Dedicated to Tobi Otulana ❤❤

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Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. --Matthew 18:21‭-‬22 (KJV)

Pastor Bee

God's grace and strength be with you as you meet your mum today. Forgiving others is more for you than for that person. Forgiving is what God did for you and I so as to draw us to Him. 

Posi read the text one more time as she prepared to leave her office. 

It was time to see her mum. 

Posi sighed as she cleared her desk for the day. She hadn't even been able to concentrate all day and had gotten nothing done. 

For some days, she had been able to get her mind off the meeting as the day drew closer. She occupied herself with work and she was enjoying nurturing her new friendship. Having forgotten what it felt like to build a mutual friendship, she found this truly thrilling.

But that thrill needed to take the backseat as she had prepared herself for whatever her mum planned to say. If she started with those hateful words again, she would hightail it out of there. She was her mother but she wasn't going to let her destabilize the equilibrium she had finally gotten a hang of anymore. 

Posi took a moment to freshen up and adjusted her glasses. I do not have the spirit of fear. Instead, I have the spirit of love, power and a sound mind. I fear no fear. I am bold as a lion. 

She repeated the words to herself. She said a quick word of prayer before she received a call from her Uber signalling his arrival. She bid Toyin a goodbye and reminded her of her prior instructions before she sauntered out of her studio. 

*****

"Good afternoon, ma," Posi greeted as she went on her knees. She may not have had the best childhood but she was still a Yoruba girl and her home training wouldn't allow her act otherwise. 

"Good afternoon, my darling." Her mother smiled at her as she moved towards her to give her a hug.

Posi stood like a statue; unresponsive. She couldn't remember the last time she received a hug from her mother, warm or not. Posi hadn't bothered to allow it.

But she never tried to give me one either.  

The moment her mum released her from the hug, she scrambled to one of the single chairs in the hotel room. They had decided to meet in her room so as to avoid distractions and so they could also speak freely. The room was a suite with a bedroom and a mini-living room, tastefully furnished with its white walls and beautiful framed paintings that Posi couldn't appreciate at the moment.

Her mind was preoccupied with a lot of thoughts and emotions that were bubbling just beneath the surface. And they were going to burst out at any minute. Posi muttered a quick perfunctory prayer under her breath and kept her head low, with her eyes fixed on her fingers.

God help me.

"How are you, my dear? How is work? It's so good to see you. You have grown into such a beauty." Her mother sat on the edge of her seat, as tears brimmed in her eyes.

Posi looked away as she felt the tears make way to hers too. 

"I'm fine, ma. And work is good too. How are you too, ma?" For someone in her 60s, her mum sure looked great. She could pass for a fifty-year old even. 

"I'm fine, my darling. It's really good to see you. I have really missed you this past few years."

She missed me? Really? 

Masterpiece, keep calm. 

No! 

"You missed me?" Posi scoffed. "You missed me?"

She watched as her mum sat there quietly. It was almost like she was expecting this outburst. And she was going to hear it. 

"You missed me, the one who wasn't meant to be born? Me, the mistake? Me, the one who made your husband leave you? Me, mother?" She said the word 'mother' like it was bitter leaf juice.  

"I'm sorry, Ayomiposi. There are no words to excuse or explain what I did. I--"

Posi stared at her like she couldn't see her or hear what she just said. "You didn't want me. Remember? You made me believe I was unworthy of love. That I wasn't enough for you or dad or even anyone. And now, you hound me with calls and suddenly ask to see me. What is it you want from me that you haven't already taken, mother?"

Posi saw the tears running down her mother's face. She felt the check in her spirit to stop. She felt the ache in her heart building. But the one thing she didn't do was allow her Abba's voice to cut through the fog of pain she seemed to be enveloped in.

Why should I stay calm? Why do I need to bow to her tears? Why shouldn't she feel what I have felt for years? Let me have my moment. She deserves every word I fling at her.  

Her mother had beaten her with her vicious words for years. Why couldn't she just do the same to her for once in her life? 

But you are not that person anymore, daughter.

Let her feel how it feels to be lashed at with angry hurtful words. 

Be sti--

With a flick of her hand, Posi dismissed the voice she had grown to love. The abode she had found solace in. With her eyes blinded in rage fuelled by fear, she missed the subtle silent movement of her mother's lips and she plodded on, like one swimming against the current.

