The drinks went down easily and felt good... until they didn't.

I crossed the line of having one too many drinks a few drinks before Trevor showed up. By then, I was already too drunk to pretend I was okay. I started to cry the second he said hi to me and when he worriedly asked me what was wrong I only cried harder.

I wanted to tell him. Well, not him in particular but someone. Just to get it off my chest. But I couldn't do that to Cal. It was his news to tell, or not to tell, and even in my drunken state, I knew I didn't want to be the beginning of all the rumours that will surely spread around town once word gets out.

Trevor convinced me to let him drive me home from the pub but I couldn't make myself walk through the front door. Instead, I once again ended up on the porch swing, making a phone call to the only person I wanted to talk to more than anything.

Pick up, pick up, pick up.

The call goes to voicemail, and I whisper his name into the phone with a pathetic sniffle. "Theo..."

Fuck, what am I doing?

Before I can foolishly say anything else, I hang up the phone and drop it into my lap.

He's going to have a hard enough time being there for April and Emily through this, not to mention himself. He loves Cal. He was the one who took Cal in and helped him get sober when Cal was a mere stranger to his family. They're friends, brothers, and if it weren't for me, Justin would have never found us and filled Cal's head with all this bullshit.

Fucking Justin.

I grab my phone out of my lap again and look up his number to unblock it. I don't know what I plan to say to him. Maybe I'll scream at him, or maybe I'll ask him to come set Cal straight. I know he was only talking shit and guilting Cal when he was here because he was hurt. I wasn't any better when I first got here. But I know Justin. He didn't mean any of it. He wouldn't want this either.

Once again, my call only brings me to voicemail.

I curse at my phone, clutching it tightly in my hand to keep myself from throwing it to the ground.

"Where the fuck are you, Just?" I snarl my message. "You've really done it this time. Why don't you ever fucking think before you speak? Why—"

Fuck.

I see April coming toward me and quickly hang up my phone. Unfortunately, I don't hang up my attitude with it.

"How can you let him do this?" I snap at her. "You were supposed to be taking care of him!"

April pauses on her way up the stairs but then straightens her back and continues toward me. "You doing okay, Emilia?" She hands me a bottle of water.

I toss the bottle onto the porch floor. "You know you can't fuck him when he's in prison, right? So then what are you going to do? We both know how much you like cock. Do you already have someone else lined up?"

Her eyes immediately fill with tears. She turns back around to leave and my insides twist up into guilty knots. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Fuck, April, I'm sorry!" I get up from the swing to move down the steps after her. "I didn't mean it."

She stops walking to reply, "It's okay. You're upset. You're drunk."

"It's not okay," I deny, "None of this is okay."

She turns around to face me while she nods in agreement and reaches into her pocket to pull out a key. She extends her hand toward me to hand it over. "Sleep it off, Emilia."

I look from the key to the house behind me, and then whine, "I don't want to stay here."

"Yes, you do," April insists. "I know you want to feel close to him right now. Besides... I don't want you talking to Cal. Not when you're drunk and angry."

"You can't be serious."

"I am. Like you said, I'm supposed to take care of him, remember? He's having a hard time. I don't want you speaking to him when you can't control what's coming out of your mouth."

"I said I was sorry, okay?"

"I know you are. I still don't want you talking to him right now."

"Fuck, fine. I don't want to talk to him anyway!"

April sighs and puts Theo's spare key in my hand. "He's not doing this to hurt you, Emilia. I know that doesn't make it easier but please, don't be angry with him. He's doing his best, even if that's hard for us to understand."

I clutch the key tightly, wishing it was Theo's hand. "How are you okay with this, April?"

She wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath before asking a question of her own. "Do I look okay to you?"

I shake my head and then step closer to her to give her a hug. April hugs me back and asks, "Do you want me to sit out here with you for a bit?"

My phone buzzes on the porch swing, indicating an incoming text, and my heart dips at the thought of it being Theo but I know it's probably Justin.

Theo wouldn't text, he'd call. Plus, I know how hard he works. It's not very late yet but there's a good chance that he's already in bed, and the only thing I said in the message was his name. If he did listen to it he's probably annoyed by the fact that my voice betrays how drunk I am at nine PM on a Thursday night.

