Dean

She stood there motionless, her arm outstretched in front of her, her fingernails gripping into my hand like she had seen a ghost. Was she breathing, because it didn't look like it. The only movement from her frozen body were the tears streaming from her vacant eyes—streaming down her perfect cheeks, which had turned pale white. 

What had happened in that short amount of time that caused Ari to immediately change from the now vibrant person who had stolen my heart a second, third, and millionth time since I met her? The Ari that stood there motionless was a shell of the girl I loved, a corpse waiting to be buried and forgotten. 

I looked at her vacant and tear filled eyes, pleading with her to just say something. Oh god, what was happening? My heart picked up in my chest when I saw her eyes roll back into her head, only white remaining where her stunning ice-blue eyes always sat. White that caused chills to slither up my spine and clench every nerve ending, twisting like they were wringing out water from a towel. 

Her head rolled back after her eyes disappeared and her body went limp. This was the moment I wasn't prepared for, this was the worst moment of my life. I think I yelled as I rushed back to her. People were silent, frozen in place, so I must have yelled. All I could hear was what sounded like my voice booming through the room and all I could see was her lying in a heap of beautiful pink fabric on that floor.

I pulled her up to me, my hands around her body. "Ari! Please, oh god, please. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me! I just got you, don't leave me now!" I could hear the panic in my voice, it was so unfamiliar. This was fear.

I cradled her in my arms as I yelled for someone to call someone, anyone... A woman came rushing over to where I was kneeling, holding Ari in my arms, clutching her to my chest like a protective animal would clutch their child. She tried to help, placing her hands on Ari and I instinctively growled at her like I would rip her apart if she even slightly touched her. 

I felt Venise's hand on me, pleading with me. "Dean! Please, let them help her!"

I looked up into Venise's eyes and the expression on her face was utter fear. I realized that I was shouting at her, my voice splitting any silence that may have tried to enter the frantic room. My eyes were like molten lava, no longer the calm blue of the ocean that soothed Ari when she stared into them. My grip on her couldn't be broken as several people tried to pry her out of my strong arms.

I felt my elbow rear back and it collided with something. I hit someone. Oh god, what's happening to me?

"Ari! Baby, please wake up. GET THE FUCK OFF ME BEFORE I KILL YOU!" I saw Patrick backing away, holding his nose, the blood gushing out of it.

Venise stepped in again and clasped her hands around the sides of my face, forcing my eyes to focus on her.

"Dean. You have to calm down. Please, let us help her." Her voice was calm and for a second, my brain resumed its duties and pushed my heart aside. My grip weakened on Ari and I felt her being pulled from my grasp.

I collapsed into a broken heap, while my hands found their way to my face and I cried. 

.........................

I just looked at her body, lying in that hospital bed, the tubes in her arm pumping her fluids, the beep of the heart monitor the only sound in the room. My head collapsed onto the bed next to her, her hand gripped in mine. I was woken by a soft touch and I shot my head up to see her fingers moving across the palm of my hand.

For a second, I thought I was dreaming, that it was a cruel change from the dreams that had plagued me last night. The dreams which had me standing over an open grave, watching as her body was lowered into the ground. Her hand came to rest on my face and I knew I wasn't dreaming. Her head was tilted towards me and her blue eyes were hazy, but they were locked on me.

"Dean."

I jumped out of my seat and grasped her hand in mine, planting kiss upon kiss on her face. Her hands found their way to the back of my hair and she pressed her forehead against mine.

"Ari... Please don't ever scare me like that again."

My lips found hers, hers were chapped but the feeling of them on mine renewed my soul. It was a pleasant change from the hollow that had consumed me as I stood in that resort lobby, the only sound I could hear above the commotion, was the sound of her heart breaking. The sound of her heart breaking shattered the silence in the air.

Our kiss was interrupted by the doctor who came in to examine her. He was a shorter man, probably in his fifties with a bald head and wire rimmed glasses. His feet shuffled as he walked and I had become accustomed to the sound of it on the cold hospital floors.

He had delivered the news to me yesterday that he believed that Ari was suffering from a slight case of anemia and that paired with the dehydration from traveling so long, had caused her to lose consciousness. The only reason he told me this information was because I lied and told the hospital that Ari was my wife. They wouldn't have even let me in the room with her had they thought otherwise.

