Chapter Thirty-Three

I was busy taking a nap in this humid midday. Narito ako sa aming terrace at nang inantok ako kakabasa ng libro, I decided to took a nap. I woke from the sudden notification from my phone sign that someone just texted me.

Unknown Number:
Hello hija. This is Ryden's sis (Dara). I stole your number from his phone. Gusto ko sanang makipag-usap sa iyo. Magkita nalang tayo dun sa SLP. Thank you!

Kumunot ang aking noo habang minamasdan ang text na iyon para sa akin. Kung totoong si Ma'am Dara nga ito, bakit niya naman gustong makipag-usap sa akin? Matagal na kaming break ni Ryden and I rarely see him. The last time I saw him was yesterday but we never talked with each other because he walked away.

May sumunod pang text.

Unknown Number:
Hello, you can call this number to make sure this isn't a scam or spam po. Thank you!

Me:
Okay. Let's meet there po this 4 pm. Doon sa entrance ng mall.

I sighed. I'm pretty convinced that this is indeed Ma'am Dara. Though I kinda doubt it that's why I decided to meet her sa sulok ng mall kung saan may nakatayo na guard.

Unknown Number:
Okay! See yah.

Tumayo na ako at inayosan ang sarili. I don't know if I sound hypocrite but I really miss Ryden even though I was the one who put an end to our relationship. Sa totoo lang kasi ay sobrang gulo ng isipan ko ng mga panahong iyon at ayaw ko siyang magtiis sa akin. Not when I'm not in my good state. I don't want him to date someone as messy as me. He could do something better than that.

Sumaktong alas kwatro ay nakarating ako doon sa mall at mula sa malayo palang ay nakahinga na agad ako ng maluwag nang mamataan siya roon na nakahalukipkip at nakatayo lang sa isang tabi. A moment or so, she looked at my side and that's when she saw me and smiled.

Kahit na nagdalawang-isip ako ay ngumiti ako pabalik.

“Ayezza,”

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad nang sambitin nito ang pangalan ko.

“Sorry po Ma'am, I'm a bit late.”

She smiled. “It's okay. Kakarating ko lang din naman.”

Tumango na lamang ako.

“So I guess we need to find a place to sort things out?”

“Um, kayo na pong bahala.”

We both settled at the nearest coffee shop inside the mall. Sobrang tahimik ng lugar and it smells good. I remember this place when Tita Stella and I had a talk. Dito rin kasi iyon.

“First, salamat sa pagpaunlak ng imbitasyon ko. And by the way, you don't have to call me ‘Ma'am’. You can drop the formalities. Call me ate instead.

“Ah, sorry po. Nasanay lang.”

She sighed. “The first time I met you, I already know that you're kind, Aye. You has that soft feature yet mesmerizing aura. No wonder why my niece fell for you.”

I bit my lower lip as she mentioned his name. Damn, hindi ko siya makalimutan. “Ah, thank you po. How is he po?”

“Definitely not okay.”

That hit me like a rock. Kaya naman ay medyo nanginig ang aking mga kamay at parang may bumara sa aking lalamunan.

“I know that I don't have the position to say nor ask this but I'm just concerned sa pamangkin ko. I just noticed na hindi na kayo nagkakasama, uh is there something bothering about you two?”

Napayuko ako doon. After all this time, napagtanto ko na wala yatang sinabihang iba si Ryden about sa break-up namin. Maybe it hurt him a lot that he doesn't want to tell everyone about it.

“Ate, I'm sorry pero w-wala na po kami, a month na din ang nakalipas.” May parang bato ang tumama sa aking dibdib nang marinig ang aking sinabi.

Napatigil si Ma'am Dara doon. Halatang nagulat.

“O-Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. So, that explains why,” tumango-tango ito.

Explains ang alin? Tanong ko sa isip. At parang narinig niya naman iyon dahil tumitig siya sa akin after.

“This past few days, alam ko namang may pagka-malamig na personality iyong pamangkin ko but now, para na siyang binuhusan ng yelo. God! He's getting colder. But anyway, I don't know what's the main reason why you two broke up but hopefully kung ano man ang reason niyo, magkaroon sana kayo ng closure. If you want to move on faster. ”

Closure… I don't know if nagkaroon ba kami ng closure dahil hindi naman kami nag-away. I mean, ako iyong galit sa kaniya while him? I don't know nalilito na rin ako eh.

