Naina

He avoided me like the plague! I don't know what is wrong? One moment he is all caring and all over me and the next he behaves like he doesn't want to be in the same room as me. but why? His behavior is making my fears sound true, may be he married me just for the child. Its because he is trapped and not because he loves me like I do or I always have.

On our first night, which was a week back, I was anticipating the moment, not because I yearned to be in his arms. Though a silly part of me wanted for us to spend some cosy and intimate time with each other yet the practical and the sane part was looking forward to the conversation. Before our wedding, he had tried speaking and infact he had so many questions and I wanted to answer each of his queries and also I wanted to know so much more. Though I am happy that am married to the love of my life yet I wanted to know from him, his reason to marry me. after all when he had waltzed into our house with Naanu he didn't have any clue about my pregnancy then why had he entered my life as the prospective groom? He wanted to marry me then too? But why?

The questions had harrowed me the entire time till I had been led to his room, rather our room. Mummyji and Maamiji though had led me there, yet they couldn't help but snigger and sneer at me and infact took a dig or two at me for gaining weight at breakneck speed. True, I looked plumper than I did during Preeti's Wedding. But then is it not the natural thing? You gain weight in your pregnancy, the sign that your child is growing within you healthily.

They had made fun of me and even commented that at this rate I would soon look Sameer's aunty. It pained my heart. I knew about her indifference to her son. Sameer had been an open book about his relationship with his mother. He would often complain about how she always managed to get the worst out of him. I had believed their relationship to be difficult but never in my wildest dreams had I thought it to be toxic. He had been right all along. His mother actually had very little feelings pertaining to love for him. Rather she was more interested belittling him for every other small reason she can find. Heart wrenching! But then I promised myself that from now on we would have each other. And that we would not only be a support to one another but also each others strength and together we would all the love to this child that is now in my womb.

With those thoughts I had entered my marital room. When I stepped in, I was awed not only by the beauty but also by the little details that my husband remembered. My mind yet again was transported to the time when we would engage in discussions pertaining to our likes and dislikes.

Past....

Naina: chupchaap kitabon mein dhyaan do, exams aarahein hain

Sameer: haan toh mera dhyaan udhar hi hain

Naina: kidhar hain tumhara dhyaan?

Sameer: yeh kitab mein

Naina: achaa, toh yeh apne ungliyon se mere haathon mein tum India ka map banana ki koshish kar rahein ho

Sameer: arey yaar, tum toh?

Naina: tum toh kya?

Sameer: maana mujhe pata hain am irresistible lekin aise humesha aapa khona achi baat nahi

Naina: main aapa kho rahi

Sameer: kaunsi nayee baat hain

Naina: haan main aapa khoti hoon yahi baaki reh gaya hain

He smiled rather guffawed at my comment and pulled me closer to him. we had planned to study together and we knew that at either of our hostels, it might be a bit risky and hence we had decided upon a neutral venue. When he had suggested a hotel, I was not really thrilled yet I agreed on the condition that we would stay in our limits. But now seeing him doing all those ministrations, I knew we were hanging by a very thin thread and somewhere I knew deep down that this evening too would end up with us making sweet love to one another. He was caressing my hair while he blew soft kisses on my temple.

Sameer: naina?

Naina: hmm

Sameer: kuch poochoo?

Naina: kya? Koi aisa waisa sawaal toh nahi

He laughed at my query,

Sameer: gosh naina! Only you can do this! Kill a perfectly romantic mood with such an expression!

Naina: acha hain, waise bhi we are here to study and not to romance

Sameer: well...

Naina: well what?

Sameer: I mean we can mix some work with some pleasure whats the harm, after all we are done revising most of the chapters. I wont top but am confident I would finish a close second to you so shall we now get on with the pleasure part

Naina: chalo hatto!

I could feel my cheeks going pink, I had started to blush. He always managed to put me in spot and enjoyed doing it like now he had a stupid grin pasted on his face.

Sameer: sharma gayi! Uff! Aise sharmane se toh main aur mood mein aajata hoon

This time I just threw the pillow at his face to shut him out and then I could hear peels of his laughter.

Naina: jaon tumse baat nahi karti main, bahut mazaa ata hain tumhe mera Mazak banana mein

Sameer: arey yaar tum gussa hogayi, acha chalo chodo mere sawaal ka jawaab de do

Naina: kya hain sawaal aapka?