In my rush to plan the perfect proposal I hadn't taken into consideration that all this traveling was taking its toll on Ari. Maybe it was fate that dealt the harsh blow. When I found out that the one person that I had planned on bringing to Thailand for the proposal, couldn't get there just yet, I had to replan the events. 

I had called Sassy when we got to Thailand, planning on her being present when I proposed. I knew that Ari thought of her as a sister and I wanted the people that Ari cared about the most to be there. Sassy had fallen ill with a horrible case of the flu a few days earlier and as much as she wanted to leave Dallas, she felt she had to stay put until she was feeling better. I knew that she was heartbroken, so I had given her my word that I would postpone the proposal until everyone could be there to celebrate. So, I switched gears and with Patrick, we decided that it was the perfect time for him to take the lead.

Once the doctor left, I crawled in the bed next to her and wrapped my arms around her, kissing the top of her head. Her face buried in my chest.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorry for scaring you, I didn't think I felt this terrible when I asked to go back to the room."

"It's fine, my love. I'm sorry for dragging you all around, I should have let you rest. However, we might have to find a new resort to stay at, if we decide to stay."

Her eyes shot up at me. "What did you do?"

"Well, besides breaking Patrick's nose on accident, which isn't going to help our budding new friendship, I may have caused a slight scene."

"Slight scene? Who you? Nah..." She chuckled and pressed her face into my chest. My grip around her tightened.

"Yeah, I scared quite a few people. But there was a nice lady who tried to help. She came around to check on you once, but she seemed like she was in a rush."

Ari's face jolted up and her eyes focused on me in fear.

"Ari, what?"

Before she could answer I heard a familiar voice at the doorway. The same thick Russian accent that had tried to assist me a day earlier when I frantically tried to will Ari to move.

"Excuse me. Is this a good time, Arina?"

Ari's eyes became wide and she tensed under me, sitting upright. Her grip on my hand tightened and had she been any stronger, she would have cut off the blood supply to my entire arm.

"No, Galina, but it's never a good time is it?"

I looked over at Ari's face and could see the hurt and anger rising up in it. What was happening? It was like I was a spectator to a private show in which I was the only person who had no idea about what was occurring during the course of the story.

'Ari, who's this woman?"

She looked back and forth between me and the woman in the doorway, who shared strikingly familiar features to the girl my heart obsessed over. I was a smart man, but for a second I slapped myself as Ari began to speak, because I should have seen it all along. They shared the same features because they shared the same blood.

"Dean. This is Galina... She's, well... She used to be my mother."

"I am still your mother, Arina. Just because I have been occupied doesn't change that."

"Occupied? Occupied!" Ari's voice began to skyrocket in a tone that I had never heard from her before. It was pure hatred and it was an emotion that I never thought I would see from her.

Ari didn't hate anyone, even people who were mass murderers. I knew that sounded weird, but she was the kind of person who would read news articles about horrible people who did horrible things and upon their death, people would be celebrating. Ari would always cry a little bit, not because she felt pity for the monster being talked about, but pity because in her heart any kind of death was sad.

"I'm sorry, Galina, but being occupied isn't an excuse to walk out on your family. It doesn't justify abandoning your child while you latch onto the next big story and travel the globe. It doesn't justify never picking up a phone or writing even a hello on a piece of paper. Occupation doesn't justify turning your back as your child is dying!"

"Arina! I will not have you tell me about my choices, good or bad. I never turned my back on you, but yes, you weren't a priority."

I could feel the rage well up in my core. I had never in my life thought about hitting a woman, but at that moment, I could have killed the one in front of me. I could have killed the woman who just told the love of my life that she was never a priority. I felt myself lift off the bed, but Ari's hand tightened around my arm, almost begging me to stay put and protect her.

"You refused to give me your bone marrow, because it interfered with your plans to cover military operations in the Congo! I waited four years for a donor and coded twice, because you could have cared less! FOUR YEARS! I died twice because of your lack of concern." Ari's voice choked in her throat as she screamed at the woman in front of us.

Everything Ari screamed at this woman in front of me shook me to the core. Everything that was said to that woman whom had toyed with me and acted like she was a concerned person wanting to make sure my girl was alright, answered every question I had ever had about Ari's mother. It answered why Ari never spoke her name and why she only spoke in Russian when she was begging for the pain to end. 

Ari had no pictures of her mother anywhere. She had no mementos of a life built under the love of a sometimes absent parent, no memories that would later be turned into casual stories.

