The bed started to hurt Eli's back. True, it was soft, but if one lay on it too long, it did not feel so soft anymore. And Eli had been laying on it for a couple of hours now, so it felt hard now.

He had been looking at the ceiling, not doing anything. His busy mind was speaking, fighting with his heart over the decision which one was right.

His mind told him he had made the right choice. Mr. Cook and Jenkins had told him the same. Mary was not a woman who belonged in his life. She was a lady, and he a mere man. How could he ever be good enough for her?

Even if she wanted him, he would never be able to giver her what she deserved. She ought to have money and a title, live in a similar situation as she had grown up in. She ought to have a big house and many dresses so that she could wear a new one every day.

But Eli would never make that much money. Even if he became as successful as his father, he would never have the same amount of money a lord had. And she did not deserve such poor living.

So why break with her in such a harsh way? Because if he did it softly, she might have convinced him to remain friends. But Mr. Cook had been right. When she was with him – which she was many days – she would not have time to meet and court lords, and in the end, she would be too old to get what she deserved.

And now she hated him. That ought to be enough for her to stay out of his life – and he out of hers. Knowing she was angry with him made it easier to convince him he should not go to her and ask for her forgiveness.

He wanted to. O God, he wanted it so bad. But he had messed things up and they should never be right again. He would raise his own hopes on a possibility, only to break them down once he realized what he had only realized a few days ago: he could never admit his love for a lady.

There were days in which he had hoped on a future, but then there were those dark and sad days in which he knew they could never be. And now, after having heard the truth from multiple people, those dark and sad days were what every day looked like for him.

As he watched the ceiling that had not changed in all those days he had been watching it, he heard two pairs of footsteps on the stairs and passed his door. He always feared someone would knock on his door and ask him how he was doing.

Twas the hardest thing not to lie at those moments. He had lied enough, so he only wanted to tell the truth. But the truth was too awful to admit. So he tried to look for a way around the question, like saying he did not want to speak to anyone, or that he did not feel too great.

But then there were these few people – Ada and lady Helena – who would enter the room even if he told them he wanted to be alone. And the most annoying thing of their prying was that they knew what he was thinking. If he told them he was doing fine, they told him he was not. If he said he wanted to be alone, they told him they would keep him company.

It had been like this for weeks, and no matter how much they tried to convince him to stand up and starting living his life again, he did not have the strength to do so. Was this what a heartbreak felt like?

And thus his heart and his mind fought. His heart told him to go back to Mary and admit his love to her. But his mind told him he had made the right decision by giving Mary a chance at living the life she deserved. But whatever his heart told him, his mind contradicted, and the logic of his mind seemed like a lie when he considered his heart.

That doubt had been messing with him since the day he sent Mary away. And finally he had the strength to stand up and ask for advice. But once he was on his own two feet, it was like his body was to heavy for him to carry. Like the pain of Mary's anger and disappointment had a real weight that was pressing down on him.

But he had made the decision to stand up, so he must use it for good. He slowly made his way to the library and was in luck when only one person was present there – exactly the person he wanted to speak to.

"Eli," lady Helena said surprised. "You are out of your room."

She put her book down and looked at him. She must have seen the sad look on his face, for she gave him a smile, then patted on the empty space on the coach next to her. Usually he would sigh, but today he was happy with the pity of his mother. Her kindness was what he needed today.

"What is it, son? What is the reason you finally decided to escape your bedchamber?"

"I want to speak with you," he said. "I need your advice."

"Then I will give it to you. What is it about?"

"About Mary," Eli admitted with a shrug.

Lady Helena nodded. "Ada told me what you said to her. I was wondering why you hurt her with your words."

"I did not want her near me anymore."

"Because you fear your reputation will tarnish hers. But is that not her decision to make?"

Eli shook his head, not allowing his mother to convince him he had made a mistake. "I could not allow her to make a wrong decision."

"And you are the wrong decision?" she asked with a frown.

"Yes, I am. I am no lord, but Mary does not deserve a mere man like me."

"Eli," lady Helena sighed. "You are not a mere man. You are Eli Byron, and to Mary, you are more than a friend."

"But I am still no lord," he argued. "And is that not who a lady should marry? Who her parents want her to marry? I could never live with myself if it is because of me that she broke with her family."

"Then you do not know the Bromptons well," his mother said. "They are probably the oddest family in all of London. The rules of the ton are exactly the rules they break."

"They might be the oddest family, Mama, but they are still lords and ladies. Even lady Elizabeth married a lord so that she could keep the ladyship."

