Rhys

I don't make it to the end of my working day before I'm sitting in the kitchen with Menna. My unfinished work lies open behind the locked screen, forgotten.

The table is covered with small glass bottles, coloured pens, paper ribbon, and large bottles of homemade elderflower gin.

It's not the first time I've found myself assisting Menna in wedding prep over helping Luke with the house. I guess it was inevitable that Luke would break his promise if I chose to stay longer than I was meant to. I'm not certain what it is, but I'm not filled with guilt as I sit here and help Menna create her place cards.

Unexpectedly, I'm filled with joy and happy memories. So I've taken advantage of that, and Luke's done well, not to mention it.

Menna curses repeatedly.

"This idea was stupid." She drops her head in her hands. "This looks like the tables on craft days at school with the kids I teach. I'm an adult, and my organisational skills are the same as a six-year-old."

Without a word, I make her an elderflower gin and tonic and tell her to sit as I organise the table into stations. I fill each of the bottles before passing them to Menna to wipe down the mess I've made.

Another yawn cracks over my face, and I rub my dry, tired eyes to find Menna studying my features.

"Where were you last night? You know I heard you come in when my alarm was going off." Menna adds the last bottle to the finished row as I stand to wipe down the table.

"With Maddy," I admit as I run a cloth under the running water. When I turn, Menna's eyes are wide, and her lips are pressed together. "Not like that."

She hums, a disbelieving hint to the tone. I lean over the table to wipe the space in front of Menna, towering over her.

"I helped her on the farm like I do every weekend." Wiping the last of the spillage, I turn to rinse the cloth and refill my coffee mug as the only thing keeping me going today.

"Until six in the morning?" Menna places the guest list to one side and slides out her packet of coloured pens.

"Thought I'd escaped this level of interrogation after I moved out of my mum's house." I take a moment for the coffee to hit and take my seat again. Menna blushes slightly as she squiggles some shapes on the guest list paper. "It's not like that, Men. We were just chatting."

Menna's mouth drops open, and the pen slips from her fingers. She ignores it as it rolls across the table. "Rhys." Her exclamation fills the room.

"What?" I grab the teal ribbon to attach Menna's labels to the newly filled bottles and twirl the paper around my finger.

"You spent all night talking," she gasps. "You had the get to know each other talk."

"No." Well, yes. That's exactly what happened, but I still shake my head and grab the scissors and a bottle to cut a size of ribbon, just as something for my hands to do. "Not like that," I repeat.

Menna shifts in her seat and reaches for the pen and the first label. She opens her mouth, but I jump in first.

"We know what you did by suggesting I work with Maddy." I watch Menna as her eyes drop, and she chews on her cheek. "I just, we I guess, wanted to thank you for putting some perspective on everything. I think I'd given up listening to anyone else or even trying to improve." I drop everything from my hands and drop my forehead into my palms. "I've been too afraid to let go of her. I'm not saying I'm ready to, but I think I know I need to."

I press my palms into my eyes as tears burn behind my nose. Menna's hand touches my arm, and I drop my hand to let her hold it.

"That's enough, Rhys," she says in a soft voice. "You don't need to force yourself to be doing anything you're not ready for. You'll move at your own pace."

I hold her gaze for a moment, hoping she can see everything I want her to.

"So." Pulling away, Menna finally begins writing a name on the first tag. "How was the stag do?"

I take a deep breath. After sharing the difficulties I had at the stag do with Maddy last night, I don't feel the need to repeat all of this to Menna. I can see past the thoughts of Hannah and the guilt of not being Luke's best man to see the fun we all had.

With a smile that I don't have to force, I tell Menna what I can about our weekend, and she tells me about hers.

"Rhys." Luke's call flows through the air, interrupting our chat. I squint, waiting for some sort of follow-up. But he calls me again. "Bring Menna."

I stare at Menna across the table before I stand, and she trails me through the house to their garden.

"S'appnin, buddy?" I don't know if Luke can hear the reluctance in my voice. The closer we get to the wedding, the less I seem to be able to be around him. I'm stuck in a whirlpool of destruction, eating me from the inside out.

But, as always, Luke's oblivious to my issues because, as far as he thinks, there isn't one. Over the last two months, he hasn't shown any sign he's bothered about me not stepping into this role. I'd have thought that would've made me feel better. But, in fact, it makes me feel worse.

"I'm sure you guys are doing a great job in there, and the wedding is going to look beautiful. I appreciate everything you're doing, baby." Luke steps up to Menna to give her a lingering kiss. "And the time and effort you're putting into doing most of this yourself."

