The early morning sun is shining through the windows, the birds are chirping, my bed is comfortable, and everything feels wrong.

There's no alarm blaring. There's no body squished along my back, and no heavy arm resting over my side. There's no deep breathing near my ear or scratchy beard catching in my hair.

I'm free to stretch out in every direction, and it's a type of freedom that feels... awful, and so very lonely.

My first thoughts are about Theo.

How did he sleep? Is he awake? What the hell is going on between us?

I don't bother changing out of my pyjamas. I'm too eager to have my questions answered. But when I get downstairs, the house is quiet.

I follow the scent of coffee to the kitchen.

Leaning against the coffee maker rests a note written on a small piece of lined paper that looks to have been torn out of a notebook.

Emilia,
I had to run out for the morning and have church after but I'll be back before noon. There's bacon in the warming tray of the oven. You're on your own for eggs.
I hope you had a good sleep. My morning felt off without you. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I'm sorry for leaving this morning before we had a chance to talk.
And I'm sorry for writing this crap in a note. Who does that?
You make me weird(er).
-Theodore

I smile at the way he signed his name. Actually, I smile at every word he wrote.

I'm pathetic. I haven't even seen him yet, and I'm ready to completely move on from the annoyance and hurt I felt over the way he acted yesterday.

But did he really act so badly? Maybe I was just being a brat...

My thoughts go back and forth while I pour a mug of coffee from the pot and pull the carton of eggs from the fridge.

One minute, I'm sure that I did the right thing by letting him know I was upset and going to bed alone. The next minute, I'm regretting every bit of my decision and wishing I could go back in time and curl up with him on the couch to get a good night's sleep. And somewhere along the way, I'm daydreaming about his soothing voice talking low in my ear, calling me his good girl, right before he kisses me senseless.

And on and on, my thoughts repeat in a continuous loop while I make my eggs, eat breakfast, sit on the porch swing for a smoke, and then have a shower.

It's nine o'clock now. Roughly three more hours before I'll see my mind's obsession. And I have no idea what to do with myself.

I need a damn hobby.

I resort to having another cigarette, even though I know that will only help kill time for a couple of minutes. I opt for the backyard this time. As much as I love the porch swing, a change in scenery might be good for my overactive mind.

When I sit in one of the low Muskoka chairs, I notice the glass ashtray resting on the wide armrest. It's filled to the brim.

So much for Cal smoking less than Theo... I have a feeling he snuck over here last night to chain smoke. With the way his knee was bouncing yesterday, it was obvious that he was still on edge from our talk Friday afternoon. I wonder if that's what he wanted to talk to Theo about last night just before Theo headed home.

In no time, my cigarette is done. I precariously snuff it out in the ashtray and then carry the glass dish inside to empty it into the garbage.

There's a loud, repetitive knock at the front entrance. I set the ashtray down on the counter and frown to myself as I go to answer it. My frown grows when I hear April's voice calling through the closed door, "Open up, Emilia! I know you're in there!"

The door is locked, which explains why she didn't just let herself in this time. Theo must have locked it behind him on his way out.

I twist the lock to open the door and am almost greeted by April's fist in my face.

She catches herself just in time before attempting another powerful knock. She drops her closed fist to her side and steps into the house.

She's wearing a similar dress to the one she wore last Sunday, floral print and all. Draped over her arm is another dress in a dusty rose colour.

She skips any sort of greeting. "Look, you don't have to wear the dress but you should come."

I don't have to ask what she's talking about to know she means church. "You seemed disappointed with Cal when he tricked me into coming. I thought you weren't supposed to force people into it."

April rolls her eyes. I'm not used to this attitude from her. "No one's forcing you. This isn't about you. I'm just asking you to come. When have I ever asked you anything? I've been understanding and very calm toward you about all of this. Do you think I would come over here and ask you if I didn't think it was important?"

She sort of has a point. This isn't like her at all.

