Ari

I felt like I couldn't do this anymore. For a moment, the old me was back and screaming at the top of her lungs for an end. An end to the pain of life, families, loss, and heartbreak. Why did that woman have to come back?

I vaguely remember the day she left. I had been playing outside in a makeshift sandbox that my dad and uncle Johnny had built for me. They had buried a bunch of stuff in the sand so that I could have fun excavating it. It had been a fairly nice winter day in Los Angeles, it wasn't cold like you would think winter would be—the temperature mimicked a Spring day, more than a December one. There were butterflies that were floating next to a potted plant in our small backyard and somewhere off in the distance you could hear a neighbor's dog barking, probably at squirrels.

I could hear what sounded like shouting coming from inside our little house, but the glass door was closed tightly. I could see my mom and my dad walking around in the little kitchen area, my mom was waving her arms all around. Maybe she was swatting at flies in the air. Maybe they were dancing and I just didn't hear any music. I didn't understand the world around me, I was too little, but I did know that my birthday was in two days. Maybe they were trying to figure out what kind of cupcakes to buy me.

I remember my mom threw open the sliding glass door and walked causally out to where I played—she looked like she had been crying. Maybe she bumped her knee swatting at flies, because I knew that when I bumped my knee, I cried.

She bent down and kissed the top of my head, "Do svidaniya  Arina, mama tebya lyubit."  

"Goodbye, Mama, Arina love you too." I remember saying in response. 

That was the last time I saw her... Until now.

Nothing that woman could ever say to me would take away the years of wondering if she was dead or alive, wondering if she thought about me, wondering if she missed me. Nothing she could ever tell me would answer the million questions that I once had or fill the void that she left behind in my soul. When I saw her standing in the doorway of my hospital room, I said what little Ari should have said to her all those years ago. I told her goodbye forever; I told her something that little Ari would never have thought to say to her mama. 

Dean asked a million questions that I had no answers to. He told me about her coming to see him, even though it was evident that while he spoke of her, it made me sad. Then, I was angry at myself for the small pieces of pity that sat nestled away in my heart for her. She had left my dad all alone and she never called or wrote, even after his death.

I just didn't know how to explain what I was feeling to Dean. I just wanted to move on from this place. I wanted to go back home and lock myself back up in my apartment, only emerging to check the mail. I wanted to hide away—hide away from all the feelings of anger, disappointment and fear that plagued me at that moment. I needed to escape.

When we finally got  back to the resort room, the rain had begun to pour down in buckets. I felt better since leaving the hospital, but my heart ached. Dean headed out to get us some dinner and I just sat on the lounger out on the deck area. I watched the rain, the same way I had watched it the million times I had, when I was little. Little Ari, just stared out her window wondering if that was the day her mamochka would come back.

But, she never came. No matter how hard it rained to match my tears, she never came.

I found myself throwing in my earbuds, tucking my phone in its waterproof case into the pocket of my shorts and walking into the rain. Each stream of water felt like it was washing away a memory of her. The memories would latch onto the individual water droplets and they would cascade down my entire body where they would pool at my feet, until they were just another part of a large puddle. A puddle of history and pain.

In my ear, Tegan and Sara's "I Was A Fool" played.  I thought about my mamochka, who I no longer recognized. I thought about the damage that her absence caused my family. I thought about the heartbreak and how my father waited all those years for her to come back to our door. He waited and waited for his love to return. 

I stepped out of my puddle of memories and looked up to the sky, the rain beating down on my face, my hair soaked to me. I saw him approaching me, the rain pouring down onto him. He walked up and took my face into his strong hands, placing a kiss on my forehead. I looked up into those eyes, the eyes where my soul found comfort. The eyes that looked at me with absolute love.

"Are you ok, my love?" he asked concerned, after he pulled out my earbuds, letting them fall from my ears.

"Dean, do you think I would make a good mother? Or will I be exactly like her?"

He gripped my face tighter, pulling me close to his face. "Blakewell, I know that you'll be an amazing mother someday."

"How can you say that for sure?" I tried to focus on his eyes through rain soaked lashes.

"Because, I'll be right there with you. You'll be the most amazing mother that our child will ever want. You're not anything like your mother. You never give up on the things that you love."

He pressed his lips to mine softly, savoring the moment which had just occurred. The moment, where Dean Andrews told me that one day we would have some kind of family together. He pulled away and looked at me.

"Ari, tell me that you love me, in Russian." 

"Ya tebya lyublyu, Dean. Ya palyubIl tebya s pervava vzglyada." I told him I loved him and that I had fallen in love with him the minute I saw him.

A smirk formed on his face and he wrapped his arms around the back of me and hoisted me up into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he walked us back to the room. He laid me down on the bed, the sheets soaking beneath me from the rain and he positioned himself on top of me, staring into my eyes.

"Arina Elizaveta Blakewell, someday soon, I will ask you to be my wife and I expect that you not only say yes, but do it in Russian."

.........................

