~~

This will be the last chapter that Rayver Luciano will be mentioned.

~~

THIRD PERSON POV

A few years ago

~~

A young man in his late twenties was sitting at the uncomfortable, blue plastic chairs, but even the inconvenient feeling did little to steer his mind from second-guessing his actions. 

Should he just go back? This is too stupid. They're probably going to think he's crazy or something like that. Worse yet, they're going to kick him out while dissing him. 

Yes… His self-confidence was close to nonexistent. Finally, the clock reached the time that he had been both awaiting and dreading. Now, he had to go. It surely was now or never, and while he was hesitant, he knew that this would certainly be for the better good for his mentality, despite it being… Strange and awkward. 

He stood and walked into the front of the door, inhaling deeply, and exhaling a long breath. This was it. He had finally gathered enough courage and came. He thought he'd never do this, but apparently, things had become… Worse. 

Giving himself a mental pep talk, he opened the door and was met with a man in his thirties, sitting leisurely but professionally at the table. He eyed the contents of the table; various objects were placed, some of which were having correspondence with the vibe of the room and the reason that they were in the room. Other than that, there was also a stack of tissues at the coffee table which was a few feet away from the desk. 

"Ah, yes! Come in, come in. I do apologize for the mess; my previous patient had a breakdown." The man sitting behind the desk started, standing to gather the tissues and dump them into the trash can at the corner of the room. 

'I noticed.' The newcomer thought to himself, recalling the young woman that exited the room a few minutes ago, bawling her eyes out. He didn't want to even fathom what her problem was. He had enough of his to worry about someone else's. 

"Now, why don't you come and sit down, young man? Uh, how old are you?" The owner of the room inquired, going back to his leather seat as the visitor followed the directions and sat as well. 

While he knew that this person knew his age, he decided to humor the one questioning him, as it was in his nature to not be rude. "I'm turning twenty-seven in a few weeks." He stated, giving a polite, but tight-lipped smile. 

"Oh, well, advance happy birthday. By the way, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Doctor Lee Parkinson." He outstretched a hand urging the young man to shake it. Which he did. 

"Yeah, you're kind of famous for being the, uh, best in your… Profession." The patient awkwardly replied, cringing inside at his words. To be fair, social interaction was not his forte. 

"Right." The doctor grunted, but still managed to keep his kind smile, "If you weren't aware yet, we give our patients their privacy here, so it is up to you if you would like to tell me your real name, or if you have some other name you'd like me to call you."

He smiled, "Oh, um, you can call me Ray. Just Ray."

Doctor Parkinson didn't divulge any longer in this matter and nodded his head complacently. Then, he continued giving some ice-breaking questions to ease his patient's visible tension. 

"Are you in a relationship, Ray?" 

Ray smiled, looking a bit more confident in this topic, "Ah, yes. Have been for more than a year now." 

Thinking about his wife, Ray couldn't help but subconsciously smile to himself with a deep gentleness and find in his eyes. 

Doctor Parkinson nodded his head, "Yes, yes. This is good. Having people you love and who love you around you is a good atmosphere to have around. Now, might I ask if your wife is aware of your concerns?" 

Hearing this question, Ray couldn't help but freeze slightly and lower his head. Biting his lips uncertainly, he answered, "I… No, she doesn't know that. Nobody does. I just… I don't want any of them to look at me differently. My life now, except for my problems, is pretty wonderful already."

The doctor hummed, jotting down on his notebook rapidly as Ray ranted on. 

Then, he put down his notepad and looked at Ray, saying with seriousness, "Well, how about we get to the main point now, hm? What is your problem, Ray?" 

Stuck between pleased and embarrassed by the elder person's direct question, Ray couldn't help his ears from reddening. Whether the doctor had noticed it or not was a mystery, as Doctor Parkinson's face didn't change from the intense look he gave Ray. 

"I…" Ray hesitated but seeing Doctor Parkinson's supporting expression, Ray gathered the courage and stared truthfully, "I've been… Hearing a voice in my head."

"How long has this been going on?" 

"Um… Ever since I woke up from a coma, I had already heard it. It seemed quite familiar too, so I assume that it had been with me since long —even before my coma— when I had these voices in my head."

As the doctor wrote down in his notepad again, he asked, "And what do these voices tell you?" 

"They tell me that… That…" 

You're not enough.

Worthless.

Burden.

Disgusting.

Coward.

Weak.

You don't deserve anything.

Ray turned his head downwards. "They… Discourage me and attack my self-confidence and self-esteem. They say that I'm not worth anything, that I'm just… Nothing."

Doctor Parkinson slightly paused in his movements but recovered soon after. No one could tell the difference in his actions. 

"Have you told anyone about this?"

Ray shook his head in a negative. "No, I… I never did tell anyone."

"And why is that?"

"I…" Ray hesitated. "To be honest, I'm afraid… Afraid of wasting their time with these unimportant issues of mine."

