This is going to be my final chapter for the ThorBruce week challenge. I'm already publishing it late enough as it is, and I need to get back to posting regular oneshots. This was by far my favorite chapter to write and was also my first one.

Word Count: 4,290

The 5 Steps to Asgardian Courting

By Thor Odinson

     Soft music floated through the courtyard of the Avengers compound as Tony and Stephen shared their first dance as husbands. They were the center of attention--the crowd of Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D members settled at tables surrounding the temporary wood dance floor. 

  Thor had taken a seat beside Steve toward the back. Somehow they had managed to be the only ones at that table.

  The god took a sip of his champagne, though he knew it wasn't powerful enough to intoxicate him. He liked the bubbles. "Tony and Stephen are a lovely couple," he began, trying to break the ice. 

   Steve nodded, taking a sip from his own champagne glass. He also liked the bubbles. "They really balance each other out. I'm happy for them. I think they'll be each other's sense of self-preservation." He chuckled. 

  Thor watched as the two danced. "Midgardian traditions and courting rituals seem different from Asgard's." 

  "What do you mean?" Steve asked, cocking his head. Courting had even changed since the forties, making it difficult for him to get back into the dating game. 

  "Well...I don't know how to explain it," Thor began. "We're just...bolder when it comes to proclaiming our feelings for someone. If we're attracted to someone, we let them know. We don't beat bushes." 

  Steve smirked. Thor seemed to never use slang or figurative language right. Then again, Peter had to educate both of them on something new every week. "Is that so? Then why haven't you and a certain someone gotten together yet?" 

  Thor laughed awkwardly. "What? What makes you think I'm interested in anyone?" 

  The super soldier squinted. "When you're not talking to me, your eyes are either on Tony and Stephen, or on--" he looked behind him to confirm his statement. Sure enough, Bruce Banner was sitting a few tables over, right in Thor's line of sight. "--Bruce. So either you like that scientist or you need to have a serious conversation with Tony and Stephen." 

  Thor began to blush. "I've discovered it's harder to confess your feelings to Midgardians since I'm used to being bold. I don't want to scare him." 

  Steve smiled gently and touched the god's hand in reassurance. "I don't think you will. Just go for it. How do Asgardians court people anyway?" 

  Thor smiled. "I'll tell you." 

   Step 1: Ask your person of interest out for drinks...or bring the drinks to them.

   Bruce looked up as he heard a thunk on his work desk. Thor stood over him, a smile on his face. In one hand was a bottle, and in the other were two glasses. 

  "Um...Hello, Thor," Bruce greeted, confused. "What brings you here today?" 

  "I figured you needed a break from work, and I was wondering if you wanted to have a drink with me," he said with rehearsed confidence (he had been pacing Steve's room thirty minutes prior). "I happened to have a bottle of Asgard's finest mead."

   "Alcohol?" Bruce asked in a small voice. 

  Thor nodded, smiling. 

  "No thank you, Thor," the scientist replied, sighing. 

  The god's brow furrowed. "Why not? I assure you it's wonderful mead, blessed by gods."

  Bruce ran a hand through his hair, then pushed his glasses up to rub his eyes. "I don't have a good history with alcohol, Thor. My dad was a heavy drinker, and it...took a toll on my family when I was growing up." 

  Thor frowned. "Oh, I'm sorry, Bruce. I understand. Is there anything I can do to help?" 

  Bruce shook his head. "It was a long time ago, and you didn't know. Although, I do have to get back to my project.."

  "Okay," Thor replied, trying to hide the faint disappointment in his voice. "I'll leave you to it then." He took the bottle and the glasses and went back to Steve's room. 

  "So that didn't work?" Steve asked, downing the alcohol with Thor. 

  The god shook his head. 

  "What's next?" 

Step 2: Give your person of interest a weapon to defend themselves when you're not around. 

