"I-I-I"

I was saved by the bell. Literally. At that exact, torturing moment I was saved. I took the opportunity to task myself with the request at the front door. I could hear Nick following me with interest to whoever had acquired out attention at quarter past eight on this so far near eventual morning.

"Oh hello, Pete."

Pete smiled pleasantly as he rubbed the palms of his hands together. "Apologies," he said, tipping his blue sports cap forward, the whispers of grey hair sticking out from the sides. "I was near in the area and I was hoping it wasn't too much fuss to pop in now instead of later. Might as well start with the best of my clients."

"Of course, it's no problem," I replied, thankful for his unexpected arrival. Pete entered, shaking Nick's hand briefly as they conversed sharing few general updates. I could hear them nattering as I took lead towards the living room, they following behind like a troops following command. Pete was rummaging in his pockets as he took a seat on the two seater sofa listening attentively as possible to Nick who spoke about business, and in return listened to Pete's mention of a new car he'd purchased.

"Well," Nick began, slapping his knees as he sat up of the arm of the chair he'd perched on. "I better get to work. Got plenty to be doing so I'll see you around sometime, Pete."

"Good to see you, Nick," Pete replied, earnestly, shaking my husband's hand once more.

"See you later, love," Nick said to me, before kissing my cheek. I gave a meek smile, sighing with relief as I was soon left just with Pete who was pulling out his phone from his pocket, along with the tiny, neat red notepad he'd like to jot notes down in instead of the bulky task of carrying a laptop around.

"Would you like a drink? Tea, the usual?" I asked.

"That would be lovely."

"Just be a second." I smiled before heading out. The concern now shifted to my manuscript that was resembling my current situation and whether I was actually sane to think I could publish the material.

I halted in my steps as my eyes pinpointed onto the baby one piece lying carelessly on the kitchen counter. With fear, I swiped it up and dashed it into one of the kitchen cupboards fearing if I looked any longer, I would crack. I knew guilt was talking as I refrained myself from undoing my actions and acted as if it wasn't in existence. I shook my head, taking a deep breath as I turned on the kettle knowing at this moment, I had to focus on what I should have been working on and that was, writing.

"So, how are you doing, Pete?" I asked as I carried his mug of tea over to him. He thanked me as he placed it on the cup coaster ahead on the coffee table. I took position on the single seater diagonal to the two seater. There was apparent worry surfacing from the crease of lines furrowing together upon his forehead.

"To be honest, Rose. I'm going through a rough patch with Elizabeth," he confessed.

I wasn't surprised that he was sharing personal updates considering Pete had been a part of the journey that was my career for three years. Certain boundaries weren't necessary. I had met Elizabeth, his wife, often, amongst the several release book parties my publishing house, often generously offered under my success. They were a blissfully married couple, and for some years which had inspired such confidence to my own and Nick's fruitful five years. Now, I couldn't lie I was a bit concerned to hear this.

"How come Pete?" I wasn't going to admit it, but I knew deep down, I was curious to whether Pete's rough patch equated to my own? Although, I knew Pete would be the least to cheat unlike myself.

"She's been paying out our youngest grandchild from his debts. You know the one I told you a while back who got caught up with shark loans. Well, I've told her she being wrapped around his little finger. She'll use up her retirement if she's not careful. So, the house has been like walking on egg shells at the moment. I'm sure we'll work through it, it's just so much stress at the moment. Consequently, if I'm honest, why I'm over this morning. I need some space," he explained. I could tell he was worried for his wife. He wasn't under attack with his own demons unlike me. I felt selfish for hoping he was experiencing the same dilemma. So, that I didn't feel alone in my own turmoil. "Anyway," he added, swatting his hand to emphasise his point. "I won't ruin our meeting on the topic of that."

"Not at all, Pete," I replied, "And yes, I think you and Elizabeth will be fine."

He anxiously laughed. "I hope...Anyway." He slapped his knees. "What fine art are you going to offer the world? Just give me the gist and I'll get it to the publishers. Same as usual. You know the procedure." He clicked the top of his pen as he readied to scribble.

"Well..." I swallowed.

"Ah, don't tell me you've got bashful," he joked.

I chuckled. "Not at all. I'm just thinking that this direction of the possible book may be darker."

"How so?"

"I've been working on a love affair sort of story. The woman who is engaged to her fiancé, is having an affair with the neighbour next door. She's tormented between how wrong it is morally but she's unable to give up on the temptation. I haven't...decided as far as the end of the story or how it works out in the end but...yeah, so far that's all I've got," I responded, knowing I was pitifully describing the facts of my situation. I wasn't even sure that I liked the facial expression Pete held as he listened through. It was a face I couldn't exactly decipher which made it more irritating not knowing how he felt upon my proposal.

