Declan

The rattling sound of the pills pouring out from the bottle into the palm of my hand has me wincing. It's like someone is stabbing icepicks into my fucking ears. I slam my palm against my open mouth and let the pills fall in. I've lost track of how much I've taken over the last 24 hours but fuck, I need something to kill this pain in my head. This migraine is unrelenting. Downing the bottle of water, I toss the empty in the back of the truck and turn it off.

I left the boys back at the new hideout. Nick and Alex found her at her old house that was only a few miles from where we were camped out. We'd moved all of the shit to the new location, another abandoned warehouse closer to the city. I couldn't run the risk of them finding the three of them while I'm away.

Running my hands down my face and over the stubble that's grown out on my face, I let out a sigh. I'm not proud to admit it but I've been backed into a tight corner. I'm in over my head and I can't afford any more mess-ups. I need more help.

So now I'm parked out back of the old strip mall on the outer edge of the city where I know Tommy and Jimmy will be. The both of them have been in charge of running the CCTV footage in all of buildings we own for the last ten years. They move around so that every day they're in a random different location but I've picked up on their pattern over the years. Tonight, I knew they would be here.

This is a huge risk going to them. I don't know how the hell this is going to play out. For one, I have no clue how I'm going to get them to listen to me as I explain everything Desmond has done and what he's doing. Second, I don't know who else is in there. Third, I could do all this and they won't believe a single thing I say. I'm potentially handing myself over to Desmond. With me dead, who knows what they'll do to Paul, Noah and Ben and their families or Scarlett.

"Fuck!" I groan, shaking the thousands of different outcomes from my mind. Grabbing the leather book that's staring at me from the passenger seat, I leave the truck.

This strip mall was built back in the early 80's and hasn't been renovated since. Though the shops are newer, this building is like a time capsule. Much of the stucco work on the outside of the building is starting to peal from the outside walls. It doesn't help that it's in a shitty part of the city. Most of the building is covered in graffiti, despite the appointed landlord's best efforts to keep it clean.

All of the tenants in the building pay Desmond a hefty monthly fee to be here but in return we offer them security. Everyone in the city knows who owns this building and because of it, no one fucks with it. Particularly after the rise of robberies and break-ins around the city over the last two years. There were a couple of break-ins but we quickly found out who'd done it and made sure they couldn't walk.

At the back of the building is a utility door that only we have keys to. At the end of the narrow hall is a room, sandwiched between two of the stores, were I find Tommy and Jimmy. They're sitting with their feet up on the table that's set up in front of a wall of screens. I can smell the pizza they're eating the closer I get and it has my stomach growling. I can't remember the last time I ate.

"D?" Jimmy looks like he's seen a ghost. The bite of pizza he just took has him choking.

Tommy turns in his chair and fumbles to pull his gun from his holster to aim it at me. "The hell are you doing here, D?"

I take my hands and the book from the front pocket of my hoodie and hold them up in front of me to show I'm unarmed. Tommy's lip curls up in a snarl while he rises to his feet, eyeing the book in my hand. It hurts seeing someone I called a friend ready and willing to shoot me but I know he's just following orders. Jimmy drops his slice on the table and pulls his phone from his pants pocket getting ready to dial.

"Give me ten minutes." I plead.

"Why should we?" Tommy asks, his voice cold.

"You've been lied to. We've all been lied to. Desmond isn't who he says he is. You're not fighting to bring down the Russians, you're fighting to take over the distribution of Z." I fought to keep my tone even. The last thing I wanted was to get the two of them excited considering how short their tempers are. Jimmy's hand falls while he looks to Tommy, waiting for his response.

"What the hell is that?" He asks, flicking his gun to point to the book.

"Proof." I respond.

"Proof of what?" He snaps back.

"That Desmond Kelly killed my dad."

Tommy scoffs back at me. He's got some tenure over me in the church. He's fifteen years my elder but still younger than Dez. He wasn't around to see what Desmond and Cain did. My rage starts to burn in my chest thinking about what he's done but I try to keep calm. They have to know.

"Here," I said, holing out the book for him to take. "Take it."

Tommy looks over to Jimmy and flicks his head for him to go and grab it. Pocketing his phone, Jimmy walks over and snatches the book from my hand and returns next to Tommy.

"Page 87." I clarified.

The two of them looked over what was written. A coded message, the same one that's been burned into my mind. Desmond had put a lean on my dad's property for fifteen grand. If you weren't in the business, you wouldn't think anything of it. But to us, a lean meant a hit.