  "Bruce!" Thor called. "What are you doing here?" He happened to catch the scientist in the facility's training area, which was a rare occurrence. That was a habitat for Hulk, not Bruce. 

  "Hello, Thor. T'Challa and Shuri stopped by this morning and we were observing his suit's energy-absorption as he sparred with Steve. They just went to get lunch."

  Thor smiled at the perfect timing. "I have something for you!" 

  Bruce cocked his head. "You do?" 

  The blond nodded eagerly as he unsheathed a dagger from his belt. "I wanted to give you this dagger. For protection." Loki had once told him that love was a dagger, but then again, his brother was also obsessed with them. Regardless, the god thought it was a good metaphor, even if he didn't tell Bruce. 

  The scientist carefully took the blade, examining it. The metal was polished to perfection with small vine and flower designs etched into it. The gold-plated hilt was made to look like vines as well. 

  "It's beautiful Thor, but I'm confused about why you think I need it. I have the Hulk to protect me." He chuckled awkwardly, hoping he didn't sound mean.

  The god internally groaned. How had he not thought of that??? "Oh right, sorry."

  Bruce smiled. "That's okay; it's still beautiful. What kind of metal is it made out of?" 

  Thor shrugged. "Some type of Asgardian metal, I presume."

  The shorter man's eyes glimmered. "Could I take it down to the lab and test it? I won't melt it or hurt it." 

  The god smiled. "Sure," he replied. 

   "So how did step two turn out?" Steve asked from the common area when Thor passed by. T'Challa observed curiously. 

  "Well, he accepted it, but he said he had the Hulk to protect him, so I didn't really see this as an absolute win." 

  "What are you trying to do?" T'Challa asked. 

  "Thor is trying to ask Bruce out through traditional Asgardian courting methods," Steve replied. "He didn't think it would take him two steps. How many are there in total?" 

  "Five," Thor replied. 

  "What step are you on right now?" T'Challa asked. 

   Step 3: Make a homemade meal for your person and eat it with them. Who would refuse free food? 

   Thor exited the elevator to the lab, walking carefully with the tray of food in his hands. 

  "Bruce!" he called. 

  "Over here, Thor!" 

  The god rounded the corner to see his crush talking to Dum-E, who was perched over a table in the middle of the floor. 

  "Okay Buddy, I'm going to light this piece of paper on fire, and you try to put it out." Bruce lit a match, then held it up to a crumpled up piece of paper. He dropped it on the metal table as the flames licked around it. Dum-E lowered its head and sprayed some foam, extinguishing the fire. 

  "Yay! I know Tony disabled your extinguisher because you sprayed it when you weren't supposed to, but I'm glad I put you back to your normal state. That would be a hazard if I didn't." The scientist turned, remembering that Thor was standing there. "Oh, sorry," he blushed. "I tend to talk to objects." 

  Thor chuckled. "That's okay." He looked at the tray in his hands. "I uh, thought you might like some lunch." 

  Bruce's eyes widened as he beheld the food. "Thor, did you make this!?" 

   Thor nodded shyly. "I tried making an Asgardian dish, but I had to modify it because Midgard doesn't have some of the same ingredients."

  Bruce grinned. "I'm sure it will still be wonderful!" He dragged over some stools to the table, then wiped up the extinguisher foam.

  Thor unloaded the tray, setting a bowl of stew and a small plate of salad in front of the scientist, then himself. He also unscrewed a bottle and poured a glass of pink liquid for the two of them.

  "Is this alcohol-free?" Bruce asked, pointing at the drink. 

  Thor nodded. "I believe it's supposed to be similar to what you'd call lemonade." 

  "Oh, okay," Bruce replied. Thor passed him the silverware, and they dug in. 

  "This stew is amazing!" Bruce exclaimed. "What's in it?" 

  Thor smirked. "It's an Asgardian secret." 

  They ate in silence for a few more minutes until Bruce spoke again. "Why did you bring me lunch anyway? I'm sure that took a lot of time." 