I held on tightly to Venise as her boarding call sounded over the loud speaker. Patrick and her had to fly home for a few weeks so they could share the news of their engagement with family. Patrick also had to return to work, which I knew was hard on Venise. A part of me doubted if she would even return to the trip, a new engagement might have been just the reason to keep her home in Los Angeles. 

I had decided after the entire fiasco with Galina, that I no longer desired to stay in Thailand. I knew that eventually, someday, I would find my way back to this place. It would be a time when the activities that I had shared with my family when I was little, wouldn't be marred by the reemergence of an estranged parent and a hospital stay. At the current time, Thailand was breaking my heart in more ways than I could describe.

I knew that Dean was disappointed, because he wanted the entire trip to be perfect, but I couldn't stay in this place any longer. After a few arguments about where to go next, since Thailand was essentially ruined, Dean received a call from his grandmother requesting his presence in London.

Dean always did what Milly asked of him, there were no questions when it came to his devotion to his grandmother. She had booked the arrangements before even requesting it, so essentially, there was no choice in the matter. Part of me considered just heading back to L.A. and trying to rebuild my life, but Dean would have none of it. Even though fundraising dinners and business meetings were not what I had in mind for a bucket list trip, I was excited to see Milly again. 

We touched down in London after what seemed like a thirteen hour flight. I was so exhausted from all the traveling that I couldn't wait to get to Milly's summer home. The car that picked us up at the airport, drove through the neighborhood of Kensington, until we reached Upper Phillimore Gardens. Milly's detached seven bedroom, crisp white two-story home, stood among the other crisp white homes in the neighborhood; all of them screaming look at me, I've got a crap ton of money and nothing better to do with it. 

The inside of her home looked like a French king had walked into it and threw up all over the walls. The large entrance hall had a spectacular cantilevered staircase with an intricate wooden leaf engraving. The overall decor was painted an almost gold color, with a corresponding  border wallpaper that had gold filagree on it. Her furniture matched the color scheme, in all of its elegant creams and golds. It had a beautiful small sitting area in the backyard, which was lined with stone and ornate flower beds. A single white outdoor table and four chairs, stood under a white umbrella. 

It wasn't as big as Milly's permanent home in Beverly Hills, but it was just as elegant. Dean carried my bags up to a room which was decked out in the softest blues and creams. A large king sized bed was embedded with a beautiful silk blue comforter and dozens of large throw pillows that were similar in color. It had a personal en suite with a large jacuzzi tub and Roman shower, with its own tiled seat. The only window in the room was decorated with cream colored drapes and it had a west facing view over Holland Park.

Dean placed the bags on a chair in the far corner of the room and went over to an intricately detailed dresser and pulled out a clean t-shirt. The evidence told me that when Dean stayed here, this was his room. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead before he went downstairs to fetch the rest of our luggage.

I just threw myself back on the expansive bed, which had a glorious memory foam mattress that appeared to mold to my body as I sunk down into it. It was like laying in an expansive cloud that cupped every curve of your body and sang you a lullaby for impending slumber.

It must have been the bed or the crash from all the caffeine and sugar in my system, but once I closed my eyelids, I was out like a light. I heard his chuckle when he walked back into the room and saw me half hanging off the bed, half on it.

"You should probably change and get under the covers if you're going to sleep, babe," he said as he started to unpack some of his stuff and place it in drawers.

"I'm not sleeping. I'm pulling a Morgan Freeman and updating my Facebook with Google eyelids."

I felt his arms wrap around me as he came to lay down next to me. "Can you at least say it in your best Morgan Freeman voice."

I must have started snoring, because I didn't remember what happened after that, just that he was chuckling.

.............................

I woke up the next morning to the sound of rain beating down on the window pane outside the lush bedroom. My phone was buzzing on the bedside table, but when I turned over to fetch it, I noticed that Dean wasn't next to me. Picking up my phone, I checked the time and noticed that it was almost 8AM, which could mean that either he went for a run in the rain or was downstairs with Milly.

My phone buzzed again and Sassy's picture popped up on the screen. I unlocked my phone quickly in order to catch her.

"Hey! I'm so glad I caught you, so I know how you love surprises, Ari, so SURPRISE, darling!" Her voice was cheerful and I instantly realized that I had missed her thick Dallas accent.

"Wait, it's way too early to be vague. What's going on, Sass?" My voice was raspy and you could instantly tell that I had just woken up.

She laughed her big booming voice before she responded, "Oh, my bad darling. I'm... well you see... I'm downstairs! Could you open the door my Louis' are getting wet!"

I scrambled out of the thick cloud-like haven that had cupped every inch of my body through the night and barreled down the expansive staircase, almost ripping the front door off its expensive hinges. Sure enough, in all her fabulous glory stood one Sassy Parker, with a stack of Louis Vuitton suitcases next to her cream colored Louboutin clad feet. 

She wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder. I just hugged my friend, who I had missed greatly in the time we'd been apart. I did find myself looking behind her, for some hint of whether or not Ace had come along. However, I didn't see any trace of him.