"Bit of overkill there, mate," I mutter at Luke, but I catch Menna pursing her lips bashfully.

"I want her to know how much I value her." Luke's eyes don't leave Menna, and he has a sickly smile on his face I can't look at anymore.

"Oh, you showed me plenty last night." Menna reaches onto her tiptoes to kiss him again.

"Guys. Seriously. Can you not be apart for two nights?"

"Nope," they say in unison.

"What did you want me for? Because I don't want to be here while all this is going on." I wave a hand in their direction as I turn.

"Right, yeah." Luke coughs to clear his throat and keep my attention on the house. "I've got a window I need you to check out. I can't be bothered to get my ladder." He steps up beside me and points to the top of the ground floor window, which is at least half a metre above my head. "We've got a leak. Can you check if it's the wood, or the sealant, or if there's any damage to the brick in the surrounding area."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. I need to know what needs fixing and if I can do a temporary job on it now or not."

"You really think I can see up there?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Luke, I'm like one inch taller than you."

"You're more than one inch taller. You can definitely just scope it out."

"No way. That's far too high."

"Just stand on the windowsill."

"I'm not risking my life for you."

"Are you for real? I would die for you. This is just some menial task. You're not going to die."

"Absolutely not."

When the doorbell rings through the house, Luke pauses midword. He squints, staring into space as he listens to Menna opening the door.

She invites Maddy into the house, but her following words are muffled.

"Is Rhys here?" Something distorts Maddy's voice in a way I can't identify. Not through the house. And it causes my skin to prickle with desperate apprehension. My feet carry me a few steps, eager to figure out what's going on with her. Finding out is the only thing that seems to matter right now.

She appears in the doorway to the garden, her fingers playing with a popper on the mud covered overalls. She hesitates with her eyes locked on mine. Her lips pinch to the side, and her eyes grow wide as she stares at me, a V forming in her eyebrows.

My stomach drops, and I swallow. "Madd?"

Surprising all three of us, she strides over the grass to me and wraps her arms around my middle. She drops her forehead to my chest, and I stare down at the start of the French plait she always has in her hair.

I catch Luke's expression across the garden and refrain from laughing. Menna lifts her arms, indicating I hug Maddy. When I shoot them a questioning look, both their expressions turn cautious, sympathetic, and they shrug.

Instinctively, I wrap my arms around Maddy and pull her closer to me. Despite being a big hugger and believing in the powers they harbour, this is the first time I've hugged Maddy since we met. Her hair smells of coconut.

I bow my head, moving my lips closer to her ear, lowering my eyes from Luke and Menna's watchful gazes. "Madd? Are you okay?"

"I'm so fucking sorry," her muffled voice buries into my chest and she shakes her head.

"What for?"

She steps back to peer up at me. Her hands stay fisted in my shirt so I don't drop my arms either.

"Madd?" I prompt when she stays silent.

"I've been fucking rambling on about all the trivial shit Jason did and you lost your wife. I'm such a fucking idiot. It's not even.. I couldn't..."

"What Jason did wasn't trivial," I point out.

"In comparison to-"

"In comparison to nothing," I tell her, cutting her off. "Pain is relative." I've had to learn that just because other people's problems don't feel as bad as mine doesn't mean it doesn't feel like that to them. For all I know, their small by comparison problem is the worst thing to happen to them. It doesn't allow me to take that away from them.

But, for some reason with Maddy, it doesn't feel like that. It doesn't feel like it's a competition, or she has no right to be upset when Jason is still alive. I've never once thought her issues were less than mine. Never once been frustrated about the way she feels.

And I can't tell if it's Maddy or if I finally feel like I'm healing.

Expressions flash over her face as she thinks about my words before settling on frustration. She releases her hold on me and shoves against my arms as she turns.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she yells at Luke with a thick, tear-clogged voice. "Stop me from going on about Jason. When this..." Maddy throws a hand at me behind her.

"Maddy-"

I catch the look on Luke's face, and I don't like it. It's full of determination. He's going to defend me. He's going to fight against her to prove a point that doesn't need proving.

I reach out for her arm to make her turn before Luke carries on.

"I asked him not to tell you," I say over Luke's voice. When confusion flutters over her face and she opens her mouth, I plough on. "I liked having someone in my life who didn't know."

Her shimmering wide eyes peer up at me circled by dark purple from our night last night.

"But if I'd have known." Her voice is weak. She's losing the facade that she's so desperately clinging onto. "I wouldn't have gone on about Jason so much. You have real problems. Mine are old."