"You said you cared about Theo," she states while holding the dress out to me.

I slowly take it from her arm. What does any of this have to do with Theo?

Since I don't say anything, April pushes. "Well?"

"Yes," I snap the word at her, "I care about him."

"Good. Then be there for him." She steps back onto the porch and turns toward the stairs. "We leave in fifteen."

----------

I haven't made up my mind about whether or not I'm going. At least, that's what I keep telling myself even as I stare at my reflection in the mirror.

The dress is a little big on me but the flowy material makes it work. I never really got into wearing dresses, and the ones I did occasionally wear were mini dresses that hugged my body and pushed up my small breasts.

I'm not sure about this look on me. The length of the dress makes my short body look shorter. It sort of looks like I'm a little girl playing dress up in my mom's clothes, especially when I make my way to the door and spot my shoes.

Fuck. I can't wear this dress with my shoes.

I look out the window to see Cal, April and Emily filing into their minivan. April is looking in my direction.

Cal starts the engine, and April reaches over to rest a hand on his shoulder like she's telling him to wait. She looks back in the direction of Theo's house, waiting for me to make an appearance.

I glance at my shoes again.

This is stupid. What am I thinking? Wearing an April-approved dress isn't going to make me suddenly fit in amongst the church masses.

As a minute passes, April's face turns into a scowl. She's never looked quite so much like Theo before. I'd find it amusing if it weren't for the reason behind the expression.

I tried, okay? I don't have the right shoes...

As if she can hear my excuse, her scowl intensifies.

Fuck this bitch.

I throw the door open and step outside, throwing my hands in the air. "I don't have nice fucking shoes, okay? What am I supposed to do?"

April steps out of the van with the smallest smile. "What size do you wear?"

"Seven and a half."

She seems to be thinking for a moment, then turns to Cal to get the house keys. She unlocks the door to let herself inside and comes out with a pair of slip-on sandals with a beige fabric bow top.

"Try these," she offers while coming up the porch steps to reach me. "They'll be loose but I think they'll work."

I step into the shoes and slowly walk across the porch. They stay on my feet but I won't be able to make any quick getaways, that's for sure.

"Yeah, they'll work," I agree with a small shrug.

April smiles at me again. "Then let's go."

----------

Cal seemed confused when I got in the minivan but when he started trying to question it, April placed her hand on his forearm, and he closed his mouth.

I wonder how she does that.

Did she always have that kind of power over Cal or did she somehow train him? It's not like Cal to not say his piece.

Come to think of it, he's been on oddly good behaviour considering our talk on Friday. He hasn't brought it up to me once when I was sure that he would be hounding me for answers.

I glance down the church pew, past Emily, to see Cal holding April's hand. His knee is bouncing again which tells me he's on edge, but if it's about me and what Vee spilled on Friday, he's doing a good job of hiding it. He's barely looked at me since the first moment I got in the van. He keeps looking at April instead; touching her arm, squeezing her hand, pulling her into his side.

April has given him a few small smiles and rested her head on his shoulder once, but for the most part, she's staring straight ahead with a blank expression

Soft piano music fills the sanctuary, people find their seats, and we wait for the service to begin.

I remember Theo telling me yesterday that April was stuck in her head. What did he mean by that? Is she worried about Cal?

A little girl stops next to our pew and looks past me to Emily. "Pssst. Can I sit with you?" she asks in a stage whisper.

Emily excitedly taps Cal's shoulder like she's trying to tell him to make room, but Cal frowns and shakes his head. "Not today, Avery. Maybe next..." he drifts off mid-sentence when April pulls her hand free of his and lightly strokes his arm.

"It's okay, Cal," she tells him softly, "Please let her."

Cal turns to study April, then slowly nods and turns back to the little girl. "We'll make some room."

I pull my knees back while April and Cal shuffle down, and the little girl moves past me to sit between Emily and I. She wastes no time and gets straight to talking. Though she speaks in a quiet voice, I hear every word of it.

