That uneven, melodious tune played by the rain drops that fell on the closed window, reminded me of my past, which was in contrast more melancholic, discordant. You know, there are just times where you feel like turning the clock back and to stop everything that made a mess with your life ? 

Same. 

The person who called me a disgrace. My dad. Gone.

The person who cared for me. My step - mom. Gone.

The person who fate chose to be the reason for such misery. My mom. Gone.

The people who became the reason for my belief that I should have never existed. My bullies. Gone.

The person who gave me a reason to be happy. Soyeon. Not yet Gone.

Yes, you heard it right. She hadn't gone yet. The day will come soon, but it wasn't that rainy day. 

And so she promised to spend the day with me... 

But she never came.

She only pitied me, right ? 

She never loved me like I did, right ?

Is this what I deserved ? Nothing more ? Nothing better ? To be lonely ? To gradually become scared of making people my reason to live ? Because they will eventually leave me ?

The dark early evening was really similar to that dreaded evening weeks ago. It was raining. I was sitting on my bed and looking out of the window. Questioning myself. My mind incongruous. The only difference - 

The scars on my skin had faded, on my heart had worsened. 

Tears rolled down my cheeks, tinted pale from the cold. And again I was... 

Crying to put a smile on my face the next day.  

I could see the rain slowing down, so why not go take a stroll. 

And maybe visit the grave...

-------------

The wind gushed through the house as I stepped out of the door to go and take a walk, making me shiver and internally curse at the thin jacket. 

I bent down to push in my feet inside the shoes by pulling it's collar and heel counter and trying to adjust the tongue, but soon I was interrupted by someone. 

"Jimin - ah !"

And how do I fail to recognize that voice ?

"Hi, Soyeon - ah !"

I shouted back and chuckled at the sight of her running down the street, with hands over a head to come inside my house as it started raining heavily again. In a hurry, I removed my shoes and let in my slightly drenched "friend", who was slightly panting and breathing hard from all the sudden running. 

"Hi !"

I said and hugged and her.

But something felt weird...

She didn't hug me back. 

She didn't radiate the same warmth as last night.

She didn't look the same energetic and cheerful person. 

She didn't feel the same way. 

Was this an indication to something ? Or just me thinking that way ?

------------

So I got the news that schools in my city are reopening and we will have to attend them physically, like no more online classes. If that happens, by chance, I will have really less time to update, so I'm trying to complete this book as soon as possible.. Probably by Tuesday.... 

Stay tuned ! My updates will be slow but not on halt. 😉