   Thor shrugged. "I figured you had been in the lab all morning and that you were hungry. I don't mind making a meal for someone." 

  The scientist chuckled. "You're right; I was getting hungry. Thank you." 

  The god watched as Bruce moved onto his salad. He smirked as he looked at Bruce's fork. "I remember the time Loki turned into a fork during dinner just so he could stab my hand." 

  "No!" Bruce replied in disbelief. He took a sip of his lemonade. 

  Thor nodded. "Loki was always pulling pranks like that as a child. Sometimes he still does." 

  "That's crazy!" he replied. "I don't have any siblings. I always find it interesting when siblings prank each other. What else has he done?" 

  Thor chuckled, reminiscing now. "He once showed me a library book and pointed to a word, asking me to pronounce it. It turned out to be a swear, and he tattled on me to Mother. Another time, he cut my hair in my sleep. Actually, that seemed to be a trend. He cut Lady Sif's hair as well, but only a chunk. Still, she was not happy. Loki had to go into hiding for a few days."

  Bruce bursted out laughing. "That's terrible! I take it you're not as mischievous as your brother, then?" 

  Thor shrugged, then refilled Bruce's glass. "I was expected to stay out of trouble since I was next in line for the throne. Sometimes I'd still create mischief, though. One of my friends helped me make it rain only on Loki for a week straight. That slightly backfired, though, because that meant Loki didn't have to bathe. Coincidentally, my hair wouldn't untangle that whole next week. It looked like a bird's nest! Our feud finally stopped when Mother forced us to apologize to each other." 

  Bruce laughed. "That's awful," he replied. 

  Thor grinned. "I know. Mother knew she couldn't keep us from causing trouble, but she did teach us to do more harmless pranks that 'confuse rather than abuse.' That's where Get Help came in!"

  "Get help?" Bruce asked. 

  Thor nodded excitedly and smiled. "I'd pretend Loki was injured, and yell for guards to get help before I proceeded to hurl him at them! Loki never liked it that much, but it's fun!" 

  "I'll take your word for it," Bruce replied. He frowned, looking at his once-again empty glass. "Hey Thor...what all was in that drink?" 

  Thor thought for a moment. "Um...water, sugar, lemons, strawberries, grapefruit--which is weird because there's already a fruit called a grape that's completely diff--"

  "Grapefruit!?" Bruce interjected. 

  Thor nodded, confused. 

  "I'm allergic to grapefruit!" He exclaimed, standing up. "I'm going to have to go to the med bay and get a Benadryl. No wonder why my mouth was itchy!" 

  "I'm so sorry!" Thor said, standing up as well. "I feel terrible. Is your allergy serious?" 

  Bruce shook his head. "It's alright. You didn't know. It's just inconvenient to deal with. My mouth gets itchy, and my throat sometimes swells. It currently feels like it's on fire."

  Dum-E raised its head, its nozzle pointing toward the scientist. 

  "Dum-E, no!!!!" Bruce yelled. 

  Thor lunged forward, knocking the robot's "head" in a different direction. Some of the foam still managed to land on Bruce, but the rest of it sprayed across the lab floor. 

  "I'm so sorry, Bruce," Thor said as he approached the scientist. He awkwardly dabbed at Bruce's right shoulder and part of his chest with a napkin. "You should go to the med bay. I'll stay here and clean everything up. Go get your medicine, change, and rest." 

  "Are you sure you don't need help cleaning up?" Bruce asked. 

  Thor was about to die of embarrassment and awkwardness. Each attempt he made at courting backfired. Who knows what could happen if Bruce stayed with him any longer? "No, I insist. You're having an allergic reaction. Go get yourself taken care of." 

  "Okay," Bruce replied awkwardly. "Thanks for lunch." He then left. 

  Thor glared at Dum-E as he grabbed a mop from the kitchenette. "Stupid robot." He sighed. "Stupid me." 