Sameer: har ladki k sapne hotey hain, with regard to her future, especially her marriage, I know about the lehenga part but what about the other parts?

Naina: what other parts? I am not liking where this leading

Sameer: c'mon yaar its fun! The other parts you know

Naina: what other parts? Beg to elaborate

Sameer: like suhaagraat

He was smiling, but my heart missed a beat, the thought of suhaagraat made me uncomfortable. Since in my mind I was already married to him so even the thought of going to bed with some other man made me sweat. I had sworn to myself that if not Sameer then may be I would not get married ever since I don't think it would be fair to that fictional future man who would have expectations and in don't think after what am already indulging myself in with Sameer I would be able to meet those expectations. Every time those thoughts crossed my mind, a pain would reverberate within my heart. Why cant it be us? In my mind this question, whenever, it has reared its head up I have prayed silently for a divine intervention. I just hope it happens that this US stays for life and we don't have to sneak in from public eye in future rather we are able to hold each other's hand in public.

Sameer: hello! Kahan kho gayi? Yaa apne dream man k saath x rated sapne dekhne lag gayi already?

Is it only me or my stupid mind playing games with me, his voice seemed razor sharp while making that comment as if he is jealous?

Naina: why do you sound so sharp?

Sameer: no am not sharp, I just thought maybe you are day dreaming already!

Naina: there you are grinding your jaws again

Sameer: am not

Naina: yes you are

Sameer: am not and by the way you haven't answered my question, will you do the honors for the same?

Naina: no I cant and I wont

Sameer: why so?

Naina: I don't want to imagine that scenario, makes me nervous everytime I think...I think...

Sameer: think what?

For once a heavy silence hung in between us, I could feel him move closer, his hands now caressed my arms while he repeated his words

Sameer: think what?

It was time for me to swallow my pride and blurt it out.

Naina: I don't think I can imagine myself in bed with anyone else ever apart from you, I know you might judge my behavior to be territorial even clingy but its just me. with this I don't ask for a promise of forever from you but then I cant imagine myself giving myself away to someone else like the way I did with you so I rather....

Sameer: will it help if I reframe my question and ask that what dreams do you have for our Suhaagraat?

His question left me baffled for once, when I looked up I saw a soft look of love in his eyes. a look which spoke of a silent promise, a promise where he seemed to be pledging his heart to me his soul to us and his being to our forever! No! its my imagination but then he just look my palms in his and brought them closer to his lips while he kissed it with utmost care.

Sameer: so? Is it easier?

Naina: yes

My voice came out in the barest of whispers

Sameer: then continue please

Naina: what do you want to know?

Sameer: about your dreams, every girl has them, what are yours with regard to your first night?

Naina: I want my room to be decorated with pale pink flowers, they can be rose, orchids or any other but the color should be pale pink with white curtains in the room. The décor should be minimal with a touch of love. I would prefer for our pictures, not too many may be a few to be put up on the walls. Pictures that would depict us in goofy, in love mood. That would be like a mirror to our relationship in real reminding us that this new beginning is only a new chapter and not something to be intimidated about. And I would want us to talk that night to our hearts content, where you would take me in your arms and I would regale you about all my dreams for our future while you would reassure me with your affirmations for our love!

Sameer: here I have a better suggestion! How about we don't talk with words rather let action speak. Because the night I would know that you are now mine forever, I would like to devour you as my own, shower you with my love and imprint my touch in your being

I had shivered at the memory, those words reverberated in my ears as in stepped into my new room. My mother in law had sniggered when I had made my way to the bed, and sat there. He had not forgotten anything. It was as if it was some sort of déjà vu. The room was decorated with pale pink flowers, and I smiled at the choice. He had chosen some roses alternating them with a few orchids in between. The ivory curtains hung at the windows accentuating the looks all the more. I smiled at how he remembered all of the details as if everything was fresh in his mind. I sat on my nuptial bed and waited for him while maamiji and mummyji laughed and sniggered as they made their way out of our room. After they had shut the door, I noticed that on the wall there were pictures of us, one of them from the freshers party. Where it had all started and just below the same a picture of us during Holi in College and below the same a picture from our Matheran Trip. I was leaning on him while he looked at me lovingly, we were seated in front of the bonfire. I remembered it being a cold night and I had shivered in spite of wearing a white cardigan. He had worn a black shirt with Blue jeans and we had sat huddled together with a blanket upon us. He had requested for a bonfire which had been lit just before us yet we warmed each other with our warmth. This picture had been clicked by a hotel staff. I had felt conscious but when he pulled me to him and lovingly caressed a kiss upon my forehead while beckoning the hotel staff to click a picture of us since he wanted to record each and every moment of us together and keep it with him. my heart had raced at his comment and I had wanted for him to confess his love for me. the waiter who clicked our picture had smiled at us and my Sameer had continued looking at me with love while I burrowed myself in him.

