In the following days, we fall into a familiar pattern.

I wake up each morning at an ungodly hour to Theo's screaming alarm. I spend some time basking in the warmth of his arms and studying his sleeping features. Eventually, he slowly wakes up and gets off the couch with a groan, but only after pulling me close in a tight squeeze.

I've given up on saying no to breakfast. He makes me eggs regardless of my answer and watches me with a stern expression until I eat them. He then goes to work for the day while I pitifully try to pass the time and not think about him.

Cal's been making it easier. He's home from work earlier than Theo, and he's been coming over the last few days to take me driving. Of course, now he picks me up with his car and only after he brings me to the large, empty church parking lot am I allowed to get behind the wheel.

He's not the best teacher. He spends half of the time laughing at me or making me laugh and the other half of the time shouting at me or declaring that Theo is going to kill him.

Mind you, I haven't told Theo that I've been driving with Cal... He was so upset that first time, and I don't want to get into it with him again. Besides, I haven't been driving on the roads, and Cal said that had been April's main concern. If April was okay with it now, I'm sure Theo would be too. I just wasn't fully ready to risk him not being okay with it. It was easier keeping it to myself.

"We should probably go over the basics and rules of the road so that you can get your beginners permit," Cal explains Friday evening while I drive backwards in a large circle around the lot. According to Cal, it's important to get the hang of driving in reverse too.

"I don't even have valid ID, Cal..."

He's quiet for a moment before giving me instructions to reverse into a parking space.

Once the car is in park, he lets out an awkward laugh. "Right, I should have known that. It was a bitch for me to get all that stuff in order again once I moved in with Theo. A lot of paperwork to file and phone calls. At first, I thought I could get by without it. James was willing to hire me on, so I didn't think it was a big deal. But once words like GED and red seal started getting thrown around, I knew it was time I got my shit together."

"Fuck," I mumble as the weight of his words sinks in. I couldn't keep relying on Theo's kindness to keep me fed and a roof over my head. I was going to need to find a job.

"Do you have anything legal tying you to Emilia Gillen?" Cal asks gently.

I shake my head, trying to squash down the feeling of despair growing in me. "No. I have no idea where my birth certificate would be. And not even my fake ID has my birth name on it."

A small frown crosses Cal's face. "The ID I had made for you can't be doing you any good now, Emy. I know it's a fake but even fakes have expiration dates on them."

"Joe got me a new one. I... I told him to put Jones on it."

"Oh." He's quiet again, then slowly grins. "Emilia Jones always sounded better anyway."

"It did," I agree with a smile.

"You could probably keep it, ya know?" he says with an awkward shrug. "Jones as your last name, I mean. If you want to. You're going to have to start from scratch anyway. I don't think it'd be that hard to file for a name change once we get your birth certificate figured out."

"That wouldn't be... weird?"

Cal laughs and gestures between us. "This is all frickin weird. But Jones has been your last name for nearly a decade." His face turns serious and he lightly pats my arm. "If you want it, it's yours, okay?"

I hadn't expected this from him. I thought he would tell me that his last name wasn't meant for me anymore. I'm not delusional... I know this doesn't mean anything. He's happy with April and he doesn't want me, and I think I'm starting to be okay with that.

But he's right. Emilia Gillen died a long time ago. I'm not sure I ever even knew who she was to start with. I've recreated myself as Emilia Jones a couple of times now. I don't want to give up that name, even if I've given up on belonging to Cal.

"Okay," I answer with a small nod. "I'll think about it."

He smiles again and gives my arm another pat. "Alright, well let's switch places and head back. Monster wanted some help with her homework and keeps complaining about how later dinner's been."

"Cal," I say his name with a frown while I unbuckle my seatbelt. "You don't have to keep doing this... Like you said, it's going to be a while before I have my ID in order so it's not like I can get my licence anytime soon."

"That's okay. I like doing this."

"But if it's upsetting your family..."

He frowns and shakes his head. "No, it's fine. Monster is just being a six-year-old. April thinks it's good for her to realize she doesn't get to call all the shots when it comes to my spare time. Apparently, I spoil her." He says the last part like he has no idea where April is coming from, then reaches for the door handle and gets out of the car.

