I cover my mouth as I choke on a sob, then press my hands over my ears and squeeze my eyes shut. My back finds the kitchen wall, and I lean against it for support.

This is a nightmare.

Sure, in a way, I had moved on after Cal too, but it wasn't the same. I had only moved on physically. I had never moved on in my heart.

I hadn't been stupid enough to think that Cal hadn't slept with anyone in five years, but to know he was married... To hear him so easily tell his wife that he loved her, when he thought I was right upstairs, and he now knew that I had never left him...

I can't fucking take this!

I need to get out of here.

I wonder how long they have been going at it, and open my eyes to look at the digital clock on the stove. And that's when I see it.

You have got to be kidding me. There's a fucking door in the kitchen that leads outside to the backyard. If I hadn't been so nosey, I would have noticed it earlier, and I could have spared myself this heartache.

I quickly move to the door and let myself out. I resist the urge to slam it behind me, instead keeping the handle turned all the way while I close it, so that it doesn't so much as make a click.

Once I've made it out of the suffocating house, I take a deep breath.

Now what?

You know what, Emilia. Now, you leave.

My backpack is still upstairs, as is my phone. For fucks sake, I'm not even wearing a bra.

It doesn't matter. I can't stay here anymore. I'll figure it out. I always have.

The commercial part of town can't be that far away. If I start walking, I'm sure I'll eventually find a payphone... Do they even make those anymore? Whatever. I'll find an open business, or a good Samaritan, and borrow their phone to call a cab. And I'll go... Somewhere. I'll figure out the details later.

I walk around to the front of the house and step onto the sidewalk. I look one way, and then the other, trying to remember which direction we had come from in Theo's truck. If only I hadn't been too busy looking at Cal.

"Fuck," I mutter to myself. I use my forearm to wipe the tears from my face and then use my shaky hands to open my pack of cigarettes. I place one between my lips, then remove the lighter from where I had it tucked inside the pack.

When I drag my thumb down the sparkwheel, nothing happens. I try again, then give the lighter a shake, and try once more.

Still nothing.

"Fuck!" I shout the word this time, and whip the empty lighter against the concrete sidewalk. It ricochets off the ground, and flies back toward me, and I have to jump to the side to avoid getting hit by the useless piece of plastic turned missile.

"Need a light?"

A deep voice makes me jump once again, and I look around for the source.

There's a tiny, orange glow on Theo's porch. When I look at it, a flame flickers, illuminating Theo's face and the lighter he's holding in his hand.

"Fucking miserable giant always startling me," I mumble to myself.

I momentarily weigh my options. As much as I don't like Theo, it would be a hell of a lot easier to get a cab from here, instead of trying my luck at finding a phone in town. Hell, Theo might even pay for the cab. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to get rid of me.

I walk toward his house and stand in front of where Theo sits at the top of the stairs, with his socked feet resting a couple of steps down. He takes a drag of his cigarette as he holds out his lighter for me.

I take it from his hands and light my smoke.

After I take a long, much needed draw from my cigarette, and slowly exhale, Theo says, "You're welcome," though I've yet to say a word to him.

He shifts to his side to look around me, then juts his chin out toward the sidewalk where I threw my lighter. "You shouldn't litter."

I roll my eyes at him and walk up the steps, past where he's sitting, to the porch swing. I might as well get one more use out of it before I get the hell away from here.

"Whatever you say, Saint Theodore. You're welcome to go pick it up yourself." I use the toe of my shoe to push the swing backward, then lift up my feet to let it glide forward again. "Honestly, I'm surprised a saint such as yourself even smokes. Figured you'd think of yourself as too holy for that."

Theo turns his body sideways to look at me. His broad back rests against the wooden post that supports the porch's hand rail, and he stretches his legs out along the wood floor, crossing them at his ankles. He watches me for a minute before replying, "I don't."

"Right," I answer sarcastically, giving the cigarette in his hand a pointed look.

He glances down at the cigarette, then brings it to his mouth again. He takes a slow drag, exhales, and then butts out the remainder of the cigarette in a glass ashtray that's resting on the porch next to him.

"I don't smoke," he says again, and his eyes look over to Cal and April's house.

"Ahhh, gotcha, big guy. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you."

"If you do me a favour," I add.