Jimmy was the first to break the silence. "D, your dad was a drunk. He wasn't even involved with the church. Why would Desmond have him killed?"

I shook my head. "Desmond, Cain and my dad were friends. My dad was named Séarlas's successor, not Desmond. He had him killed because of it."

Jimmy started to flip through the book, reading whatever was on the page he randomly stopped on. It was like he was trying to assess if the book was even real. All the while, I watch Tommy struggling mentally with keeping his gun trained on me as my words sunk in.

"Desmond molded me from the time I was eight to be what I am today. His mindless puppet." I continued. "When he realized I was getting feelings for Scarlett and I started digging even deeper into what was happening between her father and the Russian's he knew I would figure out what he was doing. The Russian's didn't want my nose in their business and Desmond couldn't run the risk of fucking up their deal. He made a deal with them to have me killed that night at the Wyndham event."

I pulled down the collar of my hoodie so they could see the deep purple scar around my neck from the cable wire they used to try and kill me. Jimmy's face tightened up in a grimace when he saw it and Tommy's arm started to fall back to his side.

"Desmond doesn't want to stop Z from spreading, he wants to take over the business. He and Nick are working on pushing the Russians out of the city. He knows that if I got to you and showed you the truth that it would be over, he'd be usurped, so he put the word out for me and the boys."

Jimmy closed the book and tossed it back to me. Catching it, I placed it back in my pocket. I breathed out a relived sigh, thankful they hadn't destroyed the evidence.

"Where'd you get that?" Tommy asked, his voice low.

"The old man at the bowling alley. Before I killed him and torched the place. He told me everything." I answered.

"Look, the girl is innocent in all of this and they have her. I don't need to explain to you what the Russians will do with her. Specifically you, Tommy. Not after that night you sent me those videos." I retorted, reminding him of the night we had gone out to save that girl from Alex. His eyes dropped to the ground. I hoped he was seeing those disgusting videos in his head.

"I need your help. I can't do this alone anymore. Desmond killed all of Paul's family. Ben only has his sister left and he can't get to her to keep her safe without risking her life. You know what he's doing to Noah's brother. Please." I was almost on my knees begging.

Jimmy and Tommy look at each other, like they're silently discussing wether to not they believe me. Jimmy is the first to look away, over to the monitors as if to say it's all up to Tommy to decide.

Tommy's face contorts in discomfort and I already know this isn't going to end well.

"Get out of here, D."

I can feel the room start to spin around me. "Tommy,"

"Get out of here before we raise the alarm." He warns. Jimmy finally looks over at me, his face painted with a silent apology.

My hands are sweating while I slide the key into the lock of my mother's house. I barge in through the door and use my boot to kick it shut behind me.

"Declan?" I hear my mom call out from somewhere in the kitchen. "Is that you?"

Coming around the corner of the hall, I see her at the stove, pouring steaming water from her kettle into her favorite mug. The same smile she always gives me when I come to see her started to spread across her face until she takes in my haggard appearance. Concern spreads across her features.

"What's wrong, son?" She hurriedly puts down the kettle and comes around the massive island. Her hand reaches out to cup my cheek but I turn my head from her touch.

"You lied to me." I snapped, my voice shaking.

My mother knew instantly what I was talking about. Her lips turned down in a scowl as she moved back to her mug of steeping tea.

"Did that little trollop tell you?" She questioned bitterly.

My fists clench at my sides at her snide comment about Scarlett. I stalk towards the island and rip the book from the pocket of my hoodie, slamming it on the countertop. The book falls open and I flip the couple of pages to the one I have read hundreds of times by now. I slide it over to my mom and jab my finger on the paper.

"No. I found out myself." I seethed. "You lied to me since I was eight. For twenty-two years you told me my dad was nothing but a fucking drunk-"

"Don't you curse at me."

"That he died because he was some stupid prick who liked to drink and gamble and ended up owing the wrong guy too much money."

"Declan, I was trying to protect you." She pleaded.

"You lied to me for most of my life, making me think that my dad didn't even love me!" My chest was constricting to the point that it hurt to breathe.

"Please, Declan,"

"For twenty-two years you lied to me! What else, what else have you lied about?!" Collapsing onto the stool next to me, I slapped my hands over my face in a half assed attempt to stop the tears in my eyes. I've tried so hard in the last twenty-four hours to push these feelings down as deep as possible but the levee broke and now I was struggling to breathe.

I felt her hands gently land on my heaving shoulders and I flinched away. My voice came out muffled from behind my hands. "Don't fucking touch me!"