I lift my eyes as I search for a reply and glance at Luke, who is now whispering to Menna, both of them staring at us.

In my silence, Maddy puts her hand over her eyes and groans. Before she can do anything else, I grab her wrists and duck my head to try and catch her eye.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?" She fights against my hold, but I don't release her. Instead, I pull her forearms flat against my chest.

"Beating yourself up about how you've been around me. I would've told you the truth sooner had I thought you were being insensitive. And if you must know, you've barely spoken about Jason."

Her eyes turn worried, and for once in my life, I'm relieved not to see pity on the person who just found out about Hannah's death. Tears line her lower lids sitting beneath bloodshot eyes.

"Are you still hungover?"

"There's a high possibility I still am, yes."

I feel the disappointed look uncontrollably take over my face as I ask my next question. "What time did you get up?"

She stares at me with guilty eyes.

"Maddy."

"Seven. I had things to do. My animals like routine. I've got-"

"Stop. Do you need help? I can come over now."

She shakes her head and tells me she's done all her work for the day.

"Good." I cup her chin and lift her face to mine, and it breaks my heart. Evidence of tears stains her cheeks. Her eyes and lips are puffy and sore. I can't stand seeing her like this. "Go back to bed, Madd. Do you need me to drive you home?"

She lets out a blubbery breath and pulls out of the hug. Wiping her nose and eyes on the sleeves of her overalls, she mutters something. "Nah, I..." She turns back to her house, and movement catches my attention.

"Del?" Jason steps out into the garden followed by Luke. Luke shoots me an apologetic grimace I don't understand.

Maddy runs her eyes over her overalls before glancing up at me with what looks like she's searching for reassurance. Unsure what to do, I give her a small nod, and she turns to Jason as she scrubs at her face with the sleeves from her overalls.

"Jay?" Tears are still clinging to her throat, and I just want to pull her back into that hug until she gets it all out. Her conflict about what she wants to do next is written all over her face. And Jason isn't paying attention. He's too busy chatting to Rhys.

My fingers twitch, itching to reach out and grab her wrist. But she walks away from me to talk to Jason. He slides up a wonky smile as she approaches, and I realise his hesitation was because he's actually listened to me. He's letting her come to him.

"What's going on, Del?" Jason shoves his hands into his pockets and, leaving them to it, I head back inside to find Menna.

Menna raises her eyes to us, her pen hanging loosely between her fingers. "Oh, did Maddy leave already?"

"Nah." Luke leans down behind Menna, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling her neck. "Nah, she's outside with Jay."

"Luke." Menna sighs, and Luke backs off, leaning against the counter. "We talked about this. I told you to stop pushing her to talk to him. She doesn't owe him anything and you have some to get over the need to fix everything. They're relationship is not a broken house."

I keep my gaze low and continue tying the tags that have piled up since I was outside. As much as I agree with Menna, I'm not getting involved in this.

"I didn't do anything this time. She spoke to him on her own. I came in to leave them to it." He shoots her a smug grin. "See, baby. I'll listen to anything you tell me to do."

Menna rolls her eyes.

"But don't you think he deserves to know why she stopped talking to him. He has no idea."

This catches my attention and I glare at Luke across the room. "She has every right to never talk to him again. She doesn't need to explain anything to him," I grumble.

I wasn't expecting the heavy silence that follows. Both Menna and Luke are staring at me with expressions I can't read. My body tenses as I repeat what I just said in my head, searching for a mistake.

"I'm off." Maddy's voice breaks the tension filling the room as she steps into my sight with Jason right beside her. My gut churns at seeing the two of them together. Maddy moves around the kitchen and bends to give Menna a hug. "I'll come see you tomorrow. I just need some sleep."

Her eyes flash at me for a moment as if to tell me that I can stop worrying about her. It doesn't work, though.

"These are looking great." Maddy straightens and picks up one of the completed bottles. "Sorry I can't help."

"Don't worry. Rhys has done most of it."

Maddy laughs and ruffles my hair. "Putting those delicate hands to good use?"

"Yep." I grin up at her, catching Jason's scowl as I do. And something that feels oddly like winning fills me.

"Come on then, Jay." Luke leads Jason back outside. "Rhys can join us when he's finished here."

But I'm not paying much attention to Luke. My eyes linger on Maddy as she leaves. I've never seen her so torn up, and it's killing me I can't do more.

"It's okay to feel like this, Rhys."

"Huh?" I turn my gaze back to Menna. "Like what?"

She tilts her head to the side, a soft smile lifting her features. "Ah, nothing. You'll figure it out one day."