I laugh softly to myself while I try to keep my emotions from surfacing. Cal spoiling a little girl is something I never thought I'd hear. It's sweet to think about, and yet, it cuts so deep.

I force myself to snap out of it and step out of the car.

My phone starts to ring as Cal gets into the driver's seat, but I have no idea who would be trying to call me. I don't even know why I bother to take my phone with me anywhere since I have hardly looked at it since arriving in this small town.

"Holy shit," Cal exclaims while I get into the passenger seat.

I follow his eyes to the center console where my phone is resting. The display screen is lit up by the caller's name.

Vee.

Before I can come up with an excuse about why I don't want to answer, Cal is reaching for my phone.

"Cal!" I try to push his hand away but he mistakes my objection and laughs it off.

"Relax. I'll be nice," he promises while moving the phone to his ear and accepting the call.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Hey, Vee!" he greets enthusiastically, "Long time no talk. How's it going?"

He's met with silence and then Vee's unsure voice. "Who is this?"

"Ah, it's just your number one fan," he replies with a smirk, "Remember how well we got along?"

And by that, he means they didn't get along at all, no matter how hard Vee tried with him.

There's another pause before Vee questions carefully. "Cal?"

"Yah, it's me."

"Whaaat?" Vee lets out a shriek, and Cal chuckles while moving the phone slightly away from his ear. "It's really you? I thought you were fucking dead, Cal! Where the hell have you been? How dare you disappear on us like that."

"I'm sorry, Vee," Cal replies quietly. "It's a long story..."

Vee scoffs into the phone. "Cal Jones is apologizing to me? I don't believe it. Who are you, really?"

Cal grins. "It's really me, Vee. Don't worry, I'm still an asshole. I'm just not as in your face about it now." He looks at me with a smile. "Right, Emy?"

I return his smile with a small one of my own but I can't force my voice to work.

The last time I talked to Vee had not gone well. She was the one person I thought I could count on, but when I called her, broken and bleeding, she basically told me that what happened was my own fault.

Vee seems to sober at the mention of my name. All laughter and teasing is gone from her voice when she speaks again. "Could I talk to her, Cal? I really need to talk to her."

"Yah, here she is," Cal answers. He holds the phone toward me, but I shrink back from it and shake my head.

Cal frowns. He extends the phone closer to me again, but when I push it away he finally gets the hint and puts it back up to his ear. "Uh, she doesn't seem to want to talk to you."

Vee sighs. "I can't blame her for that. I really fucked up, Cal. Can you tell her how sorry I am?"

Cal glances at me to make sure that I can hear her. He leans closer to me as Vee starts to ramble.

"I talked to Adam... Damnit, Cal, if I had known how bad it was... I swear, I just didn't understand! And Justin... He's losing it. I've never seen him like this. I understand why she won't talk to me, but she needs to talk to Justin! I should have listened to her when she tried to tell me what happened that night, but I thought she was just regretting having drunk se—"

Cal is staring at me with wide eyes and clenched, white knuckles after I've ripped the phone out of his hand and hung up on Vee.

I fumble with the cell to power it off and shove it into my pocket. I refuse to speak or even look back in his direction, though I know that he's waiting for me to say something.

My avoidance only gets me so far, and then Cal's hand is curling under my chin and turning my face toward him.

"What the fuck is she talking about, Emy?" he demands in a hoarse whisper.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but all that comes out is a garbled sob.

Cal reaches below his seat and pulls the lever to move it back, then grips me under my arms to move me into his lap. His hand strokes my hair while his other arm moves tightly around me. "Fuck, Emy, fuck," his voice croaks out in a painful whisper.

I feel tears on my cheek and reach up to wipe them away. Internally, I demand my body to pull itself together, but that's when I feel the hot tears slipping down my forehead.

I'm not the one who's crying.

----------

Cal is a fucking mess.

I don't hold it against him. I get it. But... it's Cal. He was the king of suppressing emotions. Or maybe not suppressing them, but finding ways to shove them down, work around them, pretend they didn't exist.