His mother looked at Eli with an incredible look on her face. "Is that what you think? That lady Elizabeth married lord William because of his title?"

Lady Helena's words made Eli doubt, so with a wary face he asked his mother: "did she not, then?"

She smiled and vehemently shook her head. "She married him because she loves him. And I have never heard lady Anne brag about the title of their children. Yet I have heard her brag about the kindness of her children-in-law and the happiness of her own children. And I believe that for Mary, she would not want anything less than the happiness her siblings have – title or not."

Eli looked down at his hands and shook his head. "But I have ruined it all. She hates me now. I will be able to make her happy."

His mother squeezed his hand. "Tis never too late to ask for forgiveness."

He kept shaking his head. "No. She hates me now."

"Does she?" Lady Helena gave him a questioning look. "If she hates you because of you are, would she not have left you long ago? Would she have stayed with you when she knew of your reputation?"

Eli did not answer, for he did not know what to say. How could he explain why Mary stayed with him? Certainly it was not because of their challenge, because they met each other without the purpose of defeating each other. And she had laughed just as hard as any other time they were together...

"Do you not think that she stayed because she likes you? Do you think she would befriend you if her mother did not allow her to be with a man who has no title?" She gave Eli another squeeze. "And shall I tell you another secret? Lady Anne is a big fan of the theatre."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Lady Helena had spoken all the words to which his heart agreed. He had liked her words, for they gave him hope. But now that he was alone, his mind had a chance to speak louder.

And it told him that if Mary did not have the wish or obligation to remain a lady, he could take a chance on her. Could he not?

But he was still not fully convinced. Mayhap he needed more time. Or mayhap he needed to let the personalization of his mind speak up.

Only two hours after he had send his letter, Mr. Cook came knocking on the door of the Byron estate, and Eli asked to be alone with him in the parlour.

"This is a very nice house you have, Eli," the man said as he looked around the small room.

"Tis not my property," Eli corrected him. "But I like it very much."

Mr. Cook smiled, then took a seat on the coach near the window. "So," he said with a sigh, "what is it you wish to speak to me about?"

He sighed and took a seat at well, wondering what the best way to say this was. With his eyes on his hands, he said: "I did what you told me to do and I sent lady Mary away."

"Good for you," the man said with a smile. "Mary Brompton is a lady who is out of your league. It would be awful for you to ask for her hand and then hear her denial."

"But I regret it now," Eli admitted. "I have hurt her, and I hate myself for it."

"Think of the future, Eli. When she is married to a lord, happy and with a son to carry on the family name, you will see that your decision did not go in vain. Trust me, you do not want to be the man who cannot give the lady what she deserves."

"But that is the problem. Mary does not want what she deserves. She does not want to be a lady."

"Mayhap she does not," Mr. Cook said while he clapped his hands together, "but her family does."

"Only they do not." Eli saw Mr. Cook stiffen in his seat. His eyes widened, but Eli did not understand the look. Was he surprised by Eli's words? Then why did he look so frightened?

Eli ignored it and said: "lady Anne does not give her children the obligation to marry lords and ladies. Those are mere coincidences."

"And you are certain of that?" Mr. Cook asked judgemental.

"My mother said so, and I trust her words."

Mr. Cook laughed as he shook his head. "Your mother does not know the Bromptons. They have a façade that is bigger than London. They pretend at every chance they get, just to safe their name! They are not who they say they are, and they keep a huge secret."

"Does everyone not keep a secret from the world?" Eli argued, wondering what secret Mr. Cook was speaking of. "And why would you even think that they might be bad people?"

"You do not know the half of their story, Eli. Mary might be kind to you, but she has not been telling you her family's story. They are evil! They have disowned one of their own and keep his existence a secret!"

Eli was surprised that Mr. Cook knew the story, but he did not let that surprise waver his intensity. "They did that to save themselves," he argued, and noticed Mr. Cook's surprise. So he had not expected Eli to know the truth.

"She told you about her brother?" he asked, not able to hide his shock.

"Yes, she did, for she is honest and true. And not at all evil. The only evil person is that brother."

Mr. Cook's jaw tightened, and he seemed to be holding back fury, for his head turned red like a tomato. "Whatever Mary told you is a lie. She is the one who lies – she and her family. Do not trust her!"

"But I see no reason why I should not," he argued. "You are the only one who knows the entire story and tells me to stay away from her. Everyone else tells me I should take the chance."

He suddenly stood up and gave Eli a stern look. "If you do that, you will make the worst mistake of your life."

With those angry words, the man turned around and left the room.