"Desmond took everything from me too," Her voice was so quiet, I could barely hear it.

Pulling out the stool next to me, I heard her sit down and pull her mug across the counter. I tried so desperately to calm my breathing but the months of suppressed emotions kept coming.

"I assume you know that Séarlas had planned for your dad to take over." She sighed. I shook my head. "Desmond and Cain fooled your dad into going on some heist. Saying it was a job from Séarlas. The three of them robbed the place and when they had the money, they shot up your father. They brought him to our house and threw him on our kitchen table, bleeding out all over the place. The two of them pushed me into the corner of the room, held a gun to my face and told me that Liam was a traitor. That he was caught stealing money from the church. Said if I went to the police about this that I'd be next. They were going to let him die right then and there until you came around the corner."

Finally taking my hands from my wet face, I looked over at my mother. She was staring straight ahead, a distant look on her face. It was like she was looking into the past and watching it all happen again as she spoke.

"I don't know how you don't remember it but I'm glad you don't. I wouldn't want that image in your head." She sighed, taking a sip of her tea.

"All I remember of my father was him coming home late at night and the two of you arguing." I said.

She scoffed, shaking her head. "In the end, that's all we did. They kept your father alive after they found you. Desmond wanted your father to see you fall into his hands. To see him mold you. We fought because I wanted to run. I wanted to go to the police, the FBI, the CIA, anyone who would listen to us."

"Desmond made sure Séarlas believed your dad stole the money that night." She continued. "Not only were Dez and Cain watching your dad but so was the whole family. We couldn't do a damn thing."

"They kept him alive for seven months. Seven months of torment and abuse from the entire syndicate until he finally couldn't take it anymore. Your father ran. That's when Desmond put out the word to hunt him down. I didn't find out until a few years later, but Desmond found him. He kept him locked in the basement of some bar he owned. He tortured your father for months before he finally killed him." Her tear stained cheeks were turning red. I could see her sadness turning to anger from reliving it all.

"Your father loved you, Declan. He was trying to get out of the business. He didn't want this life for you. He wanted to keep you far away from all of this. And then you walked around that damn corner." She sobbed.

Getting up from the stool, I rounded the island and pulled a bottle of red wine from the wine rack on the counter. I spun the bottle in my hand, looking over the label but not reading any of the words. All the years of the same conversation played in my head. Of how I would tell her that the doctor said she wasn't supposed to be drinking with her heart condition. And she would always answer with the same line of how one drink wouldn't hurt her.

Looking over at the other bottles on the rack, I let out a curt laugh through my nose. My anger rose again making me slam the glass bottle on the counter.

"I take it your heart condition was all bullshit too?" I asked, not wanting to look at her.

"That was all Desmond." She responded quickly. "He needed a way to make sure I stayed put. He couldn't let anyone else in the family know that he had framed your father so he made up a lie that I had some horrible ailment and couldn't work. With me not working, I wasn't able to move us out of the city, away from them. He would skulk around our house like a demon disguised as a saint, always giving us food and money and I had to stay silent while everyone talked about how kind he was."

My head was pounding and the world was starting to spin around me again. I tapped my pocket for the bottle of pills but my hand hit my leg. I grit my teeth and clutch the other pocket of my jeans. Empty. Fuck.

I already knew the truth but hearing it all from my mother was like a fresh knife to my chest. I swipe the ledger off of the counter and put it back in the pocket of my hoodie. Turning over our conversation in my head, I felt myself becoming even more disgusted. How could she have just stood by and let all of this happen? Let her son become this?

"Declan, look at me." She begged, her voice shaking.

"Forgive me but I'm having a hard time looking at you." I seethed. "You are supposed to be my mother. You were supposed to keep me, your child, safe from the evils of the world. Yet you let an evil man, the same man who killed your husband, my father, sink his teeth in me. Control me for years."

I could see her get up from the corner of my vision and my body stiffened. She felt like a stranger to me. I needed her away from me before I did something rash.

"You don't think I didn't spend years of my life going over every possible scenario to keep you safe? To escape from them? I've spent the last twenty-two years living with this. The voices in my head whispering to me every day that I am a terrible mother because I didn't do more to keep you safe. What else could I have done, Declan? There was no evidence of Desmond's lie. You're in the business, who would they have believed, huh? The wife of someone who was said to be a traitor or the next head of the family?" Her fists were clenched at her sides as she spoke through gritted teeth.

"The safest thing I could have done was let them take you." She admitted, her fight diminishing.