"I've gotta say." His brows lifted. "It's...different from your usual takes but there's nothing stopping it from being a bestseller."

"Really? I suspected it to be a bit dark. After-all, it's morally wrong and I haven't exactly given the woman an excuse to cheat. Her fiancé is every bit the loving man," I objected, wanting almost a different reaction from Pete. I actually wanted him to despise the story, give it no confidence. With it so closely aligned to my own situation, having no respect for the story, would be some sort of punishment that I knew I deserved. But Pete, wasn't objecting the proposal.

"No, I actually think that darkness or morally wrong 'projection', gives it some reality. And besides, the resolution of the story could be the realisation she has to finish the affair and come out clean or you could just go completely darker than that and continue the affair without resolution. It adds depth. It's not an everyday love story," he explained, jotting down some notes as he spoke.

"I suppose." I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's got potential, Rose. There's countless routes you can take this. I'm happy to present this to the publishers. We'll get the ball rolling. Give them a taste of what's new to come from their best-seller, Rose Stanton," Pete said, appearing very content towards my material I'd presented.

"I just---"

"Rose, it's got potential. Trust me."

"I do." I nodded. "Yes, get the ball rolling then," I said quickly, knowing I was probably making a big mistake more than ever issuing my martial affair into fiction.

"Although, I do have to ask in general curiosity. What inspired you to write this? It's different," he asked, closing his tiny notepad and slotting it into his jacket's pocket.

"Erm, I don't know. I guess, it just came to mind," I lied.

"Well, we could definitely be looking at a best seller, so I better get this drafted up into something more suitable than my note pad notes and get it into their minds," Pete announced as he stood up, a little eager as he picked up the mug of tea and drank it back quick.

"Oh, well—"

"---And thank you, Rose, for the tea. I better be off. Duty calls," he interjected, excitedly almost skipping out the living room as he headed for the front door. I promptly followed behind, startled to see Angie at the doorstep as soon as he opened the door.

"Right, have a good morning, Rose," Pete said, and then politely said a brief hello to Angie before disappearing away from my driveway.

"Angie. Hi. Come in," I said, almost stuttering on my words as I watched my friend, enter and drape her jacket onto the banister of the staircase.

"I hope you don't mind but Nick sounded a little concerned on the phone earlier. He told me you needed a friend. So, I'm here," she expressed, heading to the kitchen. "You just had your meeting?"

"Er, yes. What do you mean Nick sounded concerned?"

Angie exhaled leaning on the kitchen counter adjacent to the silver oven. "He told me about...the wanting a baby. And how he feels you're not as...responsive to the idea."

"He said that."

"Yes. But trust me, I was surprised to receive a phone call from your husband. More surprised that this is the man who you were telling me never wanted to approach the topic of kids and now suddenly he's keen. But then, I'm more surprised to hear my friend isn't as...happy about that by the sounds of it," she hinted at.

"What? Of course, I'm happy. I mean...yes, I was acting not as---the other day, but that's only because he didn't tell me, and his announcement could have been better presented than just a 'oh by the way I want kids' in front of my parents," I said irritably.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger."

"I'm sorry. It's not you. I'm just---"

"---Do you want kids with him because...I'm going to be honest. Last time we spoke, you were feeling underwhelmed with the marriage. So, please excuse me, if I'm thinking something isn't right no more. It's not the sex is it? There's something more bugging you, isn't there, Rose?" she challenged.

I sighed, closing my eyes as I leaned on the wall behind me.

"Rose, what's going on?" she quietly said.

"N-nothing," I lied, shaking my head as I felt shame build from lying to my friend's face. "I just...suppose, yeah, I'm not ready for kids. Maybe, I'm not as cut out for it at the moment like you are with Noah," I assured her, knowing that sounded more excusable than coming out with the truth.

"So, what about before all of this? Are you still happy with Nick?" she hinted at. I felt a little defeat knowing she was refusing to believe that was the entire truth.

"Of course. I told you when we spoke. It was the sex," I affirmed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I nodded. "Honest. I'm just unsure now how to tell Nick that I don't want kids." And you're not in love with him, my conscience sneered.

Angie exhaled. "Okay. Good. I'm sorry I was interrogating your ass there, but I just want to make sure you're okay. I would have got in contact with you sooner, but Lawrence hasn't made it easier to sleep. But, seriously, Rose. Anything that is playing on your mind, you will tell me, won't you?"

"Of course." An unsettling amount of guilt embraced me whilst I took Angie into a hug. I could smell the heavenly smell of cocoa butter as I squeezed her tight wanting nothing more than to tell her the truth. But I was afraid of what she would think of me, what she would do and the potential loss of a good friend.

So, I kept the dark secret to myself.

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