Doctor Parkinson hummed in an answer making it difficult to know what his opinions on Ray's problems were.

Finally, he spoke, "Ray, as you know, not only am I just a therapist in things such as depression, but I am a therapist that focuses mostly on every part of the brain. One of these things that I want to talk to you about was your problems in your memory."

"My memory?" Ray asked.

The doctor nodded, "Yes. You see, I suspect that this voice in your head has something to do with your past, and since you can't remember anything, but this voice is still here, then it might be a clue to your missing memories."

Then he paused for a while, and continued, "Of course, we could always try some hypnotherapy."

Rayver quickly denied it, "No! Please, as much as possible, I'd like to refrain from using other methods. Maybe my memories do have a better chance of coming back because of the clues this voice might give me."

Doctor Parkinson nodded, "Alright then. Now, why don't you tell me more about this voice?"

~~

Present day

~~

"Good afternoon, doc." Ray greeted Doctor Parkinson with a smile. Years of seeing each other frequently, and deep talks helped Ray to overcome his shyness with the middle-aged therapist. 

In return, the doctor also gave a smile, "Hello, Ray! It's been a while since we've last sat down and had a talk, huh?" 

In the years that had passed with a professional helping hand Ray become a lot better than before. He now had some self-confidence and wasn't cowardly like before. The voice in his head that usually spoke to continually discourage him had slowly become less and less, and just appears a few times.

With Doctor Parkinson's help, and with his close ones always there to also encourage him, even when the voice spoke, Ray no longer listened to it. 

As per usual, Doctor Parkinson asked, "So, any changes in the voice in your head?"

Because they were now casual towards one another, Ray was used to the strange straightforwardness of this doctor. "No, just the usual." 

"And…" The doctor paused, but continued nonetheless, "Your memories?" 

Now with a sad air around him, Ray bit his lip. Even though his problem with his mentality towards himself had changed drastically, his problem with his memories still hadn't changed. 

Even though he spent a lot of time with his friends trying to reminisce the past, nothing triggered anything. 

Except for today. 

A flash of determination swept behind Ray's eyes, and he looked up towards the doctor who had become a friend, and answered, "Yes, actually. There was a slight change."

Doctor Parkinson was excited. He —and many other professionals— had said that he, Doctor Lee Parkinson, was the best of the best in this field of work. Of course, every patient that he had become better, which made his life feel boring for him. After reaching the prime of his profession, he had been searching for a thrill, a challenge. One that would make him feel invigorated back to his best days again! 

And that was when he met Rayver Cruise. At first, he thought that Ray was just another patient that had nothing new on him, surprisingly, even after a few years had gone by, there were no changes! 

This had gotten his attention. So, even though his charges were quite… Pricey… He voluntarily stated that he would do all in his power to bring back Ray's memories and overcome his psychological demons. 

Now, after a lot of waiting, there was finally a change, a stone that had blocked the calm flow of the water, making the currents different. And he was determined to use this small instance to bring back a huge thing.

"Well? What is it?!" Doctor Parkinson exclaimed, unable to hide his excitement. He even reflexively held his notepad in one hand, and a pen in the other.

Ray sighed, unable to distinguish the difference between this man from a therapist and a gossiper. But knowing how everything had been a stalemate and how this occasion was new and was a definite difference he eagerly told the doctor about his meeting with a certain woman in the park a day ago. 

Looking like an evil villain planning something sinister, Doctor Parkinson rubbed his chin with a hand, and narrowed his eyes, looking concentrated. 

Ray was stuck between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry. 

Finally, the doctor spoke, "Do you remember what she looks like? Anything spectacular about her?" 

"Well…" Ray thought about it, "No, nothing much. Just like me, she had black hair, but that was our only similarity." Seeing the elder's questioning gaze, Ray explained, "For one, she carried herself with an aura that I haven't felt before. It held full confidence in herself. Like, she had gone through hell, knocked Satan off his throne, and ruled over the seven rings of hell. Am I making sense?" 

Doctor Parkinson nodded at both the question, and in thought. This woman seemed to be a completely stark difference from this male, so why was there something when this kid saw her? 

Could it be… 

"Perhaps you had fallen in love with her?" 

Ray choked on air. 

"W-what?! No! I would never cheat on my Fiona!" After calming down When he said these words, Ray looked thoughtful, and said, "My feelings for that woman… Didn't feel romantic, too. It was more of… Let's say…" 

Seeing that he couldn't find the proper wording, Doctor Parkinson casually started to suggest, "Like a friend? An enemy? A neighbor? A relative? A classmate--" 

"That's it!" 

Doctor Parkinson paused, looking at Ray with an indescribable expression. "A classmate..?" 

"No, like she's a relative!" Ray cleared out. 

