Am I dead now? or am I struggling? here is me, I am lost of words. What am I going to do now? I thought I was alive but I am a spirit. Isaiah can't here me, I can't touch Him either, I am talking to myself, he said I was involved in a major motorcycle accident. I thought I am having a good time with the red girl, was it just a dream? is this reality? I can't imagine myself that time. I can't remember anything except me ordering a coffee of two in the cafeteria. What really happened to me? Phaul remember anything please...

I realize that life is indeed short, so live as if you're dying tomorrow. I tapped my head to remember what really happened to me. I am sitting in our sofa, tapping and tapping my head saying "remember anything, remember anything Phaul!"

There you go... memories are coming back to me, It was really me.. I was bumped by a motorcycle when I wanted to save the Red Girl from crossing the wrong lane. I was hit so hard in the head, blood is everywhere. My hands have scratches, bruises. Ambulance siren is weeping. People are encircling me, they wanted to rescue me. The blood on the ground is so gross. I lost a lot of amount of blood, will I ever survive?

Then suddenly the scene change... where Am I?

I am in a building with white paint, people with lab coats, I entered a room full of scalpels, with doctors and nurses, I saw a man lying on a hospital bed, then I saw myself. Struggling to live, struggling to breath. What will I be now? I'm dying, I saw Kate weeping outside the operating room. Her face looks so sad. I want to ease away her worries but I am so heartless to be mean to her when I was still alive.

Phone ringing....

Kate: Yes? Hello Isaiah?

Isaiah: I'm almost there now, how's Paul's condition?

Kate: Phauls operation is still ongoing, He lost a lot amount of blood, the Doctors said He need a blood Donor, He is type AB+ ,same as mine, I think I'm going to donate mine.

Isaiah: Are you sure? I'm sorry if I can't donate, I'm type B.

Kate: Yes, I am sure, I am willing to donate my blood just for Phaul.

Isaiah: I just want to apologize to you if Paul wasn't nice to you the other day, He really hates you and now you are playing the good Samaritan. I have no words to say, but thanks for being there with Phaul.

Kate: Well I am just applying what God told me, if anyone curses, hates you, don't pay them back with cursing or hate, instead pay them back with love. This world is full of cruelty already, I hope and pray that Phaul will realize how much I love him as a brother in Christ.

Isaiah: That's awesome to hear Kate, we will keep on praying for His safety, I know he can overcome it by the help of God. By the way I am in the Hospital now, what room are you.

Kate: Oh really, we are here on the third floor, Operating Room no. 316

Isaiah: Ok get it, keep safe.

Kate: You too Isaiah.

Isaiah: Bye

Kate: Bye

Then their calls ended. I am really speechless right now. I have mistreated Kate and she don't deserve all the bullying things I have done to her. I am really bad. So bad. She is willing to donate her blood for me even if I know she's sick, I mean physically.

"Hey!" , said Isaiah. He barge in where Kate was sitting.

"Finally you're here Isaiah." said Kate

"So how was He?" Isaiah is looking at me through the transparent mirror in the operating room.

"The Doctors said that the operation will last for 12 Hours, He had a major seizure on His knee, Her left leg was fractured, part of His skull was broken, and the Doctors were glad that His brain was not completely paralyzed. Only 1/4 of it was affected, let's pray that He can make it, I know Paul is strong." Kate explained while me staring at her in deep shock.

I can tell that Isaiahs face was full of dismay too, my brother wanted to cry. He too was shocked by what Kate told Him.

"Come sit down, don't worry Isaiah, God will save Phaul, let us trust Him." Kate grab Isaiahs shoulder and make Him sit in front of the chairs of the the operating room. Both of them can barely see the 6 Doctors who help Phaul in His battle.

Then I heard my brothers phone ringing. He picked it up and it was Mom.

Isaiah: Yes Mom, Hello?

Mom: (Sobbing)

Isaiah: Mom, It's going to be okay.

Mom: We will be leaving here tomorrow, I can't wait to see your brother. (Sobbing). So how was he now?

Isaiah: He is fighting Mom. We are here witnessing the operation. I know God will never abandon Phaul.

Mom: We will keep on praying for your brother, Me and Dad worries about you too, please take good care son. We will be there soon. I miss you both.

Isaiah: We missed you too Mom. Stay Strong, everything will be alright, let's just keep the faith.

Mom: You are right son, I will pray to God that He will survive the operation. He is young with many dreams, I can't afford to loose Him, even though He didn't came from me but He is still my child. I may not be His biological mother but I am glad that I have met your brother Isaiah. (Sobbing)

Mom made me cry by her statements. I suddenly remembered the day she met me in the orphanage. Mom was very pretty that day she met me. I was busy drawing a family in a coupon bond that time, sitting on a chair, so young but lost, unloved, but she approach me and tell me what am I doing.

Throwback

Mom: Hello there cutie, what are you doing?
Me: Hmmm who are you? I am drawing my family.

My drawing that time was very disturbing. I draw me, my true mom and dad. I am outside the house that is burning and my mom and dad was there. Then she asked me what is the meaning of my drawing.

Mom: Can you tell me the story behind this? (While pointing on my drawing) The social workers here tells me that your name is Phaul.
Me: My mom and dad died
Mom: I'm sorry to hear that, but remember you are not alone okay. I'm sorry for your loss.
Me: No, it's okay. My dad killed my mom, that's why I draw a house that's burning. When they were still alive, they always fight. I feel like unwanted, unloved, that's why I draw myself outside the house.
Mom: Really? (Sobbing) now listen to me, everything that is happening in our life has a reason. We may never understand it but stay strong okay. I am willing to adopt you dear, you will never be alone anymore.

I really treasure that time Mom told me those things to keep strong and hold on. But all I did is to hurt them by this accident. I'm really sorry for myself.