Theo lifts an eyebrow. "You're blackmailing me?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic. It's hardly blackmail. There's no way Cal doesn't realize you're a smoker, anyway," I point out with a roll of my eyes. "Are you worried he'll find out and start bumming smokes off of you? Selfish, selfish, Theodore. Didn't your momma teach you how to share?"

"I have one cigarette a night. That barely constitutes being a smoker. Besides, Cal doesn't smoke," Theo grumbles back.

It's my turn to lift an eyebrow. "He sure as shit does. It seems like you're both lying to each other."

Theo shakes his head. "Nah, he quit. About a year ago. We have an occasional dart together out here, especially when he's having a hard time, but for the most part, he smokes even less than I do." He looks over at Cal and April's house again with a small frown. "That's actually partly why I'm out here now. I kind of expected him to be coming over to join me tonight, all things considered."

"Yeah? Well he found a different stress reliever," I explain, bitterly.

Theo's head whips in my direction.

"Oh relax, I don't mean drugs. He's fucking your sister on the couch."

Theo visibly cringes. "Thanks for sharing. That's exactly what I wanted to hear."

"At least you didn't actually hear it," I counter. I move my cigarette to my mouth and sharply inhale. I use my foot to gain momentum on the swing again, then pull my legs up and wrap an arm around my shins. "I could have gone my entire life without hearing that..."

Theo's thick eyebrows draw together. "That must have been really rough for you," he comments sympathetically.

"Ugh," I groan, "Would you fucking stop that?"

"Stop what?"

"Talking to me, and looking at me, like I'm just so pitiful. I'm fucking sick of it. What do I have to do to make you stop?"

Theo crosses his arms over his chest, accentuating the bulging muscles beneath his white t-shirt sleeves. "Quit being so pitiful," he suggests, and lightly shrugs one shoulder.

I glare at him. "I really don't like you."

"That's alright. The feeling is mutual," he replies.

I flick the remainder of my cigarette at him, and Theo surprises me by letting out a short, boyish laugh as he swats it away before it can land in his lap. He picks it up off the deck and butts it out in the ashtray next to his.

"So, what's this favour you were asking about?" he questions, as he looks up at me again.

The swing has slowed to a near stop. I drop my feet to the deck to give myself another push. "I want to use your phone," I explain.

"You don't have one?" Theo asks, looking skeptical.

"I do... I left it in their spare bedroom though," I reply.

"So, give them an hour, to be on the safe side, and go get it," he suggests.

I shake my head. "I don't want to go back in there. Not that it's any of your business, but I want your phone to call a cab. I'm ready to get out of here."

"Without your phone?"

I shrug. "I don't really need it." And I mean that.

I have no desire to contact anyone from my old life. I don't really have anyone in my current life... Why bother wasting time retrieving a phone that's full of phone numbers I no longer need?

Theo observes me, then pushes himself to his feet and walks inside the house.

"Useless, miserable giant," I mutter to myself. I tilt my head back against the porch swing, push myself with my foot again, and close my eyes.

The swing abruptly stops, and my body jerks forward as I open my eyes.

Theo is standing in front of me, with a raised arm at the top of the swing to keep it from moving. His other arm is extended toward me, and in his hand is a cell phone.

I take it from his large hand and open the internet browser to look up a phone number for a cab.

"Running again, huh?" Theo says, as if he's disappointed in me. "Cal gave the impression that you were stronger than that."

I glare up at him and try to use my foot to push the swing again, even though he's holding it in place. I'm obviously no match for his strength, so my attempt is futile. "What's it to you? Why do you keep trying to get me to stay? You obviously don't like me, and Cal obviously doesn't need me."

Theo releases his hold on the swing and takes a step back to give me some room. "What makes you think Cal doesn't need you?"

"Uhhh, he's fucking your sister," I point out the obvious, while I push the swing into another slow glide, "Literally, right now."

"So?" Theo asks pointedly, "You can't need someone that you're not having sex with?"

I shake my head. "Not me." I give myself one more big push with the toe of my shoe, and then move my feet onto the porch swing again.

"I don't buy that," Theo answers.

I glare at him again. "What the hell do you know about me?"

Theo smirks. "Probably more than you want me to," he explains, "Cal and I have talked a lot over the years, and a lot of those talks have circled back to you."

I set his phone down on the swing beside me and take out another cigarette. "So tell me, Theodore, what do you know?" I inquire. I still have his lighter from earlier, and I use it to light my cigarette.

"I know you're Cal's best friend," Theo answers. He holds out his hand for me to give him his lighter back.