Cal Jones doesn't cry.

Or, well, he didn't... But now, it's like he can't fucking stop.

"Cal... Are you okay?" I ask hesitantly as he wipes his eyes for the hundredth time and blinks rapidly at the road ahead.

"Am I... Am I okay?" he scoffs. "No, I'm not okay, Emy. But it's not fucking about me right now. I want to know, who?" He slams his palm against the top of the steering wheel, and I jump at the sudden movement paired with his angry voice.

"Fuck," he mumbles the word softly and wipes at his eyes again. "I'm sorry for yelling. I have no right to make demands, and you have no obligation to tell me anything. I just..." He takes a deep breath and shakes his head, then mumbles to himself, "It's not about you."

I'm relieved to see his house coming into view. I offered to drive us home but Cal wouldn't switch seats with me again, and he insisted that he was okay to drive.

My brief moment of relief evaporates when Cal mutters, "Shit."

My eyes land on April and Theo sitting on the top step of Cal's porch. They're illuminated by the overhead light, and belatedly, I realize how late it's gotten.

Cal parks the car, and April shoots off the step to walk toward us.

"Emy," he speaks quickly, "Look, I gotta smooth things over with April, but if you need me—"

"No." I pat his hand and reach for the door handle. "Thanks, but I don't want to talk about it, Cal. I just want to forget."

"I understand that, but it doesn't work that way, Em. You need to—"

I crack open the door as I shake my head and interrupt him. "You need to talk to your wife. I'll see you tomorrow."

I begin to get out of the car, but Cal's hand closes around my wrist. "Emy," his voice comes out desperately, "Promise me you'll come talk to me if you need anything. Tonight, or any time. Promise me."

I look back at him to nod. The tears that continue to run down his cheeks feel like they're trying to drown me.

April reaches the car and yanks open the driver's side door, and I take the opportunity to pull free from Cal's grip to exit the car.

"I'm so sorry, love."

I hear Cal apologizing to his wife but I'm in no state to stick around to give my own apology. I make a beeline toward Theo's house.

From the corner of my eye, I see him hauling himself off of the porch step to walk toward me, but I can't trust myself to face him.

"Milia," he calls after me in a steady voice. He's not yelling, but I can hear the anger and disappointment in his tone. "Milia, hold up a minute."

I can't. My body has switched to autopilot and is escaping as quickly as possible.

I move past the picket fence, up the sidewalk and onto the deck. The door seems to stick for a moment, and I curse the betrayal of my lower lip when I feel it tremble, but then the door swings open, and I stumble forward into the house.

The door has barely closed behind me when I crumble to the floor and lean against the wall. Every emotion I've been keeping inside since I saw Vee's name on my phone's screen fall over me like a tsunami with no end in sight.

The door opens again, and Theo's legs fill the space in front of me.

I wait for him to demand to know what I was doing with Cal so late or to ask why Cal was so upset, or why I'm on the floor crying, but he doesn't say a thing.

He sits down next to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. When I turn into his body to hide my face, he leans forward to slip his other arm under my knees and moves me into his lap.

Sitting in Cal's lap while he cried for me and tried to comfort me had felt so strange. I appreciated that he was there for me and that he cared about my pain so deeply, but he kept asking questions. He kept demanding answers and begging me to talk to him.

Eventually, he apologized. He knew what it was like to not want to talk about it... And I now understood why all those years ago he had told me not to cry for him.

It was a terrible feeling. In trying to be there for me, he made me feel like a burden, and instead of wanting to open up to him, I only wanted to shut down. I felt forced to hold myself together while he fell apart.

Sitting in Theo's lap is different.

He is a quiet, reassuring presence, and I feel safe to let every emotion I have pour freely out of me. His strong hands alternate between different comforting movements. They massage my shoulders, soothingly smooth up and down my back, and lightly stroke against my forearms and the backs of my hands.

I came to this town in search of Cal. I thought that by finding him I would find my safe place... and I did.

I just never imagined that I'd find that safe place in the arms of his brother-in-law.