Move on? I know I still love him but sometimes, move-on is like forgetting about the two of you. Forgetting your feelings and finding yourself. That's my definition of moving on. Do I really want to forget him na? But honestly, I can't.

Napansin niya siguro ang pagiging tahimik ko dahil bigla niyang hinawakan ang aking kamay. Ngumiti si Ma'am Dara sa akin.

“I know you still love him and I know Ryden does too. I don't want you to assume things pero kilala ko ang pamangkin ko dahil ever since he's still a child, ako na ang nakakaalam ng halos lahat ng thoughts niya. Kaya bawat kilos niya ay halos alam ko na.” She genuinely smiled at me.

Mahal pa ako ni Ryden? Despite sa lahat ng sinabi at inakusa ko sa kaniya? I don't even know if tama ba lahat ng naging hinala ko sa kaniya.

“Ano pong ibig niyong sabihin? ”

“What I mean is, if you want him back then just call me. I will warmly help you. Baka maunahan ka pa ng iba diyan, siguro napapansin mo naman na may dumidikit nang mga babae sa kaniya di'ba? So, don't worry I will help you, okay?”

Win him back? parang ang kapal naman ng pagmumukha ko non. I know, I still love him but ayokong magpaka-selfish. I hurt him so I want to say sorry and I want to clear things between us. Ayoko ng ganito, wala kaming closure at pareho kaming nahihirapan.

“But ate, alam ko pong galit si Ryden sa akin.” pag-amin ko sa totoo.

“Hmm, basta sure ako, na despite sa galit niya sa'yo, mahal pa rin nun! Araw-araw ka ba namang bukambibig sa amin t'wing nasa hapag, from the top talaga. He even told me that he got attracted to this girl named 'Ayezza Nathalie Acosta' hanggang sa inamin niya din sa'kin that he's falling inlove! Naku, kung nakikita mo lang ang itsura niya habang sinasabi sa'kin yon.”

I can't help but to smile. “Sobrang sakit at pagkukulang lang ang dinulot ko sa kaniya, ate. He's too good for me and he doesn't deserve it.”

“Di'ba dapat siya ang may karapatan mag-decide kung sino ang deserve ng pagmamahal niya among all people? So, you couldn't really tell. If he wants you for the better and for worst, then that's it. Tsaka hindi naman padalos-dalos sa desisyon ang pamangkin ko e.”

Somehow, tama naman siya. Ryden isn't the type of guy who would decide recklessly. He's too smart to be one.

“If her mother worries you, stop worrying about it. Okay naman kasi si ate. Tsaka I think she wouldn't mind you for his son now.”

Hindi ko alam kung imbento lang ba ang lahat ng salitang ito pero hindi ko mapigilang mag-assume.

“I still doubt a lot of things and I can't promise him anything. But if there would be a chance that I would pursue him again, that's the time when I'm already healed. Ate, I still have to heal myself from everything.”

Hindi niya pinigilan ang kaniyang ngiti. “So, babalik ka?”

Tumango ako ng walang pag-aalinlangan. “Kapag kaya ko nang siguraduhin ang lahat para sa kaniya.”

“Then, that's good! Sige, tatandaan ko 'yan. I hope you'll be healed a bit sooner!”

I know he's too good for me but I admit that I really still love him. If he still wants me, then I'll go to him and fix the heart that I broke. Pero hindi pa ngayon. I just knew that you can't fix someone's heart if you can't even fix yours. I need to fix me first before other things. Gusto ko, sa panahon na mamahalin ko siyang muli ay buo na ulit ako.

Lumipas ang ilang oras ay natapos rin ang pag-uusap namin. Kaya naman ay nang matapos iyon ay naglakad na ako paalis. Being with her just reminds me of him and how I felt bad for myself for breaking his heart. Ang sakit pala kapag labag sa kalooban mong kumawala sa bagay na sobrang pinapahalagan mo.

