Media: Marvel Cinematic Universe; Captain America: Civil War

Timeline: 2016; Spider-Man vs Captain America

Genre: Action, Comedy, Superheroes

Summary: Someone is oppressing high schoolers, but no one notices. Peter Parker—he himself a victim—decides to take matters into his own hands as Spider-Man.

Notes: Post above is not mine. It's what inspired this actually amusing one shot. Guys! I finally wrote a comedy!

"So what exactly am I doing in Germany?" Peter asked.

Tony Stark eyed him quizzingly. "Don't you watch the news, kid?"

"I just got home from school when you were at my house."

"I'm recruiting you to fight Captain America." Tony steeled himself for angry rants from a Captain America fanboy. To his surprise, Peter's eyes widened then turned firm with determination.

"All right then. What's the plan?"

* * *

Peter fidgeted with his camera. He was both nervous and excited.

"You can do this, Pete," he muttered encouragingly as his gloved finger hovered over the record button. "You can do this. Remember those infuriating detention and P.E. videos. Do this for your classmates. Do this for high schoolers everywhere. Avenge us all!"

Hyped up, Spider-Man hit record and began filming the next part of his vlog, waiting for the signal that would start his revenge.

"Underoos!"

Flip in, fire webs, steal Cap's shield, then web cuff him. Spider-Man landed perfectly with his enemy's icon in his own hand.

"Hey, everyone," he greeted, narrowing his eyes at Cap. Vengeance has began, and oh, how sweet it tasted.

The web instantly slackened and Spider-Man fell, tumbling onto airport equipment and landing on his feet in a perfect crouch. Before him, Captain America caught his shield. Peter growled in the back of his throat. That old World War II antique cut his web with his iconic symbol! If Peter wasn't already triggered before, he was really pissed now!

"That thing does not obey the laws of physics at all," the science geek remarked, hiding his annoyance.

"Look, kid, there's a lot here going on that you don't understand," Steve Rogers rebuked impatiently. Peter's temper flared at Cap's tone. It matched the scolding that he used in those detention videos! Gentle, calm, and so very frustrating!

"Mr. Stark said you'd say that," Peter quipped, attempting to keep his cool. "Wow." Faster than humanly possible, Spider-Man fired a web, which Steve barely deflected. The web stuck to the man's shield and Peter fired another at his leg, pulling the soldier towards him. He skidded smoothly on the ground and kicked the superhuman into an airport vehicle.

"He also said to go for your legs," Peter gloated. And the vine, but you wouldn't know anything about that.

Captain America scrambled to his feet and rushed towards his discarded shield. Acting quickly, the teen held the superhero back by webbing his fists. Peter then realized his mistake, but it was already too late. Cap twisted and pulled, skillfully kicking Peter aside.

Peter immediately stood and fired another web. It hit Cap's shield and the man grabbed it, wound it around his wrist, and yank the rather lightweight teen towards him.

Smack! Peter's head exploded with pain as he was whacked in the face by Captain America's shield and then cracked his skull against the concrete ground. Stars danced before his eyes while his nose burned and throbbed numbly at the same time. Peter had never broken his nose before, but he wouldn't be surprised if it felt like this.

Come on, Peter! He urged as he scrambled to his feet. You're not done yet!

The youth swung himself onto a jet bridge and glared down at the secret super villain.

"Stark tell you anything else?" Steve asked mockingly.

Peter's anger flared. "That you're wrong, you think you're right... makes you dangerous," he answered coolly.

The webslinger backflipped off and swung underneath the boarding ramp for another attack. The war veteran dodged his web and, before the kid could change course, kicked Peter in the midriff. He crashed into the leg of the ramp and hit the ground hard.

"Guess he had a point."

Eyes widening in horror, Peter quickly pushed himself to his feet only having to throw up his hands and catch the falling bridge. His knees and elbows bent under the weight and, though it was extremely heavy, Peter knew it wasn't heavy enough to crush him.

I bet he knows that, too, he thought darkly as the soldier caught his boomerang.

"You got heart, kid," Cap praised like he was talking to a child, which made the teenager's contempt for him swell. "Where're you from?"

"Queens," he managed to reply, the strain forcing any hatred out of his tone.

Captain America smiled fondly as if he recalled a memory from his ancient databanks. "Brooklyn."

"As if that would make me like you anymore just because we are from the same state!" Peter growled as the superhuman vanished. With a yell, he tossed the boarding ramp to the side and slumped to the ground to let his aching limbs rest for a moment. Passion burned in him.

"If I didn't know any better," Peter gasped as his breath returned, "this would be my villain origin story. I'd be Cap's next big bad."

With an amused grin, Peter swung off in pursuit of the man that tormented his high school. The student from Midtown High was not finished with his revenge.

From that day forward, Spider-Man was thought of as a hero in the minds of the teenagers in New York. The reason why they kept buried in their hearts, out of their teachers' knowledge.