I couldn't help the disbelieving laugh that left my lips and echoed off of the cabinets around us. "That's fucking hysterical considering Desmond is actively hunting me down."

Her mouth dropped open as she clutched the gold crucifix that was hanging from her neck. Finally looking into her eyes, the same hazel color as mine, I nodded my head.

"He's planning to take over the Russian's drug deal in the city. I found out too much and now he's planned to hand me and Scarlett over to them as a peace offering." For the second time today I tugged down the collar of my hoodie to show off the scar that marks my neck. Her eyes widen and fresh tears pool in them. "He has the entire church out looking for me and three others. They have her."

The look that washes over my mothers face is enough to tell me that she's embarrassed for her earlier comment about Scarlett.

"I had to come and hear all of this for myself."

"Wait, Declan where are you going?" She choked out, rubbing the back of her hand on her cheeks to dry her tears. She hurried after me as I made my way down the hall towards the front door.

Her hands grabbed at the back of my hoodie and tugged but I rolled my shoulder and turned so she lost her grip. I craned myself over her making her back away scared.

"I'm doing what you should have done for your son years ago." I spit. "Leaving so they don't find you."

"But you said they're after you. Declan, I can't lose you too." She begged.

My phone dinged in my pocket. The loud shrill of the ding had me wincing from the oppressive pain in my skull. I grabbed my hair out of frustration and let out a groan. This fucking headache just won't go the fuck away and this pain is making me hostile. Reaching into my pocket I pulled out my phone and almost dropped it when I saw the screen.

My stomach twisted into such a tight knot I thought I might throw up as I read the name across the screen. Despite having the brightness turned down to help the strain on my eyes from this damn migraine I could read his name clear as day.

Desmond Kelly.

My palms started to sweat as I opening up the message. I felt the oxygen being stripped from the room. It was a picture of the front of my mother's house. There in the frosted glass of the front door were our shadows. He was right outside. After all these years of making sure my mother stayed hidden in case of any retaliations from my line of work he'd finally found her.

My stomach twisted even more now that I know some of the history between the two of them. I looked over to my mother, unsure of what to say. In reality, there was nothing I could say to prepare her for what was about to happen.

The look on my face must have been telling. Her demeanor changed in an instant. It's like she already knew. Her lips closed in a tight, thin line. The slight wrinkles at the corners of her mouth deepened and her eyes turned cold.

"He knows." She said, her tone flat. Accepting.

"He's out front."

Another ding sounded form the phone in my clenched hand. She screwed her eyes shut from the noise then looked down at the device like she was trying to read the message.

Desmond: Aren't you going to let me in like a good boyo?

I looked back at my mother, not needing to read it to her. She already knew.

"Let him in."

I'm transported back to my childhood. My mother told me to go answer the door. I'm standing in the foyer of our shitty townhouse. The linoleum tiles cracking under my feet while I feel the draft of the bitter cold Massachusetts winter air coming through the cracks of the doorjamb. I already know who is on the other side.

Desmond is standing there on the concrete pad. Dressed in his normal attire of jeans, a fitted brown blazer and custom shoes. The smile on his face spreads even wider when he sees the look on my face. A look he hasn't seen since I was a boy, looking up at him after being told to let him in. Fear.

"Hello, boyo." His arm extends like it used to. He uses it to push me aside and against the wall so he could make his way into my mothers' house. My head hits against the wall making train explode and constrict my brain.

Desmond looks around the open, modern space. Taking in all of the little decorations my mother has around the place. Then he turns his attention to her. I want to pull my gun from my belt and put a bullet between his eyes but I'm stuck to the wall. Stuck back in my eight year old ways. I'm back to being obedient.

"It's been a long time, Shelly." Desmond says, finally looking at my mother. He closes the space between them and grabs her hand, bringing it up to his lips and placing his lips on the back of her hand. "You look as lovely as ever."

My mother rips her hand out of his making Dez laugh at her defiance. He turns and his eyes scan the room then makes his way into the living room to sit on the couch. His hand waves to the two arm chairs opposite him, a silent command for the both of us to come and sit.

I closed the front door and follow mom into the living room, taking up one of the chairs. Again, I'm that eight year old boy sitting in front of Desmond with my mom. Except this time he doesn't have a wad of cash or bag of clothes for us. He's not telling us to not worry about the landlord this month, he's got us covered.

This time it's much worse.

"I must say, Deco, you've done well keepin' yer Ma hidden all these years." Desmond says, his fingers scratching at his graying beard. "Took me a while to find t'is place."