Habang tinatahak ko ang daan palabas, hindi ko napigilan ang luha ko sa pagbuhos. Hanggang sa sunod-sunod iyon. Mabuti nalang at nang nag-uwian na ay naroon agad ang driver namin. Wala akong pakialam kung nakikita ni kuyang driver ang pag-iyak ko galing sa rearview mirror dahil hindi ko na talaga napigilan. Palihim akong humikbi doon sa likuran.

Hanggang sa nakarating ako sa mansion, hindi ko na nilingon ang living area at dumiretso na sa CR ng room ko. Doon ko binuhos ang lahat. Doon ako umiyak ng umiyak. I know that wala na kami but seeing him being with someone else make my hearts broke into pieces.

Should I win him back para mawala ang sakit na nararamdaman ko? I don't want to be selfish eh!

“Ayezza? are you here?”

Dali-dali kong pinunasan ang mga natirang luha nang marinig ko ang boses ni Mommy na kakabukas lang sa pintuan ng kwarto ko.

“Ayezza, are you okay?”

Halos manginig ako ng marinig ko ang boses ni Daddy, wait. Did they saw me earlier? Gosh! ang tanga ko.

“Mom, Dad…” bungad ko sa kanila pagbukas ko ng pintuan. Dali-dali namang pumunta si Mommy sa'kin.

Paglapit niya sa'kin ay pinunasan niya ang luha ko.

“What's the problem? You can tell it to us Ayezza.”

Minutes passed by and I saw myself sitting at the side of my bed.

“Anong nangyari? Sinaktan ka ba ng lalaking 'yon? Hay, iyan na nga bang sinasabi ko. Wala na talagang matinong lalaki sa panahon ngayon.” Napahilot si Mommy sa kaniyang sentido.

“Anong walang matino? Anong tawag mo sa'kin?” tanong ni Daddy na nakaupo sa tabi ko.

Napahinto naman si Mommy doon.

“What?! I mean, iyong mga lalaki ngayon na kasing-edad ni Ayezza. Gosh, sakit mo sa ulo.”

Daddy chuckled.

I can't help my heart to flatter seeing them like this. Na para bang wala nang problema. Buti pa sila, ayos na. Sana ganoon din ako.

I told them the reason but of course, skip doon sa part na tungkol sa parents naming dalawa. I just told them na walang kasalanan si Ryden dahil ako itong kung ano-ano nalang ang kino-conclude.

“I'm sorry if judged him too quick, anak. I didn't know him and I admit that I caused something wrong between the both of you. Alam ko naman, kahit hindi mo aminin ay nadamay lang kayo sa gulo namin. At tama ka, you can pursue him again when everything is fine na. Huwag kang mag-alala, mahal ka nun.” Hinaplos ni Mommy ang buhok ko.

“Don't worry, makakamove-on ka rin, alam mo Ayezza, dumaan ako sa ganiyang stage dati pero kung hindi talaga kayo ang para sa isa't-isa, then h'wag nang pilitin.” Dad caressed my face and wipe my tears.

After that, namalayan ko nalang ang sarili ko na nakayakap sa kanilang dalawa. Heaven knows how I miss the moments like this. Akala ko hindi na mauulit but look what's happening now, worth it din naman pala ang lahat ng pag-iyak ko.

“Huwag ka nang umiyak diyan, 'nak. Gagawan natin ng paraan iyan. Gusto mo siyang bumalik sa iyo?”

Kumunot ang noo ni Mommy. “Don't tell me iniisip mong gumawa ng gayuma para mahalin ulit nung Ryden itong anak natin?”

“Mamahalin ulit? Akala ko ba'y hindi tumigil?”

“Dad, I don't to force him to get back to me. Ako nga iyong nanakit di'ba?”

“Alam mo nak, I'm so proud of you. For bravely doing the things that I wasn't capable of.”

Kumunot ang noo ko at puno ng pagtataka. “What do you mean po?”

“I know you regret breaking up with him and you were too brave to face the consequences of your decisions now even it hurt you deep hard. Alam mo, ilang taon akong binalewala ang mga consequences ng desisyon ko and look where it brought me. I was never cleansed not until today. And that's how different you are from me. You're too young yet so strong. I'm proud of you, 'nak.”

I can't help but to smile genuinely. I didn't even knew that I made such strong decision even I was kinda stupid.

“Thank you, Mom.”

I hugged her. A hug that tells a lot of unspoken words.