Chapter 45

My body is unmoving from Xavier's glowering gaze. His arms are crossed across his chest, and he can't stop clenching his jaw, probably holding back his anger. "Why?" he growls, "Why are you backing out now?" He points to the window beside us with the new moon high in the sky.

"I can't be your mate," I whisper and jump when he slams his hand on my desk, tears making his golden eyes shinier.

I know the situation is confusing and doesn't make any sense in such a short amount of time, but the moment the new moon came, negative thoughts started and still are messing up with my mind.

Things won't work out.

He will find his mate and leave me mateless. I can feel it.

"Alexa and all the fucking Gods up there don't play with me like that. I've been– We've been waiting for this moment for a month. What happened?" Xavier asks, pacing around the room with his hands tying and untying his dreads as if searching for a distraction to not lash out on me.

I have to sit down on the bed with the petals that Xavier surprised me moments before my change of thoughts came through. The room is illuminated by the candles lying around the floor and petals scattered on the floor and bed. He wanted our mating to be romantic, and I had to ruin it all with my negativity.

"I'm sorry," I quietly say as I lean forward, putting my elbows on my knees and my hands on my hair. My eyes stare at the floor when a pair of black sneakers come into view.

"Please, tell me what's on your mind?" he asks, crouching on the floor and wrapping his long fingers around my forearms.

I blink back tears. "I just– I can't risk being mateless. It's too much. I do not want to be a single mom. I don't think I'm even ready to be one, and I don't think I'll be good enough of a girlfriend. I'm a fucking housecat. A tiny useless cat. I'm ashamed of what I am, of what I'll be, and the thought of losing my soulmate is destroying me."

I'm crying by now. "I don't want my life to be so full of instability." My sniff fills the eternal silence. Why am I like this?

Now that I think about it, Nala should have reported me about the new moon effects, but she disappeared from my sight all day in the end, leaving me with unanswered questions.

"Please, look at me," Xavier asks, giving a gentle squeeze to my forearms.

I reluctantly straighten my back, dropping my hands on my lap as I look down at his saddened face. The glow in his eyes is still persistent. "Your life won't be filled with instability. I will be by your side no matter what. You might want to separate yourself from me, hate me, and cut me out of your life, but I will still look over you. Your whole face lights up when you're around kids, and you love being their encyclopedia, so trust me when I say that you'll be a great mother. Not perfect, but overall great. Relationships have their ups and downs. Hell, even Richard and Gabby still fight after years of being mated, but they overcome all their obstacles, and the same thing will happen to us. We will fight, cry, and laugh, and do all things that a couple goes through. The only difference is that instead of giving up, we will win all of our differences and grow stronger together, but you must have faith in the relationship, in yourself and me to do that."

He wipes the tears from my face as he takes a deep breath in. "You could be a Pomeranian dog for all I care, and I would still be here. I don't care about what you are. I only care about you. I'll never find someone like you. I love you Alexa, and I trust you, so please, I need you to do the same to me... Alright?"

I suck on my lower lip as I slowly nod. Who would have thought the person I used to call idiot twenty-four-seven would deliver such a heartwarming message.

Without a second thought, I lean down and kiss Xavier. It's only a peck but the moment I lean back and open my eyes, seeing the heated look he's giving me makes a part of me get too excited.

The next thing I know, lips are slamming against each other, and tongues are battling into a heated dance.

He stands up, pushing my back on the bed without breaking the kiss. Our erratic breaths ring in our ears. Heat drives my body crazy and begging for Xavier to fill me already.

He hovers over me, standing in-between my legs that I wrap around his waist, enjoying the shameless grinding he's doing. We groan through the kiss as I feel his bulge getting bigger.

My bud is twitching in hunger as I roll my hips against him, following his slow pace. So good. His hand sneaks inside my shirt, pulling my bra up before playing with one of my nipples. The touch fires me up even more, and I moan when he uses his mouth. His tongue moves around it as his other hand grips my love handle.

My eyes snap close, letting me enjoy the pleasure. I smoothly take out my shirt and unclasp my bra. When I open my eyes, they lock with Xavier's glowing gaze, and a deep blush makes itself known on my face. I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

Xavier releases my nipple as he sits on his knees. He takes out his shirt at the same time I sit up, untying his joggers. He growls when I tug them down, freeing the twitching member.