Mom's hands grip the cotton fabric of her pants. I can tell she's nervous despite the stoic look on her face. "What are you doing here, Desmond?"

Desmond's eyes closed and he let out a low hum. "I've missed hearing you say my name."

My mind is in overdrive, combing through all of their interactions that I can remember from my childhood. Did he ever hurt her? Is there something I don't know about?

"I'm not here for 'ya, Shelly. Just your boy." He says. Her spine stiffens at his words and I hear her breath getting caught in her chest. This was her worst fear.

"Then talk to me." I sneered. Desmond slowly looks over at me. A smug smile on his face.

"Just because a dog barks that he doesn't want to get put down, doesn't mean his master won't put him the fuck down." Desmond takes the flask from the breast pocket of his coat and unscrews the cap before he continues.

"I'm not going to sit here and draw t'is out. The church is going in a new direction and I see that you're not taking it well. Ya've become a liability and I don't want there to be any turmoil between me and my new business partners. They've asked me to hand 'ya over to them."

Finally taking a sip from his open flask, he makes a face from the burning liquid. "In return, I don't tell 'em were your mom lives and your girl goes free."

"We both know that's a lie." I retort. There is not a criminal alive who would let the two of them live after everything they know.

He lets out an amused laugh. "You're right. We won't let them live. But if you turn yourself in, I'll make sure their fate is humane."

Another lie. One that makes me want to laugh from all of the years of witnessing this mans cruelties. He would make them suffer. He'd do things so unspeakable to them, far worse than anything the Russians could ever come up with.

"No. Absolutely not. Declan, no." My mother begged. She reached over and gripped my arm. I flinched away from her touch and immediately I felt guilty for upsetting her. This could damn well be the last time she sees me.

I want to beg. I want to grovel at his fucking feet and beg him to listen to me. The two of them are innocent and don't deserve any of this. I've done reprehensible things. I've destroyed peoples lives. I've mutilated people, murdered. I deserve this, not them.

"I really am going to miss having such a good pet. You were so easy to train and damn were 'ya loyal but 'ya went and put your nose where it didn't belong." Desmond says, ripping me from my spiraling thoughts.

"Tell 'ya what, boyo. I'll give 'ya twelve hours. Twelve hours to get your affairs in order. Say your goodbyes. Then You're going to walk your ass through my doors at Moriarty's and then we're gonna take a little ride to meet Anatoli."

Leaning forward on the couch, he slapped both of his knees with his open palms then rose to his feet. Running a hand over the front of his suit jacket a few times as he looked at my mother and chuckled at the sickened look on her face. He tipped his head and smiled at her.

"Shelly, it really was lovely to see you again." He said, his tone calm and almost sweet. He closed the space between us and put his hand on my shoulder, putting his weight on it so that I stayed seated.

"Twelve hours, Deco. And don't you and those other boyos try anything. It'll just make t'is all a lot harder." The back of his hand hit across my face making my head snap in the direction of the blow. Fire erupted across my cheek. This intensified my headache to the point where it felt like my head was about to implode.

My mother shot up and was about to rush to Desmond, her clench fist raised to strike but he had his gun pointed at her faster than she could move. I was frozen in the spot, not wanting to move in fear he would pull the trigger. They stayed locked in their checkmate for a few moments, her eyes wide and her face pale before she finally conceded. Recoiling her fist, she wrapped her arms around herself and fixed her gaze on the floor.

Not another word was said between the three of us. The only sounds were Desmonds' receding steps, my mothers quiet sobs and the ticking cogs of the clock on the wall.

When the door finally shut my mother sank to the floor. Her face in her hands as she sobbed. She begged me not to go to him. To run away, get on a plane and leave the country. Anything. She was saying how she couldn't lose me because I am the only bit of my father she has left.

All I can hear between her hysterics are Desmond's words. I have twelve hours. Twelve hours until I have to give myself over. Twelve fucking hours to save her.

Shit, I think I'm going to throw up.

My hands grip the arm rests of the chair so I can haul myself out of the seat and run to the bathroom when I hear my phone ding again. Another white hot iron rod through my brain from the shrill sound.

Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I thumb the lock button to illuminate the screen. An unread text from Tommy.

My heart sinks. I can only fucking imagine what new threat awaits me. Have they found Noah and the boys? Are they tied and gaged in the back of a van somewhere being taken to Desmond or Anatoli? My mother's sobs are even louder now.

Thumbing the screen to unlock my phone, I pull up the text.

Tommy: What do you need us to do?

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Thoughts? :D