I hold eye contact with him, as I slip it into my cigarette pack, and set it down in my lap.

Theo narrows his eyes at me, but doesn't say anything about it. He slips his hands into his sweatpants' pockets.

"I know he really missed you," he continues, "and that he's not going to be happy if you disappear on him." He pauses again, and studies my face. "But if this is too hard on you... Maybe you should go."

I did not expect that.

I frown up at him. "Well, what the fuck, Theodore. Make up your mind. Should I stay or go?"

He shrugs. "For Cal's sake, I think you should stay. For your own sake? Only you can answer that, Milia."

I cock an eyebrow. "It's Emilia. You don't have to drop the E like you're some sort of cowboy."

"Okay," he says without a fight, "My name's Theo."

"Which is short for Theodore."

"Sometimes, sure," he agrees, "but not in my case."

"Whatever you say, Theodore."

He smirks at me, then nods toward his phone. "Are you going to call that cab or not?"

I pick up the phone from beside me and turn it over in my hand a couple of times. "I'm still thinking about it."

"You want to hang onto it all night?" Theo asks with obvious sarcasm.

"Sure, thanks."

"I wasn't—" he stops and shakes his head, then lowers himself onto the swing next to me. "You going to keep my lighter too?"

"Yup."

"Of course," he says in a chipper, sing-song voice, followed by a cold, blank stare.

I almost catch myself smiling.

I start to lower my feet to get the swing moving again, but Theo stops me.

"I got it," he speaks, and then begins to rock the swing back and forth with his large, socked feet.

"It's about time you made yourself useful, giant," I chide.

"Right? It's not like I've given you my lighter and my phone or anything."

"Yeah, you should really work on your manners. I'm a little embarrassed for you."

That same boyish laugh from earlier escapes him, and I can't keep myself from smiling this time.

Theo returns the smile, and I'm reminded of the picture of him on April's fridge. Seeing him up close now, I immediately realize the difference that I couldn't figure out earlier. It's the scar above his eye.

"What's the story behind your freaky scar?" I ask.

Theo's smile disappears. It's replaced by the usual stern expression that I find myself so often the recipient of. It takes him a minute to say anything, and then he asks, "Have you ever gotten into a fight with an emu?"

"No."

"Me neither."

I stare at him, waiting for him to give me an actual explanation, or to give me a lecture on respecting people's privacy, but he just stares back at me.

"You're a weird guy, Theodore," I say eventually, when it's evident that he's not going to say anything else.

"That I am," he agrees, and the two of us fall quiet again.

We both look out at the sleepy street, instead of at each other. Theo continues to keep the swing gliding at a slow, steady pace, and I find myself finally feeling a little relaxed after that horrific moment in the kitchen.

I finish my cigarette and toss it into the lawn, and Theo turns his head to look at me again. "Stop leaving your smoke butts everywhere."

I turn to look at him too. "Worried it will blow your cover? You already told me that Cal knows. You're both hiding it from April?"

Theo shakes his head. "I'm sure she knows too. Cal can't keep anything from her. It's really just Emy I'm keeping it from. She looks up to me. I don't want her to think smoking is cool or something."

"Is that what made Cal quit too?"

"Partly," Theo answers.

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. You're telling me he only smokes, what, like once a month?"

Theo shrugs. "About that, yeah. Depends on the month, I guess."

"What about when he drinks?" I ask next. Surely Cal can't have a glass of whiskey without needing a cigarette.

Theo frowns. "Cal doesn't drink."

"What?"

"He's in recovery, Emilia," Theo explains, sounding a little exasperated, "What about that do you not understand?"

"Cal's not an alcoholic. He was just hooked on cocaine," I point out.

Theo shakes his head. "No, Cal was hooked on anything and everything that kept him from feeling. He's not just a cocaine addict, Emilia. He's an addict. He suffers from substance use disorder, but in Cal's case, it was never just a single substance, it was all of them. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Cal—"

He suddenly shuts his mouth and frowns.

"Cal, what?" I ask, desperate for more information.

Theo shakes his head. "It's not my place to tell you this," he says with regret, "I've already said too much."

I sigh and lean back into the swing again. "Right, I'm sure Cal will tell me himself..." I mutter sarcastically.

"He might, if you ask him," Theo replies with a shrug. "You're going to have to stick around to do that though." He holds his hand out toward me and glances down at his phone.

