When Theo returns, he picks up the broken pieces of glass and gets a broom to sweep up any remnants. He comes to stand behind the chairs where Cal and I are still sitting together.

"Uh, Cal." He places a hand on his shoulder while his other hand rests against the back of my neck. "We need to let April and Emy in still... I can get them, but I'm not sure if..." He doesn't finish his sentence but he doesn't have to. I'm not sure if you want your daughter to see you like this.

Cal lifts his head from where it's resting against mine. "Right, yah, just give me a minute." He takes a few deep breaths while looking around the kitchen. He keeps his arms around me. "Thanks for cleaning that up."

"No problem," Theo answers while giving his shoulder a squeeze. "Why don't you two go upstairs? I'll send April up and get Emily to help me clean the kitchen."

Cal starts to protest but then a tremor runs through my body and he tucks me closer against his side. "Okay, yah. Thanks man." He pushes back his chair and moves to his feet while keeping one of his arms secured around me. "Let's go, Emy."

My legs feel like lead while Cal helps me to my feet. Theo's fingertips graze against my neck, and I turn away from Cal to step closer to him.

"Milia." His strong arms wrap around me in a warm embrace. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I know how much he meant to you." He kisses the top of my head while I cling to him. "I'm so sorry."

There's no use in trying to speak. What would I say anyway? I just cling to him, wishing our bodies could morph together so that I could rely completely on his strength to keep myself from crumbling.

"Cal..." Theo's voice comes out in a desperate whisper over my head.

"I know," Cal agrees to whatever silent message Theo is sending him. "Stay with her. I... I got this. I'm good." The tremble in his voice tells another story.

In my peripheral, I see him straightening out his shoulders and taking a step toward the back door. I pull away from Theo to stop him. "No, Cal. Wait." I catch his arm in my hands and pull back on it to make him face me.

His stoic expression immediately crumbles into a twisted look of pain and he pulls me close for another tight hug.

"Theo, you can get them," I insist when I see the anxious way he's watching me. "I'll be okay with Cal."

Cal shakes his head and tries to step away from me. "No, Emy, I know you want Theo. And he'll be better at this. I'm just going to be a little bitch and stuck in my own head. I can keep it together in front of Monster for a little while."

"No, Cal." I refuse to let go of him. "You shouldn't have to keep it together. He was your bestfriend."

My words cause the tears in his eyes to start flowing. He stops trying to walk away from me and wraps his arms around me again. "Nawh, you were always my bestfriend, Emy," he tells me in a quiet voice. "Still are."

It's not that I don't believe him but I know that the bond he had with Justin was different. I know because the bond I had with Justin was different too. He may have been irresponsible and reckless but he loved hard, and he always tried to pick his friends up when they were feeling down—even if his methods weren't exactly healthy.

The guilt over not being there for him when he was feeling down sneaks up on me with a vengeance.

Is this my fault? Adam warned me, years ago, that Justin and I were a bad idea. Why didn't I listen? He was a mess the last time I saw him and I didn't check in on him. Not even once. I didn't even unblock his number until I wanted to yell at him last night.

My knees buckle under the weight of the accusations my mind is hurling at me.

Cal catches me against his body and clings tighter to me to keep me standing. "You're going to go upstairs with Theo now, Em," he instructs quietly.

I feel strong hands on my waist and release my grip on Cal to sink back into Theo's body. "But Cal..."

Memories of when Pops died keep finding their way into my head—the way that Cal completely shut down before hurting himself and all but admitting that he wanted to end it all. I had to watch him around the clock to make sure it didn't happen, and when it got too much for me, it was Justin that stepped in to help carry the load.

"No. Stop," Cal speaks firmly yet gently while taking my hand in his, and I wonder if he knows what's going on in my head. "I'm alright. Well, no, I'm not, but it's nothing you need to concern yourself with right now. I want to see my girls, okay? And you need to go do whatever you gotta do without worrying about how I'm holding together. Got it? I'm not going to do anything stupid, Emy. I promise you."

I want to believe him but my brain rebels at the idea of letting him out of my sight.

But then I see the way his eyes keep moving to the back door. I notice the way his feet are already planted in that direction, and the words he spoke truly sink in: "I want to see my girls."

