Kayous

I went out from that room and walked down the stairs. I suddenly felt boredom and I think I need some air. This castle is too much for me, like I can't breath properly. Memories are still rushing through my mind and I can't help but to think about my past again.

Napatingin ako sa malaking kastilyo. Pansing-pansin ko kung gaano kamahal ang mga muwebles na nakikita ko. May napakalaki ring mga aranyang nagkakalat na siyang nagbibigay ng buong liwanag rito. Matitibay na bato, magagandang pigura at mga halaman na halatang hindi pinapabayaan kagaya pa rin ng dati. Ibang-iba ang itsura ng kastilyo na 'to sa labas mismo.

I was in love with this place before but not anymore.

Maidservants are doing their usual jobs, panicking for I don't know reasons while carrying some food trays. The knights are just staring at them, observing and guarding them. I sighed deeply and then walked again.

"Captain!" Natigilan ako sa sigaw na 'yon kaya napalingon ako kung saan nanggaling ang boses. Blangko kong tinignan ang mga kawal na ngayo'y nakayuko na ang mga ulo habang ang kani-kanilang mga matitigas na sibat ay nasa kani-kanilang likuran. Wala akong ginawa kun'di ang tanguan lang sila at naglakad muli.

I checked all the picture frames on the wall and I see some familiar faces, especially the king and queen... and their two childs. There are some pictures that they are happy, there are also some pictures where it's the prince and princess alone having their own moment.

"Nakauwi na si Hellara, anak, nahanap na siya ng kuya niya." Natigilan ako dahil sa boses na 'yon kaya hinay-hinay akong lumingon sa kaniya.

The queen smiling at me so sweet and I don't understand why she's still acting this way. She should shoo me away because I am disgusting. And I cannot understand why she is still calling me her son where in fact, she is not my biological mother. I felt something weird in my heart whenever she is calling me that way and I don't like it.

She looked at the picture and caressed her daughter's frame, "she was in Avalon all along. I didn't know that in her age, she already can perform magic where she can travel in other worlds." She said and I don't know what is her point. I shouldn't listen but something stopping me.

"T-That's good," I mumbled.

"It was my fault why she leave, so this time, I have to take care of my princess as well. I don't want her to feel alone again and abandoned just because Helbram got our attention first." She uttered with so much softness in her voice. "Hindi ako naging mabuting ina. Hindi ako naging patas kay Hellara. Hindi ako naging magaling sa pagiging magulang. Kaya ngayon, babawi ako sa kaniya... at sa'yo." I was stiffened because of her last words that's why I stared at her red eyes. I don't know what to say because I don't understand what she said.

Bakit siya.. babawi.. sa'kin? Anong nagawa ko at bakit kailangan niyang bumawi?

"You really don't have to, am good and.. contented." I almost whispered and looked at the frames again. I don't need their pity. I don't need them. I am good. If I have my full magic energy again, I'll leave here. This place is not for me.

"No, you were gone for almost four years and I can't afford to lose you once again. We can't." I narrowed my eyes because of the sincerity of her voice. "We lost Hellara, we almost lost Helbram and we lost you." She said that made me feel something weird again.

Ano naman ngayon? Ano naman kung mawala ako? Hindi ako tunay na anak at hindi kami magkadugo. Wala silang obligasiyon sa'kin dahil hindi naman nila ako pamilya. Anong pinupunto niya?

She sighed deeply, "Helbram a-almost killed by the rebels of Ismaela Kingdom because he was looking for you, anak. When he went home, he immediately asked me about you but I can't answer him because I am too lost of my own sadness after you disappeared." Litaniya niya na siyang ikinahinga ko na lang ng malalim. Hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ba ako sa sinasabi ng reyna pero wala na akong pakialam. At ano pang silbi ng paghahanap ng lalaking 'yon sa'kin kung siya na mismo ang nagsabi na ayaw niya sa'kin? Siya na mismo ang nagbigay sa akin ng mga salita na ayaw niya sa akin! At siya rin mismo ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagtagal sa... kadiliman.

I am just staring at her and I noticed that she's starting to cry. Not until a tear fell from her eyes and I can't even feel.. sad. I feel nothing about her crying in front of me.

