When we run out of cigarettes and my throat feels scratchy and thick from the mix of smoke and tears, Cal pulls me to my feet and we walk back to the house. We end up sitting on the couch together, and Cal keeps my hand in his when I curl into his side and close my eyes.

My exhaustion takes over and I move from his shoulder and slump to the side to lay my head on the armrest of the couch. Cal shifts in place. He must be more than ready to go to bed. I begin to pull my hand away from him so that he can get up but he tightens his grip.

"Aren't you going..." I stifle a yawn partway through my question,"... to bed?"

He squeezes my fingers. "I'm not going anywhere. Get some sleep, okay?"

I don't think I could keep my eyes open if I wanted to. I smile and mumble, "Thanks."

"Don't thank me. Just go to sleep," he replies and his fingers lightly squeeze mine again.

I'm well on my way to passing out when I hear him whisper, "Emy?"

I think he's feeling out whether I'm asleep or not since he probably wants to go to bed himself, and I am exhausted so I stay quiet, giving him an excuse to slip away. Only, he doesn't.

Instead, he tells me in a quiet mumble, "I don't know if this will stick in your head since you're sleeping... but if I tell you when you're awake, you're not going to leave me alone, so... Well, some stuff is going to happen. Nothing to worry about. It'll all be okay. But I need you to know that it was already going to happen. What you told me tonight has nothing to do with it and didn't influence my decision at all. But if this could somehow reach your subconscious so that you don't guilt yourself later, that'd be really cool. I should have asked Monster for some mystical words for hypnosis. Bet she'd know a thing or two. She's magical, remember?" A quiet, sad chuckle follows his question. "You gotta remind her that she's magical sometimes, okay?"

What? I'm about to ask him what the hell he's talking about when I hear footsteps. I crack my eyes open to see Cal looking over the back of the couch toward the staircase.

"Ape..." he calls to his wife in a shaking voice, and April quickly crosses the dark room to stand behind the couch near his head.

"I know, darling." She leans down over the back of the couch to kiss him and begins massaging his shoulders. "I know. I'm so sorry."

"You knew," Cal rightfully accuses with a bit of a scowl. "You knew and you didn't tell me."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes again, talking in a hushed voice. She glances at me but I quickly close the slits in my eyes that I've been peering out of. "I thought it was important for her to tell you herself."

"I get it... I told you my DNA is cursed though."

"Cal, your DNA had nothing to do with it."

"Yah, but... Maybe."

"No, darling, that's not how it works," she speaks in a sympathetic voice, and when I crack my eyes open again I see that she's using two fingertips to soothingly rub circles between his eyebrows.

His tight grip on my hand relaxes, and his rigid body eases back into the couch. Emily clearly gets her magic from her mother.

"Cal, darling, are you okay?"

"No..." he whispers, "and yes. I don't know. Guess I have more to talk to Melissa about than I first thought."

April keeps stroking his forehead. "Think about staying home from work tomorrow, okay?"

He replies with a non-committed grunt and then reaches up to grip April's wrist, ceasing the movements of her fingertips against his forehead. "You should go to bed, love. You know you need more sleep lately."

April sighs. "I understand if you want to stay near her, but I don't want you to stay awake all night, Cal. Close your eyes. Not sleeping makes it worse."

"You know I don't sleep unless I'm with you."

April uses her free hand to brush back his hair and leans down to kiss his forehead. "You can sleep without me," she encourages, "you just never try anymore. I'll be right upstairs though if you need me. I love you, Calvin."

Cal pulls her wrist to his mouth to press a kiss to her fingers. He holds her hand there, resting his face against her skin and breathing in deeply before he releases her.

April hesitates, gently playing with his hair until Cal pulls his head forward to avert her touch. Then, she turns away and walks back up the stairs. I don't miss the way that Cal looks over his shoulder to stare longingly after her.

This is ridiculous.

I begin to move slowly, pretending that I'm just waking up. "Was that April?" I ask when Cal pulls his eyes away from the stairs to look at me. April's quiet footsteps fade in the hallway upstairs. "We're not actually sister-wives, Cal. Go sleep with your wife."

He shakes his head. "No, it's okay. I don't mind staying with you. I want to stay with you."

"You want to go nail April until you can't keep your eyes open anymore. Don't even try to deny it."

"Well, yah, that's a given," he answers with a smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "But I really don't mind staying here with you instead, Emy. You're my best friend, and I should have been there for you."

"I know, Cal. You're my best friend too. But we both know you're not going to get any sleep here, and I don't want to deal with your cranky ass tomorrow."

He chuckles and tilts his head in a touché gesture.

I pull my hand free of his and point to the stairs. "Go. I'm going to sleep here. I'm too tired to bother going upstairs."

He seems to be debating his next actions for a moment but then he gets up from the couch and retrieves the throw blanket that's draped over the back of the recliner. He carries it over and tucks it around me while saying, "If you can't sleep or change your mind about being alone, come and get me, okay?"

I nod with my eyes closed and press my cheek against my blanket-covered shoulder in an attempt to show him that I'm already well on my way to falling back asleep. But when I hear his footsteps carrying him away from me, the cold feeling of loneliness comes for me.

I've already changed my mind.

I sit up quickly and call after him. "Cal?"

As he turns back to me, the dim streetlight from out front comes through the window and catches the glint of a single tear rolling down his cheek. It's quickly brushed away with his shoulder, and he replies, "Yah, Em?" There's a slight quiver present in his voice alongside his faux-relaxed smile.

I've been surprised with how well he seems to have been handling the news but it's now clear to me that he's been suppressing his grief and putting on a brave face when he's crumbling on the inside. He's now on his way to the arms of his wife, where he feels the safest expressing himself, and no matter how badly I don't want to be alone right now, I can't take that from him. I can't ask him to stay.

"I'm not going to come and get you, so don't worry about getting freaky with April," I tell him instead. You can cry freely without worrying about me coming to interrupt.

"When have I ever worried about getting caught with my pants down?" he asks with a little smirk.

Never. But you've always been afraid of letting people see you cry.

"Goodnight, Cal. I love you."

I see the way his face twists in pain before he turns away from me. "I love you too, Emy. See you tomorrow, yah?" Again, his voice has a slight quiver hanging on every couple of words. My heart shakes along with it.

I curl on my side while Cal's footsteps ascend the stairway. Silent tears roll down my cheeks for my baby, for the broken look on Cal's face that he was trying so hard to hide, and for the guilt that I feel for failing both of them.

"It wasn't your fault. You're going to believe me one day. Until then, you'd better get used to me saying it." A memory of Theo's voice whispers to me in the darkness.

He hadn't been talking about this loss. He had been talking about what happened with Mack. But the words still bring me comfort. It sort of feels like a higher power knew I needed that memory at this moment.

"Thanks," I whisper in the dark room, and I wonder if God can hear me.

"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault."

Theo's voice in my mind lulls me to sleep.