"I told you my aunt was gonna marry your uncle. My mom said so, and she's always right."

"Huh?" Emily cranes her neck to look around, and Avery points across the aisle and a few benches up.

I look too, and there sits Theo with his good "friend", Megan.

Megan is trying to speak to Theo. She must be better at talking softly than her niece because Theo bows his head to the side to get closer to her, and she uses it as an excuse to put her hand up on his back and lean into him to speak into his ear.

I almost stand up, but a change in the piano music reminds me of where I am, and I force my ass to stay on the wooden bench.

I wonder if Megs can feel the daggers my eyes are shooting at her because after Theo nods his head to whatever she said, she drops her hand again and brings her eyes to the front of the church.

"My mom says they're just friends," Emily says back to her. "They dated before but broke up."

"That's just because your Uncle Theo is stubborn. They still love each other. Look at them. They make a perfect couple."

I hate that I agree with her. I thought the same thing when I first saw Megan and Theo standing next to each other last Sunday. They're comfortable around each other. Things seem so easy and carefree between them.

Cal leans slightly away from April to speak quietly to the girls. "Maybe you two should spend less time repeating your mothers and more time minding your own business."

Emily looks a little ashamed. She nods her head and looks to the front of the church. Avery gives her a smug smile before doing the same.

I hear a quiet, low laugh above the overlapping whispers around us and the peaceful piano music. My eyes move toward the familiar sound as Theo wraps an arm around Megan's shoulders and briefly rests his cheek on top of her head.

Why the hell am I here?

I begin to plot my escape but before I can stand, the piano stops playing, and the minister appears at the front of the church to start talking. The fear of drawing attention to myself keeps me in my seat. I guess I'm in for the long haul.

If I thought the service last week took forever, I was wrong. This one seems never-ending, and the fact that I can't stop myself from continuing to look in Theo's direction probably isn't helping.

His arm is no longer around Megan. He's leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. He's not writing notes this time, and I've even caught his head hanging forward once or twice before snapping up again, much like Cal had been doing last week.

Perhaps he didn't sleep so well last night either.

The minister finally stops his long spiel and as the piano begins to play, the people around me stand in a synchronized motion. Just like last week, I'm half a beat behind everyone else.

I don't sing, but I silently read the lyrics of a hymn titled How Great Thou Art, which appear on the screen ahead.

When the third verse starts, I hear a woman's voice cracking. I glance to the side to see April lowering herself to sit on the bench again.

Tears stream down her face, and she wipes at them with the back of her hands as Cal sits down next to her.

He puts an arm around her and pulls her into his side while reaching into his pocket to pull out a handful of facial tissues.

"You wanna go now, love?" he asks her softly. He uses a tissue to gently wipe her cheeks.

April shakes her head, then rests it against his shoulder. "I'm okay," she insists with a small smile. "Thank you, Cal."

Cal presses a quick kiss to the top of her head as the song comes to an end and we all sit down again.

Emily stares at her parents with a frown. April notices her looking and reaches across Cal's lap to hold her hand. "I'm okay, baby," she whispers, "The beauty of that song just gets to me."

Emily seems content with that answer. She leans back against the bench and brings her attention to the front of the church again.

But I'm not so easily fooled.

A few silent tears continue to roll down April's cheeks. She dabs at them with a tissue from Cal.

Meanwhile, Cal's leg is bouncing a mile a minute. He keeps pulling April against his side as if he's afraid she's going to drift away.

April reaches across his lap again to grip his knee, and Cal immediately stops bouncing his leg and gives his head a small shake.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes.

"It's okay," April whispers back. "I'm okay though. Really, Cal. Stop stressing out."

He nods slowly and leans his head against hers.

I wonder if everyone around us can also hear their conversation, but April and Cal don't seem to care. As my attention drifts back to what the minister is saying, I finally understand why.

I finally understand so much about the past few days.