I do need to talk to Justin though, so I deny April's offer. "No, that's okay. You should be with your idiot of a husband, and I should sleep off my intoxication. I'm sorry again for what I said before."

April gives me another squeeze and we break apart from our hug. But when I sit back down on the porch swing I find out that the text message isn't from Theo or Justin. It's just Trevor, asking if I'm doing any better.

I'm not, so I don't answer him.

I curl my feet beneath me and close my eyes. I'll just take a minute to sit on the swing before I let myself inside.

----------

The cold night air wakes me up, and I realize that I never did make it into the house. I pick up my phone to find a few more text messages from Trevor, but still nothing from Theo or Justin.

Theo's lack of response doesn't surprise me but I can't believe Justin hasn't gotten back to me yet. I call his number again, and when he still doesn't pick up, I hang up the phone and unblock the next number on my Shit List.

Adam picks up after two rings. "Emilia?" He sounds confused, if not stressed, though it is two in the morning so I can understand why.

"Yeah, it's me. After the shit you pulled, I didn't think I would ever want to talk to you again, but I just had to call to tell you that your lies didn't work. Cal is turning himself in. That's right. Your plan to protect him did nothing, just like it did nothing to protect me!"

There's a pause before he replies. "... He's what?"

A chill runs through my veins and my chest tightens. Oh no. What have I done?

"A-Adam," I stutter out his name in a quiet plea and start rambling. "He wouldn't turn on you guys. I know he'll keep your names out of it. This is just about him. He... You stay the fuck away from him! If you come to hurt him—"

"I would never hurt Cal. Em... Come on, you know me." His voice sounds weary and then he clears his throat. "Uh, Em—"

"What about Joe?"

"He wouldn't hurt him either. We trust Cal. We trust both of you."

"Yeah... I used to trust you too," I reply. That didn't stop you from lying to me when Cal left. "Give Justin a smack on the back of the head for me. He's the one that put this fucking idea in Cal's head."

Adam breathes in sharply. He must be pissed at Justin now too. Good. The moron deserves it.

"Em... I'm so sorry, Em. I—"

"It's too late for apologies, Adam. And I'm blocking your fucking number again, so don't try to reach me. Tell Justin to call me back!" I hang up without exchanging goodbyes and lower my shaking hand to my lap.

I am such an idiot. Why did I do that? I don't want to think that Adam and Joe would hurt Cal, but can I really know for certain? They're criminals. They took out Mack like the trash he was before Justin could even find out what happened, and Mack had been in their group long before Cal had...

But no, they wouldn't. Justin wouldn't let them, no matter how angry with Cal he is, and Adam has always looked out for Justin. And Pops... Pops loved Cal. Everybody knew it. That's why Joe let Cal stick around for so long even with all his fuck ups.

No, they won't come to hurt Cal. I'm going to have to take Adam's word for it if I want to get any sleep tonight. I'll double-check with Justin to see what he thinks too when he calls me back. But until then... Just in case...

I look out at the quiet street and reach for my pack of cigarettes. It's not like I'd be able to get any sleep tonight anyway. I might as well keep watch, and if Justin doesn't get back to me tonight then I'll admit to Cal what I've done tomorrow.

My hand itches to pick up my phone again when I remember my first mistake of the night. Why the hell did I call Theo?

Though I guess the answer to that question is obvious.

I love him. I miss him so much. I've been resisting the urge to call him with everything in me since he last held me in his safe arms, and I was doing so well at resisting too until Cal dropped his news on me.

I lift my phone to check the screen. No text messages. No missed calls. If Theo got my message, he's in no hurry to reply.

It feels wrong to sit on his swing without him. I move to sit on the top step of the porch and bring a cigarette to my mouth. As I lift my lighter, headlights come from down the street. The vehicle approaches quickly but begins to slow as it nears the driveway. My heart stutters, feeling ready to stop completely. I take the unlit cigarette out of my mouth and watch as the black truck turns into the driveway.

He's home.