Step 4: Find a way to show your person of interest that you're a good catch through telling or performing a story of triumph. 

   It was game night in the Avengers Compound. Well, more like the Friday night twice a month required for all of the local Avengers to be present in the compound. Sometimes they'd play games, other times they'd watch movies or just tell stories until the wee hours of morning. 

   T'Challa and Shuri had decided to stay for the week. Between his mother and the Doramilaje, he figured Wakanda would be safe for a few more days without them. Tony and Stephen had an excuse not to be there because they were on their honeymoon. 

  Loki, Korg, and Brunhilde (Valkyrie) had come in from New Asgard for game night. Thor enlisted in their help for that specific night. He had decided to put on a play of some of his greatest victories to show off to Bruce, who was sitting right in the middle of everyone.

  "I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight," Thor began. "And for giving me this opportunity to put on this performance." Everyone sitting on the couches and floor in the common area clapped. Thor's stage backdrop was just the wall, but it was better than nothing. 

  Valkyrie narrated the first scene, looking off some of Thor's notes. "We begin this performance with the story of how Thor was willing to go to the ends of the earth--or in this case, the nine realms--to get his beloved hammer, Mjölnir, back." 

  (Bear with me, I haven't read this myth from enough sources to know of any variations.)

  "One day, Thor had fallen asleep beneath a tree." Thor laid down underneath a picture of Groot taped to the wall. "While he was asleep, a giant snuck by and stole his hammer right from his lap." Korg walked by and took Thor's Mjölnir replica, then walked off stage. 

  Steve raised his hand. 

  "Yes, Steve?" Valkyrie asked. 

  "So the giant was worthy, even though it had evil intentions?" 

  The whole room groaned. Sometimes for fun, Steve liked to start debates about people and objects being worthy and what is considered worthiness in the hammer's "eyes". He and Tony often got heated about it. 

  "Actually, Mr. Rogers, this event took place before my father banished me to Midgard. He was the one who placed the condition on it to begin with," Thor said from beneath the tree, his eyes still closed.

  Brunhilde turned to look at the god. "Thor, quit breaking the fourth wall!" 

  "I wasn't breaking the fourth wall. Or the fifth wall," Thor replied. "I'm sleep talking." 

  The warrior rolled her eyes before returning to the script. "Thor was furious. In his rage, he sought help from his brother, Loki. Loki turned into a bird and flew to the giant's land." Loki used his magic to transform into a bird, making everyone gasp. He flew across the stage, then around the room. 

  "The god of mischief discovered that the giant, Thrym, had hidden his hammer deep in the ground. Thrym also wanted to marry the goddess, Freyja, but she had no desire to do so." 

  Loki transformed back into human form. "Brother," he said, walking up to Thor. "I have a plan. You can dress as Thrym's bride. I'll even enchant you to be more convincing. I'll be your bridesmaid." Loki then transformed into her woman form. She waved her hands, and Thor was suddenly wearing a long sleeved, gold and ivory dress with a thick veil. He earned a few playful whistles from Clint and Scott in the audience. 

   Brunhilde continued. "Thor and Loki proceeded to travel to Jötunheim, where the wedding was being hosted. All was going well, except the god of thunder's appetite almost betrayed him." 

  "Ms. Freyja, you do seem awfully hungry," Korg stated. 

  "This is because she's been too excited to eat," Loki replied. 

  "When Thrym lifted the veil to kiss his bride at the wedding ceremony, the giant was confused upon seeing the god's nervous face," Brunhilde said. "But Loki once again saved the day." 

  "Lady Freyja hasn't slept in six days because of how excited she was to marry you," Loki said. Korg nodded. 

   "After kissing his bride, Thrym commanded his servants to bring out Mjölnir. Now, it's tradition to set either Mjölnir or a replica of it on the bride's lap so she can receive blessings from Thor." 