My fingers wrap themselves around it and start moving, enjoying the sharp exhales he takes every time my thumb passes over the head. Hunger I haven't felt in a while makes me push his body down before dipping my head.

With my tongue licking all over it, I purr when Xavier grabs a handful of my hair and pushes my head further down as I suck him, trying and failing to satisfy my hunger for the lion.

My hand strokes his base as my mouth focuses on the top. My ears are perking up to the sound of Xavier cursing under his breath over and over again.

Upon opening my eyes to glance at him, I deliberately make my eyes glow when I catch him half-shift into his feline. Ears morph into his lion ones with canines lengthening. I follow his half-shift and hum when he forces my head further down with his eyes rolling back in a deep pleasure that only turns me on even more.

I want to make him come only with my mouth, but tonight we have a specific goal in mind, which is why it takes all my willpower to stop sucking him and move back up. We kiss again as he smoothly turns us around. His hands go to my high waisted shorts. He unbuttons them and breaks the kiss to pull them off with my panties.

His eyes move up and down my body, enjoying the view before going back to the kissing. I pull his joggers and boxers further down with my feet, and he smoothly kicks them off. His bare manhood is pressed against my core, and I moan when he teases my bud with it.

"I'm sorry, Red," he breathes out through the kiss.

I frown, pulling his face away, my hands resting on his cheeks. "Sorry about what?"

He gives me a small smile before smoothly entering inside me. My eyes roll back at the immense pleasure. Groans and pants are all I hear as the bed squeaks for every thrust Xavier does.

Just like during the full moon, I can feel him growing thicker and longer. My walls clench around it, making him moan as he drops kisses down my neck. "I love you," he whispers, and before I can give him a proper reply, his canines slip inside my neck.

My eyes pop out as I gasp. It hurts.

It fucking hurts.

My entire being is in pain. I can't breathe properly, and I try pushing him off my neck, but he only holds onto me tighter. We're unmoving as I whisper to him that the pain is too much in a loop. Foxy and I are crying from it.

"Please," I beg as my elongated nails dig onto his back. My heart is clenching, my lungs are deflating, and my stomach has an uncomfortable knot that makes uneven breaths come out of me. It feels like my whole body has been cut, and the burning feeling is trying to heal it up.

Blood is probably rolling down Xavier's back from how deep my nails are digging, silently begging him to stop the madness.

We don't have to mate.

We can stay like this.

We can have a human relationship.

I don't mind.

Just make it stop.

I'm ready to pass out when everything simply stops. I can't feel the pain. I can't feel Xavier's warmth or even my breathing. My eyes slightly open, meeting pure darkness.

What's happening? Why can't I see?

I try saying it out loud, but no sound comes out. I can't feel anything now. From everything to nothing is destabilizing me. Am I dead?

A loud thumping heart cuts the silence. The sound is booming in my head. I don't want it to stop, so I reach for it. I push everything toward it, and my vision gradually comes back. I can feel Xavier's heat again... and more.

I can feel him.

Skin to skin touch is giving me goosebumps. It takes me a moment to realize I'm inhaling chunks of air as if I've been deprived of it for ages. The sweet scent of vanilla doesn't suffocate me anymore. Now it makes me feel at ease.

Xavier releases his iron grip on my neck, licking the wound before leaning back. He looks at me with a smile on his face. "You did it," he says.

I blink, confused. "I did what exactly?"

"Fully accepted the mating bond. The more you reject it, the more it hurts with a small percentage of fatality," he explains before leaning down, engulfing me in a warm hug. The other part of him has softened since, and it feels weird having it still inside.

Wait a minute, I could have died?!

"Why didn't you tell me I could have died from it?" I growl out.

Xavier sighs, rolling beside me. I turn my body to the side, facing him. "I didn't want to freak you out. I also found Nala looking about it in the library and explained everything. I'm sorry I hid it from you, but I was doing it to protect you."

I can't be mad at that. I was changing my mind during the painful phase. Imagine if Xavier told me about it before. I would have probably run away.

So I smile, giving an innocent kiss to my mate. He grins back before pulling me into another hug. No words get exchanged as we stay in that position. My ear is pressed against his chest, enjoying the way his heart is quickly beating for me.

We did it.

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