It had been one of the almost moments, where I had hoped that he would confess his love for me but then that had never come. What had followed was a night of sweet slow and soft love making. I had all the sweet aches in the morning.

I stared at the wall, wow! He amazed me! this guy! With so much of love, care, so many emotions yet he had not confessed his feelings to me. but his actions have always told a different story. A story where am the central character in his story where we are each others universe yet why cant I be sure? Because sometimes you need to confess sometimes you need to put your feelings to words.

And tonight I wanted him to confess to spill his insides out to me. I want us to talk just like I had always imagined or dreamed. So I waited and waited....

When I woke, the room was engulfed in darkness, my eyes instantly went around only to find him lying from across me on the other side. He had covered us in a soft cosy blanket. The clock read 3:15am while a cool, breeze blew in through the window. Mr Maheshwari had crept inside while had dozed off! He didn't even bother waking me up!? What kind of game is he playing with me?!

I had fumed while I had tossed and turned in our bed, I had wanted for us to talk but he seemed to be deep in slumber!

I tried switching the light on, infact I pulled the blanket off him too but to no avail. He continued to sleep like a baby. Wow!

That had been a week back and since then he had been avoiding me. in the morning after, when I had got him coffee and looked at him with anticipation he had simply sipped on to his cuppa mumbling that it is perfect! Perfect my foot! I had tried to speak with him so many times but he would always find an excuse or two to avoid. My mother in law had left the day after our first night and so had all the other relatives. He had looked kind of relieved but then he continued avoiding me. he would make up silly excuses like he had work, and bury his nose in some file or he would simply sit with naanu and talk senseless. It is not like I mind him spending time with his Naanu after all he has been our biggest support. He had welcomed me with open arms and since the past one week he has been the biggest fan of my cooking always showering me praises and compliments in heaps, so I loved his presence in the house. But then we had to talk there are so many things that need the immediate attention like how are we going to break the news of my pregnancy in front of my family! And I had so many questions regarding us. Did he love me? that being the very first of many.

In the melee of it all, we did have a doctor's appointment and I had decided to make full advantage of the same. But all my plans went down the drain, he seemed to be in a mood of own. Literally a man who drove around the world and refused to bring the driver along that day made the lamest of excuse, about him feeling dizzy and hence the driver had to drive us to the clinic.

I had felt nervous, after all we were yet to break the news to the family and though all the helps were trusted at the house, yet a feeling of embarrassment had crept in. especially when I saw the driver squinting at the board, any blind or half educated could tell that it's a hospital dedicated especially for women and childcare. When he had continued to look quizzically at the board, Sameer had mumbled something about seeing a doctor friend who practiced here and then on we were to visit another doctor for his dizziness.

I had glared at him, such a lame excuse. Ram the driver though, not a graduate, but had gone to school and had appeared for his 12th boards even which he had passed with a second division. He had clever eyes and very perceptive. He had simply nodded not at all convinced by the lie.

We had proceeded to meet the doctor who had smiled at us bright and led us to the examination room. Yet again the room reverberated with the fast thud thud of our baby's heart. Sameer, I saw him relax for the first time there. He smiles with ease and asked eons of questions with regard to my diet and the baby's health. The doctor reassured us about the baby while she wrote me a prescription of a few more vitamins while Sameer insisted on a diet. And me well I was sitting and fuming within, here we needed to have the much awaited conversation and all he was bothered about was whether my diet was replete with enough vegetables and antioxidants. Seeing his concern the doctor had smiled and did write me a diets of nuts and milk and other vegetables that would help me stay healthy and provide the baby with all that is required for its growth.