  Thor sat on a chair and Korg set the hammer replica on his lap.

  "Then, Thor took Mjölnir and slew the giants. The end!" Brunhilde exclaimed. Everyone clapped. 

    Act II was about Thor being captured by and escaping Surtur, who was being played by Korg. 

  "Why is there music playing?" Thor asked in the middle of his pretend battle. 

  Loki smirked as she used her magic to play Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin in the background. "It suits you, brother." 

  The play came to a close, and the group earned another round of applause. The performers bowed, then everyone started heading toward their rooms. 

  Thor noticed Bruce was still on the couch. The man stretched and blinked. 

  "Bruce!" Thor exclaimed, walking over. "How'd you like our performance?" 

  "Hmm?" Bruce grunted, rubbing his eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, Thor. I only caught the first few minutes. I've been tired all day. I think some Benadryl was still in my system from yesterday." 

  Thor tried to hide his disappointment. "Oh. Well, you should probably get to bed then. I'll walk you to your room." 

  "Thanks." 

  Thor said goodnight, then sighed, going to his own room. He didn't think he'd need to  use all five steps. 

   Step 5: Make something meaningful for your person of interest. 

    Thor sat on his balcony with a piece of wood in one hand and a whittling knife in the other, slowly shaving off wood pieces. He hummed to himself as he breathed in the dewy, morning air. 

   The god was an early riser; he liked watching the sun come up when he could. There was something peaceful about witnessing the world waking up. He only wished Bruce could be part of that world. Oh what Thor would give to wake up next to the small scientist every morning. 

  His heart swelled as his project progressed. The wood was looking less blocky and more curvy, which was what he was going for. 

  Thor became lost in thought as he whittled away. He vowed to himself that he'd confess his feelings to Bruce when he gave him his gift. No more beating bushes. Even if the scientist didn't reciprocate his feelings, he could at least get them off his chest. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   Bruce shuffled into the kitchen and started the coffee maker. He walked over to the window in the living room area and pulled up the blinds to let the natural light stream in. Despite being in fluorescent-lit labs a lot of the time, he liked natural light more. 

  "Beautiful sunrise this morning, isn't it?" Bruce almost jumped out of his skin when Clint spoke from behind him. 

  "Are you trying to make me Hulk out!?" Bruce exclaimed. 

  Clint smiled, then shrugged. He leaned against the windowsill. "Not intentionally." He smirked. 

   Bruce noticed the archer looking at him from his peripheral vision. "What do you want, Barton?" 

   He shook his head. "You're really that oblivious, aren't you?" 

  The scientist cocked his head. 

  "Hasn't your week been a little...odd?" he asked. 

  Bruce reflected on his week. He celebrated Tony and Stephen's wedding on Saturday and Sunday, slept in until noon on Monday, worked in the lab all morning Tuesday until Thor came in, observed Steve and T'Challa's sparring match, then examined the dagger Thor gave him on Wednesday, then had an allergic reaction on Thursday from his lunch with Thor and slept the rest of the day, then watched the first five minutes of Thor's play on Friday night before falling asleep again…(Yes, Thor really did all of this back to back because he's Thor)

  "I mean, I slept a lot when Thor wasn't talking to me," Bruce replied, shrugging. 

  "Why do you think Thor was talking to you so much this week?" 

  Bruce shrugged again. "He's probably just trying to get to know everyone better. He was on another planet for a while." 

  Clint raised an eyebrow. "I don't see him making lunch or giving daggers to anyone else." 

  "Maybe I'm the first?" Bruce responded. 

  The blond groaned, facepalming. "Gosh, you're so oblivious! Did it ever occur to you that Thor might like you?" 

   Don't do that. Don't give me hope, Bruce thought. Thor wouldn't want to deal with him. The scientist was insecure about a lot of things, a bit antisocial, and there was the whole Hulk thing. 

  "I don't know what he'd see in me," he said after realizing he hadn't answered. 