He doesn't need me in this moment. He needs April and Emily. And the realization doesn't bring me any pain like it once had. It brings relief.

"We'll talk later then?" The words come out in a hoarse whisper due to the burning sensation in the back of my throat.

"Yah, Emy. Of course. I'll just clean up with April and Monster and—"

"I'll get it later, Cal," Theo cuts in quietly while he moves his hands from my waist and carefully turns me in his arms.

"Come here, sweetheart." He lifts me up and then speaks over my shoulder to Cal again while he smooths a palm up and down my back. "Just be with them, Cal. You can tell Emily, you know. You don't need to hide your pain from her. You don't need to hide it from anyone. Let her see that it's okay to show your feelings... She's going to need to know how to do that soon. Just, uh, don't break anymore glasses."

A sad chuckle comes from Cal. "You're right," he agrees. "I hate that you're right but you are. And yah, no, I definitely won't be breaking anything else. Not in front of her."

I feel his hand on my back now too, and he gives it a soft pat. "I'd tell you to take care of her, but I already know you will," he speaks to Theo in a voice full of emotion. Shortly after, the back door clicks closed behind him as he lets himself outside.

Theo keeps me in his arms while he walks through the living room to the staircase. His gait subtly betrays his bad leg but he doesn't seem to be straining in the least under my weight, and I know he'd deny any discomfort if I asked him about it.

His hand leaves my back to grip the railing on the way up the stairs but as soon as we've reached the top floor he goes back to smoothing it up and down my spine. He carries me to the guest bedroom and once we've entered, he pushes the door back towards the frame. It remains open a couple of inches, and I'm left wondering whether it was an intentional decision on his part or merely a coincidence.

"Milia." He sets me down on the edge of the bed and then crouches on the ground in front of me. His large hands rest on my thighs while he gazes into my blurry eyes. "If you need anything, you just let me know, okay? But—"

I begin to shake my head and mumble, "I don't... I can't..." I don't know what to do with myself right now.

"Shh, shh. I know, baby. Let me finish." He reaches up to tuck some of my hair behind my ear and strokes my cheek with the side of his thumb. "I was going to say, I'm going to do my best take care of you right now. If I start anything that you don't want, you tell me. If anything comes to your mind that you do want, you tell me. Otherwise, I'll just do what I think might be helpful and we'll get through this night together. Okay, Princess?"

"Okay, Theo," I whisper my reply. The lump in my throat makes talking at a normal level impossible.

"That's all we gotta do right now. Get through the night. I won't lie to you, it's still going to be terrible tomorrow. And the day after that... Probably for a long time." I hang my head as he speaks and he grazes my cheek with his thumb again. "But we're not going to worry about that now, alright? We're just going to get you through the night. We'll take this one day at a time."

I weakly nod my head, getting nailed by a wave of both physical and emotional exhaustion.

"Okay, uh, first things first. Let's get you more comfortable. Lie back."

When my back hits the mattress, his hands move to the button of my jeans. When they're unfastened, he slips them off and then picks up my legs and turns my body to place them up on the bed.

He climbs in after me and kisses my cheek while one of his large hands runs up and down my bare thigh, and a question blurts out of my mouth. "Are we going to have sex now?"

He pauses his hand's movement on my leg and props himself up on an elbow to gaze down at me. "Are you telling me that's what you want—what you need—right now?"

I slowly shake my head in answer because I know that it's not, and Theo's concerned expression turns to a look of relief.

The place inside of me that is angry at the world rears its hostile head. "Fuck, Theo. You don't need to look so damn relieved about not having to turn me down yourself this time."

"Milia," he speaks my name gently while moving his hand from my thigh to my arm where he resumes his stroking. "I wasn't going to turn you down... That's why I'm relieved."

When he sees the way I'm frowning, he explains himself. "I know it's not what you need right now. And it's still important to me that we not go there yet... But you're half undressed in a bed with me, and I've been desperately missing you, thinking about you constantly... and a lot of those thoughts were far from honourable. There's not a thing in this world that I'd be able to deny you right now if you asked for it. I've always had a hell of a time saying no to you. But now? I couldn't do it, whether I think it's a bad idea or not. So yeah, I'm a little relieved, but only because if you asked me to make love to you right now, I would. I would without hesitation... But I think we'd both regret our first time together being under these circumstances, and I don't want that for us."

