When my lips make contact with warm skin, it's not his lips that I'm kissing. I open my eyes and move my hands from his face as I pull back. I find two of Cal's fingers covering his mouth, the rest of them curled under his chin.

"Emy..." he whispers my name and moves his hand from his mouth to tuck some of my hair behind my ear. "I meant what I said, I want you to stay. And I know we have so much to talk about, but you need to understand... April is my wife." He searches my eyes, looking desperate to be understood. "I do want you here, but that's not going to change."

"But... but Adam lied. If he hadn't, we'd still be together, Cal."

He sighs and nods once. "That may be, but that's not what happened, Emy. We're not together. I'm with April. I took vows, and I won't break them."

"So what do you want from me then?" Bitterness hangs on each of my words.

Cal's eyes plead with me. "I don't... I don't know. But I care for you, Emy. I never stopped. I miss you so much, and I want you around. I want to know that you're okay. I want you close, so that I can talk to you and see you and—"

"Okay," I answer, but the tiny bit of hope that lives in my heart is choosing to only pay attention to half of the words he's saying.

He cares about me and he wants me around.

He may not be ready to end things with April now, but he will. He just needs to be reminded that I was made for him.

And he was made for me.

"Thank you for understanding," Cal says with a soft smile. "I know this is probably..." he drifts off, looking for the right words.

"Fucking weird," I fill in for him, causing him to once again smile.

"Yeah, I still haven't wrapped my head around it myself, and it's already been a few months," he says with a soft chuckle.

"You only got married a few months ago?"

My heart drops into my stomach. If I had only found him a little sooner...

Cal nods. "Yeah. I met them a couple of years ago, but I was in a bad place, and April..." He chuckles and smirks, like he's thinking of a fond memory, "Well, let's just say, she really didn't like me much for awhile, and she wasn't afraid to let me know it."

I'm surprised by his words. "Really? She seems so... Well, fuck, I'm just going to say it. She seems like a fucking push over, Cal."

It's Cal's turn to look surprised now. "April? A push over? Shit, no!" he exclaims with a laugh. "She's the strongest woman I've ever met. She doesn't put up with anything. She—"

"She doesn't seem that way to me," I interupt, sick of hearing the praise coming out of his mouth for a woman that isn't me. "She pulled a Mrs. Scott in there! She just stared at her fucking plate like an oblivious idiot whenever things were uncomfortable. That doesn't look like strength to me."

Cal seems taken aback by the name. He glares at me while he shakes his head. "You don't know what you're talking about, Emy. She is nothing like that woman. She just doesn't want to upset you, because she knows how much you mean to me. She let my ex-girlfriend sit down and eat dinner with her family. She's inside while I talk to you, right now."

"Exactly, Cal! She's not even fighting for you!"

Cal lets out a quiet laugh. "You don't get it, Emy. She knows she doesn't have to fight for me. She's strong enough to be okay with this, because she knows..."

I feel my hopes starting to crumble again. "Knows what?" I ask in a soft voice, even though I don't think I want to hear his answer.

He frowns, then reaches for my hands. He gives them both a gentle squeeze, and continues to hold them while he speaks. "Emy, you need to understand that I thought you left me. I was so broken. I really hit rock bottom, and I ended up with nothing. April... she found me." He looks to the side at the porch swing, and a small smile pulls at the corners of his mouth.

"Actually, Monster found me. Right there, on that porch swing, an empty bottle of whiskey tucked under my arm." He nods his chin toward the swing as he says it. "I don't even remember how I got there, but I was fucked out of my mind and must have thought it was a good place to sleep." He pauses and then shakes his head.

"Well, that's not quite true. I was fucked up, but I do remember why I chose that porch swing." His eyes move back to me and he smiles. "I was thinking about you, Emy, and how you wanted a porch swing and a picket fence. When I woke up in the morning to Monster poking my shoulder and staring down at me, do you know what I said?"

Obviously not. I shake my head.

Cal smirks at me. "I said, "Emy?" and she giggled and replied "Yup!" and for a split second, I felt happy. I think I was still a little fucked up, and the sun was coming up behind her, so I was squinting, and all I saw was her blonde hair, and I really thought she was you. Or that I had died and she was you in an angel form." He laughs softly at the memory.

"For the first time in years, I felt peace." He chuckles again, and gives an amused shake of his head. "That lasted all of half a second, before April was swinging Monster up into her arms and demanding to know who I was and what I was doing on her brother's porch. Then Theo burst out of the door and hauled me off of the swing by the collar of my jacket. I thought he was going to kill me, especially when April started freaking out to him about how I knew Emy's name. She thought I was a stalker or a predator or something. Before I could stop myself, I was screaming at Theo about just wanting to feel close to you and how I had lost you and then..." He grimaces and holds a hand against his forehead, "And then I threw up over the side of the deck, all over the bushes, and I passed out again."