She had no trace of her mother, because her mother never existed. I knew now why she pushed me so hard to tell her stories about my own mother, about my own memories. She pushed me, because she was helping me to not forget. She never wanted me to forget that I was loved, the whole time she buried the fact that she wasn't.

Ari's eyes went cold when she spoke further, a coldness that terrified me. "As far as you're concerned, Galina Petrovich, you were never my mother! You were just a selfish bitch who spread her legs and then broke my father's heart."

The gasp that left Galina's mouth echoed through the still and cold room. But, Ari wasn't done just yet. 

As her mother turned to leave, Ari left her with one more piece of her for the road.

"Galina." Her mother turned to her, hopeful that maybe Ari had reconsidered and an apology was to come. "I will not allow you to break me again. Proshchay navsegda, Galina."

I recognized those words from an entry in her journal when she had talked about death and sketched tombs...goodbye forever

Galina opened her mouth to say something further, the hurt in her eyes showed for the first time since her visit to that doorway. Ari lowered her head, refusing to look upon the woman again. I got up quickly, releasing Ari's hand and walking into the path of Galina, who was coming towards the bed. Her eyes came up to meet my face and I could see the hint of tears that graced them.

"Please." Her hand made its way up to my arm and softly touched it, looking for sympathy from me, but she was searching for it from the wrong person. I choked back the rage in my voice and calmly took her hand, positioning her towards the door and lightly pushing her out. 

"I suggest you leave now." My voice was guttural and I could see the fear instantly flash in her eyes. She dug into her tattered messenger bag and pulled out a thin envelope, her hands shaking as she carefully handed it to me.

I turned to look back at Ari, her eyes planted on my face. Ari sadly shook her head no and I turned to Galina who clutched the letter to her chest before backing away, trying to capture another glimpse of the beautiful creature that she had abandoned to the elements long ago. 

Once I was sure that she was gone and away from the hallway, I closed the door to Ari's room and went over to her. Her hands were shaking, twisting in each other, buried in her lap while her nails clawed at her skin.

I took her hands in mine and her eyes lifted to look at me. They were glassy, a few small tears had escaped them. I leaned in and pressed my forehead to hers.

"I love you, Ari. You're my world."

She placed a soft kiss on my lips as she melted my heart when she spoke in her tearful voice, "I love you, Dean. You re my family."

.....................

The doctor had informed me that Ari could leave the next day, they just wanted to make sure she rested and got the fluids she needed. I had been adamant that I wasn't leaving her side, but she insisted that she was fine. Once Venise showed up, she had grabbed ahold of me and almost pushed me out the room.

Venise told me that I looked like death warmed over. I glanced down at a random pair of shorts and a mismatched t-shirt that Venise had brought to the hospital for me and agreed that it wasn't my finest moment. Once back at the resort suite, I stared into the en suite mirror and cringed, my eyes were bloodshot and my hair an utter mess. I couldn't think back to a time when I looked this horrible. The stubble on my face was getting thick and had spread down my neck. 

I managed all my energy in order to step into the shower, the water hitting me in all the right places. I rested my arm on the cold tiles, my head resting on my arm while I savored the calm moment. My heart ached slightly, because the only thing that I could see as I stood in that shower was the events of the last time I was here. All I could see were her hands washing over me, her wet hair plastered around her shoulders and chest, and the small beads of water settling in the grooves of her neck. Streams of water cascading down her perfect body and soft skin. All I could see was her wrapped around me, my hands exploring every inch of her.

I hurried and finished my shower. I couldn't take another minute in there knowing that she wasn't waiting for me in that bedroom. I couldn't be reminded of my carelessness where her health was concerned and I didn't want to think about the woman who almost broke her again.

It had been such a long road to get to this new healed moment for her, the old moment being where taking her own life was the only thought when she woke up and the only thing she saw when she closed her eyes. I couldn't let one single person step in and crush everything that she had built for herself in this short amount of time. I couldn't bear the thought of someone instantly destroying the love Ari had found for herself.

I threw on a pair of shorts and my Wharton t-shirt, the instant smell of her engulfed me.

I grabbed my keycard and wallet off the desk and headed to the door, determined to get back to Ari as quickly as I could. As I opened the door and those eyes hit me, I felt a wave of anger consume me.