Once done with the doctor I had tried speaking with him while we walked our way out but he kept mumbling about some headache and I just kept quiet. Since then he has been avoiding me like the plague. He comes into the room only after I have slept, I have tried to stay up until he walks in but to no avail. One night I stayed up til 3am but he had apparently kept himself busy with some office files and had not turned up. In the morning when I woke up I found his place to be vacant and later when I had showered and come down I had seen him come out of the library yawning like an idiot. He had avoided eye contact and had scooted along to our room where he had taken a quick shower and rushed to the office skipping breakfast even. So this has been the routine now for a week and am angry frustrated and somewhere feel desolate. My mind is jaded with questions, the answers to which am yet to know. Somewhere the words of all those girls in college come back to haunt me, may be he has lost interest in me, may be he is tied to me because am pregnant. May this marriage is a ploy to get me to giveaway my baby and then may be he would just divorce me. these thoughts make me lose sleep and I shudder from within, since I know I would have no place to go from here, this is the only refuge am entitled to or else my family would simply cut me off since a divorced girl would be bringing in a bad name to them in the society.

My thoughts were interrupted by Naanu, he has been my silver linings in all of it. He Accepted me with his heart full of love and I love spending time with him. he is only person who keeps me sane amidst all the negative thoughts.

Naanu: toh beta main chalu?

Naina: kahan naanu?

Naanu: arey itni der se toh bol raha hoon, sameer toh bina bole khaana thuse jaa raha lekin mujhe laga tum sun rahi hogi.

Naina: sorry Naanu..woh main

Naanu: arey beta Mazak kar raha thaa, main ek business trip pe bahar jaa raha hoon, Delhi, ek hafta lag jayega, toh main wahi bata raha thaa Sameer ko ki kaam pe dhyaan dena acchi baat hain lekin jab main nahi honga toh jaldi ghar aajaya karein nahin toh itne bade ghar mein tum akeli pad jaogi.

Sameer: aap chinta matt kijiye naanu main dhyaan rakhunga

Naanu: arey dhyaan toh tab rahega na jab ghar pe paid tikenge. Saradin toh kaam kaam kaam aajkal late bhi aata hain kyun bhai? Yeh sab nahi chalega main agar nahi raha yahan toh! Samjha?

Sameer: ji

Naanu: sirf ji!

Sameer: Ji samajh gaya, ghar jaldi aaonga, aur kaam karunga thik?

Naanu: ji haan bilkul abhi mushkil se 10 din huye hain shaadi k thoda bahu pe dhyaan de khair bahut baatein hogayi ab main chalu ? flight ka time horaha hain,chal mujhe airport tak chod aa.

Sameer

There goes the glare! Gosh! Whats with the glares? That is all I get from her all the time. Somebody should tell her, she looks all the more delectable when she does that and somewhere it makes me want to run to her and kiss her senseless. But then I have tell myself over and over again that I need to tamp down on these urges especially now that she is pregnant. Well, to the doctor, when I had posed this question, I mean I had sneaked into her chamber once I had saddled Naina in our car with the driver and called in for a quick toilet break. So I had actually gone to the doctor and posed my query, as in, since we are married now and well I don't intend to stay celibate so what if I lose a bit of control with my wife? The doctor had smiled and replied that her pregnancy though showed some signs of concern in the beginning but then all her reports came back normal and hence it is ok if I lose a bit of control. But I need to go slow. So I have been going slow but then I know why she is glaring at me. Well she thinks I have been avoiding her, well little does she know about my plans, I smiled to myself while she stomped her foot into our room. I winced at that gesture, she shouldn't be doing that after all there is small tiny being inside her growing. My heart swells with love everytime I think about that little someone. Her heartbeats reverberate in my ears when I think of our baby. She will be beautiful just like her mother. I know its gonna be a girl, and a cute one and I want her to be as naughty as me then she and me can gang up and trouble her mommy more. But for now, well the coast is clear, Naanu is gone on a trip and I have asked Ramdhari to take an off and now I need to concentrate on my plan.

@Superb_Giggles Thank you for the amazing cover, in spite of being so hardpressed for time you did an amazing job and i shall stay indebted to you forever. This update is dedicated to you.

to my readers, am thankful for your patience, hope this update meets your expectations, i wish to write a longer one next time. Sorry for the delay.