I reach up to scratch my fingers through his beard while his rich brown eyes continue to gaze down at me with so much care and love. "Careful, Theodore," I warn him. "You keep talking like that and I may change my mind and ask you after all."

He laughs softly and leans down to kiss me in that slow, passionate, perfect way of his. "I love you, Emilia."

I smile at him but the good feeling is quickly replaced by guilt that I am smiling in a time like this. My tears begin to fall again and I drop my hand from the back of his head to curl onto my side.

Theo shifts behind me, laying his head down on the pillow behind mine and curling his body around me. He pulls me flush against him and wraps his arms around my body. "One day at a time, Princess. We'll get you through this."

I press my face against my pillow to muffle my sobs, and Theo's hand touches my cheek.  "There's no need to be quiet, baby. Just let it out."

I turn in his arms to cry against his chest. His fingers slowly run through my hair.

----------

I wake up alone in the bed and hear muffled voices in the hallway.

"How's she doing?" April asks.

I roll over to face the door as Theo answers, catching the shadows in the hallway through the crack that was once again left open.

"She's sleeping. Exhausted herself by crying and passed out maybe thirty minutes ago. She's... Geez, April. This stings. She's hurting so bad and there's nothing I can do to make it better."

"She was able to fall asleep with you, Theo. That alone means you're helping her more than you realize. You should take this time to get some sleep too."

"Yeah... Maybe. How's Cal holding up?"

"He's taking a shower. He was doing pretty good until Emily went to bed. I think she hugged him a little too tightly, and when he stepped out of her bedroom it was like it all hit him at once. It's good though... As much as it breaks my heart to see, I always feel a little more at ease when he lets himself cry, even if he's hiding in the shower now to do it."

"And you? How are you doing?"

"Well, like I said, it's hard seeing him cry but—"

"That's not what I'm talking about, April. He plans to turn himself in. You're pregnant, and once again, your husband isn't going to be around. Aren't you tired of having to do it alone?"

"I've never been alone, Theo. I have an overly committed little brother that bought the house next door to mine. I couldn't do it alone if I wanted to."

"Wow. He sounds great."

April lets out a quiet laugh. "He's the best. But you know, if he ever wanted to move or, I don't know, go on a vacation with a pretty woman, he could. I'd be okay."

"I know you would be. But if you want to know the truth, I think he may have moved next door more for himself than for his sister, anyway. He was a bit of a mess for awhile there."

"He seems pretty solid to me now."

"He's come a long way."

"That you have. You even let yourself fall in love, Theo. I'm so proud of you. I know Ben would be too."

"Thanks, sis. I didn't have much of a choice in the matter though. My feelings for her just sort of snuck up on me, and before I knew it, I wanted to strangle Cal for ever hurting her, but at the same time I was thankful that his messed up past brought her to me."

"You've mentioned strangling my husband a few too many times over the years, Theo."

"But I never have, right?"

They both chuckle and then Theo clears his throat. "You know I love him, April. He felt like a brother to me even before I knew you two were sneaking behind my back."

"That feels like a lifetime ago."

"A lot has happened these past few years."

"And we've always come out on the other side. It won't be any different this time, Theo. I'm terrified of having to face reality if Cal insists on going through with this... and I don't think he's going to change his mind. You can talk to him about it, eventually, but please don't give him a hard time. He's convinced he needs to do this and telling him otherwise is only going to make things harder on all of us. I know we can handle it. We've handled everything that's come so far. And I know the two of them will be able to handle the news they got tonight. It's just going to take some time."

Theo lets out a long sigh and though I can't see him, I'm sure he's stroking his beard while he begrudgingly nods in agreement. "I told Milia the same thing. One day at a time. But it's easier to say than to follow. I just want to fix everything for her. For you and Cal and Emily too."

"You're not God, Theo. It's best if you leave the fixing up to Him or you're going to dig yourself into a hole again."