  Clint titled his head. "Bruce, you're amazing! You're intelligent, patient, kind, and you two helped each other off a weird planet! What's not to like?" 

  Bruce sighed. "I'm pretty sure I'd get struck by lightning before Thor showed an interest in me." 

  A deafening boom filled the air, shaking the compound slightly. The two men looked at each other, Bruce's eyes widening. 

  "I think that was your warning shot," Clint whispered, eyes also wide. 

  Bruce nodded in a daze, then found his feet leading him to Thor's room. Rain had started pouring down in the short time it took to get there. He knocked on the door. 

  The god answered, rubbing his eyes. "H-Hi, Bruce." 

  "Thor? Are you okay? We didn't really have a chance of rain in the forecast," Bruce said concernedly. 

  The taller man sniffed. "I'll be honest with you, Bruce, I'm not okay." 

  "I'd like to help you. May I come in?" He gestured to Thor's room. 

  He nodded and stepped aside, allowing Bruce to walk past him. 

  "So, what happened?" The scientist asked, sitting on Thor's bed. 

  "Oh, it's stupid, really. Y-You see, I was whittling something, and I love whittling. I just finished whittling it and I got really excited, but my hands...they singed the wood. Now it's all charred and black and...ruined." He sighed. 

  "Aw, that's not stupid, Thor. I get upset when something I spend a lot of time on doesn't work, either. That's normal. Maybe we can still fix it, though. May I see what you whittled?" 

  "I suppose, but now I feel silly." 

  "Thor, you literally watched me fix Dum-E the other day just for it to spray fire extinguisher foam all over me. I don't think anything could top that." 

  The god cracked a small smile. "Are you sure about that? I felt pretty silly when I accidentally poisoned you. That made me feel terrible." 

  Bruce chuckled. "That was an allergic reaction, not poison. And I was fine. Heck, I wish I could've had more of that drink, because it was amazing."

  He shook his head. "I've felt silly all this week. I should've known you don't drink alcohol, and I felt silly giving you a dagger. And the lunch. And the play was kind of silly. I think you tend to bring out the fool in me, Banner." 

  Bruce smiled. "I think you're also trying to derail the conversation. May I see what you whittled?" 

  Thor cursed under his breath, earning a chuckle from Bruce, before walking over to his balcony door and taking something off of his table. He returned, his hands cupped around his carving. 

  He began blushing. "Really, it's nothing." 

  "Then why are you so afraid to show me?" Bruce asked gently. He carefully touched Thor's cupped hands, prying a little at his fingers. 

  The god decided to no longer resist. He uncurled his fingers to reveal a small carving of the Hulk. 

  Bruce pressed his hand against his mouth in awe at the sight. "You carved this?" 

  "Yes," Thor replied gloomily. "And I ruined it." 

  The scientist picked the carving up, examining the charred right side. "No, no, you didn't. It looks cool! But I bet we could sand off the charred parts if you really wanted to." 

  "There's no point now; you've already seen it." 

  Bruce was quiet as the realization hit him. "Wait...did you make this for me?" 

  Thor nodded. 

  "Have you been doing stuff for me all week to try to tell me something?" 

  He nodded again, then took a deep breath. "I-I really like you, Bruce. You and Hulk both. If you'd be willing, I'd like to take you out on a date sometime. No alcohol or grapefruit allowed." 

  Bruce smiled. "I would love that." He groaned. "Gosh, I was so oblivious! I'm sorry! I'm not used to people trying to court me."

    Thor smiled. "It's okay. I'm just relieved you agreed to my date." 

  Bruce smiled. "Of course!" He leaned forward and hugged the god. "Thank you for the Hulk carving! You're very talented!" 

   Thor smiled. "And you're very sweet." 

  The scientist blushed, glancing away from the taller man. He looked at the window and noticed the rain had stopped. A rainbow stretched across the sky. He smiled.