"You need to leave now!" I pushed past her and tried to slam the door behind me, but she grasped my arm and pleaded with me to listen to her.

"Please. Just hear what I have to say. I need Arina to know."

"Listen lady, I don't know why you think I'd help you, but I'm the last person you should be trying to talk to." My eyes settled on her and were firm and commanding. I could feel my teeth clench together in rage.

"I know you love her. I can see it when you look at her. Regardless of what you may think, she is my child."

A sarcastic grunt left my mouth and I pushed past her to head down the hall.

"Please! James promised me I could see her when I was ready to be her mother!" His name halted me dead in my tracks. James had told her that only when she knew she could be a mother, could she step foot in front of Ari. I never met Ari's dad, but I respected everything about the man. 

I turned to face her and walked slowly in her direction, determined not to make another scene.

"You have twenty minutes to spill your shit, lady. Ten for Ari and ten for James. Fuck, I need a drink." I turned and walked towards the outdoor bar area. Galina followed on my heels, her flowery skirt blowing in the gentle breeze.

I sat down at the end of the bar and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. Galina sat down at a table in the far corner away from any other resort  guests or patrons. Once I had my drink in hand I walked over and sat across from her.

She began talking almost instantly, sensing that I was serious when I said that all she had was twenty minutes to spill her story. "I can tell you love her deeply—"

"Dean," I answered.

"Yes, Dean. You have to understand that when I met James, I was nineteen years old and had just come to America on a student visa. I had no experience in the real world and all I ever wanted to do from the time I was a small girl in that little town of Kasimov, was to be a photojournalist and travel the world. America was my only chance and it was hard to leave my home behind, but I did. When I met James, everything changed. I fell in love and soon after, Arina was born."

"Does this story have a point, because your time's running out." I shot her a cold stare and she fumbled for the letter in her bag, which she had tried to give Ari earlier.

"I loved Arina more than I loved my own life, but I realized that I was the same small town girl that I was in Kasimov, except now I was living in a giant city. When I was offered my chance to accompany a journalist to Turkey, I felt a selfishness overcome me and I threw myself into my art and took the internship. I neglected my family for my dream."

"I think neglect is a kind way to put it, Galina. What you did was abandon Ari when she needed a mother."

"You're right, I did and while I wish I could tell you that I was sorry about that, I would be lying. To experience life and the world was a feeling that surpassed any love I had for my family. Then before I knew it, I was too far gone to salvage what I realized I had lost. I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but my worst was having Arina."

My eyes shot up at her confession. Did she just admit to the man who loved her daughter more than anything, that she regretted having her in the first place? The rage filled me and I slammed my hand on the table, startling her in the process. The shock and fear was very evident in her eyes and she winced when I leaned closer.

"Please, let me finish. Oh my, I am painting a terrible picture."

"Yeah, you are! I get it though, a kid was a burden. I used to think love was a burden as well, then I met Ari and realized that it was only a burden because it wasn't with her. So don't think you're going to get any sympathy from me when you say she was a mistake. Arina Elizaveta Blakewell is a lot of things, but a mistake isn't one of them!" My jaw clenched and I gulped down the rest of my drink, signaling for another.

"Elizaveta was my mother's name you know. I'm sorry, I am getting off track." I motioned for her to continue with her story, the desire to tip this table over and storm out brewed under my skin.

"When Arina got sick, I was in the Sudan trying to compile a story on violence against women in tribes. It crushed me to know that she was sick and that James was all alone, but I couldn't abandon all those women, they had become like my own family. It's selfish, but unless you had been in my shoes you wouldn't understand. Once I realized that things were serious, I buried my head in the sand, because of my shame. I had chosen my work, again, over my child. I felt that she would have been better off not born, because she deserved a mother and I couldn't give her that, and James never remarried." She began to cry at her confession and for a second I felt pity.

She paused and clenched her hands in one another before she spoke further, "When James told me she desperately needed me, I ran. I ran because I couldn't stand to face her. I couldn't stand by and watch her die. I've been running her whole life because I can't watch her die." She slid the letter across the table towards me. "Please just give this to her."

I looked down at the letter which had shaky script and tear stains on it. I stood up from my seat, threw back what was left of my drink and slid the note back to Galina. 

"Go fuck yourself, Galina. You don't  deserve her."

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A/N: Hey guys!

So people had questions about Ari's mom. Hope those questions are answered.

Amina <3