I begin to hand it to him, but then set it down in my lap along with my pack of smokes. "Yeah, maybe... I don't know if it's worth sticking around to hear though."

Theo nods. "That's fair." He stands up from the swing and walks down the stone path to the sidewalk. I wonder what he's up to, but then he stoops down and picks up the lighter that I had thrown to the ground earlier. He walks back to the porch, picking up my cigarette butt from the grass on his way.

"This here is an ashtray," he obnoxiously explains as he places the cigarette filter in the glass dish. "You put your cigarette butts in it."

"Thank you for that riveting life lesson, Saint Theodore," I reply in a sugary sweet voice.

"Anytime, Princess Milia," he replies, and the way he says "Princess" implies that I'm the most bratty woman he's ever met.

He walks to his door and turns the handle, then looks back at me and pauses.

"Yeah, I'll leave your phone on the swing when I decide to go," I promise with a roll of my eyes, "I'm not going to steal it. I am taking your lighter though."

"I was going to ask if you wanted to wait inside while you make your decision? It's cool out tonight. It would seem that your baggy t-shirt isn't doing much to keep you warm."

I look down at my chest to see my hardened nipples clearly pushing against the thin material. Fuck, Saint Theodore had been getting a little show.

"Are you offering to warm me up, big guy?" I ask, waggling my eyebrows at him suggestively, just to see him squirm.

Sure enough, Theo looks extremely uncomfortable. He shakes his head. "No, I'm offering you a couch and maybe a warm blanket. I'm going to bed."

I pretend to think about it, though I've already decided. It sounds a lot more inviting than going back into Cal's house and possibly catching him and April still on the couch. "What about a stiff drink to sweeten the offer?"

Theo seems to be thinking about it, but then shakes his head. "Fresh out, sorry."

I sigh and heft myself onto my feet. "Oh well, I guess it's still a half decent offer."

Theo smirks and holds the door open for me. "I'll do better for the next princess I find moping on my porch swing."

I walk past him and comment, "I heard the last one got his own room."

Theo laughs and follows me into the house. "Princess Cal married my sister. He got special treatment."

"Yeah, but you didn't know he was going to marry her when you first took him in, did you?" I ask as I slip my shoes off and walk toward the couch. I set Theo's phone and my cigarettes down on the side table and make myself comfortable.

Theo shrugs and opens an ottoman that's close by. He pulls out a soft, maroon blanket and tosses it on the couch next to me. "I guess I was feeling particularly friendly that morning. He was lucky."

I quickly pick up the blanket and wrap it around myself, instantly thankful for its warmth. "Too bad for me. Tonight, you've been nothing but rude." I speak in a serious voice, but there's no way that Theo could mistake me for actually being serious.

The guy clearly knowns he's a fucking saint, even if he's scowled at me more than any single person ever as.

"Like I said, I'll do better for the next princess."

"Good. Tell her I'm to thank."

"Why would I do that? You'll be long gone by then, right? I'm not going to give you any credit," he tells me while he walks toward the staircase.

"What if I decide to stay? I might, you know, just to blow your cover."

Theo turns to look at me again and a small smile turns up his lips. "I could live with that." He leans against the wall at the bottom of the staircase and watches me. "If you could live with it, I think you should stay, Emilia. Cal could really use another friend."

"I thought you said he doesn't need anything from me but closure," I remind him, thinking of our conversation in the hallway from earlier today.

Theo shrugs. "Maybe I was wrong."

I gasp. "Rude and sometimes wrong? Maybe you aren't so perfect after all, Saint Theodore."

Theo smiles at me. "I never said I was, Milia. That's a conclusion you made up about me all on your own." And then, the not-so-miserable giant really throws me for a loop.

He winks at me.

I refuse to let him know just how much it surprises me. I roll my eyes at him and shake my head. "Save that charm for your future princess, Theodore," I scold him, "I already know how rude and sometimes wrong you are. You can't fool me."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Milia. You're a flight risk, who's hung up on a married man. No self respecting man would waste his time trying to charm you."

I'm taken aback by his brutal honesty, and this time I can't hide the surprise as it hits me. "Ouch, Theo. Just when I thought I might not hate you."

Theo shrugs his shoulders. "Truth hurts, princess." He turns back to the stairs and starts to ascend them. "It's up to you whether you're going to wallow in it, run from it, or grow from it."

This fucking miserable giant... I hate how much I know that he's right.