My eyes go wide at his story, and I feel a smile making an appearance due to Cal's visible embarrassment. "I bet he loved that," I comment dryly. The burly man who I've only briefly met, does not seem like the type to enjoy drunken vomiting.

Cal smiles back at me. "You know, I don't think he did, but Theo—" He stops himself and shrugs his shoulders. "Well, when I woke up again, I was in Theo's house in the spare room. And... it's all a really long story, but to sum it up, I never left. Until a few months ago, that is, when I married April and moved in with her... and also a couple of little vacays in good ol' rehab." He lets out an awkward laugh.

"I never forgot about you though, Emy, and I'm always going to love you. I never imagined that I'd get married, but April... She's just... Well, I'm—"

The door opens, and Cal closes his mouth to look over at Emily. "Hey Monster, what's up?" he asks as he smiles at her.

The girl's eyes narrow at our joined hands, and Cal looks down and quickly releases his hold. I get the feeling that he had forgotten he was still grasping my hands with his.

"I want you to come inside," Emily explains. Her eyes flicker to me with a glare before she looks back to Cal.

"I'll be right in," Cal promises.

"Emy!" April's voice calls to her daughter, "Get back in here!" Her head pokes out the door to look at us once Emy has stepped back inside. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize she was coming out here," she apologizes in a rush.

Sure, April. You probably sent her out here. I almost roll my eyes, but catch myself just in time.

Cal smiles at her and pushes himself to his feet. "That's okay, Ape. We were just about to come in anyway. She told me earlier that she needed some help with her homework, and I don't want to leave her hanging." He offers me a hand, and I gladly take it.

I purposely hang onto it once he's assisted me with standing. A small gleam of satisfaction fills me when I see April notice, but she quickly averts her eyes to Cal's face again.

"Oh, I can help her," she offers without hesitation. "She'll understand, Cal. Today is... Well, no one expected this." She gives me a small smile.

Fuck you, April. I see through this charade. Don't pretend that you're happy I showed up.

"No, I want to," Cal replies, pulling his hand free of mine. "I don't want her to feel like I'm too busy. It won't take long, and besides, Emilia's going to stick around for awhile. We'll have plenty of time to catch up." He turns to look at me as if to confirm, and when I nod, he looks back to April, all smiles.

"That's great!" April says with a little too much enthusiasm. "I'm looking forward to getting to know you, Emilia. Cal really has told me so much." She looks at Cal and smiles at him, but her eyes seem to be studying him carefully. "I'm going to finish helping Theo tidy the kitchen, and I'll let him know we're heading back home. See you two there?"

"Sounds good. I'll set Em up in the spare room?" He pauses, but when April smiles and nods he continues, "Can you tell Theo thanks for the pancakes and for... Well, yeah, he was a big help today."

"Sure thing, darling," April answers, then instantly, and awkwardly, adds, "Cal. Sure thing, Cal." She hurries inside and shuts the door.

Cal frowns at the place she was just standing. He takes a step toward the door, like he's going to go after her, but I grab his hand to stop him.

"I'm kind of surprised your wife is letting me stay in your house, when you've apparently told her so much about me," I comment with a smirk. Fond memories fill my mind. "Your house is next door, right?" I ask, even though we've already discussed this earlier when April came home and recognized me from our brief run in.

Cal nods. He reluctantly looks at the door again, then moves his hand from my grasp and gestures down the porch steps. "After you."

I start to walk, and he follows behind me.

"She's seriously way too good for this world," he says quietly, almost as if he's talking to himself. "And you thought she was a Mrs. Scott... I can't really believe you'd even speak that name around me, Emy."

I stop short on the stone walkway that leads to the sidewalk by the road. "Holy shit, Cal!" I exclaim as I turn around to face him again. "I didn't even tell you!"

Cal gives me a puzzled look. "Tell me what?"

"I went back there. I talked to Ricky. That's how I knew where to find you. But fuck, that doesn't matter right now. Cal, what you said that night, about killing Mr. Scott—"

"Emy, please. Don't. I've spent the last two years working through my demons, learning how to ask forgiveness and to forgive myself. But what I did to Mr. Scott... Killing a man? I can't—"

"He's alive, Cal!"

He lets my words sink in, but still acts as if he didn't hear me. "What?"

"You didn't kill him. I talked to Ricky and Marissa. Mr. Scott is still very much alive."

© LEIGH VANN 2023
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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