"K-Kaya tuwang-tuwa kami na nakita ka namin sa labas at hindi no'n masusukat kung gaano kami kasabik na mayakap kang muli!" Before I could say anything, she suddenly hugged me tightly. That made me winced because I don't want this. I don't want her hugging me anymore, I don't want her near me anymore.

Hindi na ako ang dating Ayous na kilala nila. At ayaw kong marinig muli ang pangalan na 'yon mula sa mga bibig nila.

The cold wind is hugging me, the sky is clear but my emotions are dark. The trees are beautifully dancing and the flowers are starting to bloom but I can't even appreciate them anymore. I really feel.. empty.

Nasa itaas ako ngayon ng kastilyo kung saan kitang-kita ko halos kabuuan ng isla. Kitang-kita ko ang kaguluhan sa baba na siyang dati pang ganiyan at tila walang katapusan. Mukhang hindi na sila maisasaayos pa at mukhang hindi na sila magiging isa. Araw-araw ay nagnanakawan, naglalaban at nagpapatayan... ganiyan kagulo ang kastilyo na 'to dahil lang sa isang pagkakamali ng hari. Ngayon, kahit siya, hindi na niya mapigilan ang gulong 'to.

"Helbram a-almost killed by the rebels of Ismaela Kingdom because he was looking for you, anak. When he went home, he immediately asked me about you but I can't answer him because I am too lost of my own sadness after you disappeared."

I shook my head because of the queen's words. I don't know but I don't understand why she's saying all of those. I don't want to believe her either because I know how disgusted her son was when I confessed to him... so it's impossible that he's looking after me.

"You must be Ayous," huminga ako ng malalim dahil sa boses na 'yon. Kahit matagal na kaming hindi nagkita, at kahit batang-bata pa siya no'n, hindi ko makakalimutan ang tono ng boses niya. Mahinhin at halos bulong na lamang.

I gradually faced her and there, she's smiling at me like she was so happy to see me. But my expression still remained. I just blankly stared at her like she's nothing but a stranger to me. A memory suddenly flashed and I saw how painful for that man because of the sudden disappearance of his twin. He's looking for her for so long but here she is, smiling like nothing happened... like she didn't leave Ismaela.

"Hellara," I almost whispered, she nodded.

"H-Halos hindi na kita makilala ah? Ilang taon na nga ba ang nakakalipas?" Galak niyang sambit pabalik habang parang kumikislap ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa'kin.

"I can't remember."

"A-Ahm well, matagal na nga 'yon. At tiyaka ano, Leera... you can call me Leera, 'yon na ang naging pangalan ko nang mapunta ako sa Avalon." I want to tell her painful words because the audacity? She changed her name where in fact, her parents put efforts and that thing called love just to came up with that name. She abandoned her real name just because she was in that world? Abandoning her name is like abandoning her damn parents' rights! But well, it's their choice. I don't give a damn anymore.

"That's good.. for you." I shortly uttered and diverted my attention to other direction. I sighed heavily because I am not really comfortable talking with her.

"R-Rinig ko na kakabalik mo lang daw? Sorry ah, kakabalik ko lang rin kasi mula sa Avalon pero nakabalik na ako matagal na rito. Nasa Avalon lang kasi ako nag-stay kasi nando'n ang pangalawang pamil-"

"I don't know why this is so relevant for you to tell me this?" I cut her off and then faced her again. She was shocked because of what I said. "I really don't care about your life... don't share it with me, I am not interested, princess." I coldly responded and trying to control my temper. I don't want to explode because I don't know what I can do if it will happen.

Napatitig ako saglit sa mga kamay niya na wala ng mga gloves. Naaalala ko na parang mga demonyo ang mga kamay niyang 'yan dahil sa mahika niya at mukhang nakayanan niya ng kontrolin 'yon. Katulad ng kapatid niya, kaya nilang maging kahit anong klaseng demonyo. Kumakain rin sila ng mahika ng demonyo kaya nakukuha nilang gayahin ang mga mahika nila.

"I-I'm sorry," she apologized.