It was possible that she knew what I was thinking because she added, "It's just me, darling."

After helping her get her suitcases inside and settled in a guest room. We headed into the kitchen for a much needed cup of coffee. She recounted all about the fiasco that happened at the charity dinner she had skipped Miami for. Apparently, she was flirting with the accompanying girlfriend of an Italian diplomat, to the point where they were about to exchange numbers, when his other female companion showed up and the two girls went at it right in front of Sassy.

Needless to say, it caused a scene, especially when during the argument, the diplomat's wife came into attendance. So, the fight that ensued revolved around wife, mistress, and even more secret mistress. Sassy couldn't help but laugh, spitting her coffee across the kitchen island as she recounted some of the hilarious things that were said in the heat of the moment. The best part was when she spoke of hair extensions flying through the air like confetti at a birthday party.

After a round of extreme laughter, I couldn't help but break the silence that had taken over, by asking a very important question, "So, not that I'm not happy to see you, which I'm ecstatic, but usually with you comes your brother. Is he here in England?"

"Well, Ari, actually he is, but he's staying at a really insanely expensive hotel. I mean, it's no surprise that him and Dean are not the biggest fans of each other."

I was taken aback by her comment, "Wait! How does Ace know Dean? He never said anything."

Sassy let out a chuckle, before setting her coffee cup down on the marble countertop of the island.

"Actually, Ace's quite acquainted with Dean. I reckon that he never mentioned it because until we got back home, he really had no idea who this Dean was that you spoke of. I have to admit that the revelation might have slipped from my lips in passing, darling."

"You didn't answer my question, Sass. How do they know each other?"

"Darling, we are all from money. My daddy knows Mildred, they are on the same board of donors for the Met Museum and Dean accompanies Mildred quite often to charity events. Let's just say that Ace may be a little jealous of Mr. Andrews, especially considering you are one thing Dean has and Ace doesn't. You didn't hear that from me though. There may also be other things, but that's not my story to tell, darling."

I had to admit that I didn't know what to say to that confession. Something told me that Dean and Ace's history may have run a little deeper than just a round of jealousy, but Sassy wasn't offering up any more information. 

Before I could ask any more questions, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist and his familiar smell engulfed my senses.

"Hey love, did you miss me?" His voice was deep and sultry and had we not had an audience, I might have shown him just how much I had missed him.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the undeniably beautiful and equally vivacious Southern Belle herself. The bedder of probably more woman than even I. Sarah, it's always a pleasure!" He moved over to where Sassy was sitting and gave her gigantic a hug.

"Oh, Dean, you know I'm not the kind of girl that allows a man to make her blush, but yet, each and every time." She wrapped her perfectly manicured fingers around his body and gave him a big squeeze.

"Where's Mr. Moody, usually you two don't travel without the other?" His question seemed innocent enough. The truth was, Dean really didn't know the level of involvement that I'd had with Ace. Every time that I felt it should be something that was brought up, he always told me that the present was about us. Even though I never slept with Ace, I felt Dean deserved to know that we had shared a few passionate kisses.

"He's around." Sassy flashed him a demure smile and then quickly changed the subject, "Are you two attending the gala tomorrow evening? Wait, what am I asking, of course you are because Mildred's putting it on."

I looked over in shock at Sassy, because I had no clue about any gala or that my attendance was mandatory to it. However, I couldn't be very angry about not knowing, because since our arrival we hadn't had much time to sit down with Milly.

"Well, I just found out about it this morning, Sarah, but yes, we'll be in attendance." His voice was calm and he flashed me one of his award winning smirks.

"Dean, I'm not sure I have a gala worthy outfit. I guess I should go and visit a shop if we're going."

"Nonsense!" I heard her commanding voice as it came into the kitchen. "My dear sweet girl, oh have I missed you. It feels like it has been ages since we had a proper visit." She cupped my face with her diamond clad hands and smiled as she looked at me. She did look down at my hands several times and then would look over at Dean and frown slightly, but I was unsure why that was exactly.

"Hi, Milly, I've missed you! Before we get all involved in catching up, why exactly is a visit to the shops nonsense?" I looked up from my seat and saw the smile spread across Milly's face.

"Because, Margarette, my London based stylist, will be here after lunch tomorrow with some dresses for both of you lovely ladies." With that revelation, Milly stood up, brushed off her flowing skirt and walked out of the kitchen. She was always a get down to business type of woman.

"Ok, well that's settled then," Dean chuckled as he spoke, then placed a soft kiss on my forehead and left me with Sassy to finish our cup of coffee.

I guess it was settled.

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A/N: Hey Guys!

Hope you liked the chapter, please don't forget to click a vote and leave comments.

So Sassy is back!! Which means that Ace is also..... I mean, what could go wrong?

I'm going to keep the AN short, because I'm in a hurry, but I wanted to thank you all for sticking with the story and supporting it. Some big things are in store for the gala!

*mamochka is a term of endearment for a Mama and the phrase Galina says to Ari is, "Goodbye Arina, Mama loves you. 

<3