"I was in pain for years. I never felt enough. I couldn't reach out for help. I was a recluse. Why? All because you told me I wasn't meant to be born while all your male sons died. You filled my ears and heart with words a child my age shouldn't have to put up with. And now that I have stability, you come out to say you missed me!"

"Where were you and dad when I needed you the most? Where were you when I needed to hear words of love and affirmation? Just where?" Posi screamed out in pain. Pain she thought she had truly relinquished. Pain she thought was gone and was powerless against her. Pain she had promised herself to never allow a hold on her. Pain that threatened to snuff out the life in her.

"No!"  Her heart and everything in her screamed.

Be still, daughter. Be still.

This time she listened and stayed calm. Shuddering, she wrapped her arms around herself as she wept. She allowed herself be swept up in the love she had felt since she became His. 

I'm sorry, Abba. I'm sorry. 

It's okay, Masterpiece. It's okay. She could almost feel His arms around her and feel gentle strokes of His fingers at the back of her head. And she calmed down. There was nothing like His embrace, nothing like His presence. Nothing.

After some minutes of silence, she heard her mum sniffle. "I'm so sorry, Ayomiposi. I'm so sorry. I have no excuses to give for treating you that way. I was too far gone in my own pain and distress to recognize the need to love you. I'm sorry, my daughter."

Posi looked up at her only to find her on the floor with her head in her hands, sobbing bitterly. She had never seen her mum so broken. So fragile, or alone. Not even when she was on the verge of depression, had she seen her like this.

Forgive as I forgave you. Forgive as you want to be forgiven. 

What? She had never wronged anyone. Infact, she was the one that had been wronged. Then, she remembered the message Pastor Bimbo had sent to her. 

With tears in her eyes, she crawled over to where her mum was and sat sobbing in front of her. Her mum as if sensing her movement looked up with tears still streaming down her face. Posi could see the pain and distress on her face. 

Before she could talk herself out of it, Posi stretched her hands towards her mum's and held unto her hands. She gripped them tightly and broke down again. 

Her mum took the remaining step and moved closer to hold her in her embrace. They stayed like that, crying for the lost years, but happy for the chance they had to make up for it. 

Posi was still wracked with sobs and couldn't get the words she wanted to say out. She wanted to say she had forgiven her mum and dad. She wanted to say she didn't hate her. She wanted to say she knew she was enough now. She wanted to say she had found God. No, that God had found her. She really had a lot of things to say.

But she was tired. And the words could be spoken later. For now, she wanted to weep and have her mum hold her for all the thirty-three years' worth they had lost never to be gained again. She wanted to continue to hear the reassuring whispers of her mum's love for her. 

So they stayed like that, locked in that embrace, rocking back and forth and it seemed time stood still for them to catch up on all the years lost, ready to be made up for.

The years that had been ravaged by hate and anger and hurt, all restored in a moment of love, peace and joy.  

*******

Posi woke up later that night to her phone ringing. She picked up her phone to see Tayo's name flashing across the screen as she wondered where she was. The room was painted all white. This is definitely not my room. My room is purple.

Then, she remembered that she was at her mum's hotel room.

"Hello." Why do I sound like that? She cleared her throat.

"Why do you sound like that? Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm fine too. Are you sure everything is fine? You sound like you have been crying."

"I really am okay."

Now at rest, she settled back in the large bed and rubbed at her eyes as she heard Tayo ask what time he should come for the frames the next day. She was about to reply him when she heard her mum speaking from the mini-living room.  

"I can't have only three months…"

What?! What is she talking about?

She scrambled out of bed, only to notice the edges of several pamphlets peeking out of the bedside cupboard. She opened the drawer and was shocked to see "How to live with cancer" and several other telling topics that her mind couldn't fathom at the moment. 

God, why?? Why? Did you bring us together only to take her away again? 

"Hello, Posi, hello" managed to filter through her phone speaker but she couldn't respond. She was too far gone and she tapped the END icon, leaving a worried Tayo to pace his room as he tried to call her back. 

Posi's mum was glad to see her daughter and she displayed it in the hug. She was so glad that she had told her she missed her. 

She expected the angry words and she recognized the pain behind her words. And as Posi lashed out at her and spewed those words, she knew she must stay calm and ask for God to heal her heart. So, she spoke to the One Who alone could heal, deliver and save.

"Please, Abba. I entrust her heart to You. Please, keep the bitterness from her heart. She can be angry all she wants. You know I deserve it but Lord, don't let her be embittered or have a resentful heart…"