"You don't have to." I finally uttered and then leave her dumbfounded.

Wala akong naaalala na naging malapit ako sa kaniya. Oo alam kong hindi siya gusto ng reyna noon pero hindi 'yon ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako naging malapit sa kaniya. Ang misyon ko... ang misyon ko na bantayan ang kakambal niya ang siyang naging dahilan kung bakit hindi ko natutunan makipagkaibigan sa iba pa. Nakapokus lang ako sa lalaking 'yon kaya hindi ko nagawang maging masaya sa buhay at hindi ko nagawang unahin ang sarili ko.

Pagkababa ko ay nakita ko pa ang reyna at ang hari na nag-uusap sa sala at tila seryoso ang kani-kanilang nga ekspresiyon. Hindi na ako nagpakita pa kasi baka kung ano na namang sasabihin nila sa akin na walang kabuluhan.

"Ayous!" Napapikit na lang ako dahil sa malakas na pagtawag sa'kin ng prinsesa at nasisiguro akong nasa direksiyon ko na rin nakatingin ang mag-asawa.

What is her damn problem? I don't want to get their attentions but she's making me so damn crazy!

"Hellara anak, saan ka pupunta? Bakit ka nagmamadali?" Rinig kong tanong ng reyna pero hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa at umalis na ro'n. Kung hindi ko nakakalimutan, may daan rito sa likod para makalabas ng kastilyo na siyang hindi naman ako nabigong hanapin.

To avoid them, I immediately walked fast out of the castle so that I can escape from that suffocating place. I don't need their words and I don't need them. I don't need someone who wants to call me son and I don't need someone who always talked about their lives! I don't fucking care!

Nang mapansin kong nakalayo na 'ko, agad na akong huminto sa paglalakad. Pinagmasdan ko ang buong paligid at mukhang nandito ako ngayon sa gitna ng kagubatan na siyang hindi ko na napansin. Pero mas mabuti na lang sa lugar na 'to dahil tahimik at walang maingay galing sa pamilya na 'yon.

May utang na loob man ako sa kanila dahil sa pagpapalaki't pagpapakain nila sa'kin, gusto kong hanggang doon na lang 'yon dahil ayaw ko ng dagdagan pa. Mas lalo lang silang magkakaroon ng dahilan para pigilan ako sa bagay na gusto kong gawin matagal nang panahon na ang nakakalipas kapag lagi akong nasa tabi nila.

I was stiffened when I noticed something. It's glowing and I sensed something magical energy in that light. I narrowed my eyes to see it clearly but I think I have to get near before I could see its true form. And because of my curiosity, I went near the light not until my heart suddenly pounded so fast because of its look.

A gem. An ice gem.

"Bago ka pa makalapit sa hiyas na 'yan, nasisiguro akong nakabulagta ka na sa lupa at naghihingalo." Natigilan ako dahil sa malalim na boses na 'yon galing sa nasisiguro akong isang lalaki. Unti-unti akong lumingon sa likuran ko at nakita ang wangis niya na ngayo'y seryosong nakaharap sa akin. Nakatutok sa akin ang kanang palad niya at unti-unting may lumalabas roon na berdeng liwanag. Berde ang kulay ng kaniyang buhok, gano'n rin ang kaniyang mga mata. Halos kulay putik na ang kaniyang balat pero hindi no'n maipagkakailang may itsura ang lalaking 'to. Matangkad at malaki ang katawan pero wala akong pakialam.

I stared at him coldly.

"You can have it, I don't care." I shortly uttered and then was about to walk out but I was stopped when I felt something magic that was about to explode.

"Nature Magic: Nature Bombs." He casted and before his attacks could hit me, those green ball-like lights turned into ice balls. Seconds after, all of those fell on the ground and was beautifully shattered into pieces. I stared at him blankly and I saw how his expression changed like he was so shocked because of what I did.

"I told you, you can have it... seems like you really need its magic so you can take it. All for you, dimwit. Just don't.. bother.. me again." I seriously said to him.

"I-Isa kang mage? Hindi ka nagsambit n--"

Hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng oras pa at umalis na sa harapan niya.

Ayaw ko sa mga maiingay.