"I know, I know. It's just..."

"Come here."

My heart breaks at the realization that Theo must be crying. I want to jump out of bed and run to him to wrap my arms around him but by the sounds of it, his sister already has it covered.

"Thanks, April. Ben would be really proud of you too, you know. The way you've made a life for you and Emily in his absence is really something."

"Taking it one day at a time can take you a long way. And like I said, I had this pesky little brother who moved in next door. I didn't do it alone."

There's a brief moment of silence and then Theo clears his throat. "Well, that pesk of a brother of yours is going to go clean up your kitchen. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Theo, you don't have to do that."

"I know, but I just heard the shower turn off, and you know he's going to need you. I want to step out for a smoke anyway. Thanks for the talk, sis. I love you."

"Gah, Theo." Now it's April who sounds like she's crying. "I love you too but did you have to say that now? I'm way too hormonal."

"Honestly, I don't think I tell you enough. Get used to the idea of hearing it from me a lot more."

"Go away. And make sure you put the plates in the dishwasher the right way."

"Yeah, yeah. I know you're a freak about the dish placement. Love you, sis."

His footsteps recede down the hallway, and I hear April sniffle a few times before Cal's voice rumbles through the hall.

"Where the fuck is he going?"

"Shh," April reminds him to lower his voice. "He's going to tidy the kitchen."

"He's supposed to be with Emy," Cal shoots back, sounding frustrated.

"He was." April's voice comes out softly but with a bit of an edge to it. "He just slipped out now because she's asleep."

"Not anymore, she's not."

"What do you—" April stops talking as Cal pushes open the door and they find me lying awake on the bed.

"He left her. She was bound to wake up if he left her," Cal grumbles under his breath while walking toward me with just a towel wrapped around his waist.

April shifts uncomfortably, torn between defending her brother and sympathizing with her husband. "That's not fair, Cal..." She reprimands him softly, but I think we both know that Cal isn't actually upset with Theo. He just still doesn't quite know how to handle difficult emotions without lashing out at somebody.

"I'm okay, Cal," I explain while he takes a seat on the edge of the mattress. He gives me a skeptical look and I try again, "Maybe I'm not okay... but it's okay that Theo's not right next to me every second. How are you doing?"

He shrugs his shoulders, almost casually, but he can't keep up the facade for long and soon he's resting his elbows on his knees and covering his face with his hands.

Seeing Cal cry immediately brings on a fresh round of my own tears. I sit up and move next to him along the edge of the mattress, leaning into his shoulder. "I kept telling myself I didn't miss him and now it's too late."

"Everything's fucked, Emy. No matter what I try to do to fix things or put shit behind me, it always finds a way to crash down over top of me again. It's fucked up. Why does everything have to be so fucked up?"

"Cal," April says his name softly while she comes over to sit on his other side. She places a hand on his back and begins to rub. "Remember your prayer before dinner? Some things we don't understand, but we can still put our trust in God."

"So what," I mutter bitterly, "we can't be sad?"

April shakes her head as she leans forward, looking past Cal to make eye contact with me. "Of course you can be sad. This is devastating. You have every right to be upset... You just don't have to be hopeless."

We sit in silence for a moment, letting April's words sink in.

Cal shifts to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer to his side. "I didn't mean it when I said everything's fucked. How could it be when I have all you?"

I had just been thinking something similar.

April leans into Cal and reaches across his lap to take my hand in hers. "I am so sorry for your loss."

I give her a small smile of thankfulness and then pull my hand away. "You two can go ahead to your own room, you know. I'll be fine here."

"I'd like to stay with you until Theo is back, if that's okay?" April offers but I shake my head.

"No. I appreciate it but I would really like to be alone for a while."

"Emy," Cal says my name like he's ready to fight me on this, and though I'm still a little worried about how he's doing, I know that he'll be in good hands.

"It's okay, Cal. Please."

He looks at me with concern in his eyes, but then April stands up from the bed and pulls on his hand. "Theo will be back up soon, love. If she wants a minute to herself, we need to give her that."

Cal nods reluctantly and gives me a quick, tight hug. "You know where to find me if you need anything." Then he stands up as well and follows April out of the room.