drinks. III snatches up the Mountain Dew with haste, cracking open the top and taking a sip as the PlayStation starts up.

"Would you like to play this time?" III asks, controller held up in offering.

Hesitantly, before Vessel can overthink it too much, he nods. He dies, repeatedly, and constantly clicks the button for a different action than he wanted, but as he learns the controls, Vessel finds more and more enjoyment in the game. His six eyes can track different things all at once, allowing him to notice enemies before they hit him, though it doesn't make his fingers any better at clicking the correct buttons. Taking in the sights of the game is easier, too, able to keep an eye on his character, the scenery, and any enemies.

'Can I turn the sound effects down a little bit, so I can hear the music better?' Vessel asks after just dying for the umpteenth time to a difficult boss.

"Of course, and can you turn subtitles on? I keep forgetting to." Vessel is already nodding in agreement, bottom set of eyes looking down at the controller to make sure he pushes the right button.

They sit like that until well past midnight, II's head in III's lap as he snores under an extra blanket, one hand clutching III's thigh. III leans heavily on Vessel, too, more and more as the night wears on. Changing positions as his back protests, Vessel leans back into the cushions from where he had been sat forward with his elbows on his knees. III follows, leaning their head on Vessel's shoulder, blinking slowly yet fighting valiantly to stay awake.

Vessel pauses the game after III's head slips off his shoulder for the umpteenth time, III jerking awake and righting their head only to repeat again a few seconds later.

"Oh, you've started ending B." III murmurs, already beginning to nod off again.

A very gentle jostling at his shoulder causes III to look up, finding Vessel's dim phone screen awaiting them.

'Go on to bed.'

"No, I'm okay. I'll just stay here with you and Two. You should start a new game, so you can play all on your own without worrying about us. Then we can take turns on this save file." III replies, shuffling around on the couch to get more comfortable.

'You'll be sore in the morning when you wake.' Vessel argues, but III only blinks blearily at the phone screen before shaking their head in refusal.

They shift II carefully to be more in their lap as they lean towards Vessel again, and Vessel does not move away, only let's III use him as a pillow while they settle down to actually get some rest.

"Goodnight Sugar, I love you."

Vessel brushes a gentle hand over III's hair in answer, unable to speak still but needing to respond to III somehow.

What is Vessel to do with those two?

After making sure II and III remain asleep and unaware, Vessel snaps a photo of them laid together. He settles in under the blanket for a long night, starting up a new save file on the easiest difficulty. It can't hurt to play every difficulty available, just to challenge himself.