The doctor breathed a sigh of relief. It would be stranger than anything if this kid had told him that the person he remembered was just a classmate. Ray daily interacts with his closest friends but still doesn't remember anything, but a brief meeting with a former classmate triggered a memory? The logic just could not be seen. Also, finding this random person would prove to be a feat to conquer, since she would just be a simple classmate. 

Thankfully, it was a relative, which gave easier access to the people to find. Also, since a relative would be around a person more than anyone, it would've been completely reasonable. 

"Now, do you remember anything about this relative of yours? You said there was a slight change, what else is there?" 

Ray looked at the compassionate doctor's eager face and was sad to disappoint this grandpa figure, but he honestly shook his head, saying, "No. Aside from what I told you, there's nothing else.

Doctor Parkinson felt disheartened for a bit, before straightening his back. Seeing that the older man was seriously contemplating something, Ray kept his silence. 

"Rayver…" Doctor Parkinson started. 

Hearing his real name being said, Ray felt that the doctor was going to say something quite serious. Finally, after seconds of suspense with the gray-haired Man staring unflinchingly at him, the doctor spoke. 

"What do you think about hypnotherapy?" 

Ray had heard this term before, as Doctor Parkinson would sometime usually mention it as it was another expertise of his that he had maintained. 

Looking at the doctor's serious face, Rayver thought it through. If he was truly being honest to himself, he really wanted to get these missing memories of his back. It was like… There was a part of him that he couldn't access. Like, a phone that belonged to him, but had a different password. 

After making up his mind, Rayver looked Doctor Parkinson back in the eye, and said, "I'll do it.

Seeing that his patient had made up his mind, Doctor Parkinson still wanted him, "This may cause some serious trauma, though. Are you still sure that you are willing to go through with this?" 

"… Yes."

~~

"Close your eyes and breathe deeply and calmly, in and out. Put away any thoughts you have right now and clear your mind."

Rayver followed the instructions, finding it hard. How did the movies make it seem that meditating and calming oneself was easy? It's difficult! 

Still, he tried to do what he was told to. After a length of time that could be considered long, Rayver's mind finally became clear-headed. 

As he felt an immense pressure urging him to fall asleep, he fought it, but couldn't help but to succumb to it soon enough. Not long after, he opened his eyes and was met with a harsh put of darkness. 

He looked around him, everything was black, but it wasn't the kind where you can still see something if you tried hard enough. It felt like this darkness was unending. He couldn't even see his own hands when he put them in front of his face.

As he lifted a foot, he suddenly panicked. 'Ah! W-where is the ground?! Why am I floating?! It couldn't be that I'm… I'm dead… Right?' 

It would do everyone good if you were.

These words echoed in his mind, but they seemed to be much louder now. He knew this voice. This was the voice that had been torturing his mind ever since he regained consciousness. Hearing that voice so near was a shock for him, but the confusion overcrowded the shock. 

'These words… Haven't I heard them before?' 

So what if you did? It wouldn't matter anyway, since your whole existence doesn't!

Gulping, Rayver took a deep breath, and said out loud to the darkness, "You… Who are you? What is this place? 

Not that you need to know, you don't deserve it anyway, but you're not. I'm here too. Actually, this is my space which you're trespassing with your impeccably useless presence.

Familiar. Those words were familiar. He had heard them before… When was that? 

Suddenly, a figure started to emerge in Rayver's line of sight, startling him. How could he see this? Isn't this place some kind of eternal darkness? 

Who knows when what was? You don't deserve to know. You don't deserve anything.

As the voice spoke, the physique of the person speaking became clearer and clearer until it showed a clear figure in front of him. 

"You… You're…" 

Yes. I'm you.

A sudden sharp pain struck his head, making him let out a stifled groan and clutch his sternum with his hands. 

"A pet is what would be presented to a person while they are in a certain age, a twin is someone who is supposed to be there since birth until they die."

Wha– who said that? 

"I don't mind you doing whatever the hell you want, but you shouldn't be afraid to try things just because of one person."

Huh? 

"My training is harder than any other person in the world, and I've been through hell and had gotten myself a throne there. I could do shit that you can't even imagine in your worst nightmares, yet here you are. Worrying!"

"Aah!" He screamed at the sudden onslaught of pain. Memories came crashing into his brain one by one. Fragments stitching themselves together, a burst of long lost time coming back to the present. 

"He is not ready. We are going to a room full of lethal, unforgiving people who eat kids like him for breakfast. He can't even hold his own ground between me sometimes! So, no. He. Is. Not. Going."

No… No…. 

"Hey, hey. You're safe now, okay? You're okay. You're gonna go out there and live your life. You're gonna forget about this, everything here, okay?"

F-forget? No… I want to remember. 

Please. 

No. 

"Ti amo, fratellino."

No… 

No, wait, don't go! 

C-come back! 

"Regina!" 

Then, he heard a voice that he hadn't heard in a long, long time. 

We meet again, Rayver.

~~

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